Hello everyone. As good as it got, this will be the last chapter for Crimson Rose.
I want to thank everyone who followed and set it as a favorite. Specially those who took their time to review!
xoxo Lexi1989
p.s so that no one gets confused, those underlined lines are voices that Mikan can hear :)
Lines that start and end with ' are thoughts while those that have " are dialogues.
Chapter 10: PAIN and VOICES
MIKAN'S POV
I am enveloped in darkness. Is this what it feels like to be dead? I can't see anything. I can't open my eyes but I can feel the pain. And I hear voices all around me. Hazy, panicked, rushed.
"HOTARU! SHE'S LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD! WE NEED TO GET HER TO A HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!"
'I know this voice. It's Anna's.'
I feel someone pushing into my stomach and I feel like a hammer is being pounded into it. I want to scream but all I manage is a groan.
"CAN'T YOU MAKE THIS THING GO FASTER? FUCK!"
'It's Natsume! Does it mean I'm still alive?'
"I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, HYUUGA! SHUT UP AND HELP ANNA!"
'It's the first time I've heard Hotaru so panicked. She's usually so calm.'
The pain intensifies and my thoughts are now jumbled. I feel like the darkness is pulling me down. I feel like I want to let go. But I don't want the voices to leave. I hear my name being called again and again. I feel myself being pulled from one direction to the next. Like a tug of war.
"Mikan…. Mikan… Hold on Mikan…"
NATSUME'S POV
'It seems like all I've managed to do the past few days is pace. Pace Ruka's apartment, Imai's lab, this hospital hallway. I can't stand this waiting.'
I glance at the operating room door and the light is still on. The events of the past few hours are still fresh in my mind. How I was so powerless to save her. How, even in the face of death, she was ready to give up her life for me. When Himemiya pointed that fucking gun at me, all I wanted to do was to protect her. But she had pushed me away and offered her life like it was just nothing.
"FUCK!"
The nurses at the nearby nurse station all jump at my outburst and glare at me with disapproving glances. I glare back. They don't have a person they love with their life hanging in the balance. I am entitled to be mad. My feet are shaking and I feel the fatigue sweep over me. I sit down on a bench in the hallway and put my head in my hands.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Ruka. He's holding a cup of coffee in his hands. I accept it. He sits down next to me and stays silent. His mouth in a taut, grim line. A few minutes after and Hotaru comes to join us.
"I placed Hijiri and Masachika in a room on the third floor. Hijiri's wound has been treated and Masachika is a bit bruised but he'll live." She offers information I didn't ask for. I didn't care about those two. I only care about how Mikan is.
"You should be thankful to the two of them. Because of Shiki, we found her. Hijiri is the reason she is still alive." She said as if reading my mind.
"…"
Youichi was smart enough to time his shot even if he was wounded. He shot Himemiya just a split second before she pulled the trigger. But she was still able to do so with her last breath. Her aim for Mikan's heart missed and hit Mikan in the stomach instead.
"Subaru is one of the best surgeons in the world, Natsume. If anyone can save Mikan, it would be him." Ruka added.
I ignore them. If Mikan dies, then all their efforts, our efforts would have been wasted. Because we didn't get there fast enough. Because the plan wasn't fool proof. It wouldn't matter anymore. I stood up and shoved the cup of coffee in Ruka's startled face. He stood up as if to prevent me from leaving but Hotaru just held onto his arm tightly.
"Let him be." She said. And he sat back down.
I walk around the hospital corridors without a destination in mind. Fatigue be damned. My legs are burning after all the running but I don't give a damn. Everything is the same. White walls, fluorescent lights, the smell of antisceptic heavy in the air. I take turn after turn in the hallway until I come across a door with stained glass. I twisted the knob and went inside. There were small pews and chairs scattered in the room. I knelt at one of the pews and for the first time in my life, I prayed to God to grant my wish.
"Please keep Mikan alive."
