Warning: For those under 17 this chapter is not for your eyes. It contains a subject matter and violence only meant for the mature. If you will be offended by reading about violence and rape skip this and wait for the next chapter.

Chapter Nine

Shattered Dreams

After nearly a month of living in such close quarters Raoul decided they needed some diversion. They anchored offshore of a small island off the coast of Africa. the weather was hot and muggy. Only a little breeze gave any relief. Luckily for everyone Raoul's father had taken the builders advice and had a cooling locker built in the hull where dry ice kept everything frozen. It would not last much longer but it had served them well so they could at least have fresh meats and ice for a time.

They could row ashore and picnic and even swim if they wished. Sharks were a problem but the brave of heart could challenge the fates. If one only went in the shallows to splash a little cooling water they would be safe enough. Rarely did a shark venture so close to shore without some provocation such as blood being spilled from a wounded animal.

When the women had looked terrified Raoul had assured them that at this time of year they would be less likely to see a shark as the sardines were not running at present. When the sardines came in vast numbers the sharks followed for easy food.

It was decided they would go ashore early the next morning and spend the day on the beach exploring and relaxing.

The heat and humidity continued to irritate everyone causing tempers to flare at the least annoyance. Erik stood at the rail looking down into the water. He debated whether he could make it to shore or not. It was some distance to shore but he thought he could make it. It would be better than spending another day cooped up with everyone. He who had deplored his solitude just a month ago now yearned for it.

It had been many years since Erik had spent so much time with anyone. The vast expanse of the opera house coupled with his many secret passageways had afforded him the ability to keep tabs on everyone and everything without actually having to come into contact with anyone. Antoinette had been the one to have face to face meetings with him. Erik only made himself known if someone displeased him and then it would be a ghostly visitor who pointed out the infraction committed by the person who had earned his displeasure.

Everyone had gone down below to nap or just lay down to cool off. Erik thought this would be the best opportunity for some time alone.

Stripping down to only his trousers, Erik climbed onto the rail. Gaining his balance he stood then dived into the warm water. At first it felt cool but as his body adjusted it felt slightly warm. Somewhat like a tepid bath. No matter that it was warm it still felt refreshing.

Erik cavorted about like a seal for a few minutes. He had not swum for a long time. When he was younger he would sneak down to the river to swim on the warmer nights. Swimming had been one of those accomplishments Erik had taught himself.

Meg came out on deck as she thought she would melt into the coverlet if she stayed down below one more minute. The small porthole did not allow much of a breeze into the small cabin.

Meg, who had been used to the vast space of the opera house felt somewhat claustrophobic in the confined space of the yacht.

Hearing splashing Meg went to the side where she heard the noise. Glancing down she saw men's clothing and boots beside her on deck. Leaning on the rail she looked over the side. She smiled when she saw Erik diving under then coming back up time after time.

The water looked so inviting. She bit her lip wondering if she dared. Tomorrow they would swim but she would be expected to wear some God awful swimming outfit designed to drown the wearer. She wished just once some man would put on one of those so called swimsuits and try to actually swim.

Meg usually found a secluded spot then swam in the nude. Christine had always refused to swim but Meg had not trusted anyone else to keep her secret from Maman so Christine had been dragged along. Those stolen moments were some of the freest Meg had ever experienced. As she striped her clothing from her body she felt as if she striped the restraints men forced upon women.

Debating whether or not she should do as she wanted and plunge into those inviting waters Meg's decision had been made for her when she heard Erik's laughter.

Not giving herself time to rethink her decision, Meg took off her boots, men's shirt and trousers. Standing only in a beribboned camisole and bloomers Meg climbed onto the rail. Her dive off the side may not have been as graceful as Erik's but her shout in pure glee could outshine anyone's.

Having hit the water and going under Meg kicked her way to the surface. She shook the water from her face opening her eyes to see Erik's shocked and somewhat annoyed face just a couple of feet from her.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? Can I not find one moment of peace? Must you intrude everywhere?"

"Well pardon me for thinking the ocean unclaimed territory and free for anyone to use. I am so sorry to encroach upon your space. Please point out to me where your boundaries are so that I may know where it is safe to swim. Heaven forbid the thought that the great Phantom would share anything."

