A/N: Hey hey hey. Here's a new chapter for all you lovelies. Thank you all so much for the reviews and kind messages on tumblr it really makes me happy to know so many people are enjoying and reading this fic. That means so so much to me. I hope you enjoy what I have for you now! I look forward to reading what you think about it, thank you again for the kind words! ~S
TRIGGER WARNINGS: None.
Law's only reason for waking up is that he feels strangely cold and the sun, the bastard that is it, is shining through his dark curtains so brightly he doesn't really have a choice. He blinks a couple times, notices his main reason for being cold is the fact his blanket is on the other side of the bed, where he thinks Luffy should be. But he's not. There's just a little note on the pillow. Picks it up and opens the many times its been folded to see messy, rushed writing.
I have class super early today I'm sorry I couldn't stay! Your sleeping face is priceless so I took a picture HAHA! I'll call you later though!
Also I took a box of your cereal, since you had no meat.
Law reads the paper a couple times because Luffy's writing is well, not the best, and groans. Kind of looks like cat scratch. Fucking Luffy. But it's okay, for the most part. He has to go see his psychiatrist anyways and knowing Luffy, getting him out wouldn't be all that easy. So it's not all too bad that he's gone. He looks over to the clock on the bedside table that flashes 11:18am and gets his ass out of bed before he ends up late.
And he feels really well rested. Best he's ever felt in a long time. Gets up and rubs his face, stretches and god he feels good. He could run a marathon right now, and it's not too bad of an idea. So he's going to. There's no snow on the ground yet, so it's a perfect time. Digs in his closet to find his running shoes and changes into relatively appropriate gear.
"Oi Law!" He hears Rocinante shout and he's here again, really thanks the fact Luffy had school otherwise it'd be quite the situation. Puts on his best face and calls back out to him.
"Yeah yeah I'm here, I'm in my room, what do you want?" He says, he's in a rush. Trying to go out and run and Rocinante's bothering him.
"Oh there- what are you wearing? You're going out on a run?" He asks with a huge smile he can't hold back because he really can't believe it. Little Law is doing something good for himself.
"I would be if you would be so kind as to move aside and let me." Law says as sweet as he can.
"Are you coming back?" He asks and Law nods.
"Well yeah I can't go see my psychiatrist in this can I? Actually that's not too bad, I can imagine the face she'll have when I walk in looking like I've just ran 25km." He says with a laugh and to Rocinante he seems like he's in a good mood. That's good. Great even.
"Okay go on now, I'll be here when you get back." Rocinante says, because Law looks like he couldn't be in a bigger rush to leave.
"Yeah, yeah sure whatever make yourself at home. Sleep, eat, shower, whatever." He shouts, and he's out the door. Doesn't take the elevator, thinks going down twelve flights of stairs is a good warm up.
Law gets back home about half an hour later, he's still got it in him. Phone reads he's ran about 3.4km and that's damn good for someone who hardly moves around at all. See's Rocinante wave at him while drinking out of a water bottle and walks over, takes out out of the fridge for himself too.
"How far did you run?" He asks and Law proudly smiles while drinking from the bottle, flipping his phone so the screen faces Rocinante and hell, he's proud too.
"I bet you could do start doing 5k if you're keep this up."
"Yeah, so do I. I think I'll do it, it's nice. Running and whatever and seeing the people around me and listening to tidbits of their conversations when I walk past you know? Wind in my hair feels relaxing." He says really fast, out of breath.
"I didn't catch half of what you said but I'm glad you're feeling so good and up to starting running again." Rocinante says, smiling and ruffling his hair.
"Me too! I don't know how I just woke up and I thought I might as well run because I still have some time before I have to go to the office and there's nothing like a morning run, isn't that what you used to tell me?" Law says and it all comes out so rapid Rocinante's only able to catch the last part of his speech.
"I... yeah. Is there anything wrong?" The older asks, because as nice as it is to see Law doing good things for himself, but it's out of the ordinary. A little too forced.
