Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Twilight. If I did, the characters of colour would have gotten different (and dare I say it – better) representation.
Author's Note: SO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS! This AN shall be a journal entry of sorts, soz: JACKSON RATHBONE FAVOURITED A TWEET I SENT HIM. This was such a huge deal for me honestly. He tweeted about his LASIK and I replied to him with a joke. The divine hunk of man candy acknowledged my existence on social media. (Any day now he'll leave his wife and child and we will be together. I just know it.)
I've had so many job interviews! I got my first ever non-tutoring job! I've met so many new people! I moved on from a toxic friendship with a fuckboy (who asked me out after ignoring me for almost a year)! I developed a thousand and one new crushes! I graduated from university! I lived to see the release of new Twilight material! I can't believe while I was still in my revisiting Twilight phase, Meyer came out with a gender-bent rendition of Twilight! I've learnt to love myself more! I've fallen in and out of my fanfiction phases. I've read more books! I've had realisations that I'm not as unattractive as I think I am! I've gotten closer to some existing friends! I've made my parents proud! MEG CABOT AND SIEDAH GARRETT FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER! …I still haven't written up that thing about Leah's Native American heritage being crappily represented in fanfics… I'll get to that though! I've been really happy for the most part. :)
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Seth must have told mum about the wedding being moved up and why, because as soon as she got home that night she came to my room. I'd let Seth take care of the dishes and leftovers and gone to my room and listened to music. My mobile had a missed call from Emily's mum but I didn't ring back. It was probably about wedding details now that the event would take place sooner.
Mum asked me if I was okay and then it had all come out like word vomit.
I cried about not knowing if I'd ever imprint or start menstruating again. I told mum about how terrible it was to share my thoughts with the pack, even now when Sam couldn't hear my thoughts. I decided against telling her about the news I'd gotten about the Volturi that afternoon. My mum couldn't fix any of this for me, but sharing some of my woes felt liberating, even if it was for just one evening.
My sleep was dreamless that night, and I was so thankful to have had those few hours of peace.
I stood next to Jacob at the meeting. The Cullens hadn't arrived yet. Paul was trying to catch my eye but I didn't need to look determinedly away from him because Jacob was talking about Renesmee's latest fascination (an ant farm).
"Jacob, doesn't Renesmee's scent bother you? Despite her being your imprint?" I asked Jacob interrupting his detailed explanation of ant-keeping.
"Nessie? No she doesn't have the same scent as the others. Her DNA is not the same as a normally created vampire so there's no burning bleach-y smell," Jacob explained.
Yesterday I had thought Renesmee smelled equally as bad as the other leeches. Was this because they had all been in the kitchen at the same time, or did she actually smell and yet Jacob's imprinting exempt him from experiencing it? I knew from Jacob's thoughts that he was never alone with Renesmee no matter how much Edward trusted him, but I guess even with leeches around maybe he noticed her scent was different. I just nodded and let Jacob continue talking about the ant-farm.
Sam came into view talking with Seth. I had told him congratulations when Seth and I had arrived but hadn't prolonged talking to him. I could tell Sam felt quite awkward talking to me about it, but what choice did he have? I lived near him, I would be an in-law of sorts to him soon via Emily, and I was part of the community regardless. No matter how nice or how curt I was about this news, somehow it would be circulated that I was jealous and bitter. Fucking gossipy little town. Never mind the fact that I was jealous of Emily's functional reproductive system.
A sleek black Mercedes pulled up at our meeting point. Jacob had somehow convinced Sam it would be okay if the Cullens came close to La Push's border. Alphas. They prioritise the most useless shit I swear it.
As the meeting started I stayed by Seth's side, a little bit away from Jacob. He stood next to Edward and addressed all of us, explaining everything they knew so far. Seeing the boys' angry reactions on mine and Seth's behalf was admittedly nice. Most of them liked Seth and thought of him in a brotherly way, and even though we weren't in a single large pack… it felt familial that they experienced rage over knowing a sicko vampire was after me. They weren't my protectors though. They were community protectors. That's what we all are. But as I'm a member of the community, their duty covers me as well.
