Edwards Point Of View

Six months, twenty one hours, seventeen minutes and thirty nine, forty, forty one seconds had passed. Forty two, forty three, forty four... I had been cooped up in the same hotel rooms. The walls seemed to close around me a little more each time my watch ticked. Closing in to devour me completely in the hell I had made for myself.

I refrained from making a single call, from leaving the room in fear. Fear that my body would flee back to her. My world, my life, my all. Take her back in my arms despite every reason I shouldn't. Love her, like I continued to despite my absence. Yes, if I left this crowded room my body would surely involuntarily run back to her against my will. Like a reflex I couldn't rid myself off, like a heart beating.

I hadn't opened that door once, not once. My self control was outstanding even to myself, though at times I felt it diminishing. At the end of each week when it came time to pay the tab on my room, I slipped the money beneath the door upon hearing the owner's footprints. I lived on nothing, no blood. My eyes stung red more and more each day though my cravings for the humans on the other side of the door never phased me. I would never be satisfied without her. I would crave, only her.

This particular day was filled with rain, pounding in sheets against my hotel room's window. Raining like it had in Forks all the months before. As I lay in the same used bed, staring at the same stained ceiling I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing at exactly that instant. What kind of people she had met over the past few months, what kind of activities she had indulged herself in. Today was one of the few days a month my self control was at it's weakest. Both my body and heart begging me to go back to her, though my mind refused to allow such a thing to happen.

As a distraction, I pried myself from the nest I had made for myself on top of the bed, and began pacing the bedroom. My fists were balled up tightly, trying to focus more on the clenching pain rather than her beautiful face. My body grew more frantic as the rain continued to pelt against the window harder, challenging me.

I can't go back to her, I left. I left her so she could make a new and much better life for herself. She doesn't deserve the hell I live in, she deserves much, much better...

I repeated the same lines I had memorized over the past months, hoping that they would sound more honest than they normally did. The truth in each word faded so horribly, instead, replacing my reasoning with doubt.

What if the life she finds is worse, what if the one she's with can't protect her like I can? My Bella had always been a trouble magnet, no human could prevent the dangers that always seemed to find her. What if... What if...

No. I wouldn't bring myself to think of that. Bella was alive and well, much as she always had been. Alice would have contacted me had she seen otherwise, only... No one could contact me. The bits and pieces of my cellular device lay damaged on the floor where I had left it six months ago. Bella was fine... I just... I just needed to be sure.

My mind was made up before I allowed myself to argue. I would visit Alice, the rest of my family for a short period of time. Ask Alice to channel herself to Bella, I just had to make sure she was well.

I left the proper amount of cash on the table next to the bed for the owner, and for the first time in six months, twenty one hours, twenty one minutes and fifty seconds, I opened the door and left the hotel I had confined myself to.

The breeze outside was crisp and wet, the rain soaking my face. I knew I should take my car, though I wasn't in the mood to drive. I needed to stretch my legs, to run, to feed. I walked to the end of the long road slowly, human like. Enjoying the freedom displayed in front of me before the road turned in two separate directions. Alice and the rest of my family would surely be in Denali with their closest friends, that turn was to the right of me. I glanced down the long road, preparing myself to make a mad dash, but my own actions surprised me. Left, I had turned left. Left lead back to Forks, the place I was trying to avoid.

I can't go back there! Stop it! LISTEN TO ME! I don't want to see her, I can't see her! What would I say, she wouldn't want to hear anything that came from my mouth! I BROKE HER HEART!

I didn't care. My entire entity had enough, it needed to be reunited with it's other half, it needed to fee alive again.

Would she let me inside, would she even let me in her yard? Would she listen to what I have to say? Would she... could she... still, love me?

The rain continued to hit me as my body fled the prison of a town I had been staying in. At this speed, I would be with my love by tomorrow. I didn't know what to expect, the only thing I knew was that I had to try.