Poppet was almost late to Astronomy. She ran up the stairs to the tower, up the ladder to the classroom and breathlessly sat down in her seat next to Florence. It was the morning after the night before. She and James had over-slept, then spent too long in the shower and had both ran as fast as they could to their various lessons.
"Where have you been?" Flo demanded, as Poppet used her hand to fix her hair. It was still wet in places; there hadn't been a chance to dry it.
"Oh, you know," Poppet said, wistfully, "I've been around."
"You didn't come to bed last night. You didn't come to breakfast this morning. You missed our study period we had planned in the library," Florence sulked, "I had to study for Care of Magical Creatures alone!"
"My heart bleeds," Poppet said, dryly.
Florence shot her a glare. "So, where did he take you?"
"The Room of Requirement," Poppet said, quietly.
Jocelyn giggled. "Oh, well we know what that means!"
"How many times?" Florence asked. She asked like she didn't care but the mere fact that she was asking showed that she did.
"I'm not telling you that," Poppet blushed furiously.
"Why not?" Jocelyn asked, pouting.
Poppet couldn't believe her friends. "Flo, you didn't even tell me when you first slept with Blane. Why should I tell you how many times James and I had sex last night?"
Florence huffed. "By your mood, I would say it was none at all."
"I was in a perfectly good mood until you started bombarding me with personal questions," Poppet said, defensively.
"Twice?" Jocelyn pried.
"Joce!" Poppet was exasperated.
"Or was it just once? Does it take James too long to restock the shelves, as so to speak."
"Jocelyn, I'm not telling you," Poppet said, evenly.
"Fine," Jocelyn pouted.
"Spoil sport," Florence said, sighing. "Can we guess? And you just have to say yes or no?"
Thankfully, Professor Bluth walked into the classroom and the whole class fell silent. Poppet didn't speak the whole lesson. She scrawled notes onto parchment as Professor Bluth spoke. She could feel Florence's eyes on her. Some girls follow the mantra that you should tell your best friend everything. Poppet believed that you didn't have to tell them everything. Some things were personal. Some things were better just left between her and James.
Despite her annoyance at her friends, she couldn't get over how happy she was. Last night had been a dream sequence. She could barely believe it. How had she gotten so lucky? She'd vowed that at Hogwarts she wouldn't get involved with males but she couldn't help but smile at her past naivety. She was in love and she was sure that she was. She thought she had been with Jean-Louis, her ex-boyfriend, but she knew that she'd never felt like this before. James wasn't perfect, but that was the point. Every flaw she found out about him made her fall in love with him even more. On the surface, he was perfect. But she knew the real James. The real James was insecure, wildly intelligent, easily flustered and embarrassed. The arrogance was all an act. The real James - her James - was not arrogant at all.
"Oi, Daisy Daydream," Florence nudged Poppet's shoulder. People around her had started piling their belongings into their bags and were leaving.
"Woah, that was a quick lesson," Poppet said, standing up. She was still in a daze. Dreaming about a boy while she should have been listening? Terrible behaviour, Poppet.
The three of them hurried down the stairs towards the common room. It was break-time. Next period, Poppet had Defence Against The Dark Arts with Roxanne. She was glad. She wouldn't be getting the third-degree from her. All the way to Gryffindor Tower Jocelyn and Florence kept on to Poppet about her night with James ("Was there wine? Candles? Did you stay up all night talking? Was there no talking? What do you even talk about?") and she just nodded along. The sooner they were in the company of Roxanne, the sooner they both would drop this.
They stepped through the portrait hole into the common room and went over to join James and Roxanne who were already sat by the fire, arguing about something. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't important. When the girls entered the room and walked over to them, they put it on hold and Poppet slunk down into the sofa next to James, her head resting on his shoulder.
"Tired?" He smirked. He always smirks.
Poppet groaned something inaudible in response.
"James, she won't share explicit details of your antics last night with us," Florence said, indignantly.
"Well, it's private," James said, as if he were stating the most obvious fact in the world.
"We only wanted to know how many times," Florence whined.
"Oh for Godric's sake," Poppet said, sitting up. "Twice last night and once this morning. There. Are you happy now? Do you feel fulfilled?"
"I don't feel fulfilled but you must do after that night," Florence said, looking impressed. "Well done, James. I didn't think you had it in you."
James glared at her. Roxanne looked like she was about to be sick. "Can you not?"
"Sorry Rox," Poppet said, "I have had to deal with this for the past hour, though."
Roxanne ignored her and continued to look disgusted. James put his arm around Poppet and her head found his shoulder again, her eyes slowly closing. Why were lessons a thing? She couldn't wait for this afternoon. She had a double free period and she was going to spend it napping, despite the mountain of homework she had to do. James nudged her and she opened her eyes, lazily. "Come on, sleepyhead. Time to go to lessons."
