Poppet got through her lessons that day, but she wasn't sure how. Her mind was all over the place. Luckily for her, she didn't have any lessons with James that day (which meant that they needn't have stayed up late to finish that History of Magic essay and all of this could have been avoided. Poppet decided not to broadcast that fact, however) and as Jeanette was only a fifth year, she didn't have any lessons with her either. When the final lesson for the day ended (Astronomy with Florence and Jocelyn) they stooped back to the common room, Poppet's heart pounding whenever she turned corners just in case she came across Jeanette or one of her friends. James didn't turn up for lunch and Poppet worried about him. She hoped he wasn't alone somewhere, confused and upset. However, she knew that hope was probably of the false variety and wherever James was, he had been alone somewhere and was also probably confused and upset.
With her knees tucked up to her chest and a book balanced on her legs, Poppet sat in the common room. Roxanne was filling Florence and Jocelyn in on the morning's events and Rose was perched nearby, obviously listening in. Poppet didn't mind. She wasn't going to snap at Rosie for being curious. Everyone was curious. Poppet couldn't pass anyone in the hallway without people whispering about her. She supposed that storming out of the Great Hall at breakfast was a very public way to show your feelings. Poppet continued to read until a Potter slid into the chair next to her. He was, sadly, not the Potter she really wanted to talk to.
Albus had a sympathetic smile on his face and an overall sweet disposition. "How're you?"
Poppet laughed, coldly. "I've been better."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Albus asked, "I mean I am a Potter so I could perhaps shed some light on the situation. I have known James all my life."
Poppet smiled, weakly and told Albus the whole story. She wasn't too sure why she was opening up to Albus like this but she felt some comfort in it. Soon, Albus knew everything that Poppet knew. He stared at her open-mouthed while she recounted this morning's conversation and then finally the mild, sort-of threats that Jeanette had given her outside the common room after Charms. "And, now, I haven't seen him in a good four hours."
"So, you like him and he likes you? But, as far as you're aware, he's still with Jeanette?" Albus seemed exasperated.
"That's what I gather," Poppet shrugged.
"James might be a bit of a prat sometimes but he has a very good heart. On the surface, he is rude and insufferable but obviously you've seen his true colours, otherwise why would you start to fancy him? He probably needs some time to think. If he doesn't turn up for dinner, I'll let you know where he is and you can go and talk to him then," Albus said.
"You know where he is then?"
"No, but I have ways and means of finding out," Albus smiled, coyly.
"Like brother telepathy kind of stuff?" Poppet asked.
"No, like enchanted maps made by our grandfather," Albus laughed. "James always makes the right choices in the end, Poppet - even if it does take him a while. I do hope you do become a couple. You're much preferable to Jeanette as a sister-in-law. You actually know my name. She still thinks I'm called Alfus."
Poppet smiled. Albus had made her feel a lot better. Plus, she knew he'd help her find James if he hadn't made himself known to her before dinner. She thanked Albus and made her way up to the girls' bathroom where she decided she needed a hot shower. The warm water helped her feel more awake and less achy. She stepped out, pulled a red fluffy towel around herself and changed into a loose fitting jumper and jeans. Nobody would mind if she went down to dinner in fluffy socks, right? She walked back down into the common room and was greeted by a smile that had her palms sweating and her heart in her mouth.
James Sirius Potter stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling at her shiftily from the centre of the common room. Poppet looked over at Albus who smiled and nodded at her as James said "I think we should talk."
Poppet nodded and allowed James to take her up to his dorm room, where he shut the door and locked it behind him. She gave him a quizzical look and assured her that Adam and the others wouldn't mind being locked out of the dorm room for a few minutes. The sixth year boys' dorm room was very untidy, and that was an understatement. Clothes littered the floors, sweet wrappers and empty bottles of pumpkin juice lay disregarded next to unmade beds. James indicated for Poppet to take a seat on what she assumed was his bed. Quidditch posters lined the walls next to his bed and a golden snitch lay on his bed-side table. James explained it was the first one that Harry had caught in his first match for Gryffindor. Its wings flapped lazily as Poppet lightly brushed it with her finger. James also had a photo in a frame on his bedside table. She recognised her face immediately, as well as the face of Blane, Albus, Rose, Florence, Tobias and James himself. It was the photo that had been taken of them when they first won against Slytherin back in October. In the photo, Poppet laughed with everyone else. It truly captured the happiness of the moment.
