A/N: The long awaited Chapter Nine. Enjoy. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mediator series… it wouldn't be any fun if I did. :P

This Is Now, For Now

Chapter Nine

I was dimly aware of the pounding in my head when I first regained consciousness.

The ground was so, so cold. I could feel the freezing stone pressed against my cheek and arm, and shivers soon racked my body. I tried to open my eyes, and when I finally pried them open from being glued tight shut, I was either in a really dark room or had a piece of cloth wrapped around my head.

"She's awake," I heard the voice drawl. A girl's voice.

The pounding in my head was making it kind of hard to focus on one thing at once: the cold floor, the goosebumps rising up on my arms, the slight pulsing in my jaw, the fact that I couldn't see, the girl's voice that I was sure I had heard before.

And then I recognized it: Josefina de Silva.

I tried to wiggle my toes, get some circulation into them. Since half of my body was currently making contact with the stone cold floor, I bent my legs and attempted to stand, but I fell again as soon as my ankles caught on something. My bruised jaw hit the floor, and I almost cried out in pain. Instead, I just grit my teeth and tasted the blood in my mouth.

"Don't waste your time, Suze," Josefina said in a sickly sweet tone. "You're tied down. It's no use trying to get up."

Her voice sounded close, too close for my comfort, especially when my eyes were blindfolded – which was pretty much my only defense ninety percent of the time. I tried to move my arms, but my wrists were tied together. And jerking forward didn't help at all because my torso was obviously restrained. I could feel the cutting rope digging into my ribcage.

Damn.

"Josefina," I called out in a steady voice. "What is going on?" If she played on the nice act – I already had my suspicions about her – I could keep it up for as long as possible.

Her high-pitched Spanish cackle echoed, suggesting we were in a high-ceiling room. "What do you mean? There's nothing going on, as far as I know. But if you're desperate for an answer, you can ask Jesse."

My heart constricted and dropped all in the matter of half a second. Jesse? Jesse was here? What was he doing here? Why was he just sitting there while I had three ropes tied around me? More than ever, I wanted to tear off the blindfold and see.

If Jesse was actually here, he had to be keeping quiet, because I couldn't hear any footsteps. Just Josefina's annoying voice. "Jesse, do you want to explain to Suze why you're here? Exactly what has been going on?"

I wanted him to tell me what happening because, you know, I couldn't exactly see anything. But at the same time, I didn't want him to admit to the fact that he was actually here. Watching me struggle with binds on my wrists, ankles, chest, and eyes. Leaving me completely defenseless to the world around me.

Oh, yeah, he so loved me.

I just kept my mouth shut instead, hoping Josefina would take the hint that I wasn't believing her one bit, not at all. And hopefully I could be untied, get a surrounding check, know where I was, and kick everybody's butt. Fight or flight, right?

"Oh, Josefina, take her blindfold off," Jesse said in an exasperated tone. "She'll have to know what's going on eventually, right?"

Jesse. So he was here, and it wasn't just one of Josefina's twisted lies. I felt ghostly hands reach around my head to untie, unwrap, and release a black blindfold from my field of vision. Josefina's deceiving, smiling face greeted me as soon as my eyes adjusted to the incoming light.

"Well, hello there!" she said with that bright smile leering at me. "Isn't it nice to see me again?"

Okay, her happy-go-lucky tone was making me nauseous, as well as how close she was to my face. The ethereal glow that surrounded her was practically blinding me, after I had been left in the dark – no pun intended – for so long.

She finally backed up, and I looked around the room. The high windows, the rows and rows of wooden benches… the familiar setting finally clicked in my mind. It was the Mission's church. I could now clearly see the holy pictures in the stained glass windows, and the full moon shining through and creating patterns on the floor.

A red piece of glass illuminated Jesse's face.

He stood there with the guiltiest look I've ever seen on someone's face when I met his gaze. It actually looked like he was in physical pain, the way his features were contorted and screwed up. My heart went out to him, just for one second, before I drew it back in and locked it up.

What is he doing here?

Obviously, something strange was going on, something that I was either going to ask nicely about, or beat the crap out of Josefina to get the answer. Although the binds on my limbs were sort of holding me back for the second option.

"Jesse," I croaked, my throat dry and raspy, "what is going on?"

Josefina huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. They stood next to each other a few foot in front of me in the moonlight that filtered through the multi-colored windows. They looked like twins in the dark. Except for the fact that, you know, one was dead.

"Should we tell her?" Josefina said. "Or is she really that dumb, that she hasn't connected the dots yet? That she still has no idea what's going on?"

Okay. Nobody makes a fool out of me, especially a dead Spanish sweetheart, so I raised my head from the stone cold floor and took a closer look around.

