A.N.: Hey guys! Back again with another update, we're early today! Check me out! This is another set-up chapter, the next chapter is when things really start to kick off, so stay with me! Just saying- I will always adore the Kitty and Logan friendship, thanks to the comics and X-Men: Evolution. So that's where this comes from.

I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think!

You could still be,
what you want to be,
What you said you were,
when you met me.

-Daughter, 'Medicine'

CHAPTER FIVE

X.x.X

You are desperately trying avoid Bobby. It hurts to see him and it shouldn't. He'll know something is wrong, and while most of you is screaming that Bobby is yours and Rogue is dead and this is crazy, the logical part of you is saying yes, this is crazy, but in this future Bobby isn't yours and Rogue isn't dead and you are so, so grateful that your friends aren't dead.

It helps, but not much. It doesn't make you feel any better about the friends you don't know in this future.

You can't see Bobby, because he'll try to fix whatever is wrong. And you can't tell him about this, it's already ruining enough lives.

Instead you spend your time with Peter, or in the Professor's office learning about this future. Once you've learnt enough you find yourself spending time with Jean. You'd forgotten how much you liked her when she wasn't Phoenix trying to kill everyone. But apparently that never happened in this future. For the better, you suppose. Eventually you get so frustrated sitting around all day that you try helping out in the physics lessons, much to Peter and the kids you're supposed to be teaching's amusement. But you get the hang of it eventually, and soon you are bumbling through the lessons by yourself. Peter is still there though, smirking in the corner. He teases you later, but him being there helps, as it always has.

You're teaching the class one day and studiously ignore Bobby and Rogue as they walk past the open classroom, when a few minutes later someone catches the corner of your eye.

Logan.

Logan is staggering past the room and pauses and stares inside. You recognise the look on his face.

That is the face of someone seeing ghosts.

As soon as the class finishes you hurry out of the room and straight to his.

Being a man as jumpy as he is, when you rap on Logan's door sharply he opens it only a crack at first. When he sees that it's you, he opens it wider with a gruff 'hey, kid.' You barge the door open- surprisingly forceful for someone your size- and throw yourself into his arms.

"Thank God," you whisper and Logan stiffens between your arms. He holds you out at arm's length and examines your face with that way only Logan does. Whatever he finds, he must not like.

"Oh, Kid," he sighs. "You too?"

You nod. "I was so alone, Logan," you mumble. "Everyone was alive but…. I didn't remember this life, and no one knows Blink or Bishop or the others. It was a whole other life and no one knew it, and I waited so long. I didn't think you'd ever remember. I thought maybe that future had got lost in transit with you."

"No, Kitty. Just slower. Drowning takes it out of you," he deadpans.

A weight is lifted off your chest because now you aren't alone.

"I'm so glad you're here, Logan," you say gratefully and he frowns.

"That's great and all kid, but how come you remember? Charles said-"

"Charles said what?" you ask slowly, a feeling of dread washing over you.

Logan pauses before speaking again. "You wouldn't remember. You wouldn't remember anything."

You're out of there like a flash and barging into The Professor's office, Logan hot on your heels, protesting.

"Kitty," Charles greets warily as you halt before his desk, trembling with anger.

"You said I wouldn't remember anything," you say to him. Charles looks at you unwaveringly. "You never said that to me. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out why I didn't know everything. Trying to figure out why most of my memories didn't have you there. Why you waited so long."

"Kitty-" Charles starts.

"You left us to die!" you yell, and Logan steps forward.

"That's enough, kid."

"No, Logan," the Professor says, holding up a hand, "let her continue."

"You let us to fend by ourselves while we were being picked off. You told us when we needed you, you would come. You promised, Professor. But where were you?"

"Kitty," Logan commands.

"Where were you when your school went down in flames? Where were you when your students were dying? Where were you when Rogue was killed? Where were you when we called, screaming in our minds, begging, pleading? Where were you?"

The Professor swallows and looks at you evenly. "I'm afraid I've made many promises I haven't been able to keep."