"Wrong? What would be wrong I haven't felt this good in ages and you're asking me if somethings wrong?" Law asks and he sounds like he's offended Rocinante would ever ask him such a thing. Can't he see he's having one of the best days he's ever had so far and it's not even noon?
"Law, I just worry. Go take a shower you smell." Rocinante tells him, pointing at the sweat dripping down the sides of his face, mostly trying to change the subject because he doesn't want to put Law off. To ruin the mood, if he says he's as happy as he is.
"Well don't." Law says sternly but quickly flashes him a smile and gives Rocinante a slap on the shoulder before taking his advice to shower. Smell is an over exaggeration, but he is sweaty. And it feels just as gross.
"So Law, how do you find your medication? Is it helping in anyway? Any noticeable changes?" The woman in front of him asks as usual, he shakes his head.
"No, not in particular but I think I put on a couple pounds and that's got to be one of the side effects I guess but it's cool I was getting a bit lanky anyways or at least thats what Roci always tends to tell me when we're eating, forcing meat and protein or whatever down my throat." He says sarcastically at first then turns to rapid speech and she smiles back at him. But that's not really what she's talking about.
"I mean, how have you been feeling since being put on it?"
"Uh, fine, I guess. Not as bad as I was, actually today's been pretty good I feel really good and I even went for a run before I came here, felt good. Still shitty some days though but just not as much which has to be good right? Because I think it's good."
"That's good to hear, it means it's working. Less mania and depressive states are a good start. We'll let the medication do its job." She says with a smile and he smiles back. He's feeling pretty good. The only thing that sucks about them is the way they numb any other feeling, some days.
She says something else to him, but he's really distracted by the table between them. Looks like wood but what kind of wood has Law ripping his hair out mentally because damn it, it's on the tip of his tongue.
"Is this Oak? It's nice. Oak is a good choice, if it is. If it's not you should get one that is, it'll really add character to the room." Law says and the woman stares at the table, then at Law.
"I'm not sure, it might be-"
"It looks like it could be oak." He says, suddenly stopping mid thought because of the noise coming from outside. Sound of children crying loud enough to reach the floor their on and through the closed windows. How irritating.
"Is something bothering you?" She asks, noticing the change in his behaviour easily just by his posture. His facial expression's also distasteful.
"Yeah, yeah. Those kids outside need to shut up. I don't know what they're crying about but it's so damned annoying. And the windows are closed too, don't you hear them? They're so loud." He tells her and she nods, saying that's just how kids are. He knows how kids are; he doesn't need to tell her. All he's saying is that they're annoying.
"Can you do anything about those other pills though? They leave the grossest taste in my mouth for days." He asks and she looks back at him a bit confused.
"You should be done those, no?" She asks, referring to the medication she'd given him to help him sleep.
"I didn't take them everyday. Just whenever I felt I needed the... help." He says. He's never been one to follow the rules when it comes to taking medication.
"Ah. Well, if you're done them now I can't give you anymore. They tend to be addicting to some." She says, jotting down some things he can't really read. Do all doctors write like five year old children?
"I know. I looked it up." He says like he's an expert on the drug, on medicine in general, and he's kind of disappointed because he knows his sleep, what little he got with the pills, is going to die down back to about two to three hours every couple of days. Shit.
"Have you been having any nightmares?"
"No. Surprisingly." He answers her, it really s a surprise. A good one, at that.
"That's good, that's something." She says again, smiling while writing it down. He feels like he's progressed. Like in the past couple of weeks he's slowly begun his change into a totally new, better, Law.
"And how about your thoughts? Any plans?" She says and it could be taken very vaguely. Like sure, he has plans. He has travel plans. He'll never go through with them, but that's a plan right?
"No. Not recently at least." He tells her and it's quite obvious how proud she looks of him, that he's really something else. Because he's not the same Law that was sitting in her chair a few months ago crying his eyes out and shouting how badly he wanted to die.
