Five days seemed to pass at a tremendously slow rate, but they do. By the end of said five days, Law found himself standing in front of Sachi who's face was nearly covered in snot. To his left, standing outside their shared room, was Penguin, who's not as snot faced, but looked like he could be in a matter of seconds.
"You have to write!" Sachi yells, even though the nurse stands in the room with the two. She tells them that it's against protocol to keep in touch with now former patients, but Law really couldn't give a shit.
"Yeah? I will."
"Throw in a couple of lines for me too!" Penguin shouts from the door, and Law nods.
"Okay." He agrees rather quickly to Penguin's request, and now, he's definitely snot faced.
Sachi tries to fit in a month of his experience with Law within the thirty seconds the nurse is giving the three of them. Goes on and on about how much of a dick Law was when he came in here, like a damn music box that'd lost it's key, he said. Law hardly gets the reference, but Sachi tells him some shit that sounds straight out of a romance movie. About someone else having his key and what not, and he'll be stuck shut unless he finds that someone with his key.
Though Law could do without the little romantic antics Sachi seems to think he needs to throw into this goodbye.
Shoves Law's lone duffle bag into his arms and pushes him out the door. Says something along the lines of "get out before I start to cry, ya bastard!" before he's turned around the corner. He doesn't know how Sachi didn't feel the amount of tears Law had seen streaming down his face. Maybe he did. Who knows.
He won't admit it aloud, but he'll miss those blueberry muffins Penguin would get the three of them each morning. It was one of the few good routines he enjoyed and didn't loathe waking up for.
After one final meeting with Robin, who hands him a small paper bag that rattles when he takes hold of it.
"A refill, if you may. Don't stop taking them like you did last time."
"I know, I won't. Thank you." He gives her, because she's done a hell of a lot of putting up with his bullshit. A thanks is the least he can give.
Though he's still to see her every week, as follow ups.
The second he's out the door, he's caught in a hug by Rocinante, who looks a little too happy to see him, really. As soon as Law had left the odd warmth of the building, he felt cold. He pushed his hands deep into his pockets, while Rocinante continued to squeeze the life out of him.
"Will you cut it out, it was just a month."
"A month... after seeing you almost die-"
"I know, okay. Just get off me." He shrugs him off, Rocinante surprisingly compliant and walks with him towards the car. One Law's never seen before.
"When'd you get this?"
"I splurged. You can drive it too, though." Rocinante wiggles his eyebrows, getting into the ridiculously luxurious looking car.
"What? That car's worth more than my tuition."
"Don't be a baby, get in the car already." Law doesn't exactly have any other way home, so he gets in and makes himself as comfortable as he can on the leather seats. Which... he has to give credit to Rocinante for. The car is nice. He just doesn't think it's necessary.
"Your place collected a lot of dust when you were gone, I spent maybe... four hours cleaning. All for you. Don't you just love-"
"If I say yeah, will you shut up and take me home? I'm tired." Law says, throwing his duffle bag in the back seat. Rocinante bows in his seat as he puts the keys in the ignition.
"Your wish is my command." He says, Law only scoffs and looks out the window. Rocinante starts the car and turns on the heat, shifting to face Law before pulling out of the parking spot.
"Law," he said. "You okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't look fine, and you haven't said a real sentence to me besides complain about my car since you walked out. Are you mad about something? Upset perhaps?"
Law fastened his seat belt. "No, I'm really fine. Let's just go, I wanna get home."
"Law."
"Yes?" He hardly glanced over. More shifted his eyes enough to be able to see Rocinante. "Really. I'm just tired. I'm not mad or upset."
Rocinante didn't look like he he believed him, but he reversed out of the spot regardless, and then they were off. Colourful lights had been strung in the trees, and many stores were still decorated for Christmas. Even though it'd been five days since the holiday. Traffic wasn't as bad as it usually was around rush hour. Law only watched out the window.