Defence dragged. At least Roxanne wasn't asking her ultra personal questions. It took everything in Poppet not to fall asleep at her desk. It was a theory lesson, meaning it was almost as boring as History of Magic. James sat with Adam in front of Poppet and Roxanne. He turned around every so often and smiled at her. Poppet assumed he was checking she was still awake. She counted down the minutes until she could leave, go to lunch and then nap.
Lunch was a blur. Everyone was laughing and joking around, mostly about James and Poppet's wild night last night. Poppet's eyes almost ached from being kept awake. She leant against James and he kept her propped up. This is what two hours of sleep and a morning run do to you. They exhaust you, drain you... After everyone had eaten, Poppet wondered up to the common room by herself. Everyone else had a lesson fifth period, but not Poppet. She always had this free period alone. She had Florence, Jocelyn and James for the last period. However, she would be sleeping through these periods so it didn't really matter to her who she had with her.
"Poppet Hastings," The Fat Lady greeted her, "I didn't see you and Master Potter come back from Quidditch practice last night!"
"Tapeworm," Poppet yawned.
"Did you hear me?" The Fat Lady asked.
"I gave you the password. Let me in," Poppet demanded. She was not in the mood for The Fat Lady, not today.
"Fine. God, you kids are so rude these days." The portrait swung open. Poppet climbed through, barely able to keep her eyes open. She stumbled into the common room and walked towards the stairs of the girls dorm when something stopped her in her tracks. Someone was in here, not unusual, and they were talking to her.
"Look who it is," Tobias Holt's cruel, cold voice cut through the air and immediately woke Poppet up. Startled, she turned to face him. He was sat in the arm chair like a Bond villain, the light from the fire casting ominous shadows over his face. Poppet stiffened. You won't get to me. Not today, Holt. "Where are you going? Meeting Potter for a quick shag before lessons start again? Or is it not Potter? Are you fucking someone else behind his back? Wouldn't be the first time, would it?"
"Shut up, Tobias," Poppet growled.
Tobias stood up. "No, I won't. You don't deserve my silence."
"What the fuck have I ever done to you? You just turned against me randomly with no explanation. Are you jealous? Is that what this is all about?" Poppet snapped. This had gone on long enough. She needed answers. She was going to get them.
Tobias laughed, coldly. "Are you stupid? I had you down as a whore, but not stupid."
"Forgive me for being confused when someone who I deemed one of my best friends randomly turns against me," Poppet said, dryly.
Tobias looked taken aback. "Surely you know?"
"I think I have made it perfectly clear that I don't," Poppet hissed.
"Well, it was your letter really," Tobias said. He'd relaxed but his face was still contorted in a very unpleasant expression. "I thought you would have known that."
"My letter? What letter?" Poppet was confused. Her heart was pounding.
"You wrote me... over Christmas. You told me that you had no interest in continuing 'dating' me, that I shouldn't contact you again and that you'd kissed Potter," Tobias said. As he said the words, it looked like they still hurt him.
"I – what? I didn't send you any letter," Poppet's stomach was twisting, like she was being stabbed from the inside.
"Well, I received a letter from you on New Year's Day and that's what it said," Tobias shrugged.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Poppet asked, quickly.
"You told me not to contact you. You said you wanted nothing to do with me. I respected your wishes. I knew Potter liked you. I assumed you just chose him. I was so mad. I still respected you, you know. These things happen. I guess I lost my respect when Jeanette got involved. That's when I spilled about the kiss. She didn't believe me though; silly mare. Fortunately for you, I shredded the letter as soon as I got it."
"This makes no sense. I did kiss James, I guess. He kissed me. I never sent you a letter, though." Poppet didn't want to accept what she knew had happened. She couldn't. She wouldn't.
"Well if you didn't-"
"Then someone else did, yeah."
"And that someone else is-?"
"James, yeah."
Poppet's world of idyllic perfection suddenly shattered around her like glass. Fragments of her new life lay at her feet. Her eyes were swimming with tears. Tobias was looking at her, awkwardly. He didn't look overly sad for her. Anger surged through Poppet's veins. She wanted to smack Tobias. She needed to speak to James.
"Poppet, I'm-"
"Look, I hope you know that just because you've offered me some kind of explanation that doesn't mean that I forgive you for being so awful to me."
"I know. I'm sorry, though."
"You're only sorry because you know I didn't write that letter! Before you knew you were all ready to bully me some more! You're the definition of disgusting and vile and I don't want you anywhere near me," Poppet screamed, tears streaming down her face. Everything was red.