"I – I think we need to talk," James said, causing Poppet to draw her eyes from the photograph and instead to his face, a concerned expression written across it. Poppet's heart began to beat faster. She was nervous. "I'm so confused right now."
"I understand that," Poppet said, calmly.
"And, I'm sorry for making you confused as well," James said.
"That's okay," Poppet's voice was still even. She wondered how long it would be before it broke.
"I don't know what to do," James admitted. "I - I just wish you hadn't told me what you told me this morning."
"I felt like you had to know," Poppet grumbled.
"I wish I didn't," James muttered, "You've made things pretty complicated for me, Hastings."
"I've made things complicated? Do you remember who kissed me? That was you, if I recall. Unless you have an evil twin who just likes to go round snogging your mates," Poppet could feel anger bubbling. She tried not to let it surface but she'd never been very good at suppressing emotion.
"I understand I kissed you!" James snapped, "I understand that! Don't you see how hard this is for me?"
"James, don't –"
"I don't know what the right thing for me to do is," James spat, "I have no fucking idea."
"James, there's no need to get so angry –"
"No need?! No fucking need to get this angry?" James was stood up now, pacing around the room. "Cheating on Jeanette is the worst thing I've ever done. I'm wracked with guilt. I know what I have to do, which is break up with her, but she doesn't deserve this and it's killing me that I've got to hurt her. And it's killing me to know that for the past however many months I've been hurting you too!"
Poppet felt her eyes sting. "I – I think you need to be alone right now."
"What?"
"I think you need to be alone and calm down. I understand you're angry, James, but it's not right for you to take it all out on me. I'm not your human punching bag. I have feelings too," Poppet was doing all she could not to cry.
"Go then! Leave!" James shouted, pointing at the door. Poppet stood up, tears spilling down her cheeks. They felt hot and bitter as they ran down her face. She unlocked the door and walked down shut it behind her. Through the thick, wooden door she could hear muffled sobs. For the first time in forever, Poppet could feel her heart aching.
Despite wishing she could envelop him in a hug and promise him that everything would be alright, Poppet walked down the stairs and left him alone. She was greeted by expectant eyes, probably all wanting to hear the latest in the Poppet and James Saga. Florence even stood up when she entered the room. Poppet stood still at the foot of the stairs, looking at them all. She faltered for a second before ascending the stairs to her own dorm.
She'd only been in the room a second before Florence burst through the door and was pulling Poppet into her arms. Poppet broke down, sobs rattling her body and tears stinging her cheeks. Florence calmed her down, hugging her tightly and telling her that everything would be okay. She smoothed Poppet's hair and cried to calm her down, sitting her down on the bed and offering her a tissue. Dabbing at her eyes, Poppet tried to steady her breathing and collect herself. This is silly, she thought. He's just having a hard time.
"Did you fall out?" Florence asked, putting a comforting arm around Poppet's shoulder.
"He – he got angry with me," Poppet sniffed, "I thought he'd be better off alone, for now. I was fine, until he t-told me that he wished I hadn't told him I liked him, and that I made things awkward for him - but he's just confused and that's frustrating him."
"Oh, Pops," Florence gave her a sympathetic frown, "I'm sorry."
"I told him he should have some time alone and he screamed at me and told me to get out," Poppet exhaled, "I shut the door and heard him crying on the other side and I just – I just wanted to hug him and comfort him and tell him it'd all be okay. I – I feel useless."
"You did the right thing," Florence assured her. "Maybe tomorrow you can both have a chat. What's he doing about Jeanette?"
"H-he's breaking up with her," Poppet said, quietly.
Florence nodded, "I guess that's the right thing to do. And I suppose you haven't even thought about... you two?"
Poppet shook her head, "I think he needs time to sort his head out."
