For I felt what I had not felt before And you'd swear those words could heal
"Are you ready yet?" Rose calls from the bedroom.
"Almost!" he yells back. Taking another swipe at his hair, he decides it will do. Although maybe a spot more hair gel, just to-
"Come on, already!" Rose is at the door, looking rather annoyed.
"Just coming now," he says, smiling at her.
"Liar." She lets him move past her into the bedroom. "You'd fuss with your hair all day if I let you."
"Please, Rose Tyler." He looks at her critically. "Is that what you're wearing?"
"Don't change the subject."
"Really, though, is it?"
She flings a small stuffed rabbit at him. "Let's go."
Dinner with Jackie and Pete tonight. This is an almost weekly event, and neither of them dreads it. Some weeks are more fun than others. Weeks when Jackie and Pete have been arguing about something are no fun at all, but infrequent.
The Doctor pulls up in Rose's sleek black car and parks in front of the house.
"This is just because Pete's from his business trip, isn't it?" he asks Rose. "They're not going to spring someone or something on us, are they?"
"Mum just wants us for dinner. To welcome Dad back."
"He was only gone for two days." Taking Rose's hand, he starts for the house.
Jackie greets them the instant they walk in. "Hello!" She hugs Rose tight.
"Hi, Mum."
Jackie lets go of Rose and hugs the Doctor. He allows this and even hugs her back.
"How are you?" Jackie asks her daughter.
"My eyesight is just fine."
"Lovely. And you, Doctor? How's your hand?"
"Fine, thanks. Is that a new blouse?"
Jackie looks down at her blouse and rolls her eyes. "'Course not, you've seen this a thousand times."
"I doubt that," he says. Jackie shops for clothes the way normal people shop for groceries.
"Dinner's almost ready," Jackie says. "Come on inside."
"Hi!" Tony says, running into the hallway. "Hi, Rose! Look what Dad brought me."
"Hello, love." Rose bends down to give him a hug. "What have you got, Tony?"
Tony holds up a small metal device that looks vaguely like a metal flashlight.
"What's that?"
"It's a camera. Look!" He twists the little flashlight and a small column of light appears, surprising Rose and the Doctor.
"Try the other setting," Jackie says, and Tony twists it the other way. Into the column appears a picture of Jackie.
"How'd you do that?" Rose asks, puzzled.
"It's a camera!" Tony says again. "It's like a little tv set."
"How's it retaining that image?" the Doctor asks. He reaches out to touch the image. He hand passes right through it.
"It's some sort of recorder," Jackie explains. "Apparently it's going to be the next big thing. You can record anything you want and then watch it later. Pictures, video, all sorts of things."
The dining room table is set with Jackie's best china and crystal. Candles are lit down the middle and the lights are dimmed.
"What's going on?" Rose asks her mother. This is not the usual Saturday night dinner.
Jackie shrugs. "Just felt like being fancy. Your dad just came home."
"Yeah, but he was only gone two days," Rose says.
"Stop it. Sit down, then. Pete will be down in a minute." Jackie takes her usual seat and waits for them to be seated. Rose and the Doctor take their usual seats.
"Look, John," Tony says. "I'll take your picture."
"You can call me Doctor," he says, trying once more to make Tony call him by his proper name.
But Tony is still having issues with his previous doctor experience. He frowns. "Your name is John. Not Doctor."
"It is Doctor," the Doctor insists. "And I'm not the kind of doctor who'll prick you with a needle, so it's okay to say it."
"No," Tony says stubbornly.
The Doctor is prepared to pursue this, but Rose puts her hand on his arm. "Just smile."
"Hello," Pete says, coming into the room.
"Welcome back," Rose says, smiling up at him. "We were just admiring Tony's new toy."
"A bit much for a small boy," Pete admits, "but I thought he'd enjoy playing with it."
"Are we all ready?" Jackie asks. "Here, where's Marie?"