That feeling isn't exactly gone, but he's not about to do anything about it. He's on cloud nine now, can't feel a thing. Doesn't want to think about it. Isn't going to let it affect him. He's good, he's really good.
Luffy calls him, asks him how his day is going and he tells him it's great. Because it is, he's really doing great. Luffy says he's proud of him, that he's had such a good day. He's proud too, heck he loves it. If he could feel this on top of the world all the time he would.
"Can I stop by after my classes are over?" Luffy asks, and yes. Anything for Luffy.
"Yeah, why?" He asks, just a bit curious.
"Just wanna see you is all! We can celebrate!" And yeah, baby. Law wants to see him too, hasn't wanted to see anyone else but him.
"Celebrate what?" He asks, keeps it cool. Oh so cool.
"That you're having a good day!"
"That's worth celebrating?" He asks with a laugh. Supposes sure, it could be if it were a good month, or week even.
"Hell yeah it is! But I have to go now, I'll see you soon!" Luffy says, hangs up with no chance for Law to say goodbye, but he smiles anyways. Loves the way Luffy cares. Loves the way he makes something good out of anything.
He's sort of committed to Luffy. Really, only to Luffy. Thoughts he'd normally have about going out and fucking any random stranger on impulse are all redirected towards Luffy.
And Luffy goes over to Law's, nearly every day he can. Practically lives there. His bed's also reserved for him, no one else. But there's no real distinction between their relationship, it's just what it is. Neither of them bring it up; neither of them need to think about it.
A few days of constantly being with him has made Luffy somehow bring out something really different in Law. Most people who hurt try to care for others ten times more than themselves, if they even care about their own well being at all. But Luffy makes Law want to. Want to care about himself. On top of wanting to give Luffy everything, to give him the world. Wants to be able to spend every second of his time on him, with him. Every time his phone rings, it's Luffy. And he doesn't feel all that annoyed seeing the name flash across the screen.
"He-" He tries to say hello, hey, hi, whatever. But Luffy beats him to it.
"Hi!"
"Hey."
"I told you I'd call later didn't I?" Luffy says and he sounds like he thought Law might have doubted him. Not that he hadn't.
"You did." He says and he can feel his lips curling up into a smile. He's happy to hear him. Even happier that he kept his word. And it's just a phone call.
"What are you doing?" He asks, because he can hear loud ass yelling and cheering from the other end.
"Oh sorry is it loud? I'm at our schools football game!" He says all happy and cheerful and Law can tell he's having a good time. Then there are some really loud voices shouting behind him, whoever it is, telling Luffy to get off the phone and actually pay attention to the game.
"Who's that?" Law asks, because he's curious. Surely nothing else. Just curious.
"Sorry, Zoro's being an ASS," He says loudly and he can hear the man he'd met before snort in the back, "I just wanted to call and check up on you, y'know?"
"I'm fine." He says, he doesn't particularly like the way Luffy's acting as if he's his babysitter or whatever, but he appreciates the gesture. For what it's worth.
"Really? That's good! I'm glad." Luffy says and he can practically hear his smile through the phone but he's not convinced. That he's as "glad" as he says he is. For one reason, because every few seconds between words he'll answer questions in the back, talking half to him and half to whoever he's with.
"Doesn't really seem that way." He says, because Luffy sounds like he'd much rather get the conversation over with and hang out with his good buddy Zoro instead.
"What do you mean?" He hears Luffy ask and he sounds kind of hurt.
"Nothing. You can get back to your game." He says, and hangs up. Just like that. He's not normally one to get jealous per say, but he's just really annoyed if he's honest. Annoyed that he comes second. Or maybe even lower, who knows. He's never first. But then again, he's really nothing that important to Luffy.
And incomes the countless amount of thoughts he's got about how shitty he is, rushing at him like a train speeding off its tracks. And he knew it, that he shouldn't have fucked around with Luffy the way he did. He's such a fool, such an idiot. He never learns does he?
But Luffy calls back, his phone vibrating on the table in front of him and he ignores it. He'll keep ignoring it. But then it rings again, and again, and finally he gives in and picks up.