Erik merely glared back at her. He had to force the glare as his body had its own ideas of what it wanted. He did not know if Meg knew that the water had made her camisole all but transparent. He could discern the two puckered nipples through the thin wet cloth. Her pale flesh peeked through the clinging cloth as well. He had never considered her overly large in the area of her chest but at the moment they appeared to be two large mounds of flesh inviting him to do forbidden things to them.

Erik needed to get away from her or he might do something she may regret but he would not. At least he did not think he would have any regrets.

"I am going to swim to shore. Do not try to follow me. It is quite far and a weak swimmer could not make it. Do not think I will come to your rescue if you attempt it then fail."

He could not have said anything else that would have guaranteed Meg would follow him. She saw it as a challenge, one she would not be refusing.

As Erik took off with powerful strokes Meg took off after him. Meg being a strong swimmer soon caught up with Erik. When she passed him Erik cursed under his breath then began to swim in earnest toward shore. It became a contest to see who would reach shore first.

Erik passed Meg beating her to the sandy beach only by a few strokes. Dragging themselves from the heavy pull of the water they collapsed onto the hot sand once far enough from the incoming waves.

They lay breathing heavily trying to catch their breath. Erik rolled over to pin Meg underneath him. He had meant to reprimand her for disobeying him. Once his face came to within inches of Meg's he lost his train of thought. His body had thoughts of its own. Erik felt his arousal. Meg being tightly aligned with his own body, could not help but feel how badly he wanted her.

They stared into one another's eyes for what seemed an eternity then Erik slowly lowered his head giving Meg time to rebuff him if she wished. Meg did not refuse him. In fact she pulled him down to her waiting lips as she wrapped both hands behind his head. Her fingers tunneled into his hair then gripped them in her fisted hands.

At first Erik just placed his lips on Meg's. He had no experience with kissing or what came after. His only passionate kisses had been Christine's two underneath the opera house and the stolen moments in Raoul's garden. None of those had come to very satisfactory endings. There had been more want and frustration left behind than any satisfaction from the exchanges.

Erik felt Meg's mouth relax under his. He felt the slight opening of her lips. Tentatively he moved his lips upon hers. Meg's groan surprised him even as it fueled his need and emboldened him. Erik let his tongue trace over Meg's lips. She somewhat shocked him when she placed her tongue upon his. Instinct alone had him moving his tongue in a duel with hers.

The fire within Erik roared to an inferno. He could not stop now if he had wanted to. His mind now focused solely on finding release from this torment of want. He ground his mouth into Meg's with a groan. His tongues in and out movement matched the movements of his grinding hips.

Meg wrapped her arms around him pulling him closer to her if possible. Erik moved his body so that all of him lay over her. As Meg spread her legs Erik nestled himself snuggly between them. His groin pressed against her entrance intimately. Erik had never felt a fever pitch of excitment. His hardened manhood strained against the front of his trousers.

Not removing his lips from hers Erik fumbled without any grace for the ribbons that held her camisole together. Perseverance won him his reward when his hand felt firm mounds of flesh under his seeking hand.

Erik could feel the trembling in his hands but could do nothing to still them. In fact his whole body seemed to be trembling. Erik could only hope Meg thought his trembling due to his need and not because he felt any nervousness when confronted with the pleasure of touching her flesh. Just the nearness of her body underneath his had set him to trembling which had only increased as he had untied those ribbons one at a time.

Erik could not wait a moment longer to taste that which had always been denied him. Slowly Erik laved his tongue over Meg's smooth flesh. When his tongue stroked across her puckered nipple Meg threw her head back then arched her back forcing his mouth into a harder caress. Erik suckled the peaking nipple his toungue and mouth caressed so eagerly. He brought his hand up so that he might feel her neglected breast in the palm of his hand.

Meg had not been idle. Her own hands had been busy exploring Erik's firm flesh. Meg fe;t she could barely breath her heart bounded so rapidly in her chest. She had never been intimate in any way with a man before contrary to what others may think given her liberal attitude. Meg herself led people to believe her freer with her favors than Meg had been in reality.

When Erik encountered the waist of her pantaloons he hesitated. Meg's hand on his urging him to carry on had him quickly untying the ribbon that held together the last barrier that lay between them. Erik smoothed the cotton material apart so he could feel Meg's flesh. Her stomach quivered underneath his hand. When her groan caressed his ear even as her tongue caressed his own, Erik nearly came undone.

