This chappie is for my good friend Nicki. I love you my friend ;)
And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long." ~Sylvia Plath
Chapter 4 The Last Kiss
The week passed by so quickly. Mikan and Shiki argued endlessly day after day on why she should or shouldn't take on the offer. It had ended up with Shiki playing the 'I will resign as your agent' card to get Mikan to agree. It was cruel, using her vulnerability of rejection to get her to do it. But he knew deep in his heart that this is what she needed to move on. He recalled his phone conversation with Hotaru the other day.
"The wedding will be held at Marco Island in Florida. Everybody will be housed at the Marco Island Marriott Beach Resort. We'll be spending a week there if she agrees and of course, you will accompany her." The always business minded Hotaru said directly after he greeted her.
"That is a very generous offer Imai-san, I will make sure to tell her." He said warmly.
"I does hope she sing for me and Ruka. It would mean so much to me." She said, sounding wistful.
"Ruka? I thought you were to be married to Natsume-kun?" He questioned, confused.
"Oh, right, we weren't able to clarify that during the meeting. Ruka was busy with work, so more of a favor from Natsume, I asked him to accompany me. He's the best man at the ceremony and Amanatsu's singing partner at the reception." Hotaru explained.
"Ahhh. I see. I thought you and him were together, you look good together, you know." He teased. This new piece of information was intriguing and he decided to push his luck with the comment.
"Oh. No. No. No. He is only like a brother to me. But we were engaged back then, not through our choosing though. It was one of the difficult times in my life." Hotaru was not really a talker. But this time she had a plan and was willing to make an exception.
"Oh, Really? Do tell." He urged her on.
"Well, as you all know, I am the heir to Imai Tech and Natsume is the heir from Hyuuga tech. We both loved each other's best friends. We weren't that close at all back then. But he lost her because she was murdered by his grandmother to keep the hushed agreement of marrying the heirs of both companies to each other. It's all very complicated to dive into details but yeah, he was in a very bad place and I helped him get back on his feet. Funny though, because my best friend, his ex, looks a lot like Amanatsu, just with different hair and eyes. Maybe that is why he is so smitten by her." She said nonchalantly.
Shiki knew this was as far as he could go and thanked her profusely and promised to keep the information confidential. From her end, Hotaru had thrown the bait. She was waiting for her fish to nibble then it would be hook, line and sinker.
And so with a heavy heart, Mikan decided to do the wedding gig and sign up under the label. Since they would be staying a week for the wedding in June, she decided to completely dye her hair red to avoid detection. She had it bleached and dyed to the shade of red she was used to wearing. And now here she was stepping out of the car that the label provided for her to use. She was provided a lush new apartment in Eastown Apartments and it was her first day for recording today. She shook out her now shoulder length hair and looked at her reflection in the glass façade of the building. She looked good as she always did. Tono was waiting for him in his suite of offices far more extravagant from the ones he had started in back then. He welcomed her with a kiss to her hand that made her blush.
"Welcome to MegaRecords Crimson Rose." He greeted her.
"Please, call me Amanatsu, Mr. Akira." She chided him with a small smile.
"Only if you call me Tono." He winked.
"So, first day, we already have your song choices ready. Have you thought of a title for your first ever album?" he inquired.
"I was thinking Metamorphosis."
"Intriguing choice. Would you mind telling me why that is?" he inquired.
"Well, I guess it's how my life has been. From being a nobody to somebody in the spotlight. A sudden metamorphosis." She said.
"Point taken."
"I did have one song I wanted to include, with a dedication on the album, would that be okay?" She asked hesitantly.
"But of course! It is your album after all. For a boyfriend, I assume?"
She blushed again. "No, I don't have one, well I did, but .. uhm.. it's a bit of a complicated story. I will tell you about it someday."
"I'll hold you to it. Shall we go to the studio?" He held out a hand and escorted her to where Shiki was waiting patiently.
They entered the recording studio, and she picked the order of the songs she wanted to record that day.
She stepped into the live room and found a stool, a microphone and her song sheets. She jumped when she heard Tono address her over the speakers from the control room. She could barely see since the control room was a bit dark. She could only make out his features since he was illuminated by the lights of the recording equipment.
"Whenever you're ready, love." He winked and she nodded.
The music came on. She didn't know Tono and Shiki weren't the only people in the control room. Aside from a couple of the sound technicians, Natsume was also there. He studied her as she began to sing.
