A.N.: Hey guys! Back with chapter twelve! Chapter Thirteen might be up a little late but hopefully it won't be! I hope you guys enjoy! This chapter probably has one of my favourite scenes to write EVER in it. Inspiration was drawn from a scene in Astonishing X-Men Issue 13 (I think). Let me know what you think!

With, without
We trust, we doubt
To find, to lose
We hurt, we bruise
The hand, the heart
An end, a start

Who decides the rules for lovers like you and I?

-'The Rules For Lovers' Richard Walters.

CHAPTER TWELVE

X.x.X

You stumble out of the medical wing and through the rest of your day, mechanically going through your class, noticeably subdued. Word had got out that Mr Rasputin was injured in the last mission, so nobody was overly surprised.

Except you, when you hear a knock on the door after your class had left and are greeted by Rogue. "Hey," she greets and after a beat you respond.

"Hey, Rogue."

It's awkward for you, being around Rogue, as she'd always had what you'd wanted. Jealousy was involved, and you'd convinced yourself she was a selfish cow, the villain in your and Bobby's happy ending at first, then the dark shadow of guilt hanging around after you finally got together. Even at that, it was because of her. Even if being around her hurt- a constant reminder Bobby wasn't and never would be yours- the pain had subsided to a dull occasional ache, replaced by the happiness you found that you felt at the fact that there was life here, so many heartbeats at the mansion, thriving and full of life, the way it always should be. So you can't find it in you to hate her, not that you ever had anything but petty reasons to in the first place.

She leans in the doorway for a second before pushing into the room, and you can't help but get the feeling this is just as awkward for her as it is for you. "Do you have a minute?" she asks and you nod hesitantly.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

Rogue sits on one of the desks, leaning forward. "I heard Pete was injured today, is he alright?" she asks and you stiffen.

"He'll be fine, as far as I know," you reply shortly, and she sighs.

"Kitty-" Rogue starts and you shoot her an icy glare.

"It's really none of your business, Rogue," you snap, and she looks at you evenly.

"You're right. It's none of my business. But he's my friend, Kitty, and whether you believe it or not, so are you."

Believe it or not.

Do you believe it?

Do you not?

You're exhausted at this point, because you don't know what you believe. You don't know what you believe to be your world- the desolate future that never happened, or this one, a strange reality to you but one that you've found a home in non-the-less.

You don't know who you believe you love- Bobby or Peter? Both are yours and neither are yours.

Most importantly of all- you don't know who you are.

Are you the gentle teacher the children think you are, the one they'll come to if they're homesick and need someone to talk to, or are you a war-torn woman, willing to do whatever it took to stay alive?

You half think maybe this is your price, this is how you atone for the sins of the other future, and that this is what you deserve.

You slump against your desk, very little fight left in you. "He hates me, Rogue," you say miserably. "He's all I have here and he hates me. And he has every right to. I've been awful. I just…haven't been myself, not that that's an excuse."

Rogue pauses before speaking, clearly choosing her words carefully. "Pete…well Peter will put up with so much," she states hesitantly, "he's patient, and kind. But even the best people's patience can wear thin."

"I just- I feel like I'm trying, but I'm always doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing- he deserves better. Peter deserves better," you realise.

Rogue rolls her eyes. "Give me a break, Kitty."

You blink at her, shocked at her outburst. "Excuse me?"

Rogue stands with a hand on her hip and says "you're complaining about how things are at the minute- Peter hates you, you think you're awful, you don't know who you are- I get it. I've been there. But you need to pull yourself together, Kitty, or you're going to lose everything. You're going to lose Peter. Do you want that to happen?" the other girl demands, and you falter.

"I-"

"Do you?" she presses, an eyebrow raised.

"I don't deserve him," you shoot at her exasperatedly. "He could do so much better."

Rogue tilts her head in acknowledgement of that, but gives you a small smile. "Yeah," she agrees, "maybe he could. But he doesn't want anyone else," she shrugs. "He wants you." Rogue sways to jut out her other hip, striding confidently towards you. "The question is," she concludes slowly. "Are you willing to fight for him, Kitty cat? Or are you going to phase out of his life as quickly as you can out of this room?" her eyes hold a challenge, just the right amount of it- enough to make you want to fight. Enough to give you that drive. Enough to fuel you to get ready for a whole new kind of battle.