"Who's Marie?" Rose asks.
"The new maid. Lucy went off to get married, and Helen is on holiday." Jackie looks around as a young woman in a black dress enters the room. "There you are."
"Are you ready to be served, Mrs. Tyler?"
"Yes." Jackie waves a hand. "Go on."
Nothing amazes Rose more sometimes than the fact that her mum - her MUM - is in charge of this house. In charge of the money and the servants and everything else that comes with it. Jackie has taken to it like she was born to it, and Pete is happy to let her.
Rose doesn't mind because her mother is clearly so very happy. It's uncomfortable to sit while someone else serves her, though. It's one thing she can't get used to.
The Doctor, going through so many places and time periods in his long life, adapts to any situation, as easy as you please.
Maybe being made human hasn't been the easiest adaptation, but he is trying.
Once dinner is served and Marie is gone, the conversation digresses into ordinary family talk. Jackie is still concerned about Rose's eyesight, even though Rose says, repeatedly, that she is fine.
"Really, Mum. There's nothing wrong."
"Your eyes look strained," Jackie insists. "Are you squinting? You're much too young to have lines round your eyes."
"Mum-"
"She was having a hard time in the grocery today," the Doctor volunteers. "Kept staring at the jars like she couldn't see them."
"That's called comparing," Rose says in annoyance.
He smiles at her.
"Tony, put that recorder away," Pete says after Tony has taken yet another image of his father eating a forkful of pasta and vegetables.
"But it's fun, Dad."
"You can play with it afterwards," Jackie says. "Now eat your dinner."
"How is your research coming along on that alien rock?" Pete asks the Doctor.
The Doctor looks up, caught by surprise. His mind hasn't been on that alien rock lately.
"It's...coming along," he says slowly, stalling as he thinks of something to say. "Anna's going to run a few more tests on it."
"Any ideas?"
"Not so far."
Rose clears her throat. He carefully does not look in her direction. They can't seem to agree whether letting Pete in on the whole Sam Lively thing is a good idea.
"Although," he continues, "there may be something else coming up that I may be looking in to. Possibly."
Now he has Jackie's attention along with Pete's.
"What's that?" Pete asks.
"Nothing concrete yet," the Doctor hastens to say. "Just some rumors going about that a few aliens may be hiding here in Great Britain."
"Hiding?" Jackie says in slight alarm. "What for?"
"Oh, they don't want to do anything," he hastens to assure her. "They're just...living. Living out their lives."
Pete frowns. "Aliens."
"Possible aliens. Just rumors, really. Something we'll be looking into sometime soon."
"It's probably nothing," Rose says.
"Probably," he agrees, and hopes he hasn't overplayed his casualness.
"Well, keep me informed," Pete says.
"Now that that's all taken care of," Jackie says cheerfully, laying down her fork, "what's with the houses? Have you found anything yet?"
"Uh, no," Rose says, trying to think of how to explain what they've been doing without alarming and upsetting everyone there. "We'll be looking at some more early next week."
"Ooh, with Sally Marshall?"
Rose winces. "Yeah. We're not sure about her, though. She's acting very strange."
"She's the top producer in London. She's bound to be a bit eccentric."
Sally's been more than eccentric, in Rose's opinion, but she lets it go for now so that her mother won't go on and on about it.
"Looking for a house is a nice normal thing to do," Jackie says, laying down her fork. Rose's heart skips a beat. What is Jackie up to?
"Yes," she agrees cautiously. "That's us. Nice and normal."
"As normal as can be," the Doctor states cheerfully. "This is a great cream sauce, eh, Pete?"
"I prefer a tomato base, myself," Pete says.
"Oh, but then you miss out on -" The Doctor is interrupted by Jackie Tyler.
"Since you're all normal and human now," Jackie begins.
"Oi, half- human."
"Stop with your silly 'half'-ing," Rose tells him impatiently. "We get it."