Still holding back Erik gave her one last chance to change her mind. When she pressed herself firmly against him Erik took that as her permission to carry on. He removed the last of their clothing hastily and quite without finesse. Neither he nor Meg particularly cared as they were engaged in a dance that had been going on between men and women since Eve had first tempted Adam in the Garden of Eden.

When Erik lay poised over Meg he once more hesitated briefly as some inner warning tried to bring reason to him. His unleashed libido drowned out all reason as lust took control.

Erik felt the resistance as he entered her proclaiming her an innocent. Erik may himself be innocent in such matters but he did know the mechanics of intimacy as well as the body's functions. He had read medical books and studied the opera house personnel over the years. The body held little mystery for Erik other than how it felt to share oneself with another intimately.

Erik only heard Meg's painful cry on the peripheral of his consciousness. The pleasure he felt took over every cell of his mind and body. Nothing Erik had felt before had come close to what he felt as he moved within Meg. Her warm moist flesh wrapped around his own drove all thought from him other than to bring himself to the end of frustration.

Erik did not have a clue how to please a woman but some inner instinct must have taken over for he touched Meg in all the places guaranteed to bring her to pleasure.

Meg burned everywhere. Erik caressed one spot only to have another place on her body craving his touch. Neither of them were practiced lovers but they seemed to work in unison as they brought one another closer to completion.

Meg touched Erik everywhere learning the places that had him groaning in pleasure as she used her hands, lips and body to bring him to ecstasy.

Meg had just been on the brink of coming to some as yet unknown plateau when Erik thrust against her mightily then collapsed down on top of her panting hotly in her ear.

Disappointment and frustration were paramount at this moment. Meg hugged him to her thinking that once he recuperated they could perhaps begin again. This time she would ensure that he brought her to that final release of passion.

As Erik's passions cooled his brain function began to process just what he had done. If he ever thought he would be with a woman he had hoped it would be Christine. At least he loved her. Meg he could not even say he particularly liked.

All the ramifications of what he had done came rushing at him with crystal clarity. He pushed up on his elbows. Looking down he saw Meg's glorious breasts only inches from his mouth. His mind flashed memories from only moments ago when he had devoured her with his mouth persisted on showing him how uncontrolled and careless he had been.

In one fluid motion he rolled to his back then sat up with his knees bent. He placed his arms across his knees so he could lay his head down on his arms.

The gulls overhead and the swishing of the waves as they pushed against the sandy shore then receded played a melody inside Erik's head. Words denigrating his actions flowed with this song from the ocean. Erik could feel the hot sun beating down on his back even as the sand began to scratch against his bare backside.

When he felt Meg's fingertips tracing the scars on his back he nearly jumped out of his skin. No one had ever touched him on his back since he had left the Gypsy fair. He swore all those years ago anyone who touched it with anything other than gentle hands would pay the price of having given him pain. They would reap it a hundredfold.

"Erik?" Meg's enquiring voice scraped against his raw nerves just as the sand scrapped at his bared backside. Erik began to feel shame, an all too familiar emotion. He hated Meg for causing him to feel this way. He had just been getting over the raw hurt of Christine's rejection and betrayal.

Erik jerked away from Meg's hand as if she burned him with that light caress. He rolled to his feet. Running into the water he swam until he felt sure every trace of her had been washed away from his body. He would have to use the discipline that had saved him over the years to erase her from his mind.

Meg watched him stroll unselfconsciously back to her. She marveled that even with the closeness they had just shared Erik had not removed his mask. It had to be filled with salt and sand. It must be scraping against his skin yet he did not remove it. That alone would tell how much his mask meant to him as a shielf against the outside world.

He bent down snagging his trousers. Without looking at her or speaking to her Erik shoved his legs into his trousers then jerked them up around his waist. He buttoned them then sat down beside her. When Erik spoke he could not have said anything more hurtful if he had planned to do just that.

"I am sorry Meg, more sorry than you will ever know. This, we, should never have happened. I place the blame at my feet entirely. I am hurting still from Christine and had no right to use you as I did. I suggest you try to forget it as I shall, I assure you." Erik did not turn to look at Meg as he spoke for if he did he would break down. He needed to be firm and sound uncaring in order to distance himself from Meg. He felt so confused with all the churning emotions within him.

