AN: Thank you very much to my two reviewers and everyone who has been reading so far. Your comments really made me smile, I'm glad that there are people following this. I learnt two things in the writing of this chapter - that I really need to remember by days and dates - I had to check the previous chapters about three times! And also, that Nutella is pretty old. Yum. Thanks again, all the best.
Chapter 3 - Can You Believe That Frozen Churros Are A Thing?
15th November 1999
As much as he'd have loved to lie in bed with Lovino all day, he felt at least that he should make some effort to play host. And not just make it seem like he was hoping their explorations of one another could go a little further. He wanted them to of course, but maybe it would be good to explore a little deeper than their bodies to start with. Lovino was... Well, something was up, he knew that much. "So... Breakfast?"
"I don't really eat breakfast." He just returned every ball Antonio pitched to him. And usually the ball hit him square in the forehead.
"You don't look like you eat very much at all." He caught himself offguard saying that. It had sort of come out before he could analyse whether it was a good thing to say or not. He supposed that it might not have been but... It had some basis. Lovino was very thin, and very beautiful with it, he couldn't deny that. He looked like the kind of person who was thin anyway, but... He did also look like maybe he hadn't been eating properly. He lacked some energy, he'd gotten so cold and... He was so distant.
He waited for Lovino to quite rightly tell him off but he didn't. This was also a shock but.. A good one. Perhaps there was hope in him opening up after all. "... I don't really. I haven't lately."
"Then maybe breakfast will do you good."
"You don't have to make me breakfast, Antonio. I'll be out of your hair soon."
All his hope diminished when that was the reply he got and he was blurting again. "Please don't be." Lovino looked somewhat alarmed by just how impassioned he'd sounded. It was fair to fear him when he acted like that, sure. But he couldn't hold back. He was always full of emotion. And Lovino seemed to make it ten times worse, especially when he was in this sort of state. He could see something in him. He could see deeper than the surface beauty, down to something even more stunning. But it was masked in pain. He wanted to help him. And on a selfish level, he wanted him to stay because he made him feel alive again.
"I know.. I probably sound like a real headcase, huh?" He couldn't entirely promise that he wasn't one. "I... I just.." I need you around for a bit. Forever, preferably. It was such a familiar feeling, falling like this. It was beautiful. Maybe not for everybody, not even for himself some of the time. It felt like... Like balancing on a tightrope, or.. or on the wing of a plane. Taking a slow and cautious walk. And then running because you just wanted it over, you wanted to get to the other side right away, to the cheers and congratulations, to the kisses and the touches, and to Lovino. To Lovino, wherever he was. On the building at the other end of the rope, on the wing of an adjacent plane. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, wherever he was headed. He wanted nothing more than to get to him. But he was making that journey, going so fast, and his stomach lurched whenever he realised just how easy it would be to topple over, fall down the gap, trip, stumble, flail, fall, die. "Won't you stay for a bit?" He managed to choke out. If Lovino didn't say yes... At least he could fall right away with the knowledge that he wasn't pining for an unachievable goal. That he wasn't walking a rope that was already frayed.
Lovino just kept watching him with those wide, golden eyes. It sounded mad to say that somebody's eyes were golden but they truly were. They were green in some lights - they'd been green sitting in that sea looking like he was about to break. They were hazel-brown in others - like when they began the walk back up the cliff, and Antonio was given the opportunity to look at him at close range for the first time. And now nestled beside him, with the morning light streaming in, his eyes were golden. Like the most precious treasure he could possibly imagine. But there was no reading those eyes, at least not yet. He didn't honestly know what Lovino was going to reply, and the uncertainty was terrifying. He hated being so unsure. And right at the point where he'd convinced himself that it was a no, Lovino answered. "... O- Okay."
Yes!
