A.N.: Hey guys! Clodagh here with the last chapter! BUT we still have an epilogue! This story I've been working on since May 2014 and it's been a labour of love, frustration and abandonment, being honest. But I haven't regretted a moment of it! I've loved writing this story and these characters, and writing Kitty's insanity kept me going through a hard time of my own, and the comics and the characters reminded me that we do have to seek happiness and take it where we can, and I think that's a very powerful message.
So, before I post the chapter, I thought I'd share some fun facts/ behind the scenes of writing 'Love Like Fools.'
When researching the height and weights of the characters for Peter and Kitty's fight scene, I went by the actor's statistics. Daniel Cudmore- according to the internet- is 5"8. I nearly choked on my tea.
The first scene in the first chapter was based off part of the first X-Men comic I ever read: Astonishing X-Men #13. (The phasing through the floor naked.) My poor, innocent child self thought that Kitty had had a nightmare or something and was so surprised she phased. Looking back on it and re-reading that scene makes me realise I was a really innocent kid and I probably shouldn't have been reading it aged 8.
Kitty and Rogue being roommates as teenagers came from X-Men: Evolution.
Rogue is in Public Relations because I didn't see her as a teacher, and I didn't know whether to have it that the cure was only temporary so she could be an X-Men again. So Rogue is still cured and an invaluable part of mutantkind- working on their public image to help make them more accepted.
There will be a story in the same universe to do with Hank and Raven on here at some point- a reference will be made in the epilogue- due to a deleted scene/idea from the movie in which Raven was at the Institute teaching biology with Hank.
References were made to both X-Men: Evolution and Astonishing X-Men in the scene where Kitty phased the school so the bullets would pass through- her trying and failing to phase objects that large came from when she tried to phase a train through another, and the line about her getting stuck inside the missile was a dig at Kitty being phased-fused with the bullet (thought to be a missile) in Astonishing X-Men.
The temptation was real to have it that the Avengers helped the mutants when they were in New York during the Sentinel attacks- and have it that Natasha Romanoff helped Kitty learn how to fight like that. The temptation. Was. Real.
In the first draft, Kitty was pregnant at the time Logan injured her- the child was Bobby's from the bad future, but it was lost due to the injury, and Jean had discovered the pregnancy when examining her- didn't serve a cause so that plot-point was dropped.
The friendship of Logan and Kitty comes from X-Men: Evolution for him being protective over her, and from the comic 'Kitty and The Wolverine' of their mutual respect of one another.
This story was a way to give another side to Kitty Pryde. Kitty in the comics is righteous, good and loyal. Whilst some may argue she's a Mary-Sue, I disagree. I find it refreshing that you have a character who is good and stays good and true, and can still stay true to themselves and get shit done. However I wanted to play around with a dark Kitty, not knowing who she is or what she's capable of. She's stubborn and emotional and irrational and careless, and I wanted to show these traits. I wanted to make her a character who gave you conflicting emotions, who you weren't sure if you liked or not, because I wanted to make her real. And I hope I portrayed that.
I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think- it's the last chapter (excluding the epilogue)-humour me!
How could a heart like yours
Ever love a heart like mine?
How could I live before?
How could I have been so blind?
You opened up my eyes
You opened up my eyes
-'Heart Like Yours', Willamette Stone.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
X.x.X
You're in your room tidying some bits away- one thing you didn't miss, laundry- when you feel a rising paranoia settle over you, an uncomfortableness that you can't shake. You grimace and press your hand to your side- the lacerations nearly healed. You hadn't felt any pain from it in weeks, but a dull ache was starting to form.
You straighten and shake your head, unsure of yourself. You're putting something in the dresser when you're rocked by a sense of dread that takes your breath away, and you stumble, catching yourself on the dresser so you don't fall.
They're coming, they're coming.
I think they're gone.
Footsteps.
"No," you whisper and take off like a shot out of the room and down the hall. You're relying on your feet knowing the way, leading you out of here, leading you to him. You're not even sure where he is but you have to get to him, you have to help him and save him because they're coming, you can hear them and your heart is pounding and you're going as fast as you can, the noise of them pushing you further as you hear his agonised screams.
Part of you knows it's not real, the sentinels aren't coming and you're all safe in the mansion. But most of you is screaming to run, to run to him and save him because he's in the firing line, they'll tear him apart and kill him and part of you will die too. It was and is real to you, so you push yourself to go even faster before it's too late.
You only stop when you hear more agonised screams- Bobby. Peter. Bobby. Peter. The sentinels. You can't help both of them, you can't save both of them.
Without another seconds thought- not that you really ever did- you keep heading the way you were going.
You phase through floors and doors and you don't stop in-case it might be too late, and without a pause you run through twenty solid feet of metal, every fibre in your phasing body straining, and with a final cry you're in the war zone.
The world is on fire.