It was silent for a moment and then Edward spoke.
"Thank you very much, Sam. I really appreciate the invitation and I know Bella will be happy to attend. Alice too; she loves any chance to dress up."
Wait. What? Oh no.
Sam cleared his throat. "Well I've given this a bit of thought. Emily and I both have," he looked at each of the Cullen men as he spoke. "We'd very much like to have your family attend our wedding next month."
"Sweet! A wolf party we finally get to attend! I'm there!" Emmett the big bear man of a bloodsucker exclaimed with a wide grin.
I stopped paying attention to what Sam and the Cullens were all saying. My mind was reeling with all the things being said. I was shocked at Sam's attitude, and hurt by his decision. I don't get along with Sam anymore, but until he'd made this gesture to the Cullens I hadn't really realised that this had been a link we'd had to unite us; our distant relationship with the local bloodsuckers.
All our official pack business was finished being discussed so I decided not to wait for Jacob's dismissal and started to walk away from the crowd. I decided to wait for Seth away from both packs, and it didn't seem like Sam noticed or cared. Not that I want Sam to care about my reactions.
Because my olfactory facilities were already assaulted with the Cullen mens' viciously sweet stench, I didn't realise that the scarred one had sidled up behind me until he spoke.
"Excuse me, ma'am?"
I turned around slowly, completely taken aback. What the hell did this leech want?
"What?" I said harshly, looking him over. I was probably doing a poor job of concealing my surprise and annoyance.
Jasper looked at me apprehensively and said the most random thing he could have possibly said to me. "I was wondering if you were alright? You seem very… distressed. Strongly so."
My mouth fell open in a new shot of surprise. What the frickety-frack?! "Mind your own business. There's no need for you to be concerned with me. I am fine." I turned away and walked over to Seth. I was fuming. Where the hell did that fucker get off asking me how I was feeling in front of everyone? Or asking me at all?
"Seth!" I barked. "We're leaving! Come with me now."
"Now hold on, Leah, we still have things to discuss," Jacob said frowing.
"Yeah? Well next time get all your business done first before wasting our time with personal matters," I scowled at him.
"I'm sorry, Leah. I really am. It's just hard you know. A lot of our personal matters get mixed up in pack business. I swear I'm not trying to make it inconvenient." Jacob actually looked really sincere as he said that, and I could feel my resolve to leave weaken. My anger was slightly more powerful though. I couldn't stand to be around that empathic bloodsucker anymore. It was more exposure than I could handle, having someone be more aware of my feelings than I was myself.
"Leah, I will come with you. Can we just stay a couple more minutes?" Seth pleaded, and I caved.
"Fine." I said shortly and stomped off in the opposite direction of Jasper. Take the hint, leech. I'm staying but not chatting. I was still annoyed he asked me if I was okay in front of Paul and the other guys. Another reason to remain in my shitty mood. Fucking perfect.
Jasper didn't look disappointed or anything but Edward was frowning. He started walking over to me. Why the eff? He should know better than anyone that I wasn't going to talk to him.
"You don't need to talk but you can just listen," said Edward gently as he got closer. "My brother simply noticed how distressed you were. It concerned him greatly. Your melancholy was irregularly resonant with him."
'Irregularly resonant'? Was I freakish to the freak just like Bella had been to Edward? Yuck.
"Not quite like that. But it is similar. Jasper was just – is just – wanting to make sure you're not going to explode."
"I'm not going to and he doesn't need to fucking worry." I crossed my arms and turned away from Edward. I know crossing arms is a defensive stance, but I was defending myself against the leech's concern.
"I want to agree but I know too much to do that honestly," Edward half-smiled. "What you thought a little while ago, about Jasper being more aware of what you're feeling that you are on your own… that's what's making him nervous. That you'll realise when it's all too much to cope with."
I turned and looked over my shoulder at Edward. "He doesn't need to fucking worry about me. Tell him that."