Oh God, it was impossible to describe the feeling of elation that washed over him with that one stammered word. Lovino was going to stay with him for a bit. Who knew how long 'a bit' would be though? He was desperate for more and it was so unfair. But every second with him was like a minute, every minute like an hour, and each hour didn't feel enough. They'd known each other... what, nine hours? They'd only been conscious for like four of those, and only spoken properly for about an hour. The rest had been varying levels of noise and silence. A lot of quietness, tenderness, some whispered promises and terms of endearment from himself. Lovino didn't say huge amounts. He wasn't sure if that was true or if he hadn't really given him a chance to. At times he was saying a lot, most of it either neutral or negative, and other times he said nothing at all. Antonio could be really committing to the moment and he would just lie there like he wasn't really sure what he was doing. He liked to think that he was tuning into him slightly...? He would stop at that point, not really used to such behaviour when he was... Well, you know, giving his all, but Lovino would quickly come back to the room when he stopped, apologising and they'd go back to lip-kissing for a bit, and that was just as nice. He did have a thing for necks though.. Particularly Lovino's as it happened. He had a very nice one. He hadn't told him because even he knew that that was a little bit weird to compliment somebody on.
"Great!" He beamed, sitting up in the bed, prompting Lovino to half-heartedly do the same. "So what do you normally have for breakfast?"
"... Coffee."
"I think I can manage that at least. Do you like... Sweet things more or savoury?"
"Sweet."
"Not to be cliche, but I think I could do churros, if you want."
Lovino actually looked amused at that, perhaps the fact that he had drawn attention to it. "But you have to come with me because it's amazing, right - they do them frozen in bags now! Completely ready to go, you just have to fry them! I'd never seen anything like it..." He knew that he was rambling a little. Usually he felt like he'd literally be talking to himself right about now, but Lovino was still watching him just as intently as though he were reciting something of great important. It gave him such... Such a boost, he couldn't describe, and somehow he just kept going. "You can't really get them around here of course, but I always get them in the city, when I'm on the way back from work and stuff-" He walked towards the door as he spoke and Lovino finally interrupted him. He expected some kind of reminder that he didn't actually care about frozen churros, but he noticed that the other hadn't moved at all. Lovino proceeded to ask if he might have some sort of clothing he could borrow and he realised he'd completely forgotten.
"Sorry." He chuckled, running his hands through his thick brown curls. "I can be a little scatterbrained." Lovino regarded him with an expression that said clearly that he agreed, but for some reason he was holding back a scathing remark of proof. He rummaged in his drawers a little, pulling out a shirt that was slightly baggy even on him so would almost indefinitely drown Lovino in swathes of material, tossing it over. It wasn't really worth bothering to find him pyjama trousers he decided - they'd just fall down from the looks of the other's tiny little nipped-in waist.
Much to his disappointment, Lovino remained where he sat in bed, pulling the garment on from a seated position and maintaining his dignity as he stood. He got little more than a flash of thigh. Wiping the slight pouting expression from his face, he continued on towards the stairs. He heard Lovino call out to him as he got up and looked back excitedly for whatever he might have to say. "Don't you want to get some clothes on yourself?" He asked politely.
Antonio just grinned back at him, winking teasingly. "It's my house. I'm being good right now, normally I'd just be naked." Lovino reddened again just a little and he felt those pangs of triumph once again. It was like winning something somehow. Even though he got nothing more than personal satisfaction. He hadn't technically been lying either - it was something Lovino would have to get used to if he would be staying. He hummed loudly as he went down the stairs and seeing as he finished them first got on his knees on the floor, reaching a hand up to Lovino to help him down the last few as though he were some old fashioned gentlemanly type who courted in his boxers alone. Much to his surprise, Lovino actually did take his hand - though he looked just as confused as Antonio did so he sensed he may have gotten the better of him purely because he was so tired that all he was able to process was what was expected of him. Ever the opportunist, Antonio pressed his lips softly to Lovino's hand. Lovino looked like he wasn't sure if he was meant to blush and fawn or punch him in the face. It was a good look for him. Genuinely.
He loved a challenge.
And God knows Lovino was probably going to be one.
