Edward's Point Of View

Nothing had changed in the hundred odd years I had existed. I was still a monster, unable to control my hunger. I was still a man, unable to control my urges. I was still not good enough for her. These thoughts had been plaguing my mind well before Jasper's slip. The fact that my family, too, was not good enough for her only made my decision clear. We had to leave.

I had a speech prepared, practiced in front of my family and in front of countless mirrors for days, preparing myself to break her heart. The words sounded almost believable, even to myself as I spoke them aloud to my Bella, my world, my all, my everything. I would miss her like no other.

Her eyes spoke the words she wished to find, to shout at me, to whisper between upcoming sobs, I avoided them. Filling the big space between us with comforting lies and empty promises of moving on, forgetting. I would never forget the only girl in the last century that captured my heart and saved me in every meaning of the word. In every way that one can be saved. I would miss her beautiful face, the way it always seemed to light up, to glow... Her curly hair that blew the most wonderful scents around in the wind. Those eyes that had been filled with just as much loneliness as mine had.

I would miss her.

I missed her.

I had spent the entire drive out into the unknown lost in my own thoughts, my own memories. They were all I had. I found myself trying to reason, trying to convince myself of all the reasons I had left. I made over a hundred mental lists, all coming down to the same conclusion. She deserved better than the life I could give her.

My family had called me countless times, asking me to join them, to talk about my decision and the reasons behind our sudden departure. Alice knew well enough why I had chosen this road, why I had chosen this new life - she could fill them in. I wanted to be alone. I needed to escape everything I knew in order to start over again.

Because sleep no longer affected me, I could easily count the number of days I had spent alone in the same dark hotel room, laying in the used bed with my eyes closed. Picturing her smile. I didn't realize how quickly the memories I had of her would begin to fade. I already found myself forgetting the exact pitch of her laugh, the exact floral scent her body gave off, the exact feel of her soft skin against mine. I had expected to have all of these things memorized perfectly for future reflection, though it wasn't the same. It would never be the same. I no longer had her in my life to remind me of these exact traits... It was excruciating.

My existence soon fell into a coma, nothing more than a man in his own despair, unable to make something of himself. Without her, I wasn't good enough, I was less. The thoughts of others walking through the musty hall and past my door caught my attention once in a while. Often thinking about how much they loved the one they were with, how their love trumped all others. I had to clutch the bed sheets with every ounce of strength I had left to refrain from breaking through the door. How could anyone compare their love to what I felt for her, to what we had? Nothing would ever compare, no girl would ever compare.

The third night into my depression, I fell into the closest thing to sleep I could manage. My mind filled itself with beautiful images and scenarios. I was back in Forks, laying in my Bella's bed just as I had every other night. I often found myself debating the difference between right and wrong when it came to our relationship, while listening to the steady rhythm of Bella's heart beating. My fingers grazed through her smooth hair, my lips trailed along her perfect skin while she slumbered on. Whispering the lyrics I never bothered to write for her lullaby.

Life was like a moonless night, shrouded in the stars. Beauty can be such a fright, but now you're in my arms. Sleep my Isabella, my everything, my world. You are far too precious to me... You are safe in my arms, safe from any harm. There is nothing to fear, not while I'm here. Now close your eyes and dream, let all, your worries, melt away. I wont ever let you go, no.

The obnoxious ringing of my cellular phone pulled me from this small piece of heaven I was granted, though something warm wrapped tight in my arms distracted me.

I half expected to find her, my Bella, cradled in my arms. It would be no shock that Alice had caved in and directed Bella to the old hotel I was situated in. I hoped she had forgiven me, for all the heartless and untrue lies I threw at her only a few nights before. That she was somehow able to push that pain into the back of her mind and crawl into bed with me, back into my arms. My eyes glanced down, a smile painted across my face that quickly disappeared. In my arms there was nothing more than a pillow I had subconsciously clung onto like a child and it's nursery blanket.

I pulled myself away from closest thing to a dream I had in years, encouraging myself to answer the phone. Of course it was Esme, she was the only one in the family that would not heed my warnings. She would call every single day for the rest of forever, just to check in. I loved her for that.

The number splayed on the caller ID screen was not that of Esme's. It was an out of area number, which baffled me. I hadn't made many friends in Forks, nor in any other town. Flipping the cellular phone on, I pressed it to my ear with a rough "Hello".

"If you think you're going to get away with all of this, than you have another thing coming. That's my damned daughter you left out there! What would have happened had we not have found her! She's in a horrible enough condition as it is, without some miserable punk like you ditching her in the cold."

Charlie. The one thing in Forks I would never be able to outrun. As much as I wanted to apologize to him, I couldn't. Those kind words would only be spoken back to Bella, she would take it in another way all together. Thinking I had a sudden change of heart, she would come looking for me. I knew her far too well. Instead, I simply hung the phone up, not speaking another word, or allowing another of his. My cellular phone soon collided with the wall.

Goodbye, everything I knew.