Callie's POV
I hear the clock ticking. It has a steady rhythm. What ever happens time has a steady rhytm. Time's the only thing that has a steady rhytm. But nothing else in this world - nothing else has a steady rhytm. It all happens in waves. Big waves, small waves, who's counting? You can't even tell when one wave is over because the other one is already coming.
Apparently I was pregnant for my bestfriend after one drunk night. The night was supposed to be a small wave, but a few weeks after, I understood it was one of the biggest ones in my life. Tom, the father of the child was a good man and a great father. The day he died on a play crash - I really thought the day was just a small wave, but after the phone call I realized it was a whole tsunami.
We weren't in love - never were. We were bestfriends but Sofia was our child and we loved her together. When my 9 months old Sofia lost her father I realized life was uncertain. You could never know what would happen next.
For example, you might have a normal day. You wake up, take your daughter for a daycare, get to work, pick your daughter and drive home listening to the radio. The radio plays Taylor Swift's Bad Blood and your 3 years old daughter is trying to sing along and life seems happy. Suddenly, you see a car coming out of nowhere even though you're focused to the driving and the next thing you understand is your own daughter screaming.
It feels like the screaming never ended after the accident. Will it ever stop? The only thing you can think about when you're in an ambulance is waves. You're supposed to be thinking about your daughter who's bleeding but when you realize - when I realized this is life, all I could think about was waves.
I never knew how bright the hospital lights were, even though I spent most of my time in there. But I'm used to be the doctor. The life saving miracle. I'm not used to being the patient. Doctors and nurses running to different directions repeating: "32 years old women and a 3 years old child got into a car crash. The mother's stable, daughter has lost a lot of blood. That's all we know now."
That's the other thing I keep hearing. It's like a broken record in my head. Sofia screaming and doctors repeating the same thing all over and over again. I need this wave to be over. I want to believe Sofia's going to be fine. If there's a God like I believe - Sofia must survive this. How come only 3 years old child has to go through so much?
Other thing is, when you're thinking about the waves and listening to the broken record your head keeps repeating all over again, this woman walks in saying she's your daughter's doctor. Blond, blue-eyed doctor who tries to make an eye-contact with you, but you try to avoid her, because you're afraid she'll know everything about you if you let her see your eyes.
Like an open book. That's what I felt and I'm still feeling. When she looks at me - damn it, even when she's in the same room I feel like she could read me like an open book and something inside me wants to let her do it. I need someone to read me and accept me. Still, how come we don't love people who have ugly chapters but we can't love books without them.
She, Arizona is a huge wave. The clock keeps ticking and I'm not sure how much time has passed. Somehow my broken record isn't the same anymore. It's like, I can hear her voice on it. Am I out of my mind? I'm a doctor so I should know when someone isn't okay. Am I crazy? Am I hallucinating right now? If I am, when did it start?
Before the crash? In the hospital? Before or after Dr. Robbins? Suddenly, when I'm right in front of my crisis someone gently knocks on the door an opens it. I turn my head and squint my eyes at the light that comes from the hallway.
"I- I'm sorry if I woke you up", someone starts. Not someone, it's Arizona. I gather my self up and rub my eyes so I would get used to the light but she closes the door and comes closer and now I can see her clearly. "What time is it?" I mutter and try to look at the clock but I can't see well. She looks at her phone and says: "It's 8.02".
"I got you some breakfast because I figured you didn't get any and you really should eat so I really hope you like ham sandwich because it was the only thing I could find at this time", she says so quickly that I need to focus really hard to keep up with her. Then she gives me the sandwich and a bottle of water.
"Yeah sandwich is fine, uhm thanks", I keep muttering and open the water bottle. I hadn't realized how thirsty I really was before the moment I took the first sip from the bottle. I look at her while she's on her phone and try to read her. I want to read her like an open book but she's not like me. Her eyes look so sparkly when the light of her phone hits them and i can see her dimples lightly popping out even though she isn't even smiling.
What's on the phone? Who is she texting? Her mother? Boyfriend?
Suddenly the dimples pop up and she's looking at me with her blue eyes. I feel my eyes getting dry and the fear of being an open book is there again so I quickly look down and start eating the sandwich. Then her pager starts ringing.
There must be a God.
She immediately reacts to it and gives me the 'sorry' look. Before understanding she's gone and I'm alone - with the broken record.
People don't usually like hospitals. Who would like them? Well except me. I like hospitals, or at least I used to like them. I look at my hands that are resting on my thighs and think about last night. So much happened in such a small time. I almost lost the only person I really care about, I met this breathtaking doctor and let's not forget about the fact that I almost believed I've gone insane. The clock show it's 8.52. It means I can see Sofia in 8 minutes.
