Sonata 12
"Alright, listen up." Armsmaster announced.
The heroes and heroes-in-training were a block away from the boardwalk, and already the music and lights were overwhelming. The Tinker had to shout to make himself heard.
"Director Piggot wants us to find a way to disband the Reapers' party. While not exactly the actions I'd like to take, she's still the Director, so we have to listen to her."
"Isn't this the kind of job we'd have BBPD helping us with?" Browbeat asked in confusion. "Or hell, let them handle entirely?"
Armsmaster sigher heavily as he kneaded his brow-ridge. "I attempted to request backup from the commissioner, but dispatch informed me that the department had its hands full tonight and couldn't spare us any help."
"Translation," Dauntless rolled his eyes. "Piggot burned every bridge we had with them with the press conference. Just like she's been torching everything lately."
Armsmaster wisely chose to ignore the statement, instead pressing on. "For now, I think that the best way to wrap this up without an all-out brawl would be to apprehend the ringleaders: the Reapers known as Gangsta, Grunge, Southern, Chicago Blues, Hip, Hop, Psychedelic and of course, the Composer herself. We'll need to be discrete to do it. Another goal is getting our teammates currently in there out before they cause any more damage. Shadow Stalker, I want you to try and convince Clockblocker to leave, quietly. Shut off their sound systems if you can too."
Shadow Stalker's only reaction was to load her crossbow in acknowledgement before turning into shadow and darting through the wall of a building.
"Are you sure that's such a good idea, sir?" Vista asked uneasily.
Armsmaster was silent for a moment before sighing heavily. "Honestly, no. But she's the stealthiest one present, so I'll take what I can get. Now, Aegis, Dauntless, Kid Win, I want you to fly up and-"
"Nope."
Armsmaster blinked in surprise. He'd expected resistance from Dauntless as of late, but Aegis?"Care to explain why?"
The Ward silently raised an arm and pointed into the sky.
Looking up, Armsmaster watched as a pinprick of light flew higher and higher... and then...
BOOM!
Exploded in a shower of light. Moments later, several other lights started to rise.
"I'm loyal to the Protectorate... but there is no way in hell I'm doing that."
"Agreed."
"I'm with the kids."
Armsmaster ground his teeth in annoyance. "Fair enough... In that case, all of us will have to accept the Composer's invitation. We're going in through the front door. And... I understand that some of you might find this controversial, but orders are orders. We can't afford to set a precedent for disobeying the chain of command. Understand?"
He jerked his finger slightly in his glove, deactivating a few programs in his visor before his comrades gave him mumbled sounds of assent.
"Good. Now come on. Let's get this over with."
The group walked down the street, turning the corner and viewing the party in all its glory.
The street had been somewhat cordoned off, ropes tied off at both of the buildings leading to a pair of poles in the middle of the street. Standing between the poles with a tablet between his hands was Chicago, dressed up in a sort of combination of a suit and a hoodie, a tie loosely wrapped around his neck. Sleeping at both his sides were a pair of Garage Wolves, light from the spotlights that were madly wandering about reflecting off of their blue tattoo-claws.
Looming in front of the casual Reaper was the massive, unforgettable frame of Mush.
"Arlight, and why do you want to join in on the party?" Chicago droned boredly.
"Umm..." The Merchant scratched his head slowly. "Look's like it's a lotta fun..."
Chicago nodded in agreement, tapping away at his tablet. "Bit loud for me, but I'm not one to complain. Alright, most crimes were you being attacked or heroes, no intentional or accidental casualties..." He drew a small plastic box out of his pocket, flicking it open and withdrawing a swab of cloth and a spray bottle. "Hold out your hand please.
Mush blinked in confusion. "Uhh...?"
"It's a spray drug test, checks your sweat."
"But... I'm sober."
"Not that I don't trust you, buuuut I don't trust you. So yeah, hand?"
The large Parahuman slowly held his hand out. Chicago swept the cloth along his palm and sprayed it before contemplating it. "Alright, let's see... hmm... were you in one of the Merchants' dens recently?"
"I had to get permission from the boss..."
"Must be second-hand smoke. Alright, fair enough. Now could you move along, there's a line behind you."