After a while of chatting, Florence finally convinced Poppet to come downstairs and come to dinner, which she wasn't keen on but she hadn't eaten hardly anything at lunch and despite not feeling like it, she decided she needed to eat for the sake of her own health. When they arrived, everyone was gentle around her. Rose put the food on her plate for her, Albus poured her a glass of pumpkin juice and Roxanne and Jocelyn handed her cutlery and napkins, as well as kind words and comforting smiles. Poppet ate her chicken and vegetables and sipped her juice gratefully, well aware that she was being closely watched, not just by the people who cared about her but by those who had heard the rumours and seen James storm out at breakfast.
After dinner, Roxanne, Florence and Jocelyn became a protective shield around Poppet as they walked back to the common room. There'd be controversy if this had happened to anyone but because it was between a Potter - who was dating the prettiest girl in the school - and his new blonde Beauxbatons-bred bestie, it was even more catastrophic. The whispers were compressing her, making her feel trapped and claustrophobic. She made it back to the common room unscathed and grateful for the support of her friends. With her favourite book in her hands, Poppet slumped back down in the chair in which she'd been sat before she'd talked to Albus and began to read. Everyone around her was laughing and joking but she thankfully managed to drown them out and get some time with her book for a while. That was, until, Adam came down the stairs.
"He's not in the dorm, Al. Can you get the map and we'll go and find him? I'm worried about him," Adam said, which made Poppet look up from her book. She knew who they were talking about. James.
"Uh – yeah, sure," Albus said, quickly standing up.
"Are you going to look for James?" Poppet asked, softly.
"Looks that way," Albus said, turning to Poppet.
"I have an idea where he is. Can you let me go? If he's not there I'll come straight back and you can both go and have a look. I – I just want to see him," Poppet begged, standing up. "I – I really want to help."
Albus looked sympathetic and glanced at Adam, who nodded. "Okay," he said, finally. "Don't be too late back though. It's nearly eight."
"I won't be," Poppet promised and she strode towards the portrait hole, still in nothing but a jumper, jeans and fluffy socks.
Poppet leaned across and tickled the pear. The door to the kitchens swung open and she climbed through. The kitchens were warm and she was suddenly regretting her attire. Fluffy socks and working kitchens did not mix. She barely had one foot through the door when elves pounced; asking her if there was anything they could get her. She scanned the kitchen for James.
"Uh – yes, actually. Is James Potter here?" Poppet half choked, half coughed.
There was confused panic rippling through the sea of elves that were surrounding Poppet. "Mr Potter is here, Miss - but he doesn't want visitors."
"I think he might want to see me," Poppet said, with a little smirk etching itself on her lips.
The elves looked around at each other, shrugging their tiny shoulders and clearly were finding it very confusing to have two sets of orders at them. She suspected that James' word might over rule hers so was pleasantly surprised when the elves lead her into the main area of the kitchen. James was slumped over what was once a cup of tea, but was now just an empty cup. He had his back turned and was staring into the roaring fire that was making the kitchen unbearably warm. He didn't notice the disturbance behind him, because Poppet had to cough to get him to turn around.
His eyes were cold, darkness framing them. He was pale. The only word that Poppet could think to describe his appearance was grey. "I told you not to let anyone in." His voice was gruff and cracking. The shell of James Potter made Poppet's heart break. He turned back to his empty cup of tea and Poppet apologised to the elves on his behalf, as they were very flustered that they'd disobeyed James.
"Could you get us some more tea, please?" Poppet asked the elf she recognised to be Quirky. The elves scurried off to the other end of the kitchen and Poppet sat at the table opposite James. He didn't look up. "James?"
He said nothing. The silence was painful. Maybe Poppet should have left him alone. Maybe she should have let Albus and Adam come and get him. Maybe she shouldn't have been so hopeful that he'd want to talk to her.
"James – I think – I think you should come back to Gryffindor Tower," Poppet said, quietly, "I think you need to go to bed."
"You don't know what I need," James bit.
Poppet sighed, "I think it would be best if you just went to bed and dealt with this in the morning. You'll have a fresh take on it then."
"Why do I always mess stuff up?" James cracked; his once cold, dead eyes were now brimming with tears. "I always fuck up."