The hallway is empty apart from some interns. I feel so odd being in here. This isn't the hospital I'm used to work at. This is different. It seems like every doctor in here is friends with each other. Where I come from, we barely talk to each other. Well except when we're working. This place feels actually pretty nice.
Callie, your daughter almost died and all you can think about is your stupid career - I hear my dad yelling at me in my head.
People face terrible things in different ways. Maybe my way is to think about my career. Maybe my way is to fall for the hot surgeons.
It's like a never stopping debating in my head.
"Calliope Torres?", an unfamiliar voice asks and I swing back to reality. It's the male doctor. Where's Arizona?
"Yes", I confirm and get up. He leads me to a room 143 and starts explaining me about Sofia's condition but it's all fog at the background when I see her. Her brown eyes are so scared but she screams: "Mama!"
"Mama's here", I whisper and hold her. Suddenly I realize the broken record stops and I can breathe again. She's alright.
"Is everything okay?" I start and Sofia smiles big. "Yes. I'm a big girl now. The doctor told me I'm a big girl now!" she announces happily.
"How come", I laugh and hug her tighter. When I let her go she continues: "She said after sleeping one night without my mama, I become a big girl! I'm a big girl now mama!" Her voice gets louder and she laughs. Suddenly someone behind me says: "Yes Sofia, you're a big girl now!" I quickly turn around and face the blonde surgeon way too close to me. I didn't realize how close she actually was before turning around. For the first time I can smell her scent of vanilla. Is it a perfume or does she actually smell like vanilla?
She quickly takes a step back and I feel my heart beating faster. She looks so breathtakingly amazing. Her hair is on a ponytail and she has some pink lipstick on her lips. "So as Doctor Karev told you, you can take your daughter home tomorrow. We would like to take some tests in case we missed something, which is pretty unlikely but still", she says on a perky tone and takes a quick look at Sofia's chart on her hands.
I have this strange feeling on my body when I look at her. I can't really put my finger on what it is, but it's strange. First I can hear my pulse very clearly, then I can feel my pulse all over my body, after that - the dizziness comes. It happens so fast around her.
"I'm getting home!", Sofia announces and Doctor Robbins walks next to her and sits on her bed.
"You'll get home tomorrow", she says on a lovely tone and I can see how Sofia's face gets a bit sad.
"It's okay, we have a lot of toys here in the hospital and doctor Karev is excellent with toys", She tries to cheer Sofia up.
"I am?", I hear the man behind me and i try to stop myself from laughing a bit.
"You are", Arizona says slowly and I can see authority and so can the man behind me.
"I mean I am!" He says cheerful and tries to smile big.
She's so quick so i need to run and repeat louder: "Dr. Robbins!". She stops and turns around so I finally get to reach her. Before I understand I'm standing way too close to her than I should so I take a small step back.
"So she's fine?", I start. Of course she's, fine, I'm not that stupid but I needed at least one more excuse to talk to her. She smiles big and repeats: "She's fine".
My plan was to ask her for a drink. Well, it was my plan but now I'm standing right in front of her and I realize it would never happen. She moves a bit and gives me the signal that I should say something so I laugh nervously and try to gather my words together.
Just do it Callie, if she says no, she says no.
"So I was thinking if you'd like to crab a drink sometime or. I know this is super awkward and weird and I don't really do this all the time, really", I nervously blurt and feel my cheeks getting red. I bite my teeth together and wait for her to say something. Anything.
Please.
She gives me the kind of look that I can't say if she's surprised in a good or a bad way. She tries to stutter something, but before she gets to say anything someone from the other side of the hallway yells: "Doctor Robbins!" So she gives me the sorry look for the second time today.
Seriously?
So I'm standing in the middle of the hallway without an answer and feeling like I should cover my face with my hands. My cheeks feel hot and I try to calm down. She didn't get to say a thing so I really shouldn't lose hope yet.
What hope?
She must be straight. I actually asked a straight girl out with me in a hospital.
What is wrong with me?
So I decide to walk. I force myself to move from this situation and before I understand I find myself lying in the on-call room she showed me last night. The bed feels so warm and soft and all I want to do is sleep. But I can't. It actually feels like I'm in the hospital I work at.
She's in there somewhere. What if she's telling everyone about this crazy woman who asked her out even though she's super straight and now the whole hospital is laughing at her. Laughing at me.
Will I ever be able to get out of this room?
The answer might be no.
A/N: Soo I really wish I was as good at writing as some people are but I just like writing this! Tell me if you liked this chapter or if you didn't! :)