"What?" He says and again there's the annoying voices shouting in the background he can hardly hear what Luffy has to say. Not that he wants to. It's all putting him off from his earlier mood. Now he's just plain irritated.
"Why're you being an ass? I just wanted to check up-"
"On me yeah I got that, you checked up. Now you can go back and fuck around with Zoro and whoever the hell else is in the back yelling." He spits and he can hear Luffy almost gasp.
"What are you jealous or something?" Luffy asks, and no. No he's not. He's just irritated.
"I couldn't care less about what you fucking do with him." He says, and that probably made him sound even more jealous than the previous.
"So then why are you acting so-"
"So what, Luffy?"
"You're just being a dick." He hears him say and then there's laughter in the back and he can't tell if that's indirectly towards him by what Luffy said or if someone's just cracked a joke.
"I'm not the one who fucks around, claiming they care only to go do whatever the fuck you have planned on doing with him after." He scoffs, and then hangs up again.
He's probably taken it too far. Again. That's nothing new. Plus he's just speculating, or thinking of the worst possible scenarios he can in his little fucked up mind of his. Was that Luffy's plan? To get laid then go off and fuck some other guy?
And granted he sounds like the biggest hypocrite. Because he's done the same. But he's never once told those people he cared about them, they were just fucks to him. But Luffy had told him he cared, had made him believe for a split second that he was being honest and truthful.
It's the same old shit. Him running away from his problems. But he doesn't even know what the hell the problem is. He throws his head back, rubs his face and breathes in until his lungs can't take in any more air and breathes out. He's so fucking problematic, it's no wonder everyone he knew just up and walked away.
His phone vibrates again, and then stops. Then again, and repeat. He knows if he answers he'll say something he'll most likely regret. So why he's answering the phone again is as good a question as any. And this time it's Luffy that gets the first word, or words out.
"Will you stop hanging up and listen to me?!" He shouts and it's much quieter this time. He thinks Luffy must have gone somewhere else to talk because he can't hear that damned green headed asshole in the back anymore.
"Talk." He says, because all he can hear is Luffy huffing and puffing like he'll blow the house down.
"There's nothing going on with him okay? He has a girlfriend-"
"Do you think I'm stupid?" That's the most overused cover up in the book."
"What fucking book?! I'm being serious!" Luffy shouts and Law can picture the angry facial expression on his face.
"I don't even know why you try. What'd you aim to get out of this anyways?"
"Out of what?! Why do you always try to pick a fight with me? I haven't done anything wrong to you I just wanted to see if you were okay!" Luffy says, but it just sounds like a jumbled up pile of lies to Law.
"Yeah, I'm sure. You're really the same as everyone else. You're not any different. What, you think because you spit out "I care" a couple times means all my worries and troubles are just going to vanish into thin air? Are you fucking stupid?"
"I don't even know what you're fucking talking about Law. I wasn't lying, I really care about you okay?" Luffy says and Law flinches at the words. No he doesn't. He's lying.
"Whatever, I have to-"
"Don't hang up! Why don't you ever listen to me when I'm telling you the truth?! God Law, you piss me off so bad I really want to punch you in the face." He hears Luffy says and he completely ignores the question. Goes straight to the physical assault Luffy wishes to inflict upon him and laughs.
"Like you could." He says, and does the opposite of what Luffy had asked, hangs up again and can't find a single care in the world. Exchanges his phone for the box of cigarettes on the table, grabs his keys and walks out the door.
He can't stay home; he knows it'll be bad. So he leaves.
Law walks pretty aimlessly now. Doesn't have a specific destination or anything, he's just walking. Taking in the fresh air between hits of his third cigarette. Thinks he's fluctuating between depression and irritability.
He really hates the way he is. There's no way to change it. And he hates it. How chaotic he is. He keeps walking, head down watching his feet step over the cracks on the sidewalks. Watches the other people step out of his way when they notice he's not watching where he's going. Until its one asshole, who doesn't move. And Law's too fucking stubborn to move, so he ends up bumping into him.