She had whispered voicelessly to herself before she stepped up to the microphone. "This is for you Natsume"
And then she closed her eyes, focused on the music and let herself go. Then she sang.
I Know Him So Well
(Melanie C. and Emma Bunton version)
~Nothing is so good it lasts eternally, perfect situations must go wrong~
~But this has never yet prevented me, wanting far too much for far too long~
~Looking back I could have played it differently, Won a few more moments, who can tell?~
~But it took time to understand the man, now at least I know, I know him well.~
~Wasn't it good? (Oh so good) Wasn't it fine? (Oh so fine) ~
~ Isn't it madness, he can't be mine. ~
~But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me.~
~More security, he needs his fantasy and freedom. ~
~I know him so well.~
~No one in your life is with you constantly. No one is completely on your side.~
~And though I move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide. ~
~Looking back, I could have played things some other way, learned about the man before I fell.~
~But I was ever so much younger then. Now at least I know, I know him well. ~
~Wasn't it good? (Oh so good) Wasn't it fine? (Oh so fine) ~
~ Isn't it madness, he can't be mine. ~
~Didn't I know how it would go, If I knew from the start.~
~Why am I falling apart?~
~Wasn't it good? (Oh so good) Wasn't it fine? (Oh so fine) ~
~ Isn't it madness, he can't be mine. ~
~But in the end, he needs a little bit more than me.~
~More security, he needs his fantasy and freedom. ~
~I know him so well.~
~It took time to understand him, I know him so well.~
She didn't notice that she had tears running down her cheeks. She looked up and saw that everybody in the control room was clapping.
"That was wonderful Amanatsu." Shiki said over the speaker. "We'll do a couple more runs and then we can add in the second voice and polish it up during post production. You can take ten for a water break. "
MIKAN'S POV
I stepped into the control room to see Natsume walking out. I felt my breath catch in my throat. 'How long has he been in here?' Shiki notices me and approaches.
"Are you alright, Amanatsu?" he asks, worry evident in his eyes. I just nodded, not trusting myself to answer.
"That was a very powerful performance you know, much more so than the one at the hotel. It seems like that young man brings out the best in you." He murmured. I fight back the tears threatening to fall again. I grab a tissue from the table and a bottle of water.
"He was here the whole time you started. Slipped in so quietly, I didn't even notice he was there till you were mid-song. I believe you need to practice some songs with him for the wedding."
"Right." A pregnant silence ensued. "I'm afraid Shiki-san. My heart can't take this. I know I will see him almost, if not everyday. Working with him. I'm afraid I can't handle this and keep the secret for much longer."
"At first, I thought, you hated him, like that night at the hotel. But looking at you now, I would bet my life savings that you still love this guy, Amanatsu." He hugged me tightly,
"I do still love him Shiki-san. I've been trying all these years to.. to forget.. everything that happened. To start over, but with all that's happened, I don't hate him anymore. I still love him. My heart aches for him. But I know I can't be with him. This is all so complicated." My eyes met crimson staring at me and Shiki hugging and I didn't realize I had gasped out loud. I slowly break from Shiki's embrace.
"Don't mind me. I'm just waiting for you to be done with recording so we can practice." Natsume said awkwardly.
"I'm sorry you had to see that Natsume-kun, we just had a little talk about some matters of the heart." Shiki said softly. He had this look in his eyes that I couldn't quite understand. Like he knows something.
"It's none of my business." Was all Natsume said, but me knowing him, I knew he was itching to know what it was. Some things never change. Then Tono came in waving a setlist and announced that we could resume recording once the practice was done. Apparently Hotaru had called him and advised that practice comes first since I had 6 months to get my album finished and her wedding was only a month away.
"What did Imai blackmail you with?" Natsume asked him with a smirk, seeming to return to his normal self.
"Some compromising pictures." Sighed Tono.
"Let's get to it then, since you will be part of the entourage Nattie, we will practice the songs for the reception and Amanatsu can practice the songs for the ceremony on her own. Hotaru has requested a new song as well. I have it on the music track and the music sheets are in the live room.
We walk together in silence from the control room to the live booth. Indeed, everything was prepared. There were 2 stools, a couple of sheet stands filled with the set list and 2 mics set up. 'Boy, these guys work fast.' I thought. I didn't even see them do this. I took the second stool as I pick up a music sheet. It was a Michael Jackson classic that was covered in Glee. Not a bad choice. Since I knew the song, I took the time to sneak a glance at my duet partner. He was clad in jeans, an old concert t-shirt and sneakers. He met my stare and we locked gazes. He opened his mouth to say something but I guess he thought better of it and decided to just close his mouth. I sighed. 'If only I could get the chance to tell you, but you're getting married anyway. So, no dice.' I stood up since I felt more comfortable standing while singing.