Tobias looked alarmed. He held up his hands as if to say 'woah, back off'. Poppet cried out in fury and turned on her heels, storming out of the common room and stormed down the stairs. She had to speak to James. There could still be a chance Tobias was lying, but she knew there wasn't. Only she and James knew about that kiss. He had promised her he hadn't said anything. Poppet felt sick.
She didn't know where she was going but her feet took her to the Great Hall, where her friends were enjoying their lunch hour still. She walked slowly over to the table, her cheeks stained with angry. James turned around, his face stricken with worry when he saw her coming. "Hastings?"
"We – we need to talk," Poppet choked. She took a deep breath.
"Sweetheart, are you okay?" James asked, stepping over the bench and trying to hug her but she stepped back. His arms caught midair. He never called her sweetheart. He knew something was up.
Florence was stood up now. "What the fuck have you done to her?"
"Nothing!" James said, defensively. "I've been here with you all lunch time."
"Poppet, what's he done?" Florence asked, ignoring James' protests.
"I – I need to talk to him," Poppet didn't want to make a scene. Not in here. "James, please."
"Okay, babe," James said, softly. "Whatever you need. Um – if I'm late to Muggle Studies, let Professor Chang know, okay?"
Florence nodded; her expression was still hard and steely.
James followed Poppet up to the common room, begging her all the way to tell him what he had done. She wouldn't tell him. She wouldn't make a scene. People passed them in the corridors, giving them a confused look. The Fat Lady didn't bother to exchange pleasantries with Poppet and James. She let them in. Poppet made her way to the boys' dorm, storming up the stairs and pushing through the wooden door. She locked it once James had entered.
"Will you actually tell me what's happened now?" James asked, mildly irritated.
"You wrote Tobias and told him about the kiss, didn't you?" Poppet wasn't wasting time. She needed to know.
"Fuck."
"Didn't you?!"
"Poppet, I-"
"Yes or no?"
"Yes," James conceded, sighing heavily. "Okay, I did. I just wanted him out of the picture. You can understand that, right?"
Poppet saw red. "No, actually I can't."
"If I hadn't done it, we might not be together right now," James said. Poppet couldn't believe he actually thought his actions were justified.
"You are so manipulative. I can't believe you'd do such a thing. You knew I didn't have romantic feelings for Tobias. If you hadn't done this, there's a very good chance we might be together right now. But you did and now I don't know where that leaves us," Poppet shouted, putting her face in her hands. She was so angry. She didn't think she'd ever been this mad before.
"I can see how it looks bad, Pops, I really can. I was stupid, okay? But I did it for us," James said. His eyes were glazed with tears.
"You destroyed my friendship with someone for your own personal gain. Can't you see how selfish and controlling that is? It's emotional abuse, James!" Poppet was crying angry, bitter tears now. James took a step towards her. "Don't come near me!"
"I – I'm sorry," James said, quietly.
"I don't – I don't think I can be with someone like that," Poppet whispered, not breaking eye contact with James. While she said that sentence, she could pinpoint the exact moment James Potter's heart broke.
"Please don't do this," James' croaked. He was crying now. A sob escaped his lips, making his whole body shudder under the weight of his sadness.
"I have to," Poppet said, firmly. "I can't be with someone who would do such a thing, James."
"Please – think about last night... how good it was! Don't let that end, please... please... please..."
He strode towards her and enveloped her in a hug, still whispering 'please' in her ear. For a split second, she was almost tempted to forgive him. But she couldn't forgive this. She couldn't forgive lying. She couldn't forgive manipulation. "I can't."
"You can't what?"
"I can't be with you."
James choked. "I love you. Don't do this." Poppet turned to walk out of the room but James grabbed her arm. "I know I was a fuck-up. I know that. I do. You make me a good person, Poppet. You make me do the right thing. You give me a moral compass. Without you, I'll make wrong decisions. I never wanted it to end this way."
Poppet didn't look around. "You don't get it, James. You never do."
She walked out of the room and shut the door, her hands over her ears. If she heard him cry, she'd be tempted to go back in there. She couldn't do that.
Poppet slammed the wooden door behind her and walked over to her bunk. She knew that these things happened in staged and right now all she could feel was white-hot rage. Seething, she tore down any picture with James in that she had tacked to the wall by her bed, throwing the one of the two of them that she had in a frame on the floor and the glass cracked in front of their glossy, smiling faces. How could someone do something so stupid and selfish and manipulative? The necklace that James had gotten her for her birthday felt uncomfortable against her skin and she tore it off, snapping the clasp in the process. She shoved it into the top drawer of her dresser, underneath all the heavy jumpers she wouldn't need again until the window.