"You aren't cold are you?" Rocinante asks in a low voice, just a tad bit louder than the quiet music coming from the radio.
"No I'm fine."
As Law looked out the window, he could easily feel Rocinante's eyes often shift to stare at him.
"It's nothing" Law says, still looking outside. As if speaking to the window. "I think it's just this time of year. The whole seasonal thing."
"We could talk about it, if you wanted to." Rocinante offers, though the car goes rather quiet for a few seconds after.
Law sighs heavily, breath fogging up the window. "I'd rather not. I just want to sit like this. Sorry, I bet you were hoping for more of a conversation after all this time." Law apologizes, though he recalls Robin once telling him it's hardly necessary for him to feel as apologetic as he does. He hasn't done anything wrong.
"Don't sweat it kiddo." Rocinante tells him, and then shifts his focus back on the slick roads, covered in slush.
Rocinante continued to drive, the two only sitting in silence. The only sound was the soft tune of music that played, or the occasional tick when he'd change lanes or make a turn. He felt comfortable in the car, hell. It even had heated seats. But there was some odd discontent growing inside him that'd somehow planted itself during the time before his leave. Any kindness Rocinante would show, any concern, only seemed to poke at it. It added to his irritation. Law's got no idea why he feels so... anxious. Agitated. He just... does.
He has no idea what the whole seasonal thing is, but it may very well be the reason behind it. Or an entirely different reason. Whatever it is, he'd just wish it'd stop, or at least pause for a few hours. Closing his eyes, Law leaned the side of his head against the cold window. When he sighed, it left an egg shaped smudge on the glass. He eyed it and contemplated drawing something, but only ended up wiping away with his sleeve.
"Are you hungry at all?" Rocinante asked. "Want me to stop anywhere before we go home? We could get take out."
"I'm good." he replied. "Thanks."
"Law."
Law gave him a quick glance. "What?"
"Should I be concerned? You're worrying me." Rocinante frowned. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing. I told you, I just want to go home." Law replied, sounding slightly defensive.
"I know, you just seem agitated. Which is why I'm asking again, what's wrong? How can I make it so you're comfortable?"
"You can't fix everything that's wrong okay? Just drive." Law mumbles, turning his head to look back out the window. He could tell he'd hurt Rocinante when the volume of the radio turned up and pushed on the gas.
After another long hour of driving in silence, they arrived at the underground parking lot of the apartment. Rocinante left the car running a few moments longer, in some hope it'd get Law to talk. He didn't. So with a hefty sigh of his own, Rocinante turned the car off, and got out, closing the door behind him. It wasn't a slam, but a bit more strength would have made it so.
Law turned to the empty drivers seat, and then turned his head to sit upright. Staring up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and the car still smelt new. He reached behind him, grabbed his duffle bag and then got out on his own, locking the door by hand. Rocinante hadn't waited for him, so he took the stairs on his own, rather than the elevator. All the way up to twelve, and in no type of hurry, either. Hardly moves at a pace quicker than a turtles.
Rocinante had left the door creaked open enough for Law to get in, as he didn't have his keys on him. As soon as he was through the door, he kicked off his boots and dropped his bag by his feet while he took off his jacket. He felt odd about being back after what felt like much longer than a month. He found his phone and keys in the tray on the coffee table that was exactly where it was a month ago. A large envelope with his name on it, right next to them.
Nothing had moved, just wiped down. He reached for his phone, seeing one long paragraph of a message from Luffy on the day of his almost death, and six other messages, all the same question, just worded differently. All asking for him to call whenever he got home. A few from Kid, dated about three weeks back asking him what had happened. And one from Rocinante, again, the day of. Law deleted them all, only texting, not calling Luffy back, saying he was home. He put his phone down and sat on the couch that had an old feeling of comfort to it, and reached over for the envelope.
