Bella's Point Of View

The past six months had been excruciating in every aspect of the word. I had alienated myself from all of the friends I once had in school, alienated my family (minus Charlie) and still managed to cry myself to sleep each and every night. I had very little will to live, to breathe, to exist. I existed only for Charlie, who seemed to be just as empty as I felt. He watched his daughter struggle day after day to keep from picking up that knife, to refuse jumping in front of the oncoming car. He watched me die little by little until there was very little left. I wished so badly I could be what I once was, just for him. It stabbed my wounds deeper to watch him like this, in pain because of me.

I rolled out of bed much as I did everyday, my face sticky from the tears I let fall overnight. My bedroom was foreign to me now, dark and dank like a cave. I had a blanket covering my window that I refused to have fixed, blocking any light that may attempt to seep through the broken glass.

My hands, like everyday before, reached for the same pair of faded blue jeans and t-shirt I wished to wear, though cast a second glanced at the pair of sweats and sweater I already had laying out for myself. The same pair of the dozen sets of sweat pants I had bought myself to replace my old clothing. The clothing Charlie begged me so badly to let him burn. I turned my back to the sweats laying on the rocking chair in the corner of my bedroom, instead focusing on putting myself back into those jeans.

The denim material felt so strange against my smooth skin, the waist of the jeans sagging immensely away from my body, my obvious weight loss forcing them to slide down my slender form. I grabbed a belt from one of my drawers and threw it on, effectively holding the jeans up as I put my t-shirt on over my upper half.

I walked over to my full body mirror, taking off the dusty towel that covered it. The reflection that stood in front of me was nothing like I remembered, it wasn't me. I was thin. Far too thin, even after all of these months my stomach continued to heave at the thought of eating. My skin lost the pink flush it always seemed to have - one of the human qualities everyone carried. Instead, I was pasty white, colorless. My hair fell around my shoulders and down my back much as it always had, but it was lifeless. My big, brown eyes stared back at me, the light stolen from them. I looked unhealthy, like a zombie.

I lifted the front of my t-shirt, observing every inch of skin that covered my stomach, my sides and my back. My skin had always been flawless, not a single scar which was surprising. Only now, my wrist had a constant reminder of the hell I had gone through with James. An imperfection visible to the human eye, a reason I wasn't as perfect as he claimed.

Tears began to form in my eyes, but I refused to cry. Instead I pried myself away from the stranger that stood before me and made my way downstairs. Jacob was already sitting on the sofa with Charlie, pretending to be just as occupied in the basketball game as he was. Charlie naturally got along with Jacob, being his best friends son and all. Now, he was just putting forth too much effort, for Jacob was the one person that was pulling me out of my depression the slightest bit.

"I'm ready." My hands dug into my pockets as I forced a smile to Charlie, my way of saying good-bye for the day. I refused to actually say the words, fearing that I might mistake it as a final farewell and take the opportunity to end what sad piece of existence I had left.

Jacob was at my side in an instant, bidding Charlie good-bye before walking out of the house, letting me lead the way. He had promised me for weeks now that he would take me to the cliffs. The same cliffs that his friends jumped off for fun. I heard they were beautiful, just sitting and looking down into the ocean. I always loved the ocean, it reminded me of the home I had shared with my mother. That life seemed so distant, as if it were a century ago.

The ride wasn't as long as it normally was. I had let Jacob drive my loud, monster of a truck, the two of us diving into conversation the second we hit the truck seats. We spent everyday together in the summer and most evenings together during school months. We held hands when we walked, though it wasn't as couples did. It was more a sentimental gesture on his behalf, letting me know he was there with me, for me. I secretly thanked him for that.

I was the first to climb out of the truck and run my way to the cliffs edge, amazement on my face as I stared down in wonder at the deep ocean beneath me. I felt insignificant, like a tiny grain of sand being tossed around in the wind. I felt wonder, and beauty as the wind pushed through my tasseled hair, making me feel something for the first time in such a long time.

Jacob's presence drew my attention away from the glories of nature, a large smile painted across both of our faces. Mine, was thanking him for taking me here, showing me this, experiencing this with me. His, was thanking himself for making me smile genuinely.

"Lets jump!" My words threw him off guard, his smile fading into a look of surprise and confusion.

"What?"

"Let's jump! Like your friends do!" My words were far too over enthused, excitement rippling through my dead body as I kicked my five dollar, flat sneakers from my feet. The sound of my voice was foreign to him, as was this new emotion I was displaying. "Come on!"

Jacob hesitated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable with the idea as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I dunno, Bells... It's pretty windy, the water's probably cold, and -"

"Aw, Jake!" Out of all the people in the entire universe, I thought he would be the most willing to take this adventure with me. though jumping alone would be far more scary than jumping with his hand in mine, I was prepared. "I'll tell you just how amazing it is, and what you missed out on." I shot him a smile, ignoring the shaking of his head. He clearly thought I was insane.

Jogging back a few steps, I forced myself into a fast run, throwing myself from the ledge of the cliff with a happy scream. My body forced itself through the could wind, stabbing at my exposed skin like tiny, cold daggers though I didn't care. It felt like freedom.

The water broke easily beneath my weight and the force of the fall, the splashing sound able to be heard even under the waves, loud and deafening. It wasn't until a sharp stinging, much more violent than the tiny cold daggers in the wind, pierced my head that I realized the sound wasn't the splash.

The crystal clear water that surrounded me turned red. It was blinding, smothering, confusing. My sight was hazy, my coordination lost. I tried to swim to the top, but my limbs wouldn't move from the defeated position they remained in.

The last image I saw before my eyes fluttered closed was that of the rock my head had collided with upon entering the cold water. It stood there, mocking me. Taunting me. Taking away the last thing I had. Darkness soon blocked the hatred beaming from the rock, easing my fear. Though I had nothing left, I still had the peace of death. Not Edward, nor that rock would take it away from me. Not now...