"Yeah, you're damn right you have," you agree sharply.

"I had to wait until we had tried all other avenues. We split up from you to give you the best chance of survival, that maybe you'd figure it out on your own. We had to wait until there was no other hope, nowhere else to turn. I had no choice."

You see where the Professor is coming from. You really do. It's a logical explanation. But you can't help but think what if there was no more option, no turning back time. What if that was how it ended and you all died. You died alone, thinking you had been abandoned by the one man who had promised you all so many things, but above all a safe place.

"You blocked it, didn't you?" you ask him, dreading the answer. "You blocked the very last memories." Logan and Charles share a look and Charles shakes his head.

"No, I didn't, Kitty. Whatever you're not remembering… you're blocking yourself. But Kitty?" he asks and you glance at him. "There are some things you don't want to remember."

X.x.X

"Bobby?" you say hesitantly to the man sitting in front of you. It's been two months since Rogue died and Bobby has just been going through the motions since then. He mourned, he cried, he dealt with it and got over it. Or so he said. But there was no life in him anymore. No drive. He kept going for the others- he was the leader they needed- but he didn't inspire them like he used to. He didn't want to die- but for the first time he didn't feel like there was much to live for either.

In the interim, as you were struggling to keep everybody together and alive, Peter had stepped up, organising supply runs, going with Blink to scout the next sites, training Warpath. He was helpful and reliable, but everyone had their own load and burden to bear. Everyone had red in their ledger, people dead for knowing them, being related to them, helping them- and Peter felt Rogue's blood was on his hands.

"Bobby, we're moving out now," you say gently. "There's no one here. Blink's found a new place. We gotta go."

Bobby acknowledges you, finally, nodding. He gets distracted by the pages in his hands a few seconds longer before looking at you. "Did you know about this?" he asks you, gesturing to the letter. You peer at the pages, Rogue's familiar cursive undeniable. You shake your head wordlessly, overwhelmed. While Rogue is gone she's also everywhere.

"She wrote this…I'm not even sure how long ago. Maybe she knew," he concedes, "or maybe she was just smarter than the rest of us. She always was prepared like that. Or maybe the rest of us were just naïve," he admits.

You swallow the lump in your throat, asking, "What does it say?"

Bobby pauses before speaking. "She says to not give up. To keep looking for a way out, to fix this. She wants me to have hope and share it with other people. She said," he grimaces, "Hope is all that a leader has left to give."

You surprise yourself by agreeing. "She's right," you admit, "Sometimes there's nothing else to give. Hope is a very powerful thing."

"Yeah," he agrees, looking at you intently, "It is."

You match his stare for a moment before replying. "Did she say anything else?"

Bobby inclines his head. "Yeah, yeah. She….she said a lot."

You nod, "Sorry that was really intrusive of me. It's probably personal." You make to leave, but he grabs hold of your wrist.

"She said she wanted me to be happy," he says suddenly, his hand slipping into yours. Your heart is pounding so loud you're sure he can hear it, but you remain nonchalant.

"Oh?"

He flashes you the smile- it's so rare you see it these days, the smile of the boy that took you ice skating on the fountain- and squeezes your hand. "You make me happy."

Your heart skips a beat and you bite your lip. "Bobby-"

"I know. I know it's crazy, and it's too soon and you'll say I'm grieving and yeah, I am. I lost my first love. But things are so…fragile. Nothing is stable or normal. And you, or me or any of us could die at any time, and I don't want that to happen without you know that I care about you, Kitty," Bobby levels his eyes with yours, "As more than a friend."

While most of you is jumping for joy and screaming finally, part of you feels guilty. Rogue was a teammate, she was your friend. Silently liking her boyfriend was one thing, but turning around a being with him would be betrayal.

Or would it?

The rules of the world are so different now. It's fragile, like Bobby said. Life is short. And there's so much misery in it. When there's even a glimpse of happiness, you need to take it, because it might not last forever.

With that, your resolve crumbles. "I like you as more than a friend too."