Mush glanced over his shoulder. Upon catching sight of the heroes, he grit his teeth furiously, turning around and bringing his fists up. Slowly, litter up and down the street started to drift towards him. The heroes reacted by getting into battle-ready stances...
"HEY!"
Until Chicago spoke up, the hounds sitting by him drawing their hackles back and growling loudly.
"Back off, the both of you, or I'll see to it that you both regret it. Clear?"
"But..." Mush grunted angrily. "They're gonna arrest me! I don't wanna go to jail again! I can't!"
"And you won't," Chicago reassured firmly. "Just go in and enjoy the party, alright? So long as you don't cause any trouble, nothing will happen to you. Understand?"
Mush stared at him silently for a moment before nodding slowly. "... alright. If you say so..." He cast a final, rueful glance back at the heroes before lumbering past Chicago and into the party.
The info-centered Reaper sighed heavily as he rolled his eyes in exasperation. "From bringing down megacorporations and fatcats to juggling irritable Parahumans. I either went very very right, or very very wrong. Whatever. Next!"
Armsmaster marched up to Chicago, glaring down at him imperiously.
"Can I help you?" The Reaper asked in his best 'bored IT guy' voice.
"You let Mush into your party." Armsmaster stated flatly.
"Yeah, and I let the Travellers in about half an hour ago, Circus fifteen minutes after that, Uber and Leet have been in here since the beginning, and not ten minutes ago, the whole of New Wave itself came in! Mrs. Dallon gave me a few sour looks, but apart from that... want me to go on?" Chicago grinned impishly.
Armsmaster ground his teeth, but Miss Militia placed herself in front of him before he could respond. "Um, yes, the Composer's invitation extended to us as well?"
"Indeed it did! A bit overly sanctimonious in my opinion, but hey, artists, what will you do. Now then..." He slid his fingers over his tablet's screen for a minute before humming in approval. "Alright, seems good here. Shadow Stalker not with you?"
"Um, no, we... needed a Ward to stay back at the gala?" Miss Militia repressed a wince at how weak the lie sounded to her ears.
"Riiiight... Well, if she does come, let's just hope she comes through one of the checkpoints we have set up. Its just in case of any Parahumans with really bad rap sheets, and considering the fact that she's got several charges of assault..."
"Those records were sealed!" Armsmaster protested furiously.
"Records, yes! Mouths? People tend to blab about shadow-monsters pinning them with crossbows." Chicago's grin became slightly feral. "But hey, its alright! If she sneaks in then we'll just have security escort her out. Everything should be peachy so long as she cooperates peacefully."
By this point, collective thoughts of the heroes could be summarized in the word 'shit.' The fact that Chicago's wolves appeared to somehow be laughing was not a good sign.
"But hey, enough about hypotheticals!" Chicago spread his hands wide in invitation. "It's a party! Come in, celebrate, Clockblocker's got the right idea, follow his lead!"
The heroes glanced at each other nervously before finally passing through and into the throng of party-goers.
Once he was certain that they were out of earshot, Armsmaster tapped his helmet, activating a built-in earpiece. "Vista, I want you to hang back. When you see the chance, try and find a way to take him into custody."
The Ward nodded in understanding, peeling away from the group and disappearing into the crowd.
"The rest of you, split up and try and find who you can. Let's get this over with."
And with that, the heroes dispersed themselves.
-o-
Chicago kept grinning until he was certain that the heroes were gone.
Once they were out of sight, he frowned, whipping his smartphone out of his pocket, tapping a number and bringing it to his ear. "Boss? ...Yeah, every last one save for Shadow Stalker, and I think she's in here anyways. I'll tell Grunge to keep his eyes peeled... Uh-huh, yeah, got it. Alright, will do, later Boss."
He hummed thoughtfully as he began tapping out a few text messages on his phone. 'So... who'll they send to silence me? They'd better be damn good, because I don't intend to go without a fight. That, or if its a weaker one, I really won'tfight. Love to see someone like Vista try to carry me-'
"DOGGY!"
"YIPE!"
Chicago whipped his head around in shock... and stared.
Latched around the neck of one of his clearly distressed Garage Wolves was a short girl who couldn't have been older than thirteen. She was cooing and giggling as she buried her face in its fur, running her hand up and down its neck.