And it's possibly the biggest mistake of Law's life.
"Law?" He sees the redhead ask, and shit. Shit, shit, shit. He stares at Kid, wide eyed like he's either about to start throwing a couple of punches or cry. He does neither, gives him side eye and starts to walk away, brush it off like he'd never seen him. But Kid doesn't let him, follows him, jogging up behind him with coffee in hand and starts up a conversation.
"Hey wait, it's been a while." He says, and yeah, it has. They haven't spoken in years, so why now he feels the need to make conversation is beyond him. It irks him. He doesn't reply, doesn't think Kid deserves a 'hey!' back, so he keeps walking. Minding his own business, trying to pretend Kid isn't following him like a fucking stalker or something.
"How have you been?" He asks nonchalantly, like nothing that'd happened between the two of them ever happened. Like Law had just imagined it all, made it up, was delusional.
"Like you give a damn." He says, starts walking faster because fuck it all. Like he wants to be out of the house anyway, now he has to deal with this son of a bitch following him. Kid sighs and Law wants to turn around, elbow him in the nose to make him bleed the same shade of red as his annoying ass hair.
"I saw you at a party a couple weeks back. Well, Bonney did. She said she noticed you and we were going to come ask you how you were doing but she said you probably didn't want to talk to us." Kid says, and wow no shit, Law thinks. Why the hell would he want to make pity conversation?
"No kidding." He groans, clenches his fists in his pockets and keeps walking. Kid keeping up the fast pace next to him.
"She's really proud of you for still being here you know? She said she was surprised, but she's really happy-"
"Kid, I couldn't care less about what the fuck she thinks." He says. Their opinions and inputs don't fucking matter to him. They don't.
"She's been worried about you ever since you stopped talking-"
"I stopped talking? Do you even hear yourself?" Law stops in his tracks, looks at Kid like he's got to be fucking joking and there's got to be a camera around the two of them somewhere, because this apparently, is comedy fucking gold.
"Law come on. I'm not trying to be an ass-"
"Really? Fucking really, Kid? You don't need to try, you are an ass." He spits, the veins in his neck throbbing. He turns to start walking away again, but still, Kid follows. Pulling on his arm to make him slow down, or stop in his tracks. He'll take whatever if it means giving himself a couple more seconds to explain. Though it's obvious Law doesn't want to hear anything. It's all crap to him. With good reason.
"Don't fucking touch me-" Law shouts, yanking his arm out of Kid's hold and people around them turn to stare, look at what's going on between the two of them. He hates it. The way they look at him. "Do you have any fucking clue what kind of position you put me in you fucking asshole?!" He shouts again, shoving Kid to the side to keep walking, but again, Kid grabs his arm, holding him back. Like he needs to be heard, the jackass.
"You're still holding onto that? Law-" Kid says, and Law bites his bottom lip, breaking a bit of skin before he turns around and looks like he could bite Kid's head off with his words.
"Yeah, I fucking am. You were supposed to be my friend, the way I was your fucking friend. Do you even know how many fucking times I helped you through shit?" He shouts, pushing Kid against the brick wall behind him. The sound of Kid's head hitting cement is near music to his ears. Kind of like payback. "How many times I was there for you when you'd get arrested for the stupidest crap, or if you'd get shit with Bonney? And when I asked you for one fucking thing, to keep me alive Kid, you turned your back on me." He shouts, grabbing him by the collar and there's a faint shout of 'someone stop them' in the back, but he doesn't care. "You told everyone we hung out with I was fucking insane-"
"I know, I was stupid-"
"You still are! You used me, and then you threw me away when I became too fucking inconvenient for you! Do you think you just asking me how I am is going to make me turn a blind eye? I can forgive you; I don't really give a damn. But I'll never forget what you said to me-" He pulls on the collar of Kid's jacket, pulling him off the wall, gripping it tightly his knuckles turn ghost white and forcefully shoves him back, making his head hit once more, "-what you all did to me." Law finishes, and now it's Kid that looks back at him wide eyed, like he feels some sort of remorse for it all. But it doesn't matter to him now.
