Disclaimer: BBC, Monastic and Kudo own Life on Mars, Ashes to Ashes and everything pertaining thereto. Me, I just own my poor mad brain and the ideas in it.
Many thanks yet again to everyone who's been reading and reviewing. Please keep those reviews coming in, I do appreciate them so much!
Now we find out what Gene has to say for himself…
"Sam always used t'say 'ow important it is to keep talkin' to coma victims, so that's what I've been doin' ever since you got 'ere. I've been 'ere talkin' to you for six days without you sayin' a thing. That must be a record. Never thought I'd sell me soul to 'ear you answerin' me back, but I would right now. The reason you aren't answerin' is that you aren't listenin' to me, an' God knows that's nothing new. But this time you've got to listen, Drake, because if you don't you won't wake up.
"Sam never said whether it mattered what you said to try an' bring someone out of a coma. E just said, tell 'em not to stop talkin'. Said touch 'elped too, that's why I'm 'oldin' your 'and, an' I've been playin' all your favourite music. But Luigi an' Shaz an' even dopey Chris an' Evan bloody White 'ave all been tellin' me that there's somethin' I ought to be sayin' to you that could wake you up. Seem to think that this is what you'll want to 'ear. Don't know if it'll work, but I don't mind tellin' you, after six days of sittin' and sleepin' on this 'ard chair, eatin' nothin' but Luigi's takeaways, I'm ready to try anything, even this. So 'ere goes.
"I love y'Alex. Been a bloody fool - could 'ave told you any number of times when you could 'ear me. 'Cept that I couldn't. Can only say it now because I know you can't 'ear me. If you woke up right now, I'd be lookin' at the floor again, mumblin' an' unable to tell you what I want to say. I 'ate it, that you can do that to me. But if I told you when you could 'ear me, you'd most likely 'elp me to your left 'ook an' walk away, an' I'd never see you again.
"You've taught me 'ow to live again since Sam died. I know now, I was losin' it till you came. That's another thing I wouldn't say if you were awake. The transfer to London seemed such a good idea. I just 'ad to get away from Manchester - I kept seein' poor Sam everywhere, thought I was goin' mad, an' then the wife walked out. But once I was down 'ere, I felt lost. Not king of the jungle any more. Not just because they do things differently down 'ere, I'd lost something when 'e died an' I couldn't get it back. Then you staggered into me life in six-inch 'eels an' a two-inch skirt, an' you turned my world upside down. A posh, mouthy tart. I'd never met a bird who dared to defy me like you do. You've argued about every word I said. You've questioned everything I'd ever believed in as a copper. You've challenged me authority at every turn. I 'ated you for it at first. But, God, you've made me feel alive again. I know now, I needed someone I could argue with like I used to wi' Sam. You've made me fight back like 'e used to. I'll tell you 'ow you're like 'im, you bring out the worst in me but the best too. You make me try 'ard to be better as a copper an' as a man. That's 'ow you've changed me, Bolly. You've made me look beyond what I am, what I do an' what I 'ave. You gave me 'ope again. Now it's all been taken away by one bloody bullet, an' I never even told you 'ow I feel. I'd always 'oped there'd be time for that.
"So, you'll ask, given that we 'ardly ever do anything but shout at each other, when an' 'ow did I manage to - to fall in love wi' you? Still find that so 'ard to say. Well, there was that day we first met. July twentieth, that's marked on me calendar forever, red like your dress. Can't say I fell in love wi' you when I first saw you or any romantic bollocks like that, because then I thought you were a prozzie. Knew you were special, though. Different. Somethin' about you that pulled me in. Even when you started actin' like a fruitcake an' claiming none of us are real. You put your 'and on me' eart - God, I'll never forget that. To quote you, I felt we'd made a connection. Just didn't know 'ow to deal with it. Then when Shaz got you your clothes, an' you swanned into Luigi's lookin' a million dollars - I knew two things at that moment, one, that I 'ad to shag your brains out, and two, that I never will. You're somethin' for me to reach out for without ever actually gettin' it. That's why I was so disillusioned when you tried it on wi' me, that night during the Burns case. You weren't unattainable any more. You don't know 'ow much I wanted to take you up to your flat an' show you exactly what I wanted to do during the last few seconds of me life. Been regretting ever since that I didn't, but I know we'd both 'ave regretted it even more if I did. An' if we ever did get together, I'd never want you to regret anythin' about it. I'd want you to come to me knowin' what you were doin' and wantin' it to 'appen, not because you were three parts pissed. Just wish I'd stuck around that night to stop that wanker in the red braces gettin' you instead. That was what really 'urt.