"Uh... can I help you, miss?"
She giggled childishly as she tightened her grip on the wolf's neck. "Sorry, it's just that I loveNoise. They're so cute! I just wanna hug 'em and squeeze 'em and... and my parents don't really like the Reapers so when I saw one I just wanted to... to..." She looked up at him with ridiculously big watery eyes. "Can I hold onto him for just a bit longer? Pleeeease?"
The Garage Wolf angled its head up at Chicago, shaking its head frantically.
The Reaper was silent for a moment before sighing and waving a hand nonchalantly. "Take as long as you need, kid."
"THANK YOU!"
"YIPE!"
Chicago stared down at the girl the whole time she borderline-molested the construct. Slowly, he brought his phone up, flicked on the camera, took aim...
Before sighing and pocketing the device. "Nah... not worth it..."
-o-
Clockblocker let out an uproarious laugh as he waved at the crowd. "Alright, alright, that's enough for now! Thanks for calling and have a nice night!"
"You too!" The caller responded before hanging up.
"Well!" DJ Chiptune exclaimed. "Who knew that a kid could go off on tangents as random as that?! What was the kid's name?"
"Greg I think? Eh, whatever." DJ Synth waved the issue off before pounding away at his keyboard. "Time to move on! Let's see who's up next!" He tapped a button decisively. "Hello, caller! How do you do, cause you're on the Reaper Review!"
"Hello, Clockblocker."
Said Ward seemed to choke on air as he recognized the voice. "S-Shadow Stalker! What are you-!?"
"Armsmaster wanted me to be subtle about this, but honestly? If you're not going to pretend about liking me, then I might as well return the favor. I've wanted to knock you off your pedestal for a longtime, dumbass. I'd say that cuffing you in front of everyone oughta help accomplish that."
Clockblocker swallowed heavily as he glanced around nervously, but was shocked out of his fear when DJ Chiptune firmly planted a hand on his shoulder. "And what!" He demanded loudly. "Makes you think that we'll let you take our main man away from us?"
"Ha!" Shadow Stalker snorted incredulously. "What could you clowns do to stop me? 'Sides, this doesn't concern you! Just shut up and keep throwing your stupid party."
Clockblocker made to say something...
"Stupid?"
But was interrupted by Synth's quiet question.
"Hoo boy, here we go." Chiptune grinned eagerly as he slowly stepped back from his partner in crime, dragging Clockblocker with him.
"STUPID!?" Synth roared furiously, snatching a microphone up and bellowing into it. "YOUDARE TO CALL THIS PARTY STUPID! YOU LISTEN HERE AND YOU LISTEN GOOD, LITTLE GIRL! THIS HERE AIN'T NO MERE PARTY! Nooo..."
The DJ strode to the forefront of the stage, spreading his arms wide over the crowd.
"THIS IS OUR REBELLION!" He roared into the microphone. "THIS IS THE REAPER REVOLUTION, WHERE WE ARE RESOLUTELY REPRESENTING OUR IRREFUTABLE, CONSTITUTIONAL, GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO GET DOWN AND ROCK!"
He whipped around and swept an accusatory finger over the surroundings. "DON'T YOU DARE TRY AND SPEAK ABOUT SUCH THINGS YOU COULDN'T BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND, STALKER GIRL! LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU, CLEAR AS DAY: WE AIN'T HEROES, AND WE AIN'T VILLAINS! WE! ARE! REAPERS!"
He held his mic out towards the crowd. "CAN I GET A HELL YEAH!?"
"HELL YEAH!" The crowd roared in unison, their voices reverberating throughout the whole of the city.
"Wow." Clockblocker said numbly.
"Hehe, yup!" Chiptune nodded in agreement. "He got punted out of the daytime channels cause the execs thought he was a bit too... passionate. But here amongst the Reapers? He'sjust right."
"Let's make one thing clear, Shadow Stalker!" Synth proclaimed proudly. "If you want to come down and get this kid, our friend? Then you come down and get him! But in the process, you're gonna have to get through me! And him!" He pointed at Chiptune, who nodded in agreement, "And every! Reaper! Here!"
"Gladly."