MIKAN'S POV
'I am still enclosed in pain and darkness. I feel like I'm being butchered but I can't do a single thing about it. I want to scream. I want my body to move but I cannot. It feels like this nightmare will never end. Am I already dead? Is this what hell feels like?'
I squirm and try to find the voices of my Natsume and my friends. They're not here. Despite the pain I can hear murmurs. I can hear the sounds of machines beeping.
"Doctor, the bullet has been removed."
"Good. Let's stitch her up."
Pain creeps up again in my stomach. I feel like I'm being stabbed by a thousand knives, over and over again. I want it to end. I want to give up and just let go.
"She's out of danger for now, but she's lost a lot of blood."
"Get her to the recovery room. Let's see if she passes the critical period and wakes up."
The pain subsides and I am left to think by myself. The only sound breaking the silence is the steady beeping next to me. I feel sleepy and my consciousness floats in and out. Nothing but darkness. I will my eyes to open but they won't. I can feel them as if they are tightly sealed shut. I doze until a distant muffled voice wakes me up.
"I'm only going to let you in if you promise not to disturb her. She is still recovering." 'I know this voice. I grew up with this voice. It's Subaru. Hotaru's brother.'
I hear the sound of a door opening and closing, and then footsteps approaching. I feel a warm hand caress my cheek. I feel someone's breath tickling the small curls of my bangs on my forehead followed by a soft kiss. A calloused hand takes my limp one and encloses it. I know it is Natsume. I can hear the small sobs he makes as he speaks to me.
"Mikan.." 'Natsume.'
"Please live, for me… for us.." I want to tell him to stop crying but I can't. All I can do is listen to his voice.
"I can't live without you Mikan. You are my life." He kisses the back of my hand softly and I can feel his other hand brushing away the stray curls on my face.
I struggle to get my body to cooperate with my mind but I can feel the pain slowly creeping back. It wasn't just in my stomach this time but in my chest. I can feel it slowly spreading throughout my body. I feel like the air is being sucked out of me. My chest feels like it's burning. I feel myself slowly surrendering to the darkness. Suddenly, a shrill loud sound invades the silence and his sobs. My heart has flatlined.
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*
"CODE BLUE IN RECOVERY ROOM 1!"
"Patient is in cardiac arrest! I repeat CODE BLUE IN RECOVERY ROOM 1!"
Subaru's voice returns in a more urgent manner. Natsume grows panicked, shouting my name.
"Hyuuga, you need to go out. Let me do my job!"
"No! MIKAN! NO! I WONT LEAVE HER SIDE."
"HOTARU! GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"
"NO! GET OFF ME RUKA OR I SWEAR – OOF! NO! MIKAN! DON'T DIE!"
"Conducting CPR….1…2…3.."
"MIKAN! DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE!"
The voices fade farther and farther away from me. And suddenly, I am blinded by a flash of light. When the light fades, I find myself standing inside the room, looking at the alarming scene before me. I see myself lying on a gurney surrounded by people in white coats. Doctors. They were pumping my chest and frantically shouting at each other. I hear pounding from the other side and I see Natsume struggling in Ruka's arms trying to get in to the room. I want to run to him. To hug him and comfort him, to tell him that I'm okay, but my feet are frozen where I am.
I feel a presence next to me and I see a young man with blonde hair and hazel eyes just like mine. He is wearing a very nice suit but is surrounded by a hazy light. He puts his hand on my left shoulder and greets me with a warm smile.
"Hello Mikan-chan."
"Hello, you look familiar, do I know you from somewhere?" It felt odd having a normal conversation while looking at myself being revived in the same room.
"My name is Izumi, I am your father." I look at him in shock.
"D-dad?" No wonder he looked familiar.
"The one and only." He chuckled.
"Am I already dead?" I look at him with my eyebrows raised.
"No, you're not. I'm here to accompany you." He sat down on an empty gurney and gestured for me to sit down next to him.
