Chapter Nine

"Grace what are you doing?" Sirius peered at her. She had a look about her that he remembered all too well and was wary of.

"What do you mean?" Grace replied while staring off in the direction of Remus and his ghost.

"You have your scheming "I'm going to be meddling very soon" face on." Sirius smiled at the glare that earned him. At least she was paying attention to him again.

"No I'm not." She insisted, looking back over to Remus. "Oh fine, I am." She admitted before rushing to continue. "It's just Remus is awkward around people as it is and he has to be nervous that it's Jane he's standing next to." Grace chewed her lip as she stared at the tense couple. Sirius repressed a groan. Grace was going to get herself in trouble with all her meddling, and by extension him.

"Grace, it's not your problem." Sirius warned. She turned on him.

"It's partially my fault. I introduced and pushed Gwen and Remus together. Gwen has turned into a horrible person and it's my fault they're still together."

Sirius was constantly surprised by Grace's capacity to feel guilt. "What do you mean it's your fault that they're still together?" Grace's face dropped.

"Gwen's been cheating on him." She muttered, chewing on her lip. Her admission was almost too soft for Sirius to hear. "I just confirmed it the other day. But I've suspected it for a while now. I haven't wanted to say anything to Remus. They were already kind of drifting apart and it would just cause him unnecessary pain. Then he started talking to Jane. He's been having such a hard time lately."

Sirius didn't hear any of her rambling. "The hell you say. Where is she?" He started scanning the ballroom to find Gwen.

"Oh calm down Sirius. She's not here. I'll tell Remus soon. Let's not ruin tonight for him at least." Grace threw another fretful look at stoic couple.

"Think she can mess with one of my friends like that." Sirius grumbled. Distracted by his vengeful thoughts he didn't hear Grace.

"Sirius! Pay attention!" Grace waited for him to look at her before continuing. "I can't just leave Jane and Remus as they are—it's too painful. Play along, I have an idea."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. He'd learned to never blindly following Grace into one of her schemes. "What are you planning exactly?"

"Oh don't look at me like that. We're just going to get them to dance, by dancing ourselves. It'll work trust me." Tugging his arm, she led a dubious Sirius away. He wasn't sure how well this would end but the thought of dancing with Grace wasn't a bad one to be sure.

Sophie's mind was blank. She couldn't worry about anything. Her social anxiety was so paralyzing at this point she was lucky to be breathing. She kept telling herself she was being stupid. She did just fine talking when she was Sophie. The encounters always seemed to end horribly, start horribly, have something horrible happen in the middle…. "Oh stop it Sophie! If you continue like this it's going to be the end of the night!" This was not what she had been imagining when she dubbed this her Cinderella evening.

"Did you say something?" Remus asked. Sophie froze. She had said her name aloud. She was really going to screw things up tonight. She could feel it. Not trusting her mouth, she shook her head no. Remus went back to his stoic musings.

Sophie's eyes darted across the room looking for something she could make a comment about. Her eye lit upon Sirius for a moment. She turned them away from him. He was nearly as dangerous tonight as Sophie was to herself. She doubted that he would recognize her from their lives amongst their prejudice families. The possibility still was there and was wholly unpleasant. Then again, this night was turning unpleasant.

Unable to think of anything to say, Sophie returned to scanning the room. In trying to avoid Sirius she noticed Grace. They were both walking right towards her and Remus. Sophie had seen Grace a handful of times in her life, only spoken to her for the first time this evening, even so, she did not like the gleam in Grace's eye.

"Didn't we leave you two to talk?" Grace admonished when they reached the couple. Remus turned sheepish as he was reminded of his perceived failings. Sirius was grinning like a fool behind them. Grace turned her gaze on Sophie. She smiled, trying to ease Sophie a little. The poor thing looked like she was ready to dissolve into the floor from nerves. "Jane, I find myself being forward again, would you please do me a favor?" Sophie nodded. Doing anything else would take more energy than she had. "Thank you! You see, I would like to dance and Sirius is the only partner available to me. Sadly, the only way I can get him to dance would be if you would dance with Remus at the same time." Remus tried to hold back a snort. Grace was scheming again. That was painfully obvious.

"Oh, but I am a horrible dancer." The only thing that could be worse than standing in horrible awkward silence would be dancing in horrible awkward silence before she face plants.

"The ball floor is enchanted. No skill, or grace required." Grace latched on to Sophie's arm and led her towards the dance floor.

"She's up to something." Remus muttered to Sirius as they followed the girls.

"Uh huh." He agreed before stealing Grace's arm and leading her away.

"We don't have to do this if you really don't want to." Remus assured Sophie.