Synth calmly turned and watched as a three-dimensional shadow dropped from a nearby rooftop onto the stage. He barely even flinched as the shadow shook and shuddered until it finally coalesced as a masked teenage girl who was pointing a crossbow straight at his chest.
"But first, I gotta ask," She taunted. "What the hell do you think you can do to stop me?"
Synth smirked in response. "The one thing any self-respecting entertainer does whenever he's threatened while performing in a public place."
"And that would be?"
Synth's smirk devolved into a scowl as he pointed an accusatory finger at her. "SECURITY!" He bellowed into his microphone.
Shadow Stalker lowered her crossbow in shock. "Seriously? That's what you're gonna go with!? Call for-"
She was silenced by a large finger heavily tapping her on the shoulder. "Ma'am?"
The Ward looked over her shoulder, staring up at the large man looming over her.
Grunge was wearing a black uniform with the word 'SECURITY' written across his chest in white block letters. Flanking him were a pair of Mosh Pit Grizzlies, both wearing similar uniforms as well as black baseball caps and sunglasses.
"I'm going to have to ask you to come with me," The bear-like man grunted.
"Are you serious?" She snorted incredulously.
"Ma'am, all Parahumans need to be vetted before we allow them into the party. And you didnot get vetted. Please, come with me." He attempted to clamp a hand down on her shoulder, only to miss and go through living smoke.
"Fuck off, old man, I just want my idiot teammate." Shadow Stalker snarled.
"Yeah, well he obviously doesn't want to go with you. So, we can do this the easy way..." The Grizzlies at his sides both stepped forwards menacingly. "Or the hard way."
Shadow Stalker glanced between the bears before glaring at the Reaper. "Hard way." And with that, she darted forwards, shifting into shadows, passing through one of the Grizzlies and rematerializing on the other side. She raised her weapon at the back of Grunge's head...
SLAP!
When a large lump of slime and tentacles suddenly struck her midsection. "What the-?" She tried to yank the lump off...
ZAP!
"YEARGH!"
Before screeching in pain as a bolt of electricity shot through her, locking her muscles in place.
Grunge blinked in surprise before shooting a thankful thumbs-up at a nearby Reaper. "Thanks, Reggae."
The Rastafarian snorted as he waved the thanks off. "No problem, man. Just lendin' a helpin' hand is all. Not a lotta people that can stand straight after a sting from a jellyfish, be they Noise or no."
"Right, well..." Grunge grunted as he heaved the paralyzed Ward onto his shoulders. "I'll just show her the door." He waved at the DJs and remaining Ward. "Later guys."
The Reapers returned the gesture. "You too!"
Synch smirked as he turned to address the crowd. "Now then..."
Chiptune slapped the electronics and started up a new track. "LET'S PARTY!"
The resulting cheers were deafening.
-o-
"So tell us," Victor inquired suspiciously. "What guarantee do we have that you won't discriminate against us for being villains?"
Chicago opened his mouth to answer...
When Shadow Stalked suddenly flew over his head, landing in a conveniently placed dumpster with a loud SQUELCH!
"AND STAY OUT!" Grunge bellowed before marching back into the party.
Chicago stared after him for a second before raising an eyebrow at the villain. "Does thatanswer your question?"
Victor shrugged carelessly. "Fair enough. Come on, gang!" He waved at the others following him. "Let's party!"
-o-
Panacea felt her eye twitch involuntarily as she took in the scene before her.
She'd been prepared for the worst when she'd volunteered to work at the party's medical tent: broken limbs, alcohol poisoning, maybe someone suffering from the aftereffects of a roofie.
But no, the Reapers seemed to have a firm grip on things, ensuring that all fun was kept nice and clean.
So instead, Amy was treated to the ever-so-appetizing scene of Tattletale sitting on the side of a cot, hunched over and emptying her stomach into a bucket.
The villain had been in the tent when she'd gotten there, curled up and moaning miserably into the receptacle.
Her opinion on the Undersiders was... fairly negative, to say the least. Sure, they'd sent her a card with an apology, but that didn't change the fact that they'd robbed a bank and held her hostage!
Finally, the villain stopped heaving, grimacing as she looked up from the bucket. "Stupid freaking Reapers... that sucked."