"I don't need to. He can hear you. But he won't listen."
I involuntarily flicked my gaze over to where Jasper and Emmett where standing as Carlisle continued to talk to Sam. Jasper wasn't looking at me, but clearly was listening in with his brother.
"Fine don't tell your brother. But tell mine I'm going." I didn't turn back to look at Edward again, or anyone else. I ran to the edge of the forest ignoring whatever Jacob was yelling (great he notices me at the wrong moment – again). Once I was behind a tree I tore off my dress and bound it to my leg, pleased that I hadn't ruined this one in an uncontrolled transformation.
In my wolf form I ran far but still in the Forks district, away from La Push. I changed back immediately when Seth's mind-voice joined my thoughts. Mostly because I wanted to keep my embarrassment from the end of the meeting to myself for as long as possible and also a little bit because I was hurt it took my baby brother so long before deciding to transform and 'talk' to me.
I slipped my dress on again and remembered how Sam's face had clouded over with disgust in the meeting when Edward had said "Aro has what one might call a collector's mentality." For a moment I entertained the idea that Sam was possessive of me only to immediately berate myself for allowing myself to think such a ridiculous thing. My feelings about Sam were unhealthy and inappropriate. I wanted to will them out of existence. I haven't been in romantic love with anyone other than Sam, but I know that only time will help me get over him. People don't stop feeling a certain way just because they choose not to. That's not how emotions work.
"Why can't I control my emotions?" I say out loud for no damn reason, walking around a wide tree trunk, tracing an area where bark has peeled away.
"Because that would not be human," answers a deep voice shocking me. Suddenly I was face to face with Jasper, who had walked around the same tree trunk.
A growl rumbled from me as I pounced in the opposite direction of the leech, transforming and showing him just how not human I was capable of being at times. My fucking dress was ruined. I loved that dress. The print was getting super faded but I still liked it. On top of all the shit in the past two days I didn't need that. It's a small thing compared to everything else but it upset me. When you're down in the dumps even small things take a big toll on you I've noticed.
When it rains it fucking pours though as they say. And it did literally start raining just then. Whiffs of burning sweet leech kept reaching me mingled with the petrichor.
I stopped running but didn't change back. Jasper zoomed over to me with inhuman speed. He was holding a light purple dress and pair of black patent leather flats with gold buckles across them. The idiot didn't think I would change into my naked human self in front of him did he?
"I know we are not friends by any definition, Leah – " he started to say but was cut off me derisively snorting, a sound that was much better as a wolf than a human interestingly.
He tried again and held out the dress and shoes. "Please take this. It's preferable to talk to someone who can answer me back." It was finally clicking with me that Jasper had come alone. No Seth, no Jacob, no Edward, no one but him.
With a grumble and a sigh I opened my mouth and gently clamped his offerings between my jaws. They stunk of leech and I wanted to gag.
I went and changed behind the closest thick tree. I put on the shoes first and then the dress. It must have been his tiny wife's. It was really short on my long body. My ass was covered but a lot of my thighs were on display. It was a cute chiffon sundress. If it didn't smell so disgusting I'd probably actually like wearing it. I wondered who the shoes belonged to. His wife probably had much smaller feet than me, Washington's giraffe of a bitch. Ha.
"So what is it that you've stalked me all the way into the forest for, bloodsucker?" I asked him.
"Dinner," Jasper replied simply.
"Excuse me? Get some other animal to be your meal." My retort was lame but I felt my attitude made up for my lack of creativity.
"No, Leah. I meant have dinner with me."
Author's Note Continued: Did I mention that I've corresponded with aKindofGlory? Author of 'Maps'? BECAUSE I HAVE! (Honestly that made me as happy as all the Twitter shit I mentioned at the top.) Seeing that her profile was edited on the same day she replied to me gives me fluttery fangirl feelings. *dreamy sigh* Everyone go and review/re-review 'Maps' so that Dea feels encouraged to edit her existing material and post it!
Sabrina xo | Wednesday, 14th of October, 2015