Kid grabs Law's arms, squeezing tightly and fuck if he didn't know any better he'd say Kid was doing it on purpose. Law lets go of him, takes a few steps back and takes in a large breath of air. Shouting not to touch him again, and now even more people stare at the two of them. He figures he's done, he needs to leave before he tries to bash Kid's own skull into the ground.
He keeps walking, and Kid doesn't follow for a couple of seconds, and then he's right in front of Law. Blocking the way.
"Move."
"What the fuck do you want me to say?! I'm sorry?! Because I am, I'm sorry you know? I was stupid. I didn't know how bad it was for you and I made it worse-"
"Well there's the understatement of the fucking century." Law says, rolling his eyes and he tries to step to the side, to walk past, but Kid follows.
"Will you fucking listen? At least talk to Bonney? Someone? She's the one out of all of us that didn't want to do that to you. She cares a lot-"
"I already told you, that I don't give a fuck if she cares. And I don't give a fuck if you're sorry, get the hell out of my way." Law says, and shoves his shoulder, pushing him to the side and walks past, finally free of the pest following him.
Damn, he thinks. He's kind of proud of himself. For giving that dumbass a piece of his mind.
He thinks he might have seemed childish, holding onto something that'd happened a few years ago. But he can't help it. It'd be even stranger if it hadn't affected him the way it did. For Law, it's something he'll never really be able to let go of. Because he trusted those people, he put his all into those people. And the end result was him, having his head slammed repeatedly against the concrete and laughed at by everyone he knew.
He was "insane", not worthy of anyone's time. And a swarm of horrifying memories float to the surface.
Going out was such a bad idea.
Law's gone a week managing to avoid Luffy at all costs. Avoiding everyone, really. He doesn't know how he's managed to do it with Luffy being the way he is, but he's fine. He is, he's made some new friends. Like the old man he'd met at the coffee shop. Who told him people needed to communicate more. That people hide too much from themselves, and from each other. He'd asked him if there was anything he was hiding, feeling particularly up for talking. Needing to talk. The man told him he was, and that he'd probably keep hiding it too.
The only person he's talked to that he knows is Rocinante, and not by choice either. The man just keeps waltzing in on his own accord. Saying hey how's it going and Law's told him a million times this week that he's fine, he feels incredible even. Higher than he's ever been. Rocinante just never seems convinced enough, keeps doubting him.
A little part in the back of his mind tells him this isn't Law, either. That this is probably partly due to mania.
"Have you slept yet?" He asks Law, because the day before he'd told him it's been a while at least, since he last slept.
"What? No. Why? I don't need to, I feel fine. I get a lot more done this way too." Law tells him, lighting his sixth cigarette today and he can hear Rocinante sigh as loud as he can, sits down next to him and tells Law to light his as well.
"You know, I met the most interesting old man the other day. He was one hell of a wise guy, I almost got irritated with him actually, but he was really smart. Incredibly, even. I don't know why some people say intelligence dies down with age, those people have no idea what they're talking about." Law gets out as quick as he can, writing at the same time and ends up writing the words he was saying instead of what he meant to. Which was... what?
Rocinante hums, looks at Law who's smiling with a cigarette held between his lips and writing as fast as he can into his notebook, looks unreadable to him.
"You're talking too fast. Slow it down before you choke on your own spit." Rocinante tells him. He's not about to do CPR on Law for something as stupid as that.
"I'm not talking fast you're just incredibly slow and can't keep up." Law says and Rocinante stares at him, practically screaming see what I mean and Law just glares at him. Looks back down at his book.
"It's not my fault your brain isn't able to keep up with the speed of my speech what the hell am I supposed to do about it talk the same speed a snail moves?" Law asks and Rocinante nods, not a bad idea. Law snorts, can't believe how irritating Rocinante can be sometimes.