"Whenever you're ready." Tono said through the speaker. The music track starts and we sang.
I Just Can't Stop Loving You
Natsume: ~Each time the wind blows, I hear your voice so I call your name~
~Whispers at morning, our love is dawning, heaven's glad you came~
~You know how I feel, this thing can't go wrong~
~I'm so proud to say I love you..~
~Your love's got me high, I long to get by, ~
~This time is forever, love is the answer~
He turns to me. Looking at me while he's singing. I can hear my heartbeat so loudly that I'm afraid everybody hears it too. I close my eyes and sing my part.
Mikan: ~I hear your voice now, you are my choice now, the love you bring ~
Heaven's in my heart, at your call, I hear harps and angels sing~
~You know how I feel, this thing can't go wrong~
~I can't live my life without you~
Natsume: ~I just can't hold on~
Mikan: ~I feel we belong~
Natsume: ~My life ain't worth living if I can't be with you~
I fluttered my eyes open to realize he was standing close to me. Too close. I try my best to not let the closeness bother me and ruin the moment.
Together: ~I just can't stop loving you, I just can't stop loving you~
~And if I stop, then tell me just what will I do, I just can't stop loving you~
I gaze up to him. I unconsciously reached for his cheek with my trembling hand. He sees my hand but does nothing. 'It's as if he wants me to touch him.' I thought. Just as my hand was about to reach his face, everything turned pitch black.
NATSUME'S POV
I slipped into the control room without anybody noticing. I already knew her schedule thanks to Tono's being a slob and leaving schedule papers on his desk. I don't know what compelled me to come earlier than our practice time. I just can't help it.
"Whenever you're ready, love." I heard Tono say over the speaker. I rolled my eyes as I saw him wink at her.
I look at her clad in a black pullover and shorts. Her hair is shorter, but there's something else different about it. I just can't quite put my finger on it. I saw her take a deep breath and call my name. My eyes widen with shock. 'Did she just say my name?' I shook my head and dismissed the idea. It sounded like I was so desperate.
She starts to sing and everyone in the control room shuts up. Her voice is so magical. Tono had stopped arguing with the sound tech on deck and has this goofy smile on his face. Her manager Shiki smiles as he watches over her. I close my eyes and in my mind I see Mikan singing the song. I didn't notice tears falling from my own eyes until I try to hold back a sob. I look around the booth and check if anyone is watching me. Shiki turns around and matches my gaze.
'Sheesh, this guy must have super hearing or something.' And just as abruptly as he turned to stare at me, he turns back to Mikan watching her intently. I nonchalantly pretend to wipe my cheeks and forehead with my hanky. (As if anyone would sweat in an airconditioned control booth.)
The song ended and everybody was clapping. I heard Shiki say something over the speaker and slipped out to calm myself. I walk to the nearest water fountain and cool myself off with a small drink. 'Stop thinking of polka, idiot. She's not here.' I made that my mantra, ignoring the longing in me. I walked back in to the booth for our scheduled practice. Hotaru had already given me a heads up. I slip quietly back into the booth just in case they were still recording and found Amanatsu in a tight hug with Shiki.
"I do still love him Shiki-san. I've been trying all these years to.. to forget.. everything that happened. To start over, but with all that's happened, I don't hate him anymore. I still love him. My heart aches for him. But I know I can't be with him. This is all so complicated." I heard her say. I raise my eyebrows and stared at their embrace. Is there more to their relationship that meets the eye? She catches me staring and abruptly breaks off the hug.
'Say something you dummy.' I panicked and drawled out the first words I could think of. "Don't mind me. I'm just waiting for you to be done with recording so we can practice." I facepalmed myself in my head.
"I'm sorry you had to see that Natsume-kun, we just had a little talk about some matters of the heart." Shiki looked at me funny when he said that. I wanted to ask but again my stupid mouth got the best of me. "It's none of my business." Damn it Hyuuga, when did you get to be like this? But I knew the answer to that. Ever since she left. Ever since she died. I wasn't like my old self anymore. I had lost that cool, uncaring façade.