Erik saw movement on the deck of Raoul's yacht. They were lowering the dingy. Someone must have seen Erik and Meg on shore. Erik quickly glanced behind him. Meg was struggling into her wet clothing. God, what would everyone think? What would Antoinette think? Erik felt as if his life truly would end within the next few moments if Antoinette saw her daughter's state of dress or rather undress and flushed face.

As the dingy came closer Erik could only see Raoul in the little dingy. Erik only saw a couple of men standing by the rail of the yacht in order to raise the dingy once they returned. At least Erik had been granted this blessing.

Meg seethed with hurt and anger. Erik had dismissed what had happened between them as if it were of no significance. Well perhaps for him it had not been anything meaningful. For her it had been the offer of her one gift she could give to a man. Obviously to Erik it had not meant a blessed thing. If he could put it behind him so could she, if she had a hundred years to do so she would. Meg would not let Erik see her cry. Later when in the privacy of her cabin she could let loose the floodgates, but until then she would hold onto her pride by letting anger be her controlling emotion.

Raoul jumped out of the dingy into the knee deep water. He pulled the dingy behind him using the rope attached to the bow. He strode against the pull of the water toward shore.

Raoul had been admiring the beauty of the scenery when he had noticed the two people on the shore. He had taken his spyglass to get a better look. He had flushed scarlet when he had focused clearly.

Quickly he had put down the glass not wishing to spy on a private moment. Meg and Erik. Well what do you know? Raoul would never have thought Erik would love anyone other than Christine. Then again men and women did not have to have love for them to be intimate. Meg he felt certain would require some sort of commitment from anyone she let be so intimate with her.

Wishing to save Meg the embarrassment of her mother knowing just what Meg had been up to while her mother rested Raoul had quietly spoken to two of his most trusted crewmembers. They had lowered the dingy so that Raoul could row ashore and retrieve the two castaways. Raoul supposed neither one had thought how they would get back to the yacht or climb aboard.

Raoul gave a relieved sigh when he saw Erik had put his trousers on and Meg, well Meg could not be said to be quite presentable but she at least had some covering. Undergarments that clung to her revealing all while hiding nothing. Raoul could not help the manly reaction to so much womanly flesh on display. He tried to keep his eyes from returning to Meg too often.

"If you are ready I shall row us back across. Two of my most loyal crewmembers are waiting to raise us so we can go aboard. I…I thought it best to keep your…uh…swimming unknown to Madame Giry and the others." Raoul blushed furiously feeling quite uncomfortable seeing Meg displayed quite so…so vividly. Not much of her was not revealed.

Erik scowled wanting to drive his fist into Raoul's handsome face. It shouldn't matter but it did. Erik wanted to stand between Meg and Raoul to block Raoul's lingering gaze.

Erik stated he would be swimming back. Perhaps a swim would cool any lingering lust he felt for Meg as well as his unreasonable anger toward Raoul.

Erik felt he had to hate Raoul because he had everything Erik did not, a handsome face, family and friends, the love of Christine, Antoinette's high regard and now Meg's admiration as well.

Meg opted to return with Raoul. Meg thought the temptation to drown Erik would be too pressing to ignore.

Erik had reached the yacht before Meg and Raoul. He had already gone below by the time Meg set foot on board. The men lowered their eyes as they extended their hands for Meg to grasp as she stepped aboard. Now Meg felt her humiliation to be complete.

Later in the evening as they all gathered for supper nothing was said about this afternoon's events. Raoul spoke gently to the now overly quiet Meg. Hoping to draw attention away from her to give her time to gather her wits, Raoul kept the conversation going as best he could.

Meg catching Erik looking longingly at Christine let her head turn in Christine's direction. The same look reflected in her sister's eyes that Erik had pinned on Christine.

Glancing furtively at Raoul she saw he had not missed that exchange any more than she had. Meg resolved to support Raoul however he needed her. She knew well the pangs of unrequited love but felt that a betrayal of love sealed by the commitment of marriage would drive the barbs deeper into the heart.

After that night Erik rarely spoke to Meg. When he did it was to lodge some complaint about her manners, her attitudes, even to go so far as to criticize her performances at the opera house. He nit picked them all as if he had memorized each and every one of them. In the heat of the moment it perhaps did not occur to anyone why Erik had kept such close tabs on Meg's progress when he professed to love Christine so completely and had obsessed over her for so long.