"Just so we're clear," he mutters.
"And since you're here forever," Jackie continues, "tell me, Doctor: are you ever gonna settle down?"
"What do you mean? I live in a box with windows and carpets! What more could I do to prove my commitment to my humanness? Humanity. Human being-ness."
"Prove your commitment to Rose," Jackie shoots back, so fast that it's clearly been on her mind for at least the last several years.
Silence.
Jackie waits.
Rose cannot believe her mother just said that.
Pete affects a look of polite interest and tries to act uninvolved. Where Rose is concerned Jackie holds all the cards, and he's not going to interfere with this.
The Doctor only stares at them all, confused. What's he been doing, if not proving his commitment to Rose? Need he remind them of the various ways he's saved them and/or the world-slash-universe?
"Mum, please."
The annoyance on Jackie's face, and the mortification on Rose's, gradually leads him to the realization that he's missing something. Something big.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
"Do you mean, a, commitment?" It's rather hard to even speak the word.
"To Rose," Pete puts in, finally taking pity on him.
"Yes. Well." What does he say to this? In front of Pete and Jackie and Tony, and possibly the maids listening behind the door? Helpless, he looks at Rose.
She correctly interprets the look as a plea for assistance, not a way to avoid the question.
"Leave him," Rose says. "That's our business."
"It's not just your business," Jackie corrects her. "We're a family now."
And just like that, he's caught. He's spent so many years alone, longing for a family. He had to lose all of what made him him, but he's gained another one now.
"As to that," he starts, but Rose cuts him off. "That's enough," she says clearly, and just a little angrily.
"I'm only asking a question," Jackie protests.
"That's our business," Rose says firmly. "Just ours right now." She lays down her napkin. "Tony. Come show us your new toy."
oOoOo
Two days later Rose is still fuming over her mother's words. Prove his commitment to her! As if she needs a commitment! As if they're just an ordinary couple, living together, in love, planning to buy a house...Rose's train of thought trails off. He didn't even defend himself. He let Rose end the conversation and then he went out to play with Tony and never mentioned the subject again.
How could he not mention it? At all? All that night, after they left her parents' and went to a movie, holding hands and whispering over a tub of popcorn. Or on the way home, with music softly playing in the car and Rose trying not to fall asleep? The next morning when he insisted they go for a brisk jog and then out to lunch?
What is wrong with him?
What's wrong with her?
"You're chewing your nails," Riley says, and Rose is jerked out of her thoughts.
"Sorry. What?"
"You're chewing on your nails. Nasty habit. Stop it."
They're in the infamous Torchwood cafeteria, sharing a tea break before starting the day. Riley is leafing through a magazine.
"I wasn't chewing my nails."
"Sure you weren't. What's going on?"
"It's the Doctor. He's..." Rose trails off. He's what, exactly? What has he done that's so wrong, exactly?
"He's a man," Riley says, answering her unspoken question. "That's all I need to know. Give him some time and then tell him how and why he's wrong."
"Who's wrong?" The Doctor asks.
Rose looks up. He's standing next to their table, dressed for work in dark trousers and another of his blue shirts. Rose used to tease him about his habit-forming clothing. First jumpers and black leather, then brown pinstriped suits and trainers. This new version appears to be stuck on the color blue. Thankfully, it's a normal blue, not the shocking brightness of the suit he was wearing when they first landed back on this planet. Dark blue, light blue, medium blue. He's found something that works and he's not going to bother with much else.
"Nothing is wrong," Riley says, gathering her mug and magazine and standing up. "See you later."
"I'm going to see Donna today," the Doctor says, taking Riley's seat. "Right now, actually."
Rose's worries disappear in the face of her concern for him. "Are you sure?"
"I won't tell her everything. Well, probably not. At least not right away. I'll just find out what she knows about Sam Lively and his disappearing act."
"Do you want me to come along?" she offers.
