Thanks for all the comments everyone and sorry I wasn't able to post yesterday!

Chapter 28

As the sun was rising we ran into a herd of 4 or so black tailed deer. I sighed internally but my hunger took over. I spotted the largest, a male, and darted swiftly towards it. I jumped on it and snapped its neck before it knew what was happening.

I hesitated, nearly throwing up at the thought of tearing into an uncooked animal. Jacob's wolf mind started to take over his thoughts. He started thinking like a wolf and it helped me. I tried to mimic his thoughts and before I knew what I was doing I had swallowed a good chunk of flesh from its shoulder. I was so hungry my stomach growled in pleasure as I tore another hunk of bloody meat from its shoulder. With my new wolf thoughts it actually tasted kind of good.

Thanks, I thought after we had finished. I dipped my head down and cleaned my paws and muzzle on the dewy grass. That wasn't so bad, thinking your way.

You're welcome.

When we got back we found Seth nearly asleep on his feet and Jacob told him to get some rest. Jacob and I took up patrols and about two seconds later Seth had fallen asleep. Jacob's mind seemed to keep wandering back to the Bella unconsciously. I found him thinking and worrying about her. It hurt me that he loved her so much but she didn't love him like that.

You headed back to the bloodsuckers?

Maybe.

It's hard for you to be there, but hard to stay away, too. I know how that feels.

You know, Leah, you might want to think a little bit about the future, about what you really want to do. My head is not going to be the happiest place on earth. And you'll have to suffer right along with me.

I thought about that for a second. I thought of the pain I felt just a moment ago and it was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I was in Sam's pack. Wow, this is going to sound bad. But, honestly, it will be easier to deal with your pain than face mine.

Fair enough.

I know it's going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that – maybe better than you think. I don't like her, but . . . she's your Sam. She's everything you want and everything you can't have.

Jacob didn't reply.

I know it's worse for you. At least Sam is happy. At least he's alive and well. I love him enough that I want that. I want him to have what's best for him. I just don't want to stick around and watch. I thought, sighing.

Do we need to talk about this?

I think we do. Because I want you to know that I won't make it worse for you. Hell, maybe I'll even help. I wasn't born a compassionless shrew. I used to be sort of nice, you know.

My memory doesn't' go that far back.

Instead of getting angry like I normally would I laughed, and he laughed with me. Surely he had to see how us staying together would work out.

I'm sorry about this, Jacob. I'm sorry you're in pain. I'm sorry it's getting worse and not better.

Thanks, Leah.

I thought of all the dark images I had seen in his head and felt him shy away. But I wanted him to see how I related to them, I looked at those hauntingly familiar pictures with my own perspective and I felt him come a little farther out of his protective shell. I laughed internally when I remembered him thinking about throwing food at Rosalie. I thought of a couple new blonde jokes he could use. But I sadly saw where Rosalie was coming from. Bella had asked her to do this, and I remembered the way she protected Bella and that thing, if it was a baby or not. The thought of a baby tugged my heart a bit. I would probably never be able to have children.

You know what's crazy? I asked Jacob.

Well, almost everything is crazy right now. But what do you mean?

That blond vampire you hate so much – I totally get her perspective.

At first Jacob was shocked by my bad sense of humor, but then his shock turned to fury. Anger tore through him and he thought it was too bad I wasn't in biting distance.

Hold up! Let me explain!

Don't want to hear it. I'm outta here.

Wait! I couldn't let him leave like this. Why had I brought it up? I was trying to make him see how good we got along. C'mon, Jake!

Leah, this isn't really the best way to convince me that I want to spend more time with you in the future.

Yeesh! What an overreaction. You don't even know what I'm talking about.

So what are you talking about?

I felt my heart turn cold and ache. I'm talking about being a genetic dead end, Jacob.

I don't understand.

You would, if you weren't just like the rest of them. If my "female stuff" didn't send you running for cover just like any stupid male, so you could actually pay attention to what it all means.

Oh. Was all he could say. Typical male. They all would shy away or phase back to human form whenever I would even think a little bit about my problems.

You know why Sam thinks we imprint.

Sure. To carry on the line.

Right. To make a bunch of new little werewolves. Survival of the species, genetic override. You're drawn to the person who gives you the best chance to pass on the wolf gene. I paused, hating what I was going to say next, still thinking that it couldn't be true. If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn to me.

The pain was familiar to me but it obviously threw Jacob off because he stumbled.

But I'm not. There's something wrong with me. I don't have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently, despite my stellar bloodlines. So I become a freak – the girlie wolf – good for nothing else. I'm a genetic dead end and we both know it.

We do not. He argued, trying to comfort me. That's just Sam's theory. Imprinting happens, but we don't know why. Billy thinks it's something else.

I know, I know. He thinks you're imprinting to make stronger wolves. Because you and Sam are such humongous monsters – bigger than our fathers. But either way, I'm still not a candidate. I'm . . . menopausal. I'm twenty years old and I'm menopausal.

I felt Jacob instinctively shy away. You don't know that Leah. It's probably just from the whole frozen-in-time thing. When you quit your wolf and start getting older again, I'm sure things will . . . er . . . pick right back up.

I might think that – except that no one's imprinting on me, not withstanding my impressive pedigree. You know, if you weren't around, Seth would probably have the best claim to being Alpha – through his blood, at least. Of course, no one would ever consider me . . .

You really want to imprint, or be imprinted on, or whichever? I didn't understand his shock. What's wrong with going out and falling in love like a normal person, Leah? Imprinting is just another way of getting your choices taken away from you.

Sam, Jared, Paul, Quil . . . they don't seem to mind.

None of them have a mind of their own.

You don't want to imprint?

Hell, no!

That's just because you're already in love with her. That would go away, you know, if you imprinted. You wouldn't have to hurt over her anymore.

Do you want to forget the way you feel about Sam?

I thought for a moment. I think I do. But back to my original point, Jacob. I understand why your blond vampire is so cold – in the figurative sense. She's focused. She's got her eyes on the prize, right? Because you always want the very most what you can never, ever have.

You would act like Rosalie? You would murder someone – because that's what she's doing, making sure no one interferes with Bella's death – you would do that to have a baby? Since when are you a breeder?

I just want the options I don't have, Jacob. Maybe, if there was nothing wrong with me, I would never give it a thought.

You would kill for that?

That's not what she's doing. I think it's more like she's living vicariously. And . . . if Bella asked me to help her with this . . . even thought I don't think to much of her, I'd probably do the same as the bloodsucker. Jacob growled fiercely. Because, if it was turned around, I'd want Bella to do that for me. And so would Rosalie. We'd both do it her way.

Ugh! You're as bad as they are!

That's the funny thing about knowing you can't have something. It makes you desperate.

And . . . that's my limit. Right there. This conversation is over.

Fine. I shut up.

I had given him a lot to think about. I kinda wished I had thought more before bringing the whole Bella, Rosalie, thing but it was in the past. And now he knew my position on this. He wasn't satisfied with my silence so he phased, probably going to talk to his Sam.