"Then when we got stuck in the vault at Edgehampton - that's somethin' else I'll never forget. I 'eld out me arm to you, an' you might so easily 'ave pulled away or smacked me gob again. But you came to me, you leaned against me chest an' put your 'and on me 'eart, an' you looked up at me with such trust. Just as if you were a child. Thought I was goin' to die, yet I was so 'appy, sittin' there in the dark, 'oldin' you. Would 'ave been one 'ell of a way to go."
As though from a long way off, she heard the voice she needed to hear. This was where she was meant to be.
"An' then when I got you out of the Cales' cold store. Remember that? 'Course you do. I'd bloody dreamt of carryin' you in me arms again, an' rippin' the blouse off you, but not like that, when I thought you were dyin' an' I was terrified I was goin' to lose you. But that's nothin' like 'ow terrified I feel now, sittin' 'ere wi' you. I'd never known anything like the relief I felt when you opened your eyes. Oh, love, you opened your eyes for me then, why can't you do it now?" He looked down at the hand he held, raised it to his lips, reverently kissed the slender fingertips, and lifted her hand to touch his cheek and temple. "You touched me face - like this. Never dreamt anything so gentle could 'appen to me." He lowered her hand again. "Doesn't feel the same when you're not doin' it. Shouldn't 'ave done that without askin' you."
Touch was the next sense to come back to her. The feel of soft, gentle lips on her hand. Of a strong pulse beneath her fingers. Of her hand being held securely, as though the holder feared that she might blow away. A feeling of warmth and safety. Her other senses focused on it.
"Really thought I might 'ave a chance wi' you after that. That was what gave me the courage to ask you to dinner. Then that bastard Gil Hollis 'ad to go an' ruin everything. I 'ad to do me job as I saw it, Bolly, an' it turned out I was right to suspect the little toerag. I still don't regret what I did to get the ska boys to talk. Disrespectful, system-playin', time-wastin' scum. I knew you disapproved, but I couldn't let what I feel for you stop me doin' my job. You may 'ave changed me, but not that much. Only reason I 'aven't put that 'itman through the cement mixer is that I've been 'ere with you all the time."
Alex's eyelids fluttered open. It took some time for her to adjust to the subdued lighting. It must be nighttime. As she began to focus, she made out Gene's golden head. He was bowed over her hand, not looking at her face. How long have I been in this coma? Sam didn't tell me that. Have I come back in time to save him?
"Still, you paid me back when you tried to wreck me whole operation when Scarman came. Still don't understand why you did that. An' then in the middle of it all, you actually put our date back on track. Last supper, you called it. Still witterin' on about leavin'. That was why I risked suggestin' that we went upstairs. Might 'ave known you wouldn't accept, but I 'ad to try. Thought it would be me only chance. At least you didn't seem to take offence. Then you changed your mind an' stayed on after all. Knew you were one of us again when we all met up at Luigi's to celebrate Shaz gettin' out of 'ospital. Unbreakable."
She could see him more clearly now. Not the suicidal, alcoholic wreck Sam had shown her, but the ruggedly handsome Lion.
I love him. I'll save him.
She still felt too weak to move or speak. She lay there, gathering strength, listening, entranced, as he poured out words she had never dreamed she would hear him say.
"Little Shaz called you 'er guardian angel. You'd saved 'er life when the lot of us 'ad given up on 'er, an' all we could think of doin' was kickin' the crap out of Hollis. Because you wouldn't speak to me after that, I never got to tellin' you 'ow proud I was of you. Still am. An' in savin' 'er, you saved Chris too. If she'd died then, e'd 'ave gone on the skids. Just as I know I will if you don't wake up. There won't be anything else left for me. I know now, I can't live without you. Bloody waste of time. You saved me life, Alex, an' I should be grateful, but without you it'll 'ave no point. I'll only drink meself to death. I know meself well enough to know that. It'll just be a question of 'ow long it takes. I'll be waitin' till I can join you, wherever you go."
Dear Lord, he already knows what would have happened to him if I hadn't come back. So what Sam showed me must all have been true. Including what would have happened to Molly.
I made the right decision. Thank God.
"Wish I knew who your guardian angel is. I'd ask 'em what I 'ave to do to make you wake up. If they said I 'ad to shoot meself to save you, then that's what I'd do. Because it should 'ave been me takin' that bullet, Bols. It was me they wanted. You were shot because of me, that's what makes it so 'ard to bear. I failed you, love. I'd give my life for you, so gladly. You do know that, don't you? That's 'ow much I love you. Gettin' easier to say it now. If you don't wake up, I'll lose the only thing I've got that's worth livin' for. An' what about you? You've got your kid to think about. Even if you won't wake up for me, you should be wakin' up for 'er. I've tried to find 'er an' bring 'er 'ere, Bolly, maybe you'd 'ear 'er when you can't 'ear me, but none of us know where she is. You never told us.