Sophie cringed before replying. "Actually, I'm pretty sure we have to. I have the sneaking suspicion Grace has eyes in the back of her head and will know if we don't." Remus laughed. He'd have to tell Grace. Her mock indignation would be amusing.

"Well then, My Lady." Remus offered his arm with a bow. Sophie smiled and accepted. Within moments, they were twirling around the ballroom like they had done it a thousand times. It was better than anything Sophie could hoped for. The movement rendered speech unnecessary giving her time to think without feeling as much pressure. The magic that had turned them all into Victorian debutants was completely mindless. The crush of the spinning couples meant Remus was holding her just a touch closer than necessary. It made her remember other times they were so close, and things that came of it.

Their nearness also meant Remus was kept cemented in the reality of Jane who was in front of him, not Sophie who was supposedly at home. She was just as pretty as he had imagined. Not that he had spent a lot of time imagining what she looked like. He smirked a little bit. He should have known she would be crafty enough to so thoroughly hide any telling detail about herself. Her hair was curly. The true color was impossible to guess. Right now it was a silvery color like pewter, who knew what it would change into. The shades of blue, grey, and white that she was cloaked in made nearly everything a guess. Her eyes were a sparkling grey, he wished he knew their real shade. She also had both eyebrows. Remus suppressed a grin at the thought of how fetching her eyebrows seemed to be.

"What are you giggling at Messer Remus?" Sophie shot him a mocking glare.

"Oh just at how much I like your eyebrows." He returned with a smirk. Sophie smiled.

"I doubt they are much to look at." She said.

"Ah, but you are too modest! The simple fact that they exist make them quiet lovely, but there is something about yours that make them even prettier. Maybe the fact they have lasted through who knows how many battles with potion explosions? They have a history as full as any war hero. That makes them all the more pleasing to look upon." The only thing keeping Remus from feeling the complete fool for talking so much about eyebrows was Sophie's inability to stop laughing. Remus couldn't help but join her.

"You sir, have an unusual obsession with my eyebrows. I only blow up the potions lab every once in a while! It's not that shocking that they are right where they should be I think." Sophie said with a haunty sniff. The waltz reclaimed their attention and they descended into a comfortable silence. When she remembered she was just with Remus, Sophie felt a little easier about talking. The twirling made her for the most part forget about the people around her. It all felt easier with a smaller crowd.

The music came to a flourished end prompting Sophie to address Remus. "Remus? I was wondering if we could go for a walk outside or somewhere? The ballrooms a bit of a crush…." Remus smiled and nodded and led her away from the dance floor. They made there way through a terrace door that led out to the grounds. Yet another magical example of how even Hogwartz had changed itself for the evening. The doors led out close to the greenhouse and the lake.

"Well my lady, where would you like to stroll?" Remus inquired.

Surveying the landscape, Sophie weighed her choices before answering. "Lets go down by the lake. I know this one spot that is quiet nice." She set off with Remus trailing behind her. They came to a stop under a tree. Sophie loved this spot. It featured a weeping willow not too far away from the edge of the water. Its branches were long and full enough to let sunlight in but mostly conceal her. The close proximity to the water was wonderful too; Sophie loved to put her feet in on hot days not being afraid of any of the inhabitants.

"Well isn't this a pretty little spot."Remus remarked. "Do you come here often?" he asked while leaning against the trunk of the tree watching Sophie stare at the water.

"Yes." She said over her shoulder. "I find it to be one of the most perfect spots that exist" Remus couldn't see the sad smile on Sophie's face. "As you might imagine, I'm not what you would call socially apt. most of the time I feel like I'm living in this separate world from everyone else. I don't talk to them, and they don't talk to me. Which is mostly my fault and I realize that." Remus frowned a little and stepped towards Sophie—not sure what to do. "This leads me to not really liking being around a lot of people. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel suddenly thrust into a world that everyone else knows the rules to but me and the pressure to be a certain way that I don't know and I get so preoccupied with figuring that out that everyone passes by me before I get it together enough to even say hello. I'm much better if I take it in chucks. That's what's nice about this place. On nice days, I can sit here under this tree surrounded by countless people and still part of my own little world. But I'm just enough part of theirs too that I don't feel lonely." Remus hugged Sophie from behind.

"Tell me who you are. Let me in. Let me keep you from being lonely." Sophie smiled and placed her hand on his clasped around her—soaking in the moment.

"It's not that simple Remus." Taking a deep breath, she turned around and looked up at him. "More and more I think I was meant to spend most of my life by myself and sometime lonely. Don't get me wrong. I like being by myself and I do have my moments of happiness when I don't feel alone." She smiled at him seeing his incredulous look. "Reading your letters, my sister, times like tonight with Grace—she really is very lovely—they are proof I'm not alone. The moments might be few and fleeting but they are good enough for me. They have to be. At least right now. Hopefully in the future things will be different but for right now this is enough." Remus tried to battle through the intense frustration he felt without alerting Sophie. There was so much he didn't know and didn't understand that it made him want to scream. He could tell that that was not what she needed though. He might know scant little about her but he knew that.