A few days pass, he's not all that quick anymore. But he's quick enough to tell Luffy's at his door, and is either pissed or determined as fuck. The rapid knocking has gone up a couple notches, thinks his knuckles might even start bleeding if he just leaves it alone and waits for Luffy to leave. But he knows he won't, he knows he'll come back again later if he does.
It's pretty fucking surreal to Law. The way Luffy's so god damned determined, even after he snapped at him. Multiple times, to add. If it'd been a one time thing, maybe he'd be able to understand. But this... was just crazy. So he opens the door, and Luffy's pained expression is the first thing that hits him in the face.
Shortly followed by his fist, and then Luffy lets himself in. Like he hadn't just punched him in the face.
"I told you I'd do it." Luffy says, and Law holds his jaw. He didn't punch him as hard as he'd thought considering the damn speed his fist was coming towards him, but still. It hurt like a bitch.
"Shouldn't you be with Zoro?" He asks. And he knows he sounds like a sourpuss baby, but he doesn't care.
"God! You're so annoying, you know that?" Luffy yells and Law just stares, well, because he finds Luffy to be the annoying one in this, whatever it is they have.
"Excuse me?"
"No I shouldn't be with fucking Zoro, what's your problem?!" He shouts, and Law wishes he knew. Luffy waits for an answer but goes on when he doesn't get one.
"Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with you, but considering you practically begged for that car to hit you, I'm going to assume its some bad shit. Okay? But I don't know how to deal with that if you don't tell me! I told you I don't care if you snap at me if it makes you feel better but don't go accusing me of shit I would never do!" Luffy gets out, all in one breath and his face is red, pained and he's huffing, trying to catch his breath.
And Law just looks at him, because shit if he said he wasn't speechless then he'd be lying. So he just keeps looking, and since Luffy looks like he's about to blow, he lets him. That's the friendly thing to do right? An exchange of verbal, and some physical, blows.
"Law, seriously. You know I don't want to force you or anything. But you have to know that I don't have a fucking clue what to do if you're just going to sit there and yell at me all the time. I want to help you! I'm not going to leave and I'm not doing some shady shit with Zoro, I don't even know how you thought of that. He's my friend but I'd never do that, I told you he has a girlfriend." Luffy says again, this time a bit more calmly than his first outburst and Law can't help but feel like, well, a piece of shit. For what he'd said to Luffy, for everything. Doesn't stop him from adding fuel to the fire though.
"So you're saying you'd do it if he didn't?" Law asks, curses his stupidity and inability to shut the fuck up sometimes. Thinks maybe he should sew his god damn mouth closed.
"What?! No! Stop twisting my words I never said that." Luffy says, looks like he could punch Law again and maybe that's what he needs. What he should do. Knock some sense into him maybe.
"Sounds like you wanted to." He says, rolls his eyes and his palms feel sweaty. Because with every shitty thing he says to Luffy, gives Luffy the chance to leave. To just, up and skedaddle.
"No. Law, I don't. I wouldn't." He says, still serious and his facial expression never falters. Doesn't give Law any reason to doubt him, though he'll still have them in the back of his mind. The doubts.
"You know that, right? That I'd never use you or abandon you?" Luffy asks when Law doesn't reply again and Law looks up from the floor he's been staring at for what seems like an eternity and he can see how serious Luffy looks. A serious look in his eye that tells him he's not lying. He really won't use him. He really won't abandon him. Still.
"No, no I don't fucking know that, Luffy. You say it and I want to believe you, believe me, I want to." Law says, his knees feel like they're about to give and he walks over to the couch. Sits down and sighs.
"But?" Luffy says, when Law doesn't go on. He feels like he could melt into a puddle of goop. Doesn't sound too bad if it means he could just be done with it all. Doesn't follow him to the couch, just turns around to face him.
"But it's hard." He tells him. Feels like everything around him, all the walls are caving in on him. Ready to flatten him.
"Why?! I haven't done anything to make you think otherwise! I don't know where those ideas you have come from!" Luffy yells back. Law can tell he's getting frustrated with him and this is just one of his worst nightmares.