"What do you mean?" I am seriously confused now.
"You know how they say the souls of your loved ones come back to get you before you die?" I nodded, thinking of how my mom called out to my Dad before she died.
"Oh, so I really am going to die today?" I couldn't explain what I felt. Did it really feel like this?
"Not yet. Not everyone can do this. You are lucky enough to have been given a chance. You see, you're still at that point where you can choose. If you choose to stay, I won't stop you. Should you wish to come with me, all you need to do is to walk with me into the light." He gestures to a white light emanating to my left.
"Is mom there too?" I was suddenly curious of the light. It was very inviting. It felt like home.
"Yes. She is. She's waiting for me. And for you. But she doesn't want her presence to sway you, which is why I decided to come." If mom was there, then it would be ok, right?
"But if I leave, then I die, right?" I am torn between leaving or staying. Why did I have to do this?
"If you leave, then yes, you leave your human form and your soul will depart from your body. You will leave everything behind, and the pain you are in now will be gone."
I feel a sudden jolt. I feel the pain he is talking about. It was as if my body was made aware of it when he mentioned it. All the while we were having this conversation, the pain was gone and the voices were muted. Now, the pain and the voices were all I could feel and hear.
"Injecting1 milligram epinephrine – everyone clear!" I feel a sudden surge of electricity on my body. I look at my body and see that they were using a defibrillator on me. It feels like I was hit by lightning (Not that I ever was).
"200 Joules! Clear!" I yelped out loud as another shock shook my body.
"You don't have much time Mikan-chan." He says as he stands up.
"Pulse and rhythm check in 2 minutes."
"I don't know what to do dad."
"Everyone clear!"
"Only you can decide. I cannot decide for you.."
He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and walks towards the light, his hand outstretched, waiting for me to come with him.
I closed my eyes for a second and try to sort out my thoughts. I could leave the pain and be with my mother and father forever. But leaving would mean I would leave Natsume and Hotaru and my friends. Leaving would mean my death. I am torn.
'Should I stay? Or is it really time for me to die for real?'
'Should I be selfish and leave everything?'
'Is it worth it for me to stay on? Not knowing what will become of me?'
'The future is always uncertain. If I go with dad then, I can be at peace. Painless, happy and forever free.'
I gaze at my father's smiling figure waiting for me near the light.
I gaze at the crying figures at the door.
"I'm sorry." I bowed my head down and whispered.
Then I took a step towards my destiny.
THE END
Okay, so before you decide to get mad and rip my head off (please don't) I will explain why I ended the story this way.
I want to get your opinions if she should stay or she should go. Also, I noticed not much stories end with a cliffhanger.(counting out those who didn't really finish their stories)
I will be writing an epilogue for closure (because I myself hate open ended stories that leave my imagination running wild.)
Just let me know if Mikan should stay or go :D
A week should be enough to compile everyone's opinions and I can post a week from now ;)
I can also post two epilogues, one for what really happened and I can do a oneshot for the alternate ending.
Let me know if it's a good idea? XD
xoxo Lexi1989
Special thanks to these awesome people who always took the time to review and PM!
I'll only say this once so i wont have to repeat with each shoutout. Please let me know what you suggest, what you feel about how this should really end ;)
chewybillabong - glad to know exams went well. XD
Anilissa - sometimes we really have to go with cliche ;) but it's alright.
Seiren Rindo - thank you so much for following.. :)
RavenAcA3 - the ending is a cliffhanger too XD
frozenbutterfly - thank you! for supporting and following all my stories (even the sad ones that make you cry)
Nikinora96 - yeah, well Hi-sama and Mikan both got shot. Hi-sama dies directly though, gunshot to the heart. Youichi is good at shooting.
xNatsuMikanx - well my friend, i know you're busy with work so shoot me a pm or review when you read this ;)
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For those who followed: You guys inspire me to write more .. thank you once again
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xoxo Lexi1989