He hesitates but shakes his head. "I shouldn't be too long."
oOoOo
So he's once again taken the coward's way out. There is time enough to talk to Rose - not time enough, there will never be time enough - and they can come to an understanding. But right now there is Donna, and he can't think about anything else with this coming up so soon.
Donna was his friend and he's part of her, and even though this Donna is not that Donna, it's still hard to look her in the eye without telling her how much he misses her.
Driving up to the movie studio, he parks the car and walks to the door. He pauses, hand on the doorknob, and takes a deep breath.
Okay. He can do this. Stepping up to the reception desk, he braces himself and clears his throat.
The receptionist looks up. "Yes?"
"John Smith. I've an appointment with Sam Lively."
"Mr. Lively isn't here at the moment."
"We had an appointment," he says. A lie, obviously, and rather a big one, but sometimes you have no choice.
"I'm sorry," the receptionist says apologetically. "Perhaps Mr. Lively forgot."
"Fine," the Doctor says with an air of impatience. "Where's Clive?"
"He's not here either."
"Is there someone around who might be able to help?" he asks. "Sam's assistant Derek? Or... Donna Noble, perhaps? She was helpful last time I was here."
She picks up her phone and dials a number. "Someone to see you, Ms. Noble. He says he had an appointment with Mr. Lively and would like to see you instead." She sets the phone down. "She'll be up in a bit."
He stands where he is, hands in his pockets. he an feel his single heart beating rather quickly. He's still not sure this will work. He's still not sure what he'll do if it doesn't work. Footsteps bring his attention back to the hallway.
It's Donna, dressed in a black suit with her hair down around her shoulders. She comes to a dead stop when she sees him.
"Oh, not you."
"Hello!" he says cheerfully. "Do you have a minute to talk?"
"No," she says shortly. "Mary Beth, call security."
"There's no need to go that far, Donna, honestly."
"Ms. Noble to you," she says frostily. "There is nothing more you could possibly have to say to me that I would care about."
He glance sat the receptionist and steps close to Donna. "Look, about last time... well, forget all that I said about, about phone numbers and screenplays. I haven't got a screenplay."
She folds her arms. "But you are still looking for Sam Lively."
"Aren't you?"
He's caught her off guard and she blinks. "Why would I be looking for him?"
"He's gone missing."
Alarm flashes in her eyes. "Where did you hear that?"
"A friend of his told me."
"A friend of Sam's? What's his name?"
"Her. Her name, actually."
"Her? A woman?" Donna's voice changes a bit, and he recognizes the tone, even though this isn't the Donna he used to travel with. She's trying to hide something.
"Doesn't Sam have women friends?" he asks innocently.
"Of course he does. I mean, I don't know. But he's allowed to," she trails off.
He's confused. Could this Donna have a thing for Sam Lively? Her alien boss? Even if she doesn't know he's an alien, it's still all a bit weird.
Weren't things complicated enough? he wonders to himself.
He keeps looking at Donna. "Is he missing or not?"
She glares at him. "Come with me."
He follows her down the hallway to a small office. She gestures with her arm and he goes inside. She follows him in and closes the door.
"Al right," she says briskly, sitting down behind a desk that's covered with stacks of scripts. "Who are you?"
"John Smith."
"Please. That's the worst fake name I've ever heard. What are you really called?"
"That's really my name."
"Right."
"Some people call me the Doctor," he offers.
"The Doctor."
"Yes."
"Just 'The Doctor'?"
"Yes."
"So you're not at all pretentious, then."
He has to work at it to keep calm. Rose would not want him to get impatient or upset. He repeats that several times to himself.
"My name is Doctor John Smith. Blame my parents if you like."
She drums her finger son the desk. "Fine. Dr. Smith. How did you know my name?"
"I didn't. Not really. I sort of...took a guess."
"You took a guess on my name," she repeats. "A name that is no way as common as, say, for example, your own."