They padded into the kitchen and he invited Lovino to take a seat at the table, leading him all the way there and pulling out his chair for him before tucking him in. He sorted the coffee out right away, putting a mug under the little machine and letting it do its thing, placing it in front of him with a big smile, like a dog awaiting praise. That came in the form of a nod. Not much, but it would do. He kept up the puppy-like front when his ears practically did prick up hearing the letter box go.
"Ah, the post! The day gets better and better!" Antonio practically jumped with joy and he could see that Lovino absolutely thought he was a lunatic. he wasn't exactly doing much to discourage such an opinion from forming. But he was ridiculously happy this morning so he couldn't even stop if he wanted to. He strode into the hall, opening the front door a little and scooping up the letters that had fallen on his doormat. He never got to get the post. He was only ever in on a Saturday and funnily enough, he never seemed to get any post then. It was strange really because he got things every other day of the week. Except Sunday of course, no post on Sunday... There... There was no post yesterday.
He looked down at the newspaper in his hands and it confirmed his suspicions. He swallowed. Today was Monday. He glanced up at the clock. Eleven. He'd missed three hours of work already. He looked back into the kitchen and saw Lovino watching him again. He couldn't leave. He plastered on the smile again, walking back towards him.
"Post not so good as you'd hoped?" Lovino asked, and it was very nearly a joke.
Antonio smiled, "I'm afraid not. Paper looks like they didn't have much news to report." Again, not strictly a lie, but not exactly a point either - their local newspaper never had anything to report. "Right, let's find these churros.." He chirped, opening the refrigerator and searching around for a bit before he found the bag. "How many d'ya want, Lovi?" He fumbled around with the pans hanging on a hook above the oven before selecting that which he wanted and pouring a little oil into it, turning on the heat to get it nice and hot and spitting. The Italian shrugged. "Ah, big mistake." He taunted, "I'll just assume you're really hungry and do the whole bag." He mimed tipping them all in. Lovino's face gave absolutely everything away. He was so clearly out of his depth. But to his credit, he was managing to deal. Though it seemed that he might well be judging Antonio's every move. Well, he reassured himself, the guy hadn't left yet so... He must be doing something right? His grin became a little more nervous and Lovino replied "Three."
Three! Oh, that was just the best number now that he'd said it in that gorgeous silky voice of his.
He started up his little tune again as he dropped the three churros - plus five for himself - into the oil and let them fry there. Yum. They didn't take long. Soon enough that smell would be released. And it was one of those truly invasive ones that you couldn't help but smell - fortunately though they smelled brilliant so it wasn't such a pain. In the meantime he... He should probably call his boss. It was funny, exactly as he thought that, Lovino, who had been sitting silently again as they cooked, pitched up: "Don't you... Work on a Monday?"
"Hm." He found himself making the non-committal noise rather than answering properly. He bit his lip a little, staring at the churros intently. He had two options here. Lie and avoid all problematic association but start everything between them on the basis of an untruth... Or tell the truth. But play it off a little? "Uhh.. Yeah." Antonio said eventually, turning his head to look at him, "But it's not a big deal. My boss is my best friend."
That part was true. That was not to say that Gil would not be pissed. Because he would be. He so undeniably would be. Outside of work he was the most fun ever... But inside, he was a dragon and Antonio and his laidback ways often got burnt. They'd been friends for years though so he was always able to overlook any attitude he got from him, albeit giving the slightest cheeky dig when they were out sometimes about a specific incident that had happened in the week.
They met in Spain when he was eleven and Gilbert had probably been... Ten? Nine maybe. He wasn't quite sure. The German had been on holiday and basically cursing the sun due to his perpetual paleness. This of course had been the funniest thing Antonio had ever seen in his life. And Gilbert had found it equally as funny that Antonio had decided to rock-pooling with a guitar strapped to his back, which kept swinging around and buckling his knees. He had to take it, he'd explained, in case he wanted to sit down at any point and play. Because that totally happened when you were doing this sort of thing, right? Gilbert hadn't been so sure. They kept in touch after the holiday and as it happened, his family ended up moving to Spain a few years later, following some sort of incident with his little brother at their school. Well, they said 'little' but Antonio had never really thought of him that way - he'd been bigger than Gilbert even when he first met him aged seven...