"They just come! I don't even know where they come from damn it they just pop the fuck up whenever they want!" Law shouts back, as if he has any idea. He's just as clueless as Luffy in this situation.
"So then how the hell am I supposed to show you that I mean what I say if everything I do makes you think otherwise?!" Luffy shouts. Looks red as a tomato. Law just wants all this yelling to stop, his head feels like it's going to explode. Veins popping out of his neck with every response back.
"I don't know!"
"What do you just want me to stop doing what I'm doing and just sit here and be a complete ass to you?!" Luffy suggests and god no, that's the last thing he wants. There's nothing wrong with him, it's not him. It's not Luffy. Law's the one who's the ass, he's the one with the fucking issues.
"No. No, Luffy I don't want you to change anything you do you're not the one with the problem." He tells him, tries to make it sound calm but it's more aggressive if anything. Like a low growl out of the pit of his stomach he just can't hold back. He's not angry at Luffy, no he's just pissed at himself. For even starting any of this.
"What god damn problem?!"
"It's complicated, okay?" Law says, softly again because he really can't take the yelling. Can't bear to watch Luffy's pupils dilate with every word. Can't watch Luffy clench his fists as tight as he is. Like he's ready to lunge at him and give him another sucker punch to the jaw.
"Well it fucking better be because I'm really..." Luffy says, trails off and looks to the side. Tries to take in a deep breath to calm himself down.
"Really... what?" Law asks and he's terrified of what Luffy will say next. Thinks as fast as he can of every single response that could possibly come out of those lips and dies a little inside with each one.
"Annoyed! I'm really really annoyed Law!" He hadn't thought of that one. Looks at Luffy like he's a literal angel. Because he can deal with annoying. He can be less annoying for Luffy. What he can't deal with is Luffy telling him he's going to leave. That he's had enough of his crap.
"I... I know, I know. I just... I don't know. God." He sighs; he's a real jerk. It's no surprise all his other friends gave up on him. He's so thankful for Luffy though. So fucking thankful. And he's got no way to repay that. So all he says is he's sorry. He's so fucking sorry. For being the way he is.
"Do you hate me?" He asks and its low, scared and he's practically losing his mind thinking of the possibility of losing Luffy too. And he waits for an answer, anxious as hell. In fact, he's pretty sure he's never felt so scared of hearing the word "yes" in his life. And then Luffy sighs, walks closer to him and he thinks he's going to sit down next to him. But he stops, right in front of Law and the obvious height difference is obvious, even while Law's sitting, but Luffy stands tall. Looking Law in the eye as if he were the same height.
"I don't hate you. I don't." Luffy says, repeats it so Law gets it through his thick ass skull. He nods. He does. He gets it. And he feels like he could cry, shit. Luffy's got some ridiculous emotional hold on him that he not necessarily hates, because he's got to admit Luffy has helped him in more ways than he could ever thank him for. But at the same time, drives him so incredibly crazy. In a good way.
"I don't hate you, Law." Luffy says again, because Law's just speechless. At how Luffy's standing in front of him, instead of walking out the door never to be seen again. And he chokes out a laugh, but it's more of a held back cry and he smiles. Not too big, but not too small either. Just the perfect smile, and Luffy returns it. Wraps his arms around Law's neck and pulls him close, and it's then that Law pretty much fucking loses it. Digs his head into his abdomen and lets it all out.
He can feel one of Luffy's hands move and tangle in his hair, combing his fingers through it to calm him down as he cries. And he thinks Luffy must see him as the biggest baby, a grow man crying over something this stupid. Which in itself makes him cry even harder. Not out of embarrassment, but out of a bit of joy. That he even has someone to cry on. It's just all unrealistic to him.
Law's never been so appreciative of anyone like this in his entire life.
Doesn't know how long it'll last. Prays it's a kind of eternal thing.
Doesn't know if his prayers will be heard, 'cause God's never been all that kind to him anyways.