I was definitely in the Mission. We used to come here every day, last period, for prayer, so I think I'd recognize it. I turned my head to confirm that, yes, I was tied around the chest to the altar of the church, with binds around my ankles and wrists. So, no hope for escape there.

But then I paid attention to the details. Jesse had on a nice suit, and Josefina was wearing a black dress that was wispy and floor length – which was totally out of style, any girl could tell her that. At the bottom of Josefina's feet sat some candles, a Bible, a blanket, a few matches…

No. I felt my stomach drop as I realized the reason for my binds. But playing dumb never hurt anyone. Hey, it could be even used as a last defense.

"Um, what?" I said. Jesse gave me a desperate look. "I don't get it."

"Wow. You're really stupider than you look." Since when had this evil, backstabbing bitch lived in Josefina? I had suspected something, but damn, I thought 1800's girls had better language and manners than this.

Josefina picked up a few candles, placed them in their holders, and started to light each one with a match on the ground in front of her. "Jesse, you explain to her."

Jesse looked like the last thing he wanted to do was explain things to a pissed-off, super confused me, but he took a deep breath and said, "We lied, Suze."

This was it. My mind went blank. I could handle Josefina lying, but him? Jesse? After everything that we had been through together? The church started to spin in disbelief, and I didn't even know what he was lying about.

"What?" I said, my throat dry.

"We didn't come to your house asking for you to soul transfer Josefina into another body," Jesse said. "We came here to gain your trust, so that we could soul transfer you out of your body and put Josefina in."

What?

Josefina let out a high-pitched giggle and now, all four candles lit, started to place one at each of the four corners of my body: one by my left leg, right leg, left arm, right arm. "Oh, yes. Didn't you know? We had picked out the body a long time ago. That body was you."

My blood froze. Maybe if I was on my feet and armed and had my exorcism tools, I wouldn't have felt so scared. But, tied down and trapped and helpless, I only felt fear.

"But… how? Why?" I managed to choke out.

Jesse stared at the floor, not daring to see my expression, and talking in a rushed way. "Josefina came to my apartment in New York around six months ago. She told me that she wanted a body, wanted to live again. And since I was a shifter, I could soul transfer her into another body, as long as it was free of a soul."

"I threatened to kill you in your sleep with a knife if Jesse didn't comply. It would be quick, fast, and you wouldn't know what hit you while you were sleeping," Josefina added in a sweet tone.

"Josefina didn't want to act until you were out of school, so we waited until you graduated, which wasn't hard to figure out from your letters," he said as if rehearsed. "But until then, she didn't want me to have any contact with you. Distance myself. Stop talking to you."

"Breaking off any trust between you two," she added, approaching me with the blanket, which looked soft and warm and oh-so wrong for the situation.

Jesse took a deep breath, hands clasped behind his back. "We came to you. Josefina wanted to develop a connection to you, so you would trust her. The body searching was all to gain your trust."

"And I told him to eliminate any trust between you two. So, that's why when you gave an order, he answered." I immediately thought of the abrupt change from Susannah to Suze. God, wow, was I blind.

Josefina seemed to take over the storytelling now. "But Nombre de Dios, you are so cynical! I still haven't earned your trust. Well, I suppose I won't now, after punching you in the jaw and tying you to the altar, but still. At least we wore nice clothes for your funeral. Now, up, I need to put this blanket under you."

So. Basically, I was the one to die the whole time. Not one of the babes on the beach, pretties on the boardwalk, or best friend. Always me. I was always the one whose soul would get tossed out to rot in the spectral plane for the rest of eternity.

God, how dumb I have been.

Did it even occur to me that after one month of searching, we still hadn't found a body? Connected the dots between Jesse's lack of trust and Josefina's overwhelming amount? Noticed that there was something up with Josefina timely popping up, the de Silva bloodline, the Susannah-Suze name identity crisis, the huge danger Jesse tried to warn me about?

No. I didn't notice. And it was leading to my death.

"Hello?" Josefina said. "I said up. If you want to die uncomfortable, fine by me, but Jesse insisted we shouldn't do this the Peruvian way. And I don't want to wake up in my new body uncomfortable and cold."

Not really having a choice, I lifted up my body in a complicated pose, one where my hips lifted off the ground, while Josefina slid the blanket under me. It provided a single barrier between the cold floor so I wasn't freezing my butt off each second that clocked closer to my death. But I was too numb to feel the small chill anyway.

"I'm sorry, Susannah," Jesse whispered, his voice almost inaudible from Josefina's shuffling around.

And then I remembered his words from the night before, when he stayed the night with me and comforted me and made me feel that I was safe against this impending doom. You have to trust me, and know whatever happens, I'll save you.

What a bunch of lies.