"Oh now stop giving me that look." She playfully swatted at his shoulder and stepped out of his arms.

Remus let her and stared at her as he said, "I don't agree with everything you said. Hell I don't understand some of the things you said, but remember this Jane. You promised to one day tell me who you are, one way or another. I'm not going to let you forget that."

Sophie continued to smile and look at the water as she answered. "I do Remus. I'm looking forward to it just as much as you." Remus somehow doubted that.

Sophie and Remus stayed on the bank and talked for the rest of the night. Eventually the others found them there. They stayed even longer with the whole group until yawning was the majority of what everyone was doing. Sophie had never had such a wonderful night. She never wanted it to end because she knew what it signaled. She knew there was no way her and Remus could last. He had his friends and Gwen. She couldn't even tell him her name. Someday was a magical day that wasn't going to exist. Last night it might have, but the glaring light of dawn didn't leave as much room for hope.

Sophie spent the remainder of the short break in hiding. She probably looked like a lunatic with how paranoid she walked around the castle, but she felt justified. Shockingly avoiding Remus and his clan had been a lot simpler than she thought. Sunday night came all too quick. With Gwen and her cronies returning anytime, Sophie decided to vacate the dormitory and avoid the noise.

"I think I'll treat myself." Sophie mused. Heading to her favorite hallway, she scanned for life before she started pacing. The Room revealed itself and Sophie tried to contain a yelp of joy. The interior of the room had shifted to a steaming oasis. A large bathing pool lay in the center with everything you could ever conceive to need laid out on various vanities built into the circular walls.

"You never disappoint do you my dear?" she asked to the air. Wandering over to one of the vanities covered in all sorts of little vials. The Room never left her premade soaps but just the ingredients to make her own. It always seemed to remember her love for tinkering.

Glancing up at the mirror Sophie tried to suppress a scream, then realizing no one could hear it, let it out instead. Some of her curls had fallen out of the ponytail she had rustled them back into and one of the locks that framed her face was not the correct color.

"It's grey. GREY! Why is it grey?" tugging at the lock she turned it this way and that and rubbed at it hoping that it would somehow change. "It's nothing. Maybe I'm just going grey prematurely?" Sophie tried to reason. The hair did not change colors despite how much she glared at it. "Fine. I'll deal with this my way." Scanning the room, she hoped The Room knew what she wanted. Thankfully, it somehow did and she saw different bottles labeled "Hair Color" across the room. Sophie tried not to run to get to them.

This was bad. Her hair wasn't just grey, it was the grey color that Jane's hair had been. It had taken a couple of days for her hair to visibly show this grey color, who's to say it would stop where it was now? If all of her head turned grey she was going to have to answer questions she didn't want to. Using test strips of hair provided she set about making her hair color. Normally she wouldn't have taken more joy in the process. Matching a color exactly like this wasn't something she had done before and posed its own sort of challenge. Sophie's mind was much too preoccupied with worst-case scenarios to enjoy it.

Once done, Sophie took a deep breath and started spreading the dye across her head. As she coated the color across the grey strand, the color slipped off it like beads of glass on a windowpane. Letting out a cry of frustration, Sophie renewed her attack on the strand. Nothing worked.

Accepting defeat Sophie set aside the vials and slipped into the waters warm depths. She was worried what sort of questions this would raise. She was also worried that the effects wouldn't end at just her hair. She was also pissed her hair was changing colors period. She felt stupid for being vane about the color, but it was the only physical link she had to her family. All of the women except Tessie—who had inherited a color that could only come from her father—were crowned with the same smoky dark locks. It marked her as her mothers daughter when very little else did.

Sophie gasped for air as she came back to the surface. The new air burned in her lungs as she sucked it in. She welcomed the feeling. It distracted her from the spinning thoughts in her head. Floating on the top of the water, she released her straining mind. She had no will left to marshal it. She would let it do what it will and then figure out what she would do.

Walking down to breakfast that Tuesday, Sophie felt much better. Her self-pitying session hadn't last past her bath Sunday night and in the following days a course of action was decided. Her ghost streak wasn't so noticeable at the moment that if she twisted her hair right it was hidden. It was too much to hope for that the side effects of the ghost potion would stop there. She needed to know what she was dealing with. That sadly meant she had to venture back into the restricted section of the library and find the book she had gotten the recipe out of in the first place. When she had first seen it, she had stupidly not even copied down its name. Just glanced at a brief description and jotted down the steps. So many things could have gone wrong that night, she hadn't followed her normal thoroughness when it came to knowing potions before using/changing them. She couldn't count how many times already she had kicked herself for not reading more about potential reasons why such a book with such a potion was in the restricted section to begin with.