"What'd you do?" Amy asked sourly. "Drink too much or something?"
"Urgh..." Tattletale shook her head in denial. "Nah, tried drinking to dull the pain, just hurts like a bitch in the morning."
Panacea raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Pain?"
Tattletale waved a hand at her head noncommittally. "Thinker powers. Use 'em too much and... yeah."
"So what the heck did you have to use it so much on?"
"Cheating on poker."
"... how am I not surprised?"
The villainous Thinker scowled at the healer. "Oh bite me. Everyone at the damn table was doing it, half the fun was supposed to be finding the best way to out-cheat everyone else... Fucking hell, last I saw Miss Militia was sitting down, and I think she's got an eidetic memory. Damn it, it should be me being the queen of counting cards, not her! Instead, I end up getting carried out of there and into here..."
Amy silently lamented the fifteen minutes Vicky had spent dragging her around trying to get her either hammered or hooked up before she'd finally been able to make her way to the tent, wishing she could have savored the scene of Tattletale being hauled in.
Then she squashed those thoughts with as much fear and prejudice as she could muster.
She swallowed heavily before throwing an accusatory glare at Tattletale. "Why would Miss Militia play poker anyways?"
Tattletale snorted in amusement. "Please, I don't need my powers to tell you she looked disgruntled as hell when she marched in. Piggy must have sent in the cavalry to squash our little party, but there's some dissension in the ranks~!" She sang gleefully.
Panacea sighed and rolled her eyes at the villain's antics. "Alright, whatever. Humor me: what went wrong with your little scheme?"
The villain frowned instantly. "Didn't count on the dealer. Freaking mind-screwing rule-breaking fox-man... I don't know what kind of Noise the Composer used in his tattoos, but damn if it wasn't strong. Its like she gave that guy a... a higher plane of understanding. One glimpse and I'm like this, it's a wonder the guy can even function..." She suddenly winced in pain, groaning as she rubbed at her suddenly throbbing temple.
Amy was silent as she watched Tattletale suffer from the drawbacks of her power. At least she could take solace in the fact that the damn villain was getting as good as she-
'NO!' She scrunched her eyes shut and shuddered slightly, trying her best to fill her mind with as many repetitive nights in the hospital as she could. "I- look. I can't deal with brains, so you'll just have to live with it until it wears off. I-I'm sorry."
'No you aren't~'
'Shutupshutupshutup.'
Tattletale stared at her contemplatively for a moment before groaning and setting her bucket aside. "Alright, sit tight. This is going to hurt me a whole lot more than you, but..." She leaned back and looked Amy square in the eye. "I'm... going to try and help you out."
Panacea's jaw dropped in shock. "Wh- wait, what!? Why would you think-!?"
"You're a bundle of nerves who just punished herself for a teeny tiny innocent dark inclination. If that doesn't speak of a whole shitload of issues, then I don't know what does."
Amy worked her jaw helplessly for a moment before hugging herself and looking away. "W-why would I want you to help me? Why help me in the first place?!"
"Because... I recently had an epiphany." Tattletale sighed heavily. "See... karma? Yeah. It exists. It one hundred percent exists. I'm sure of it. I could belittle you, pick and pick at you till you crumbled to pieces for the sheer hell of it... but I've got a feeling the fallout would be so far from worth it that it's not even remotely funny. So... I want to help you."
Panacea glanced at her incredulously. "Karma. You're serious. I- that's just- why!?"
"Well let's see..." Tattletale started counting off on her fingers. "Back in the bank, I noticed you. I could have had some fun, torn your psyche to shreds with a few words... but instead I didn't. Result? The Composer saves our asses from Bakuda. Then, I help diffuse a small point of contention with the Composer. Result? She saves our asses again at a small get together we mean old villains had. And then again I help Armsmaster with working on stopping one of Bakuda's bombs. Result?" She spread her arms wide. "One kickass party! But then..."
She sighed heavily and started kneading her nose. "I try to cheat at one tiny, innocent game of poker, and what happens!? I get my powers screwed over six ways from Sunday. Believe you me, karma exists and she is a hidebound bitch. And, well, you've already gotten a bit of payback for your years of service via the Reapers, so I'll just be picking up the rest of the slack by setting you straight. Or, maybe not literally, all things considered. Eh, who knows. Maybe if I'm lucky this time I'll get me a Ferrari..."