He knew. He knew the whole time. He knew six months ago, when he started ignoring me. He knew one month before, when he showed up at my doorstep with an undead bitch and I grudgingly agreed to the soul transfer. He knew a few weeks prior, when Josefina and I went body searching. He knew one day ago, when he pleaded for my trust.

The biggest hypocrite in the world was standing in front of me. What right did he have to ask for my trust, when he knew he would be betraying it in a few short hours? What right did he have to let me trust him, when he was about to present my death sentence? What right did he have to even talk to me?

Lies. They were all lies. I was let down by the last hope that existed, and now I was handed on a silver platter to him for his own selfish gains. His sister would be in my body until she grew too old and died. Hooray. I hoped he lived with the guilt of my rotting soul for the rest of his life.

Josefina grabbed the Bible from a few feet away and placed it into Jesse's hands, and then bounced away to sit on the front row pew. The stupid ghost didn't want to get sucked up to the spectral plane. She wasn't taking any chances. "Here. Read as instructed. I cornered the pages that you'll need, okay? Do good to me!"

And damn me to hell, I added in my head, but didn't say aloud. I was too stunned to utter any resemblance of a syllable.

Jesse knelt down in front of me. I could actually hear his ragged breath as he held the Bible out in front of him with shaky hands. I wanted to punch him in the face, I wanted to kick and scream, I wanted to cry like a baby. But I knew none of them would do any good.

"I want to hate you," I whispered instead, quietly so Josefina wouldn't hear. "I want to believe what you said that night. But how can I now, Jesse?"

He pretended to be flipping to the right page in the Bible, but I knew he was answering me when he whispered, "Please. Trust me."

It was like a parent telling a kid they weren't allowed to have any sweets for a whole week, and then offering them a whole bag of candy. Ridiculous. I just stared into his eyes, searching for any reason, a way that he could still be sane as he said this. But his face looked so sad, so regretful, that he had to be serious.

And I didn't know why, but I wanted to trust him. Some part of me wanted to believe he was good, and did have a plan to save my life. Probably the part that still loved him with all my heart. I couldn't think of anything else to do but sit back, close my eyes, and put my trust in the guy who had let it down so many times.

He started reading. My head started pounding harder. I was imaging the wispy fingers crawl down from a hole in the wall and begin to wrap around me like a suffocating wet blanket. But I didn't feel anything grasp me. I didn't feel my soul start to rip from my body, like last time.

Was he actually saving me?

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you serious? This is her exorcism?"

And I snapped open my eyes again, recognizing the voice. Jesse turned his head, and over his shoulder, I could see the strong tan legs, swinging confident gait, and annoying-as-hell voice.

Maria de Silva.

There was never a time before in the past hour where I wanted to get out of these binds more than ever. I had always had some type of edge over Maria every time I had faced off with her. Jesse to protect me, my exorcism gear, the element of surprise, a height advantage.

What did I have to shield myself now? Oh, just a guy who had broken my trust one too many times, who I was still convinced was going to kill me. Right.

Josefina flipped around her head, those long curls bouncing, to face Maria, who was walking up the aisle. "I don't see you having any better ideas."

I saw the color drain from Jesse's face. He hadn't believed Maria was a mediator, a shifter. But the way Josefina spoke to her now would convince the biggest non-believer. Yes, oh yes, Jesse.

"He loves her still, Josefina," Maria said. She was wearing a tight pink mini skirt and revealing black top. Anyone would mistake her for Kelly Prescott and let her through the Mission's doors. "Do you seriously think he would say the words honestly and perform the exorcism correctly?"

Josefina shifted in her seat. "It's not like I could do it. I'm still a ghost. I could get sucked up and be gone forever."

Maria rolled her eyes and then glared at us. "He messed up those last three passages. On purpose." Her lips curled back into a malicious smile that made shivers run up my spine. "There won't be an exorcism going on tonight with him reading."

He messed up reading the passages? It explained why I was still in my body. But did he seriously mean to keep the promise that he made to me the night before…?

Josefina's face contorted into that same smirk. "Well, then, I guess you'll just have to read for him."

Finally, it seemed, Jesse's mouth unstuck itself and he blurted, "Maria? You're a shifter? You… you can see her?"

Maria's devilish lips curled back into an evil sneer. "Yes, Jesse, I can. Too bad you didn't listen to your little girlfriend there, or maybe I might be gone by now, with Diego once again."

Recognition of that day at the movie theater dawned on Jesse, and he turned to face me. The regret was plainly etched in his expression. As Maria rolled her eyes and Josefina pouted, Jesse said to me in a quiet voice, "I'm sorry, Susannah."

I couldn't even find any words to respond to his apology with. I was done with the sorry's, the sadness, the anger, the confusion. I wanted it to be over. If that meant wandering around the spectral plane for the rest of my life, so be it.