"Those are your enrolment papers." He heard from the hallway, Rocinante leaning against the wall. So he wasn't as angry as Law had thought. He reached in and pulled them out, reading the same but slightly altered "Congratulations!" letter that he'd gotten the first time he got into the school. Behind, were a few other sheets of papers. Listing off all sorts of scholarship opportunities, clubs, school events and such.
Law looked back up to find Rocinante now in the kitchen, brewing up a hot pot of what slightly smelt like green tea.
"The school office sent a couple emails- I had to read them- requesting you choose your courses before the deadline. You of course, weren't here nor were you allowing anyone to visit, so I took the liberty of choosing a couple for you. The dateline to drop them is ah... January 21st I believe. Should be on the paper." He said, and Law searched for said paper. A few other important dates, such as those for exams, holidays and off days were listed as well. The last sheet, was a printout of his new schedule. He read it over a few times, before the timer for the tea went off.
"I'll do good. And I'll be better." He mumbled, not sure if Rocinante heard him or not.
"I know you will kiddo." Nothing gets past his ears. Rocinante walked over, bringing two cups of tea, setting them on the table.
"I'm really proud of you, you know?" He asked. Law gave a light nod, and continued to look down at what he thought of as the opportunity to be, in his hands.
"Sorry... and thank you." Law gave him that, and Rocinante's smile reappeared, though not as intense. More gentle, more proud. He had high hopes for Law, despite everything he'd put him through. The hole in the pit of his stomach hadn't subsided, and he did still feel uneasy. However it was significantly less than before.
"C'mon, drink your tea." Rocinante said, Law no stranger to green tea, leaned over and took a sip, then a gulp. Gave a yawn that was cut short by the unending vibration coming from his phone. Which of course, did end the second he reached over for it. Only to follow up with knocking from the door. He sighed as Rocinante put his tea down and told him he'd get it. Immediately heard the cheerfulness of Luffy's voice when the door opened.
He watched as Luffy kicked off his shoes and looked like he could lunge at him, so he quickly set down his own tea. Braced himself for whatever Luffy had to offer. Which wasn't so much a lunge as it was a warm embrace with one cold cheek pressed to one of his own.
"I'm so happy you're back! How are you, are you good?" Luffy started, Law finally returning the hug and faced him as honestly as he could bring himself to.
"I'm fine. You're cold though. Why're you only wearing a jacket?"
"Because I practically ran over here, god. Wait." Luffy extended his legs, hopped off the couch, and walked over to the cabinets in the kitchen and pulled out a glass. Rocinante had left sometime between letting Luffy in and him being squeezed by cold and short arms. He watched as Luffy poured himself a glass of water, then chugged it. And repeat. Finally, walked back towards Law with a huge smile on his face, leaned forward and gave him a quick peck before Luffy seemed to regret the decision. He stared at Law, sat back on the coffee table in front of him and frowned.
Luffy looked on the brink of tears, so Law opened his arms. Luffy leaned forward again, his forehead pressed to Law's shoulder, both Law's arms snaking around and rubbing his back.
"It's okay," Luffy heard Law whisper while his hand moved in soothing circles over his back. "It's okay, it's okay." He repeated, hearing small sniffles coming from Luffy. Followed by a damp shoulder.
Luffy himself, didn't know where the tears came from.
"Sorry, sorry. I wasn't going to cry I swear. I never cry!"
"Yeah? Who knew you were this soft."
"I can't help it. I have emotions too, you know. You make me crazy, okay? But," he tilted his head to the side, "In a good way."
"I have that much of an effect on you?" Law asked, questioning the legitimacy of Luffy's words.
"Don't act so smug," he pursed his lips, unhappy with Law's playing coy, "You know you do." Luffy said, still sniffling, now into his sleeve.
"It's okay. You can cry." Law said, and it was a bit ironic to him. Being on the other end of the advice stick.
"No, no." Luffy leaned back, Law's arms loosening around him but still kept a slight hold. "I just wanted to see how you were. Y'know."