Good thing Tono came by to announce that we have to practice and told me that Hotaru made him do it. I asked him what blackmail Hotaru came up with and he said some 'compromising' pictures. Knowing Tono, that would be a lot. I held back the urge to snicker. I knew we were requested to sing a couple of additional songs from the original set list. Ruka had given me a heads up on that.
I gestured for her to go first into the live room and followed her in silence. She looks around at the newly set up equipment and picks up her music sheet. I do the same. I already know the songs so I take the time to watch her. Apparently, she knows the song too coz here comes her cool blue-green eyes staring at me. If only she had hazel eyes, I could swear it was Mikan in this room with me right now. I want to say something.
"I -" 'Shit! what would I say to her?' I thought better of it and closed my mouth again. She looked down and didn't say anything. I didn't care to sing while sitting down so I remained standing. Surprisingly, she stood up too.
"Whenever you're ready." Tono said through the speaker. The music track comes in and Tono signals my cue to start. I closed my eyes and started to sing.
~Each time the wind blows, I hear your voice so I call your name~
~Whispers at morning, our love is dawning, heaven's glad you came~
~You know how I feel, this thing can't go wrong~
~I'm so proud to say I love you..~
~Your love's got me high, I long to get by, ~
~This time is forever, love is the answer~
By mid verse, I had opened my eyes and turned to her for her turn. She closed her eyes and sang her part perfectly. My body involuntary called me to her side. She seemed flustered when she opened her eyes and found me next to her.
~I just can't stop loving you, I just can't stop loving you~
~And if I stop, then tell me just what will I do, I just can't stop loving you~
She tilts her head up to look at me. From the corner of my eye, I see her lift a slightly shaking hand. She raises it as if to touch my cheek. I close my eyes waiting for her touch. Then all I hear next is a slightly muffled scream and her gripping my arm tightly. Her touch is like an electric shock to me. No one except Mikan has had that effect on me ever since. But when I try to look around, all I could see was utter darkness.
I quickly whipped out my phone and texted Tono, the bright light of my phone illuminating Amanatsu and myself in the small dark room. She looked scared.
FROM: TONO HENTAI
Nattie, power's out and 4 sum reason the gener8ors not workin. Tryin to check with facilities. Keep Amanatsu company and be a good kid. We can't open the door since it's electronic. Water is on the side table. Behave! ;) RECEIVED 11:30AM
I look at the panicked girl next to me and swear I can see Mikan with one of her loud whiny panic attacks. 'Remember the mantra. Stop thinking of polka, idiot. She's not here.' I placed the phone in front of us to keep a small light.
"Hey Amanatsu, relax, the power just went out and something happened to the generator. They're trying to fix it so it might be awhile." I said to calm her down.
"Oh. Okay." She sits down next to me on the carpeted floor and shivers.
"Are you cold?" I asked her. She nodded.
"I don't have a jacket with me, is it ok if you come closer? I can keep you warm. Not in a perverted way, I promise. Scout's honor!" I held my hand up like a boy scout. It made her laugh but she scooted over to me and I placed an arm over her shoulder. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I can't help myself and sniff her hair, discreetly. She smelled like Polka, strawberries. I am immediately overtaken by the scent and give out a huge sigh. She sensed it and she stiffened a little but didn't move away. We stayed like that, just silent for the next few minutes.
My phone suddenly beeps and dies.
We are again surrounded by darkness.
I don't know how long passed, but she suddenly speaks up, asking me a question.
"Uhm.. Natsume?" a hesitant tone in her voice.
"Yeah?"
"Does the person you love make you happy?" She asks me.
"Yeah. Once. She was my sunshine. My one true love. But she left me. Funny though, she kind of looks like you, with brown hair and hazel eyes." I looked in the direction of her voice knowing she was looking at me too.
"What was her name?" her voice was more quiet now.
"Why do you want to know?" I asked her. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as if I had just sprinted a marathon.
"…."
She just stayed silent. She probably felt embarrassed at her blunt question.
"Mikan." I said softly. Somehow, I felt that Mikan was next to me, not Amanatsu. And I felt like I needed to acknowledge her presence.
"Huh?"
"Her name was Mikan."
And then I feel her soft lips claim mine.