Exhausted and panting, Poppet collapsed onto her bed. The adrenaline that had fuelled her outbursts was wearing off and the heavy blanket of fatigue swept over her again. She took off her robes, changed into the comfiest pair of pyjamas she had and got under her blankets, shutting the world out. Despite her exhaustion, she couldn't sleep. Her mind was racing. The lingering question kept her up. Did I do the right thing?
"Poppet?"
Poppet stirred, peering over her protective blanket layer to see Florence entering their dorm room. She grunted something inaudible. Florence walked towards her bed, pausing in front of the James related mess on the floor.
"Wow. I'm guessing it's not good news for you and James?"
"You think?" Poppet bit, putting her head back under the blanket.
"What happened, sweetie?" Florence asked, sitting down on Poppet's bed and kicking off her shoes. They were black stilettos with a strap across the ankle. Poppet looked up and have her a sceptical look.
"Why did you wear those to lessons? You know the floors of our school are primarily flagstone, right?" Poppet inquired, shifting in bed and sitting up, allowing room for Florence to slide in next to her.
"They make my legs look great," Florence shrugged, lifting up the duvet and popping her legs under it.
"Is it something to do with Blane?" Poppet asked, scathingly.
"No," Florence said, "Logan, actually. I'm trying to seduce him so Blane will actually commit to ending things with me."
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Poppet said, gigging. She could really use some comic relief. "Why don't you just talk to him and ask him if he's okay with you two seeing other people? It's been like a month."
"I can't do that," Florence said, solemnly. "I want to shock him into thinking like 'damn, this girl has game, I better fucking commit'. You know?"
"I sometimes refuse to believe you're a real person."
Florence stuck her tongue out at Poppet. "Do you want to talk about what happened to make this-" She gestured to the James-related mess on the floor, "-happen? Because if not, I totally respect that."
Poppet sighed. She told her the whole story. With shaking breaths, she told her all about the letter and the fight. Florence listened, not saying a word. By the end of the story, Poppet had tears on her face and a heavy, sinking feeling in her stomach. She couldn't believe what had happened and somehow telling Flo had made it sink in.
Once Poppet had finished, Florence finally spoke. "Oh, Pops."
"Sucks, doesn't it?"
"It sucks but I'm not surprised," Florence's honesty was a blow to Poppet's chest.
"What do you mean?"
"You're so selfless and he's so selfish. Everything about that relationship was for him. I don't know the dynamic behind closed doors, but it seemed to me like he always called the shots. It was like it was the James Show and you were his glamorous assistant."
Poppet froze. It was so accurate. "At Shell Cottage, we were kissing. It got pretty heated and I went to take it further. He didn't let me."
"Let me guess, it had to be on his terms," Florence said, rolling her eyes.
Poppet's morals suddenly went out the window. "He told me it was because he was a virgin and was embarrassed by his lack of experience."
Florence laughed, coldly. "Do you believe him?"
"Well, yeah. The sex was bad, Flo. He didn't give me any reason not to believe him," Poppet said, weakly.
Florence laughed again. "Did you fake it?"
"Well, kinda. He was too busy having his own fun, so I mean he didn't really notice," Poppet said, with a small, watery smile.
"Selfish. I told you," Florence looked pleased with herself. "Was it just the first time that was bad?"
"It got better, I guess. The second week of Easter, when we met up a few times, it was getting there. Last night was pretty good and this morning- oh Merlin, this morning! That was only this morning!" Poppet was aghast. "I can't believe how much it's all changed since then."
"It's weird, isn't it?" Florence said, putting her arm around her best friend in a comforting manner. "You'll be alright though, cherub. You don't need that prick in your life. Think about it, we're both single now! We could date those Zabini twins in Slytherin! One each! They're hot!"
"Maybe," Poppet said, distantly.
"What I don't get is why Tobias didn't say anything to you sooner," Florence wondered aloud.
"He was embarrassed that I'd rejected him, I guess. There's nothing more fragile than the male ego."
"But you tried to talk to him, when we first got back, didn't you? You would have thought he wouldn't have ignored you?" Florence sighed.
"I don't know. I sometimes wish I was a Seer, you know. Then I'd know all this stuff," Poppet pondered.
The two girls chatted about nothing on Poppet's bed for quite some time. Gossip and idle chat took Poppet's mind of James. Soon, she felt like she could actually go to sleep. Florence went off to dinner, promising Poppet she'd bring some food back, and Poppet settled down in her bed, snuggling into the warm blankets and blocking out the world. Soon she was fast asleep, leaving all her woes behind in the waking world.
AN: wow i just broke my own heart. Did Poppet do the right thing? James... tsk tsk Mr Potter. We have just 3 more chapters until the end. Thank you for being on this journey with me. I love you all. Sorry if this is really long.