He sighs. This Donna is suspicious and cynical and he's never getting out of this.
"Look, I did some research into Mr. Lively after he went missing. Your name came up, as well as a photo of you. Is that reasonable?" He frames it as a sarcastic question, but really he wants to know if she does in fact believe him.
"Fine. You know my name. What is it you're doing here?"
"Sam's friend contacted me for help. She hasn't seen him in a while and she suspects foul play." He can't believe that he just heard the words 'foul play' come out of his mouth. He's been stranded on this planet for too long.
"Who is this 'friend' of his?" Donna demands, and yep, there is definitely jealously there. Just what he needs.
"They're old friends. From childhood. Back...home."
She nods slowly. "One of his mates from Cornwall."
"Cornwall?" he repeats. "Is that where he said - where he's from?"
"Yes. On the coast."
"Huh." Of al the places to pick as your false home, Cornwall is probably the most unlikely the Doctor could have thought of.
"What's this friend's name?" Donna continues. "I've never heard him talk much about his home. He goes back to visit now and again but he never talks about it."
"He goes back?"
"Sometimes."
The Doctor frowns at this and stares across the room. "How often?"
"I don't know. A few times a year."
That does not make sense. He's trying to work out they whys in his head but Donna brings him back to reality.
"He hasn't gone missing, exactly. He's just not here."
"Do you know where he went?"
"No. He doesn't always say."
"So he might not be missing."
"No."
"But you still don't know where he is. So he could, in fact, be missing," the Doctor points out.
"Yes," Donna says reluctantly. "He's never left without telling me where he's going to. We're pretty good friends. He likes my work."
"And Clive?"
She swallows. "Clive?"
"His partner."
"He's missing, too," Donna admits, and seems to deflate. "They're both gone. They're both bloody GONE, and Derek the assistant is no help at all, and I've got people calling all the time, asking where they are and what's going on, and I haven't got the slightest idea what to tell any of them."
"I'm here to find him."
"Why?"
"Because his friend is worried about him. Very worried. And because something may have happened to him."
"Happened?" she says sharply. "Like what? Sam is the most stable man I know. He wouldn't get mixed up in anything dangerous or disappear for no reason."
And yet he's done just that. The Doctor does not point this out, and thinks Rose would be proud of him for not doing so.
"How well do you know him?" he asks her.
"Well enough. I've worked with him for a few years now."
"Right," he murmurs. "Well. Thanks for your time." He stands up and holds out his hand. She takes it almost without thinking, and he shakes it enthusiastically.
Something seems to pass between their hands, and they both pull back at the same time, confused.
She stares at him without really seeing him. Finally she shakes her head to clear it.
"Is that it?" she demands. "You've come and asked questions and now you're leaving?"
He's a bit stunned himself by what's happened, and not at all sure what it was or why it happened. "There's nothing else I can do here," he explains. "I'll be in touch."
"But who are you? Who do you work for? Are you a detective or something?"
"Er...no. I'm not."
"Then who are you?"
"I'm a scientist. That's all."
"And you're doing this on your own?"
"Yes," he says, and he's so glad that he can answer at least that one question without lying. "I'm doing this for his friend."
"But you can't just go. You're telling me that Sam is missing and that something may have happened, and -"
"I have to go, Donna," he interrupts her. "But I'll keep in touch."
"Keep in touch!" she echoes in disbelief. "I'm going to the police this instant and filing a missing persons!"
He steps close to her. "Donna Noble," he murmurs, "do not call the police. I assure you it's not in Sam's best interests. I'll let you know what I find out."
"Don't you dare threaten me!" she says furiously. "Who do you think you are?"
"I'm a higher authority than the police," he snaps back, "and I'm telling you to leave it alone until I get back to you. Or else." He emphasizes the last two words and steps out of the office.
Donna stands there, alone, for a long moment. "Insufferable prawn," she mutters. Going back to her desk, she sits down and picks up her phone.