"Check up on me? I've been home maybe, thirty minutes." Law gave him a smile, Luffy only pouting back.
"Yeah, but... I don't know. I'm paranoid?"
"About what?" Law asked, Luffy looking conflicted in the way he wants to get his words out.
"You. I don't want you to be alone and- you know. Just worried." Luffy said. Law only staring back, not really sure of what to say.
"Is that weird?" Luffy asked after a silence fell upon the two.
"No? No. It's not weird. I'm just... surprised."
"Why?"
"Luffy you have to understand that the only time anyone's every been worried for me, is because if something was wrong, it'd impact their lives badly. So forgive me when I say I'm surprised, but I mean it in the most positive way I can offer you." Law tells him.
Luffy gave him a slight nod. "I know, I just worry. I can't help it, I always worry for the people I care for."
"I know you do, it's very admirable." Law confessed. It's quite the enviable trait.
Luffy gave him a genuine smile. "I missed being here you know, this is a cozy apartment." He said, Law nodding in agreement. He'd missed it too.
"And brunch." He added, and Law nodded once more.
"Brunch was good." Law managed to get out before a big yawn caught him.
"You tired? Should I leave?"
"No. It's still a bit early, you don't have to go. You can stay. Actually, I think you left a shirt here if memory serves correct, so you've got a change of clothes. I can lend you whatever else you need." Law offered, which quickly changed from Luffy leaving to let Law rest, to Luffy spending the night.
"Okay. Kinda glad you said so too because it's fucking cold out and I don't really wanna run back home."
"Yeah, your cheeks are still red. Do you want me to turn up the heat?"
Luffy looking confused, raised his hands and pressed his palms to his cheeks. Still cold. "Can you? I didn't even realize." He asked, Law already standing up and walking towards the thermostat while Luffy rubbed his cheeks with force.
"Relax are you trying to rip the skin clean off your face?"
"I'm creating friction."
"You're irritating your skin is what you're doing. Just drink that tea there," Law said, pointing to his mug that was still about full of green tea, "I'll be right back." Law walked down the hall towards his bedroom to change. Instead of drinking the tea like Law had said, Luffy held the cup up to his cheeks while he moved from the coffee table to the couch where Law was sitting.
When Law returned, Luffy suggested the two watch movies until Law felt like he would knock the hell out if he were to lay down. He couldn't complain, after all, watching anything other than Home Alone was a suggestion that he couldn't, nor did he want to turn down.
It hadn't been easy for Law to fall asleep, but what little sleep he did manage to get, was all filled with dreams that made him restless. He was sure it couldn't have been more than three hours since the two of them went to bed. One of his arms folded under his head, the other was being kept captive by Luffy, who'd entangled their fingers. As if it'd serve as some type of alarm to wake him if Law moved. Law's nose brushing the back of Luffy's neck. Lips less than a centimetre away from the nape of his neck, while little strands of Luffy's hair tickled his nose.
Luffy was typically, from what experience Law had with him, a heavy sleeper. He could feel every breath Luffy would take in when his back would brush against his own chest, and then disappear when he breathed out. He was without a doubt, fast asleep. As skillfully as he could, Law removed the lone arm Luffy held, trying not to wake him. He rolled onto his back, stared up at the pitch black ceiling, and then turned his head to eye the clock that taunted him, red numbers flashing. Reading 4:35am. Now 4:36. From what he could see out the slight break between the curtains, it looked gloomy out, for night. A grey sky with light snow fall. It made his chest feel heavy, and the weight only grew the more time he spent in bed. It was quiet, a few time he'd heard a car pass, tires making the sound of slush echo in his ears, or the occasional soft snores Luffy would let out.
He got out of bed.