MIKAN'S POV
I clasped my hand over my mouth to stifle the scream coming out. Taken by surprise, I had latched on to the closest thing when darkness enclosed us. I had gripped Natsume's hand. I felt him gasp as I touch him. It was the first time I had touched him in so many years. He whips out his phone and sits down on the floor. I follow silently just standing. I start to panic. I never like the darkness. Outside with stars and streetlamps is fine, but complete and utter darkness is never one of my favorite places to be.
"Hey Amanatsu, relax, the power just went out and something happened to the generator. They're trying to fix it so it might be awhile." He must've sensed my panic and pats the space next to him on the floor. He placed his phone on the floor in front of us so we had a small source of light. I sat down and wrapped my arm around myself. It was cold. I shivered unconsciously.
"Are you cold?" He looked at me with that hint of worry in his eyes. 'Just like before' I nodded.
"I don't have a jacket with me, is it ok if you come closer? I can keep you warm. Not in a perverted way, I promise, scout's honor!." He held his hand up like a boy scout. It made my heart melt and I couldn't resist laughing at him. I scooted over to him and he placed an arm around my shoulder. I bask in his warmth as much as my sanity allows it. I want so much to tell him the truth. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I feel him lean into me. His breath felt hot at the top of my head. I felt more than heard him sigh and I stiffen, panic overcoming me. I made no move and neither did he. We stayed in comfortable silence just like we had done before all of this mess started. I think back to the time we had met, the time he held me in his arms the first night we were together. I wanted to hug him tight and never let him go. But I knew I had to. He was meant to be with Hotaru, not me. As much as it hurt, I want him to be happy. Is he really happy with her?
I jumped when I heard a beeping sound and the light of the phone went out. His battery was dead and we are now back in the darkness. I snuggle into him closer. Savoring my last few moments this close to the man I love. Before I would give him up to my best friend. I had this sudden urge to ask him. If he really is happy.
"Uhm.. Natsume?" I called out to him slowly.
"Yeah?" he said warily. He sounded tired.
"Does the person you love make you happy?" I dared to ask that one question. Whatever his answer, it will give me peace of mind. At least I got to ask this before I totally give him up.
"Yeah. A long time ago. She was my sunshine. My one true love. But she left me. Funny though, she kind of looks like you, with brown hair and hazel eyes." I felt the tears in well up in my eyes. I couldn't understand how I felt so happy and yet sad at the same time.
"What was her name?" I kept my voice low so he wouldn't know I was already crying.
"Why do you want to know?" He asked me. I felt his hesitance and I couldn't think of a reasonable explanation as to why. I just wanted to know. But I know life is never fair and sometimes you never get the answers to all your questions. I gave up on it and stayed silent. Then he spoke up.
"Mikan." He said quietly
"Huh?"
"Her name was Mikan."
When he said my name, I couldn't help it.
Just this once, consequences be damned. I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. I brought out all the longing and heartache that I had been holding in for the past 3 and a half years into that last kiss. It was my last chance to do that before he could no longer be mine, and I could no longer be his. I mustered up all the passion I had for him and somehow, I was grateful that he didn't push me away. That he kissed me back. It was like our first kiss all over again.
"Mikan." He whispered on my lips.
"Natsume." I whispered back still not wanting to let his lips leave mine.
And then the power came back on.
Tentenenenenenenen Cliff hanger i know. XD
Songs mentioned in the chappie are :
I Know Him So Well - Mel. C and Emma B. version
I Just Can't Stop Loving You - Glee version
RavenAcA3 - well here is the next chappie ;) Thankies
dauntlessdemigodtributes - it's a cool song. definitely have to thank Neneng (former guest) for bringing it to my attention.
xNatsuMikanx - Plot twist will come soon enough. I just felt like fluffing up the chapter a bit ;)
Nikinora96 - I know right Niki-san! but i just feel like it isn't the right time yet XD stay tuned.
chewybillabong - LoL! Well, here's more where that came from!
frozenbutterfly - I'm thinking of a cool way to do that kind of stories you mentioned. I've seen a lot of them and I just want mine to be different. Any suggestions are appreciated though! Make sure to follow so you'll know if i have a new story ;)
Anilissa - Anilissa-chan I hope exams went well and you are very much welcome. Well, Hotaru is kind of sly when it comes to that, so we'll find out soon enough. (I have to admit, i don't even know yet myself) LOL
Neneng - Thank you for sharing. here is the update.
Any suggestions are welcome. This is part of my creative writing process and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read and review my stories. XD
I'm working on my other story and was swamped at work so I'll update in the next couple of days ;)
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xoxo Lexi1989