Amy stared at her silently for a moment before slowly shaking her head, then shaking it definitively. "No... n-no I-y-you can't. I mean, y-you're a Thinker, a villain and-and-and who knows what you could say or do or-or..." Her fingers began to bite into her arms, her whole body starting to shake as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. "I... I don't deserve it. I-I mean I've stopped-stopped caring! I-I've just... I've lied and and and I'm becoming just like-EEP!"
She was cut off when Tattletale suddenly stood up and wrapped her arms around Amy, holding her head against her shoulder. "It's alright, it's alright..." The villain said, her voice carrying a slight hint of uncertainty. "Look, just... just let it all out. Alright?"
For almost a full minute, Amy was silent, just sitting there, dumbfounded. And then...
She threw her arms around Tattletale, buried her face in her shoulder and cried and cried and cried, Tattletale simply sitting there and letting her.
-o-
Battery trudged steadfastly through the crowd, muttering murderously as she trudged through the crowd searching for the bar. 'Murder him. Adore him. Murder him. Adore him. One or the other, one or the other... sometimes he makes this waytoo hard!'
Suddenly, a slurred voice shouted over the din of the music and the crowd. "AND ZAT MAKESH FI'TEEN! PAY ME, BISHES!"
Battery's eye twitched beneath her mask as she recognized the voice. 'On second thought, sometimes things are far too easy.'
She barged through the crowd, lightly pushing people aside until she finally reached her goal.
Ethan was cackling madly as he tilted back and forth in his seat. He was counting out a huge wad of cash he was holding, occasionally accepting bills from the surrounding observers. Arrayed between him and the barkeeping Reaper were a pair of equally massive mountains of glasses, each one drained of alcohol.
South merely shook his head in disbelief as he stared at the intoxicated man. "Fifteen. Pints. And I thought I was the only one who could pull that off and stay conscious. But you? You manage to stay on your seat." He raised a hand to the brim of his stetson and dipped it down. "I tip my hat to you, sir."
"DAYM SHTRAIGHT!" The inebriated un-costumed hero bellowed, slamming his fist on the bar. "Now! Whaddaya say about a 'nozer round?! After all..." He waved the bundle of cash around invitingly. "Ah've got enough to paaay!"
"Actually..." Battery growled, slapping a hand on her husband's shoulder. "I think he's had enough."
Ethan looked over his shoulder at her blearily before giving her a goofy grin. "Hey! A-Ah know yuuu! Yer one of thoze... thoze heroes... Ba... Batter... the pretty one!"
South ignored his customer's ramblings, instead giving the hero a neutral look. "Aw c'mon now, little missy. You sure you can't just let this feller go for a minute more? I'm sure he's fine."
"You're just saying that because he's got a lot of money and you're impressed at how much he was able to drink."
"... your point?"
"Alright, that's it, you're coming with me!" She stated firmly, grabbing at his shoulders and trying to pull him away from the bar.
Instead of letting himself be dragged away, Ethan desperately clutched at the bar, firmly keeping himself in place. "Nononono, a-ah can't go wit chu. S-s-see, ah-ah..." He leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, his breath thick with alcohol. "Ah'm married!" He immediately collapsed against the bar, giggling madly.
Battery blinked at him in confusion for a moment before glancing around hastily. Luckily, no one seemed to be paying attention to either of them. Even South had moved to the end of the bar and was surreptitiously polishing a mug as he looked away from them. Satisfied that they were alone in the crowd, Battery slid into the seat next to her husband, continuously checking for any listeners. Finally... "Tell me about her."
Ethan grinned ecstatically, his eyes lighting up with glee. "Yu shure? Okie dokie! See... she'sh ze most beeoutiful pershon ah've ever known. Well... she might've been lettin' herself go a bit lately..."
For no apparent reason, the wood beneath Battery's fingers began to crack and spiderweb.
"But that don't matter to me! See... see..." He leaned in close, slinging an arm around her shoulder. "Ya see... tha first time I saw her...I couldn't get over how cute she was! Kinda, kinda... kinda like a puppy! A cutesy wittle puppy! Jush... jush adorable..."