Outside the warmth of the covers, he felt cold. He went towards his dresser and got out a hoodie, quickly pulling it over his head. He walked out of the room, closing the door ever so slowly behind him, leaving Luffy to the queen sized bed where he could now, kick as he pleased. He walked over and turned on the small lamp he'd use for reading on one of the tables next to the couch. Sat himself down and opened up the book he'd chosen off the bookshelf. Not even a line in, and Law closed it.
What was keeping him up? A number of things. He could list off. Going back to school, would he really be able to do better? Rocinante, and whether he'd really be able to make him proud. Of course, there was also Luffy. The hand that had been lying on the cover of his book moved up to rub his face, then to clutch at his shirt tightly for a few brief seconds before opening up to lay flat on his chest. For no longer than a few seconds, he thought about what it'd be like to not have Luffy less than ten metres away from him. The despair and hopelessness that came with said thought could easily take him. So it did. He was lost to the feeling of being alone. To say he feared abandonment was no short of the truth. He hated it.
The thought of Luffy somehow coming to hate him for something that might do or if he were to ever realize what a waste of time putting in effort for him was. A groan left his throat as he threw his head back, and swung an arm to cover his eyes from the dim light coming off the lamp next to him. He never expected anyone but Rocinante- and sometimes even him- to ever put up with him. His... bullshit, as he called it. Never expected anyone to make him want to not be living a life full of said bullshit. He could clearly see himself, whether it be tomorrow or in two miraculous months, pushing Luffy away. He'd end up doing it somehow, for some reason. He always does, he always will. That kind of negative thinking brought tears to his eyes that were soaked up by the sleeve of his hoodie before they could even fall.
Getting caught up in the messy string of negative thoughts, he failed to hear the bedroom door creak open. Also failed to feel the presence approaching him. A hand pushed his hair back, to have a palm pressed against his forehead. His reflex was to throw up his arm as some weak kind of attack, but was caught by another hand.
Luffy's eyes stared down at him, and through the dull light, he could see how full of concern they were.
"Law?" He heard, Luffy's hand brushed against his head, then went to tangle in his hair. He thought for a moment, if Luffy could see how big of a mess... how distorted he was on the inside, he knew. He'd be disgusted, to say the least.
Neither said anything. Law had no idea how long he could keep up this... facade. He'd just gotten home, and already, felt like he loathed his life. Like the entire month he'd just spent in that damn sanatorium was for nothing. A reflection of his own existence. He didn't want to show Luffy he was weak. He didn't want to show that despite his best efforts to get better for him, for Rocinante, for himself, he was weak.
Luffy's eyes acted as a mirror, he could see his own reflection clearly. He was a fraud. A selfish, deceitful, good for nothing person. Luffy blinked, the reflection he'd briefly seen subsiding, now filled with ambiguity. He watched as his head tilted in a confused manner. He feared for himself, with how much trust he'd put into Luffy, how much he relied on him. Never before had he truly opened up, shown his bad side, good side, not so alive side, to anyone.
The anxiety that ate at him over the absolute fear he had of Luffy made his vision go redder than the devil, until he felt nauseous. What a terrifying thought it was.
Using the arm Luffy already had in his hand, he pulled him down while turning his own body to face him.
Law's mouth was now covering Luffy's own in a desperate press of the lips. Luffy let go of his arm, moving his hand to cup the sides of Law's face and return the kiss. It was slow, soft, and Law tried to convey everything he felt through it. He'd occasionally feel Luffy's response when he'd suck or nip at his lips.
"Law." Luffy looked worried for him. Law was awake, it was maybe nearing five in the morning. He didn't wake him, so that, what? He could sit here alone and be miserable?
"Why didn't you wake me if you were upset?"
Law didn't reply right away. He only continued to stare at Luffy through the dim light coming off the dying bulb. Took a deep breath before parting his lips to speak, then he paused,"I'm terrified."
"Why?" Luffy asked, his body straightening up, "Of what? A bad dream?"
Law's eyes shifted to stare out the window, then back at Luffy, "Of you."