Raoul decided to return to England post haste when Erik's barbs continued to inflict unseen wounds on Meg's heart. He could not stand idly by and watch her confidence being ground under Erik's boots one more day.

Antoinette could only watch in confusion as Erik tore into her daughter, a woman he had only met face to face weeks ago. He did not attack Meg in any way Antoinette could reprimand him for as his criticisms were valid to a point but the way in which he posed them, were deliberately meant to wound. Antoinette had even taken Erik aside and reprimanded him sharply. That had ended with Erik telling Antoinette to stay the hell out of his business. He had shoved her aside with enough force to send her to the hard deck.

Erik had never been this violent with Antoinette. He had at the most ranted and raved waving his arms about to emphasize his anger. Never had he raised a hand to her.

After Antoinette's talk with Erik she watched him closely. She kept close to Meg and tried to make certain they were never alone. Antoinette did not know where all this anger and animosity stemmed from but she feared Erik in this mood.

Erik took to wandering the deck at all hours of the day and night. Meg had snuck up one evening when she had heard him pass her room for the fourth night in a row. Climbing the steep set of stairs carefully Meg stepped out onto the moonlit deck.

The wind blew across her cheek like a soft cooling caress. She could smell the freshness of the breeze in the salty air. Drawing her shawl closely around her shoulders she padded barefooted trying to find Erik.

The breeze grabbed at her thin nightgown plastering it against her legs. With the moon shining upon her and the very wind molding her gown to her Meg looked like some moon goddess. Her long blond hair tossed about behind her and across her face like long fingers of some ghostly entity.

She brushed her fingers against her cheek pushing aside the veil of hair blinding her. She looked around spotting no shadow or any movement of any kind.

She went to the rail in disappointment. He must have gone back done through the galley entrance. Perhaps he wanted something to eat. It had not escaped her notice that Erik had been eating very little. He did not join them for breakfast or lunch. Only in the evening did he leave his cabin to join them for a meal.

When he did come his eyes seemed to devour Christine. Christine would blush, Raoul would scowl and drink heavily, Maman would stare stone-faced at Erik and cast worried glances at Meg.

Meg didn't think her mother knew anything that had transpired between her and Erik. If she had learned of it Erik would have been missing one morning for Meg felt sure her Maman would heave him overboard.

Just when Meg had decided to return back to her cabin, she felt a hand clamp over her mouth and another hand at her waist pull her flush against a male body. His arousal pushed into her with demanding force.

A hot, angry whisper brushed against her ear. Meg felt frightened as she did not recognize this harsh, grating voice that held nothing but contempt for her.

"So Little Meg you come to tempt and parade your wares for anyone who will look. Women like you deserve to be treated no better than the whores in the streets. You parade around flaunting yourselves begging to be noticed. Well I noticed Little Meg. I damn well noticed." Meg had only then smelled the thick stench of alcohol on his breath.

The man bent her head to the side so she could see his face. Her eyes widened in shock. It was Erik. Not Erik as she had ever seen him but someone wild and unprincipled. He had a strange look about him, as if all reason had left him. This Erik resembled the man who had taken the stage with Christine so he could begin his destruction of all they knew and loved.

When Meg tried to break free he tightened his grip. Wrapping his hand around her throat Erik tightened his hold on her slim neck nearly cutting off all air into her lungs. Meg truly panicked in that moment. Every fighting instinct came to the fore. She began to claw and to kick. She bit at the hand covering her mouth.

Erik growled like some beast stalking its prey. He turned Meg still keeping his hand over her mouth as he shoved Meg down among a pile of netting. As she struggled in the tangled weaving Erik dropped down pinning her in place with his weight. Crushing her lips with his mouth, Erik groaned losing all touch with reality. In his mind he was in another place and another time that had only existed in his imagination. Flashing pictures of Christine played with his hold on the reality of what was becoming what he thought it should be. He wanted to make love to Christine. He must have her. Raoul would come for her soon. He would have her this one time. Did he not deserve this one time with her when Raoul would have her for the rest of their days?

He tore at Meg's gown ripping the sheer fabric as if tearing paper. Meg felt him groping her with hurting, grasping hands. This man was not the Erik who had tenderly initiated her into the world of lovemaking. This man felt as if he were more animal than man.