Anyway, they continued the rest of their schooling together, university included. They met Francis, another friend and co-worker of theirs, during secondary school. He was sixteen, Gilbert fifteen and Francis seventeen in his first year of the sixth form at school. The French boy had basically decided he was in love with Gil, from the very little he'd seen of him at tables at lunch - generally making a scene and clowning around. The real deal proved to be, in his own words, 'bitterly disappointing'. Which Antonio knew wasn't a whole truth - he'd definitely seen them fooling around more than once, even in recent years. What it really meant was that they wanted to be friends more than they wanted to be anything else. And they were great as friends, he had to admit. They had a lot of fun as a trio, but if he was honest, he could at times get envious of the other two's relationship. They were like one another's shadow. Francis could calm Gilbert down when he got completely mental, and Gilbert was always a willing participant in Fran's mad schemes. He was always a little too spacey himself to fit exactly with either of them. But as a group, they were good.
They could get a little loud and a little crazy sometimes but people generally agreed that they were headed places, if they could just knuckle down a bit. His mother always said that they were like thirds of the same whole. Individually they possessed some great traits, but they needed to combine them if they were to actually get anything done. She categorised life skills into three little traits: drive, direction, and passion. Gilbert she said had drive and direction - he was confident enough to get things done and could easily find somewhere to apply himself, but he wouldn't be hugely invested in the result. Francis had passion and direction - he could find an area to go and had the passion to become interested in the field and give it his all, but he lacked the drive to actually go for it; he'd more just wind up talking about it. And then there was Antonio. Supposedly he had passion and drive but no direction to apply himself. He personally felt like he drew the short straw. It was all very well being outgoing and caring but if you had nothing to do with it, it was all a bit shit to be honest.
And almost exactly as predicted, Gilbert had found a field. He'd been successful. He wasn't particularly attached to it but he got the job done at least. He'd given jobs to his two best friends, pretty high-ranking ones too, both executives on great pay. But Francis had a dream of his own... He just never got up and did it. Not when he was well-taken-care-of here, on good pay and easy hours. And Antonio was passionate about what he did and got the job done to the best of his abilities... Even though he knew that it might not exactly be what he was destined to do. But he still couldn't even identify the one thing that would make him happy.
These days he was putting his blues down to his lack of significant other. He was certain that that must be it. If he just found someone to be with, everything would be fine and dandy. He'd be happy again! And that was totally it, right?
He had to admit, he was wondering if he might have been right as he stood there looking at Lovino. Already he was practically over the moon. But... He knew that this was risky business.
"Uh Antonio.." Lovino's voice summoned him from his thoughts. "You might want to turn the churros."
"Oh!" He spun on his heel, doing as instructed. "Lucky one of us is on the ball, huh..."
Antonio tapped his foot as he continued to tend to the pastries in the pan. It was not much longer until they were done. He sugared them and presented them proudly on a plate to Lovino. holding his hand up in a gesture of 'Wait' before he fetched a jar of Nutella from the pantry. "Ta-dah!" He must have been looking pretty expectant as he sat down opposite the Italian because Lovino's eyebrows were slightly raised again in that way that he was coming to understand meant that he was amused but reluctant to show it. And then he smiled, one of those wonderful real ones again and Antonio could only return it, taking a churro between thumb and forefinger and dipping it into the jar, making no effort to stop his grin, even as he ate. Lovino replicated the gesture, giving an appreciative noise as he did so, approving the food he supposed. He looked so cute as he did it. He looked so cute as he did anything.
Oh yes, Antonio was most definitely back on that tightrope.
"I know right? Can you believe that frozen churros are a thing?"