The streets are filled with it. There is rubble and half demolished buildings everywhere, and you hear people crying and screaming but you push on because they're close, you can feel it. You feel the dread pooling in your stomach and the adrenaline pumping through your veins, the fear you won't find him, you won't get to him in time racing through your mind.
You're running over a hill when you see him, he's just taken one of the sentinels out but you don't stop as another has teleported in behind him, your determination making your bounds longer, stronger, and it's reaching out its deformed, spiked hand to stab him in the back, and you scream "no!" as you throw yourself in front of Peter just as he turns around. You wait for the death blow to come but it doesn't, instead the world of fire snaps into a plain one of chrome and metal, the words 'simulation terminated' blaring overhead. As the Danger Room rectifies itself you drop to your hands and knees, panting.
"What's wrong? What happened?" Peter is at your side instantly, his cool façade wiped away to show genuine concern. He kneels beside you, his hand at your back, his eyes sweeping over your face and body, assessing the damage and trying to figure out what had happened. You can't help but be irritated- you're fine, it's him you're worried about.
"You- you're alright?" you gasp out, pushing up to your knees to examine him. "You're okay? They didn't hurt you?" you ask frantically.
He shakes his head quickly, steadying you. "No, look, I'm fine. See? I was just trying to keep my strength up, I don't want to fall behind in training because of my injury. What happened?" he asks, confused, then understanding dawning in his eyes. "Sentinels. Oh, Kitty, I'm so sorry."
You stagger to your feet, still catching your breath. "I- you- you're okay," you realise finally and he nods, a furrow in his brow. "Kitty, I'm fi-oof!" he exclaims, just about catching you as you fling yourself at him, your arms wrapped around his waist tightly.
"Thank God," you whisper as you bury your face into his chest, and after a second he reciprocates. After holding you for a few seconds so you can catch your breath and reassess, Peter speaks. "Can you please explain what this is all about? Where did you even come from?"
You sigh and shift, answering uncomfortably. "The wall."
"The- the wall? The 30ft of solid metal? You came through there?" he asks, astonished.
"Huh. I'd judged it about 20ft, I guess I was going too fast to notice. But-yeah." You even surprised yourself. The Danger Room walls were supposed to withstand invasions, attacks and bombs, and were pretty darn hard to get through even if you phased.
Peter stares at you for a second. "Why?" he asks finally, and your eyes flutter closed.
"Because they were going to kill you," you reply quietly. You pace away from him, agitated. "The Sentinels were coming and you were going to be in the first line of fire, and I felt it, I felt them come for you. You were fighting them, you were trying, and there might not have been any going back this time, if Logan didn't fix it," you explain distantly. "You were fighting, but-but there were too many, and they were mutating. They overpowered you," your eyes fill up with tears as you try to continue, "and they tore you in half. I was- I was coming to help, I had to do something, and then I felt Bobby die too, but I couldn't leave you, I couldn't. I- I had to try and do something I had to help you," you sob desperately, the pain of losing him still raw. It felt like being torn in two, your soul ripped away from you. Peter embraces you again, comforting you, stroking your hair.
"I'm fine, Katya. I'm right here. The sentinels don't exist here, not on record anyway. This was just an old simulation that hadn't been used in a while, they weren't real. It had been updated-"
"Yeah," you interrupt sheepishly, "I may have updated it for Logan," you admit guiltily. "We deal differently." You shake your head against his chest, finishing, "it's not important." You're in silence for a moment, before Peter voices something that had clearly occurred to him.
"You choose to save me over Bobby?" he asks you quietly once you've calmed down and you nod.
"It felt like dying, Peter, losing you. I felt it. I couldn't- I couldn't do that again. Never again," you say determinedly. Peter pulls away from you, noticing the necklace around your neck.
"Where did you get this?" he asks roughly.
"It was on my jewellery box on my dresser," you reply slowly, "I just- I felt like I needed it. Like it would help."
Peter nods to it. "You wore it the day out in the grounds too."
"I didn't think you'd notice it, you barely looked at me."
"Of course I noticed it," he replies evenly, "I made it for you. It was my first year anniversary present for you."
You glance up at him, biting your lip. "I felt like it could maybe lend me some strength."
Peter smiles crookedly. "You always had plenty of that." After a hesitant pause, he speaks again. "Question 24," he asks finally, pulling you towards him. "Do you love me?" he asks, his face hopeful and hopeless and worried and assured.
In answer, you reach up and take his face in your hands. "I have lost you so many times, Piotr. And yet I need you like I need oxygen to breathe. I was a fool before," you whisper, "but I can't lose you again. I love you, Piotr Rasputin."
Needing no further confirmation, he sweeps you up into his arms, "Katya," he whispers your name reverently, like a prayer, "I have waited a long time for you to come back to me. Welcome home," he breathes, before the new beginning is sealed with a kiss.
It can never go back to exactly the way things were. You're both too different now. But after everything-
You can build a new future. Together.