"That's not true," Poppet said, taking his hands in hers. The elves brought them tea and Poppet thanked them. "You don't always mess stuff up. Humans make mistakes, James. That's just how we learn. Hell, I've made my fair share of mistakes. So has everyone. You're only human."
"I didn't want this to happen," James whispered, his eyes still swimming with emotion.
Poppet ached, "I don't think anyone wanted this to happen."
"Why aren't you angry?" James said, suddenly changing his tone. "Why don't you hate me? I've screamed at you today. I've been so... difficult. Why aren't you mad at me?"
"Because, James, I know what you're going through and I know it's hurtful and confusing and you're bound to deal with that in stages. Being angry was one of them. And I just happened to be on the receiving end of that," Poppet was still calm. Her voice hadn't shaken once. She was almost proud of herself. Yes, James had shouted at her. Yes, she should have every right to dislike him but she just couldn't.
"How are you so perfect?" James breathed.
"Nobody's perfect," Poppet reminded him.
"You are."
Tears were starting to fall down James' face now. Poppet felt pain in her stomach like it was she who was crying. She couldn't stand seeing him like this. It was unbearable.
"I'm not. You're not. Nobody is."
James sighed, "I need to break up with Jeanette tomorrow."
"I think that's wise," Poppet nodded.
"I'll come clean and tell her the truth. But, I – I don't," James stammered, "I don't know what to do next."
"You need some headspace," Poppet whispered, "I think you need a break. We won't rush anything. When you're ready, we'll have a talk about us. Whether that's in two weeks, two months or even a year, we'll talk when you're ready. And I'll wait for you."
"R-really?" James hiccupped.
"I think it's for the best," Poppet said. Yes, she yearned for him. She wanted to walk down hallways holding his hand, she wanted to be free to kiss him whenever she wanted, and she wanted to be able to call him hers. However, she cared about him too much to rush him into another relationship straight off the bat of another one. If this was going to work, James needed space.
"You'll wait for me?"
"As long as you need," Poppet assured him.
James smiled weakly. "You're amazing."
"Now, will you come back to the common room with me?" Poppet asked, standing up. James nodded, wiping tears from his cheeks with a crumpled up tissue and he stood up, too.
Poppet walked over to him and flung his arms around her waist, holding him so tightly to her. He stiffened and then relaxed, wrapping his arms around her in return. Poppet pulled herself away from him and put her arms around his neck, pulling his head close to hers, resting her forehead on his. His eyes were back to glossy chestnuts. His hair tickled her face. For the first time that evening, James Potter cracked a smile. Poppet pressed her lips against his, a thrill running up her spine. She wanted this kiss so badly. And maybe it was selfish to mess with his head even more but he kissed her back, reassuring her that he wanted it too. For the short moments that their lips were together, Poppet forgot all the bad things that had happened today. Everything dissolved into that one kiss. When she pulled away, reality came crashing back, kicking and screaming. Poppet took a sharp intake of breath.
Now it was James' turn to ask: "What was that for?"
"Something for the road," Poppet smirked.
James laced his fingers in between hers and they thanked the elves as they made their way through the door and back up to the common room. A disturbance in the corridor ahead of them made Poppet drop James' hand quickly and he shoved it in his pocket. Tobias strode past them, his body language hostile. He didn't even give the pair a second look. Poppet felt James tense next to her.
"It was him," James shook with rage, "he told Jeanette that we slept together last night. He lied to her. He said that your underwear was scattered on the floor and I was shirtless. I hate him."
Poppet sighed, leading James away and back up the stairs to the common room. She wondered what had happened to Tobias. She wanted to ask him why he suddenly just dropped all contact with her, when they were so friendly before, but whenever she saw him the words got lost on the way from her brain to her mouth and she always said nothing. Even a month after it had happened, Poppet was still very confused. He must know something, but what? With all this James drama seemingly behind her, Poppet was determined to find out why Tobias Holt hated her.
AN: This chapter fucked me up, so god knows how you all feel. It was so challenging to write James and Poppet being serious and sad but I *think* I did an okay job. Let me know in the reviews. How're you feeling about all this?