"Well calling yourself ten sorts of idiot hasn't help yet old girl now has it?" she muttered scowling at her toast. The fluttering of wings grabbed her attention as nerves closed a vise around her heart. She hadn't heard from Remus since before the masquerade and she was starting to get worried. All right, she was beyond worried. She had drafted countless letters to send to him but had no idea what to say. "If I don't get one today, I'll send anything tonight." She promised her pumpkin juice trying to not keep staring at the mass of feathers all around her. In her efforts to not look up, she ended up looking across the great hall right at where Remus normally sat. Scanning the tables Sophie made a shocking discovery. He wasn't there. He was always there when she let herself look. Where the devil was he? She had been avoiding looking in his direction all week out of a mixture of guilt and anxiety. She felt cheated that he wasn't there when she finally gave into her urge. Grace was there. Sirius was hounding around her. James was playing with something that glinted gold. Some little rat like boy was sitting next to James. No Remus.

Bloody Hell!

Abandoning her breakfast, Sophie stalked her way to the library where she could have some relative privacy without having to go all the way back to her room. Fishing through her bag, she recovered the parchment, ink, and quill she needed. Not wanting to give away how agitated she was, Sophie took a couple of deep breathes before starting.

Dear Remus,

I feel I must thank you again for what a lovely evening I had at the ball.

As she had every other time she sat down to write this stupid letter, Sophie stalled out. They had talked about so many things the night of the ball how was there anything left to say? What else did she want to know?

"Oh just finish the damned letter Sophie! You can figure the rest out later." After glancing around to make sure no one had heard her, Sophie somehow continued.

I'm sorry I haven't written till now. I didn't quite know what to do next. I kept waiting for your letter hoping you'd know and only just realized you might be waiting for mine at the exact same time. I'm afraid the only thing I have to say for right now is quite lame. How are you?

Yours boringly,

Jane

P.S. I couldn't help but notice I haven't seen you around the castle in a couple of days. Also, the last time I didn't hear from you was when you fell ill. I do hope you're feeling okay.

Grimacing at what she decided was a horribly banal note—much too short to be called a letter—Sophie rushed to the Owlery to attach it to Duchess before she could chicken out of sending anything. She went through the rest of her classes feeling slightly better. At least there was one less thing she was avoiding. In two days, she would take care of another thing she was avoiding. Saturday night being the date she had set to break back into the library and figure out what the hell she had done to herself. "And just think! I should hear from him before that!" Sophie whispered with a smile.

"Two days. Two full days he's had that damn letter and I haven't heard a single thing from him!" even though she was beside herself with nerves, worrying that she would be caught, Sophie couldn't help but talk to herself. She could nearly be classified as Remus's stalker at this point. She watched for him at meals, in the hallways, in the library. If she had been around Gwen any other time besides when she was asleep, Sophie would be eavesdropping into her conversations for a mention of Remus. For the past day or so, she was even throwing around the possibility of writing to Grace to see if Remus was still alive. "Really, even if you don't want to talk to me anymore, you should at least write me saying so. Better than this hell of a limbo that I'm in right now." Tripping on the stairs, Sophie continued to pick her way along the dark corridors.

"It really is dark. Makes sense. Students aren't allowed out and if they use their wands to see, the prefects will have an easier time catching them. Least I have just one more tu…" before she could finish her thought, arms had encircled her with a hand over her mouth hauling her up against a firm body.

"You really don't ever stop talking to yourself do you?"

A/N: Dun dun DUN! Oh thank god I'm done. The intense writers block I've been fighting for forever has finally eased its grip over me. Ya, I'm beyond apologizing for slow updates. I do try my best. My best just sucks. But as promised! The end of the masquerade! Which was hard as hell to write. When I finally did that I then realized I didn't have a new arc ready to start. Thus more delays. Sorry for all of the time skips in this episode but I needed time to pass. Some stuff is only going to be able to happen when Remus and Sophie have history, and that cant happen without time passing really. Luckily I know where at least half of the next chapter is going so I'm going to aim for the next month or so to get another chapter out. I make no promises of course. I always break them. And I hate lying to you my most wonderful readers! Thank you to wait wait must look up name….. sapphireviolin for adding me to their update alert list! You kinda kicked me in the ass to finally finish this long overdue chapter ^.^ Well I love all of you and shamelessly plead for reviews and ill see y'all next time!

Ja Ne! (Zya Ne in some circles)