Meg cried silently against Erik's hand hoping against hope some semblance of reality would return to him. She felt him fumbling with his trousers. Trying to bring her knee up to hit him where he was most vulnerable, Meg felt a jolting pain as Erik shook her as if she were a rag doll.

"Stop fighting I do not want to hurt you. I only want to love you. Oh Christine why could you not love me? Why could you not stay with me? Our music would have rivaled heavens choir. I will have you. Nothing will stop me this time, you are mine. You will see. We were meant to be together. You are my angel as I am yours." Erik had gone beyond the point of reclaiming his ability to feel the suffering of anyone but himself. All his old rages burned in him wanting retribution. Meg did not know that she alone would pay the price for all the years of Erik's tortured life with the act of violence so heinous even the wickedest men deplored the act.

By turns Meg became the Christine he adored then the Christine who had betrayed him by giving herself to another man then later plotting his demise with Raoul. Old memories from his childhood resurfaced clouding his judgment.

Erik had so lost touch with the reality of the moment so that he truly thought Christine lay beneath him. In his mind this Christine became willing. He remembered and relived their shared kisses. All three wonderful mating of mouths fueled his need. Crazed to find release Erik took Meg on the journey to heaven's gate. Even in his frenzied state he sought to pleasure the woman beneath him.

She must love him. She must. He had to have one night with her before he met his maker whichever direction his soul was bound for eternity.

For Erik it seemed the perfect culmination of all he and Christine had shared. To be joined in this way bound them forever. They would always be bound even if their physical union were only for this one time he felt his soul would always feel as if it completely belonged to Christine.

His touch gentled as did his kisses. Erik kissed all the places he had hurt her. He murmured words of love as he kissed and caressed the woman beneath him. His hands soothed her skin instead of groping and tearing at her. Against her will Meg began to respond even as she still felt the horror of what he had done and continued to do thinking her someone else.

When Erik thrust one last time into Meg he dropped down heavily against her. Meg thought for a moment he had passed out. She prayed he had. If she had a knife at this very moment she would have stabbed him gladly. She could not help what he made her body feel against her will but she could deplore his actions with her whole heart.

Not only had he violated her in the basest of ways a man can dishonor a woman but he did it thinking she was someone else. Meg realized she had paid for sins she had not even committed.

Meg felt Erik begin to shake with silent sobs. Erik rolled away from Meg trying to hide his face in shame. What had he done? Everyone had been right about him all his life. He was not fit to be among humanity. He belonged in that cage he had been imprisoned in years ago. With reason came clarity and sobriety. The reality of what he had done nearly destroyed Erik. Drunkenness and a broken heart had been no excuse for what he had done to…to Meg. It had been Meg, not Christine. Erik could not say which would have made him feel any lower than he did at this moment. Meg had done nothing to harm him. Christine had only done what she thought right at the time. He was the villain, always the purveyor of evil that stamped out any goodness around him.

Meg could see the wetness of tears rolling down his face s he rolled back toward her looking at her with pleading for her forgiveness in his tearfilled eyes. This Erik she knew. This Erik had been on the stage with Christine as she pulled his mask from him. Meg knew this man as the humiliated ghostly phantom who had destroyed her home for the love of Christine. Now he had taken her in anger thinking he made love to Christine although what Erik had done had nothing of love about it.

When he had been aware of whom he had in his arms he had treated Meg as if she were no more than a whore. He had only gentled his caresses in the last moments when he imagined himself with Christine.

Meg crawled to her knees then to her feet. She swayed dizzily for a few miniscule seconds. She did not feel the chill of the night breeze. The beauty of the night did not faze her. When her head felt as if it would not float away Meg turned toward the entrance to the lower deck.

Just as she would have taken her first step into the darkened portal, Erik called softly in anguish, "God Meg, I am sorry. Please, please forgive me. I had been drinking. I know that is not what you want to hear but it is the only excuse I have for what I did. Have Raoul clap me in irons. I will not fight against him in this matter. I will wait here. I truly am sorry Meg."

Meg didn't turn around; she did not even answer him. Pain now suffused every inch of her body and soul. Her mind had fractured under the horrible act that had been committed against her.

A/N: You may hate Erik at the moment but don't give up on him. He still may redeem himself. All is not lost.