"Oh." Luffy stared back intently before moving from behind the couch, to sit beside Law, taking a larger, tattooed hand in his own. "Um... what do you want me to say to make you feel less afraid? Do you want something warm to drink?" He asked, placing a light kiss to the back of Law's hand.
"I don't know. I don't." Law's voice nearly cracked, he hated the way he sounded.
"Law, you know I would have woken up and talked to you if you'd just... I don't know, kicked me or something. I don't know what I did-"
"You do too much. Not... not in a bad way. I just, I'm afraid of how reliant I am on you." Law told him, returning the hold Luffy had on his hand.
"But I don't mind, I like it when you rely on me. I like to be there for you. I really don't mind it, Law. If I can help in any way you know I'd do it. I don't want to see you hurt again." Luffy said, sounding a bit frustrated with Law's stubborn side.
"I know that, and I don't think I could ever repay-"
"I don't want anything back, you know? I don't do it for something. I just... do it. I can't explain you know, it's just how I am." Luffy gave him a smile, but it didn't work it's usual charm on Law. He was too down tonight, in too much of a slump. He even cursed the way his mind worked- or in this case, didn't.
"Luffy... the thought of me doing something to hurt you- intentional or not- I can't bear it. I don't trust myself around you." Law said while the grip he had on Luffy's hand tightened. Luffy only began rubbing circles on the back of his hand with his thumb. Sometimes tracing over the tattoo he had.
"Well then, trust me instead. I wouldn't leave you over what you think might happen in whatever time. That's just the bad talking. You're not bad. It's whatevers going on inside," Luffy used his free hand to lightly tap Law's forehead a few times, "that's making you think like that. I know you'd never go out of your way to hurt me."
"I don't know why you wouldn't. I'm not like you, I'm not okay. I get unbelievably angry and I get abnormally sad, I get too down and too high."
"Yeah... but I would do anything for you either way." Luffy said, Law's lips parting as if to reply, but then quickly closing. He let Luffy's words sink in and some part of him wished that they'd fill in the cracks that had appeared over the years. Praying he could mend the wounds.
Law's initial reply was silence. He'd been taken so off guard by Luffy's words that his brain wasn't able to catch up with him. They're words Law needed to hear for a long time, and it could have been from anyone, but coming from Luffy, they meant a hell of a lot more.
"Law?" Luffy called out his name. To him, Law looked to be in a daze of confusion or restlessness; it even put Luffy on edge.
"I don't know what to say to that." Law told him honestly, Luffy looking a bit taken aback as well by Law's response, or lack thereof.
"It's okay," He put on a smile, "I just wanted you to know. You look like you needed to hear something good." Law wasn't the only one who was able to put up some sort of front. Deep down, Luffy had thought Law would say something back. He didn't have any high expectations, but it still stung, getting fuck all back. But when he said he'd do anything, he meant it. Even if it was something like putting up a facade.
Law sighed and felt guilty for not saying anything back. He only wanted Luffy to be with him for as long as he could be, and hoped that one day, he could make him as happy as Luffy made him.
"Don't give up on me." He mumbled, and Luffy scooted closer, so that he could wrap his arms around him.
"Never ever." Luffy promised earnestly, and placed light kisses to his collarbone, and jaw. "Do you feel like going back to bed?"
"Can you just, not move? For a couple minutes?" Law asked quietly, the lightbulb now flickering like it could go out any second. Luffy hummed in response, buried his head into the crook of Law's neck. He placed a kiss to the top of Luffy's head, let his lips linger there and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, taking in Luffy's scent.
Luffy closed his own eyes and could feel himself falling asleep, though he fought it incase Law needed him. Though he understood why Law couldn't get any sort of response out, he still had hope.
Hoped Law would, for him.
A/N: Ha. Ha ha ha. No it's not Opia as in a defect of the eye, do ya research! I have nothing else to say, let me just go hide in a corner.
~S