You stand up and straighten to your full height- not that it's a lot, Rogue has at least a few inches on you, but her face changes into something resembling approval. "What do I do?" you ask determinedly.

X.x.X

"How did we- when did the others find out?" you query hesitantly. Peter grimaces and rubs the back of his neck.

"Well, it was…bad," he starts, "and it started before we even did."

You descend into the kitchen with Peter after one of your early training session, ravenous, as always. Peter works you hard- sometimes hard enough to rival Logan himself- and you always come away aching but happy in the knowledge you're working harder, getting stronger, becoming faster. He's laughing at you falling on your ass at least four times on your attempts to flip him, and you cover your face in embarrassment, but you're laughing too. Your laughter falls short at the sight of a stony faced Logan, sipping coffee at the kitchen table. He still manages to give you a fright sometimes, and you titter a nervous laugh. "Hey Mr. Logan," you greet and make your way to the cupboard and grab a bowl out of it.

Logan's gaze shifts from you to Peter, and you frown at him, wondering why he's looking at you weird. Oh God, is he mad you didn't ask him for extra lessons and turned to Peter? You don't want him mad at you over that. He's already a hardass trainer, you don't want him being extra tough on you. "Half-Pint," he greets finally, "Colossus," You roll your eyes at this.

"Gee Mr. Logan, wouldn't it be great if Colossus had a real name, like, Peter, for example," you joke casually hoking through the cupboard to find your cereal. "Damnit, Jones must have taken it again," you mutter and Logan calls you.

"Hey, kid, Storm was saying there's a new kid arriving today, she could use some help with the welcome wagon," Logan suggests and you roll your eyes, grab an apple and shoot a two fingered wave at him. "Why am I always on the welcome wagon?" you frown and he grimaces.

"It must be your cheery disposition. Now go," he mutters gruffly and you sigh and head through the kitchen wall, venturing down the far end of the school.

Logan's eyes fall on Peter's face, who shifts uncomfortably. Silently, he gestures to the seat beside him, and Peter shakes his head. "I'm fine-"

"Sit."

Peter sits, flinching under Logan's scrutiny. "Logan-" he starts and is interrupted.

"She's seventeen."

"There's nothing going on," Peter protests and Logan levels his eyes at the younger man.

"She's seventeen."

Peter sighs, slumping in his seat. "I know," he says miserably.

"You're twenty two," Logan states, and Peter nods.

"I know," he repeats.

"You can't-"

"I know, okay? Whatever it is, I know," Peter grits out sharply.

Logan stares at the metal man, clearly uncomfortable and self-loathing. Rasputin was an honourable guy, a man of morals and principles, he wasn't the sort of punk to stir trouble for no reason or to kick up a scandal. This was clearly tormenting him, but- as Logan well knew- you can't chose who you love.

"Is there anything going on?" Logan asks finally, and Peter shakes his head.

"No, no. Definitely not."

"Good," the older man states.

"Yep."

"Because she's seventeen."

"Jesus, Logan, I get it. I'm not going to try anything. She's…out of bounds. Off limits, in more ways than one."

Logan takes a sip of his coffee, considering this. "Do you love her?"

Peter shifts uncomfortably. "No. Yes. Maybe." He sighs. "It's complicated."

Logan grunts. "It always is."

Peter barks out a laugh, looking out the kitchen window where he sees Kitty searching around for Storm. Logan smirks and then turns his attention back to his teammate.

"Hey, Rasputin," he starts and the younger man looks at him again. "If you care about her- wait. She's mature because of what and who she is, but she's still young. So wait, and see how things pan out."

Peter nods. "I have good intentions. I'm not planning anything, it's all under control."

"Because it could cost you your career. You're here on your year's teacher training, remember. Not just as a student and an X-Man," Logan reminds him.

"I know, Logan. Nothing is going to happen."

Logan examines Peter's face for a second, and apparently approves of what he sees. "Alright," he grunts. "And Colossus?" The other man acknowledges him and Logan finishes wearily. "For the love of God, wait until she's legal before you do anything…inappropriate."

Kitty arrives back in the kitchen just in time to see Peter choke on his breakfast.

It's Logan who's in the kitchen the morning after they spend their first night together, the two of you arriving in a similar fashion to how you did all those years ago. Logan, sitting at the table with his coffee, looks between the two of you, and instead of a lecture or threats, the greeting you finally get is

"It's about damn time."