"I've 'ad to be brought to the edge of losin' you to know 'ow much you really mean to me. Christ grant that the edge is as far as we'll go. I can't lose you now, Bolly. I can't. I know I'm goin' mad. I can blame 'aving 'ad 'ardly any sleep and no fresh air these past six days. But whatever it is, I know that if - no, when - when - you wake up, I'm goin' to ask you to let me take care of you always. I know, you don't look like you need much takin' care of. Independent, smartarsed, mouthy - but for all that, I don't think life's always been good to you, my love. There's too much sadness in you. Don't think I 'aven't noticed. You 'ide it well, but it's there. All that lip's your way of protectin' yourself an' fightin' back. Just like me wi' my fists an' me oneliners. We're two of a kind like that. We've both been 'urt. I want to try an' make the world a better place for you, Bols. I want to make you 'appy, an' if I can't do that, at least I want to make you feel safe. An - I 'ate sayin' this, but when you wake up, the Doc thinks you might need lookin' after for a while. Maybe for a very long time. Maybe for ever. An' if that 'appens, God forbid, I'm buggered if I'm gonna let 'em garage you in some nursing 'ome. They might think they can do what they like with you because you 'aven't got anyone, but they're wrong. You've got me. Whatever 'appens, I'm 'ere for you. Always." He lowered his voice. "An' if anyone even thinks of tryin' to turn your machine off, I'll shoot 'em. I've still got me gun. 'Ad it with me when we were goin' to Luigi's that night, an' I've been 'ere ever since. I'll see to it that you get all the chances you need to wake up.
"While you're still not listenin', I'll go for broke. When you wake up, I want to ask you to marry me. That's a laugh, eh? Why the 'ell would a posh bird like you want to marry a bloke like me? Beauty an' the Beast, hah!" He barked a short, bitter laugh. "But for all that I'll still ask you. Just so you know 'ow much I care, an' that I'll always be 'ere if you want me. I'm done with pretendin'. Maybe if I'd already told you 'ow I felt, you wouldn't 'ave been shot. You'd already 'ave left us long ago an' been somewhere else. Or if I got lucky, maybe we'd 'ave been in your flat or in me office with the blinds drawn. If I get another chance, it'll be more than I deserve, but I'll take it. But if you walk away - well, I'll just 'ave to live with that. I know now that if you're safe an' well, that'll be all that matters.
"Oh, Bolly, Bolly, love, come back to me. Can't do this any longer - " He bowed his head lower, and there was silence. Alex was astonished to feel moisture on her hand. Gene? Crying? But he never cries. A wrenching sob contradicted her. Suddenly she hated herself for having made him suffer a moment longer than necessary. She tried to speak, but her voice was a mere thread of sound, so faint that she could not hear it, stifled by the oxygen mask. She heard him draw a deep breath, resolutely pulling himself together.
"No." His voice was almost steady, but not quite. "No. If you don't come back to me, that doesn't matter. You can smack me gob again an' walk away into the sunset, just so long as you wake up. But I'll be 'ere for as long as it takes. I know the only thing that matters is that you open those eyes of yours an' say - Bloody 'ell! "
He had raised his head at last and found himself looking straight into her brown eyes. His grasp on her hand tightened until it was almost painful, and she moved her fingers in reaction.
"Gene - " she said, or tried to say, but she still could not make herself heard. He saw her lips move, and hesitated, not daring to remove the oxygen mask.
"Bolly, d'you know me? D'you know your ol' Gene?" He glanced down at their hands. "Squeeze my 'and again for a yes!"
She gripped his hand, tighter and stronger than before.
"NURSE!"
The Lion's roar all but split the heavens and brought the young duty nurse running.
"Whatever's going on?"
Gene jumped to his feet, pointing to Alex with a shaking hand. "Look, look, she's woken up! She knows who I am - she was tryin' to talk just now - "
"DOCTOR!"
All at once the place was full of medical personnel clustering around the bed, all talking at the same time. Someone gently disengaged Gene's hand from Alex's.
"I'm sorry, Mr Hunt, but I'll have to ask you to wait outside - "
For once in his life, he did not argue. He backed out of the room into the corridor, hands uplifted, tears streaming unchecked down his face. Gene Hunt had never been a religious man, but at that moment he was praying to whatever deities might be listening, to spare Alex for him.
TBC