And this chapter is defintely the second candidate for "Crackiest Things Banana's Ever Written", after the story about Brawl and the squirrels. This chapter was kind of inspired by an episode of Invader Zim.

By the way, the name "Hell's Fence" is a parody of "Heaven's Gate".

Blackout sat atop a mound of rocks in the center of some really weird and frighteningly cheerful people. He scratched his ear with one of his hind legs and shook his head to adjust the chain around his next before inquiring what they wanted of him.

"Oh great talking Doberman, please tell us, your loyal servants, what is the meaning of life?" one of the loonies asked.

"Blarg?" he replied.

"The meaning of life is Blarg!" she screamed.

"I knew it!" another screamed.

"Please tell us, oh talking Doberman, will the world really end in 2012?" someone else asked.

"Your world will end soon if you don't all get the hell away from me!" Blackout threatened.

"Please, bless my son!" a woman said, holding up a baby.

"Why, did he sneeze?" he asked. "I'm really confused, what's going on here?"

"Oh great talking Doberman, it is according to our great god, Legume, that a talking dog shall arrive on this planet and mark the start of Utopia! You shall bring peace to our ever chaotic world!" a woman replied.

Blackout's ears twitched. "Crazy lady say what?!"

"It's all on the sacred scroll of the cult of Hell's Fence!" she continued, holding up a sheet of paper with crayon drawings on it for him to see.

"Your "sacred scroll" is a grease-stained Friendly's placemat!" Blackout pointed out. Geez, was this how Lord Megatron felt when he clung to him all the time? How did he manage to not get himself punched in the face?

"The great Legume dictated that our sacred texts be written on this placemat!" she explained.

"Who?"

"He is the keeper of wisdom! He came to earth in a hail of stones and fire, and from his shell, life sprang up out of the ground and blossomed into this wonderland that we live in now!"

Blackout looked around at the desert. "You call this a wonderland? All it is is dirt and rattlesnakes for miles around!"

"But it won't be for long! You're here to make everything better again!" she countered.

"Okay, where is this "Legume" that you speak of? I want to file a complaint!"

"Oh, he's over there on the Sacred Pedestal of Enlightenment!" she said, pointing to a cardboard box with a jar on it. The box said "Peti5tol of Inlitinmint" with a backwards "P" in permanent marker.

Blackout walked over to it and nudged the jar containing Legume with his snout. "You're worshipping a Mexican jumping bean?!"

"The bean moves on its own! It is a sign!" one of the cult members screamed.

"That's because there's a worm in it!" he countered. "Anyways, if all of this is true, then why is this all still a barren desert? Shouldn't it be more like this "Utopolis" or whatever by now?"

"Oh, not yet! The ritual has not yet been completed! First, we must sacrifice the talking dog, that's you, to Legume so that your soul may wander free once more!" she explained.

Blackout's eyes widened. "Sacrifice?! Uh-uh, no way! I'm not letting you burn me to death, or drown me, or gut me like an Autobot!"

"Gut you? Who said anything about gutting you? We're just gonna bop you over the head a few times with the Bat of Enlightenment!"

Blackout looked over at a guy holding a plastic wiffle bat that said "B4t of Inlitinmint" on the side. "What's that Legume? You want me to run screaming through the desert? Well, since you asked so nicely..." He turned tail and fled, screaming, while the cult chased after him, waving the bat.

"So, you live out here?" Max asked Jazz.

"Well, a little further than this, but yes. Anyway, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow night if I'm not grounded. Later!" Jazz ran off.

"See ya later, Jazz!" Shadow called back to him.

"He's kind of strange, isn't he?" Spencer asked.

They all looked over when they saw Blackout run past screaming with the Hell's Fence cult members on his tail. "Yes, but not quite as strange as that," Max agreed.

Imaginining the part about the "Bat of Enlightenment" while I wrote this sent me into a giggle fit like you wouldn't believe. O.o