"Dammit, Susannah, I'm sorry," he whispered, and I knew if he had allowed himself to cry right now, he would have. But this situation was crucial. We both wanted to sob, but we couldn't allow ourselves. We had to stay alert.

"Let me do this right," Maria said. "I doubt even Jesse knows how. I did learn from the best, after all."

Paul. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. I had left him worrying on the other end of the phone line. What would he do when I was dead? He would probably never forgive himself, and wander around with a weight on his shoulders for the rest of his life. I would have to leave a last message for him with Jesse.

"How?" Jesse croaked. One of his hands reached behind to grip mine. It didn't offer any comfort.

Maria rolled her eyes. "Didn't you know? I was the one who brought Josefina back from the dead. She didn't have any 'unfinished business,' whatever crap she spewed to you. Paul Slater brought me back, and I'm the shifter who brought Josefina back. This was my entire plan, Jesse. You didn't just go along with it. You were a pawn in it."

Jesse was stunned. At Maria's snap of the fingers, Josefina darted over to Jesse and gripped his hands in a death lock with supernatural strength, dropping the Bible. She dragged him backwards, and he cried, "Susannah! I lo – " before Josefina kicked him in the back, silencing him temporarily.

Maria grinned evilly and strolled forward lazily as defeated Jesse was slumped over, breathing heavily with anger, in Josefina's ghostly grip. "Well, well, Suze. We meet again."

Not finding a better time to do so, and feeling a tinge of confidence, I said simply, "I was planning to exorcise you tonight."

She cackled and placed her knees on the cold ground, picking up the Bible and staring with Kelly's blue eyes right into my own. "Oh, poor Suze, you didn't get the chance. I was just a little smarter than you. Didn't you ever consider that I broke up with Brad to trigger your thought process? That I was planning something big tonight? You got that part right. I was planning to kill you."

Honestly? Nothing was shocking me at this moment. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered the part about a trap set up with Brad. But I didn't really care anymore.

"The original plan was to lure you into the Mission's church through your trust to Josefina. It was her idea, but I knew it would never work. Especially after Paul told you I was Maria, and we had that little run-in at the movie theater. So I told Josefina we had to use a trap, combined with force. And guess what? I was right. And now I'm going to let Jesse suffer while I send you back to where you belong."

"Too bad you won't get the chance," I spat.

She cackled and laid one tanned hand on my bruised cheek. I wanted her bloodthirsty hand off of me. I wanted her gone. "Oh, Suze. How wrong you are." And she grew back a fist and punched me square in the bruised jaw.

I cried out in pain, red clouding my vision and blood filling my mouth. Jesse called my name, but Josefina put a hand over his mouth. The red irony taste was making me sick, so I coughed the blood onto the church floor. Maria looked on with a simple smile that could only be described as triumphant. I stared up at her with pure hate in my eyes.

"You'll get used to never hurting in the spectral plane, don't worry," she said sweetly. And then she picked up the Bible. "Josefina?"

"Ready." Josefina was in the aisle, one hand covering Jesse's mouth and the other holding his hands behind his back. "Go ahead. We're waiting."

Maria gave me one last terrible and torturous smile, and said, "Have fun in hell."

She held the Bible up, and started reading. Passages that were supposed to be uplifting and spiritual to worshippers, but now they only felt hollow and like a death sentence to me. How often I had heard Kelly's voice? Flagging me down in the hallway, giving speeches to run for president of our class. But now, I heard it sentencing me to a life of hell, and I stared at the ceiling as the candles burned.

A black hole opened up above my head. I saw the evil spirits, wispy and red and evil like the time I had exorcised that ghost Heather, swirling around my head. The black looked like an impending doom, waiting to swallow me up and trap me there for eternity. I stared at my future, and it looked back at me, grim and promising.

I could tell the exorcism was coming to a close because of two things: Maria's words were getting louder and more pronounced, her voice rising in excitement, and I felt myself becoming disconnected from my body. My spirit was rising higher in the air, and I mentally waved goodbye to it, to the throbbing forehead and bruises on the jaw and blood in the mouth and tied up limbs. I had liked that body.

And then, just as Maria's tone of voice was coming to a finishing close, where the hole would swallow me up since I was completely detached from my body, two things happened at once.

Jesse broke away from Josefina, attacked Maria so she dropped the Bible, and then flung himself on top of my body, his soul rising up along with mine, just as the black hole closed off for good and left us spirits on earth.

And Paul Slater burst through the double doors of the church.

A/N: Okay, I know there's loopholes, and I might have forgotten to mention some things, but please don't hate on me too much. I'd appreciate it if you reviewed, thanks. :)