It was taking Battery a lot of effort to keep her cheeks from flooding with blood.
"But, see, see... she... she didn't laike me at first, so.. so... Ah committed ze ultimayte taboo... Ah... ah..." Ethan slapped an open palm on the bar definitively. "Ah changed. Zey... zey always shay, don't, don't change fer luv. But-but-but... but I did! Aye changed and aye changed and aye changed... so much till... till I didn't reco'nize mahself in za mirror...And... and ya knowwhat?"
"What?" Battery breathed, enraptured by her husband's voice.
"IT WUZ WORTH IT!" He roared, this time slamming his fist down and rattling most of the bar. "Ev'ry secon', ev'ry instant ah spent with her, it wuz all worth it! The gu-the guy I wuz... he wasshit. Nothin' but a piece o' garbage... But he-he's dead now, he's dead... and ah-ah'm happy... happy wiz za one ah luv..." He peered contemplatively in one of the empty mugs before turning and giving his wife a forlorn look. "D'you... d'you think she knows? D'you think she knowz how mush ah luv her? Jus... jus how mush ah absolut'ly adore her? Tot'ly an uncon-uncondi... f'rever?"
Battery worked her jaw for a second before nodding definitively. "Yes. Yes she does." And with that, she grabbed the back of his head and rammed their lips together.
They stayed like that for almost a full minute before they finally pulled back for breath, breathing heavily as they pressed their foreheads together.
Finally, it was Ethan who broke the silence. "Do you think she also knows that I've won the St. Patty's drinking contest in almost every bar in every city I've been in for the last ten years?"
"No, I don't think she- wait..."
Ethan leaned back and flashed her an impish grin. "Hiya, puppy!"
Battery's jaw slowly dropped open as the lines on her outfit started to light up. "You. Fucking.Son of a-!"
"Aww, I love you too, puppy!" He hastily stole another kiss, then took advantage of her shock and confusion to place his hands on her shoulders and shove her into the crowd. "CROWD-SURF THIS WOMAN!" He bellowed exuberantly.
The heroine attempted to step back towards him... then blinked in shock when she felt hands wrap around her arms and legs. "Hey, what the-YEARGH!" She screeched in shock when she was suddenly wrenched off her feet and into the air. "HEY- WHAT ARE YOU- PUT ME DOWN!"She attempted to activate her powers, but her concentration was thrown off by the constant moving and shifting. "DAMN IT ALL, ETHAN!"
"LOVE YOU TOO, PUPPY!" He called out, lifting a new glass to her. He chuckled as he turned and faced the bar again, gulping down the contents of the mug. "Ahh, I'm loving this party!"
"You realize that she's going to kill you, right?"
Ethan glanced at the new voice before shrugging and continuing to sip at his mug. "What can I say, mister hero who I've never met before? I love messing with her."
Dauntless looked at his friend casually before shaking his head in defeat. "Fair enough. Now... what do I have to do to get a drink around here?"
Ethan raised a hand and snapped his fingers. "Barkeep! One for my new friend over here!"
"I'll take one too!"
The heroes, both costumed and uncostumed, turns their heads to stare at the new voice...
And Victor stared right back.
For unending minutes, the tension mounted...
SLAM!
Until it was broken by South slamming a pair of mugs in front of the hero and villain.
"You two start a fight, you both get your asses whipped. Clear?"
Victor and Dauntless nodded shakily in agreement.
"Good. Now enjoy your liquor and smile. It's a party!" And with that, he moved away to other customers.
Victor and Dauntless gripped their mugs uneasily, neither truly breaking their staring contest with the other.
Finally...
"So... What do we do now?" Dauntless asked.
"... drink and don't look at each other?" Victor propositioned.
"I suggest!" Ethan stated bluntly, a shit-eating smirk on his face. "That we deal with this the same way that I deal with every problem I face."
"And that would be?"
Ethan thrust his mug high into the air, his grin widening a few molars to near mania. "FUCK IT!" And with that, he drank.
Dauntless and Victor glanced at each other a final time before shrugging and leaning over to clink their mugs.
"FUCK IT!"
And with that, the three of them drank in peace.