Lisbon came to see Jack before she and her team left. "Whatever you said to Jane, it worked. He made a bee line for the car. I wish I knew how to do that."

Jack winced, but after a moment it was gone and he grinned at her. "Decades of dealing with unruly recruits, ma'am. Oh and a few years that feel like decades of dealing with Dr. Jackson."

"That bad?"

"You wanna trade civilians?"

"Uh, no, I think I'm gonna keep mine. Speaking of which, I should probably check on him. Make sure he's still breathing. Good luck with the operation, colonel!"

"Uh, Agent Lisbon?"

She turned back.

"You think you could convince him to come back? We might need him."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. If we go in we'll be wired. He could give us some advice over the radio. I promise I'll return him unharmed."

~o0o~

"How dare you challenge the power that is Seth?"

Jane heard the sound of those advanced electrical weapons again, and then a growl of anger from Seth. After that there was a thud and then nothing. "Jack?", he whispered. "Are you OK? Daniel?"

He didn't get an answer from either one, but all of a sudden Daniel said: "Bomb?", and Jack answered "Bomb."

Jane closed his eyes. "Jack, talk to me. What's going on?"

A few long minutes passed before Jack's voice came over the radio: "We're good. Carter neutralized Seth. We're coming out."

Jane slipped off his headphones and hurried out of the tent. The moment he saw Jack he froze, unsure what to do, then Jack smiled at him and he visibly relaxed. "It's over, Jane. Case closed."

~o0o~

Jack's hotel room, California

Jack was grumpy. He didn't want to admit it because they had successfully neutralized Seth, and his team had been great, but personally he was - grumpy. So he refused to join them for a beer at the hotel bar and went to his room instead. Beer was fine, he just wasn't very interested in having company. OK fine he would have been if it had been the right kind of company. Or maybe not. His jaw set. He tried to wind down, looking out of the window at the stars and letting his thoughts wander... Only he didn't like where they went. He hadn't felt like this in - centuries. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of Patrick Jane. It wasn't a big deal, he tried to convince himself. He was grateful for the guy's help with the Kinsey thing. Case closed. Only it wasn't.

~o0o~

Jane's doorbell rang. It was late, but he sighed and went to open the door.

"Hey."

"Jack O'Neill!"

"Yeah. Sorry for barging in on you like this."

"No, that's fine, come on in!"

They sat down in Jane's living room.

"Look, I figure I owe you an apology. And I never even properly thanked you."

Jane knew he was talking about the Kinsey case. "I'm glad you were cleared."

"So am I. And actually at least some of the credit for that goes to you. I'm sorry I can't tell you the details, but we got the people who were responsible. We might not have had that chance without your assessment. Not to mention it could have cost my sorry ass. So I owe you. Just thought I'd say thank you."

"So much for the gratitude. What was that about an apology?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm sorry about the way I treated you during operation 'Seth'. Agent Lisbon indicated I might have been a little rough."

"She said that?"

Jack grinned. "No. Actually she said she wanted to learn how I did it. Anyway, I might have been a little out of line, and I'm sorry."

"That's OK, Jack. I guess you were right about it." He grinned, too. " A little overly dramatic perhaps, but right. Although -"

"What?"

"If I didn't know you're a highly trained professional -"

"Then what?"

"I'd assume there was something personal going on."

Jack gave him a questioning look, so he went on: "Usually when people get that passionate about their point there's a personal motive."

"How's this for my personal motive: a civilian casualty under my command looks extremely bad on my file."

"How sweet, you're worried about me."

For a fraction of a second Jane could see something he couldn't place, and Jack's voice turned soft: "No way could I have guaranteed your safety, Jane."

"I see."

"I know you were trying to help, and you were probably trying to be brave, but taking unnecessary risks isn't bravery. It's just plain stupid. It jeopardizes the mission, and more often than not it jeopardizes lives."

"OK. I get it. In fact I got it the first time. I'm sorry I made your job harder."

Jack sighed. "I'll live."

They were silent for a moment.

"Jack, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Back when we first met, when I entered the interrogation room, you looked at me as if you'd seen a ghost."

Jack gave a small smile and lowered his eyes. "You reminded me of someone."

Jane waited for Jack to look at him again, and when he did he studied him closely. A smile spread across his face. "Someone you liked. A lot."

Again Jack broke eye contact. "That was a life time ago."

Jane fought the urge to lessen the distance betweenthem. He softly said: "Hey", once again waiting for Jack to focus on him. Jack resisted, his jaw set, his eyes averted. Jane tried again. "Jack, please look at me."

"I can't."

"You're scared I might see something you don't want me to see."

No answer. Jane smiled. Jack's body language was screaming 'conflicting emotions'.

"How about I tell you what I think, and you tell me to get lost if I'm wrong?"

There it was, a tiny smile – and a nod. Jane was almost sure he knew what was going on – but the fact that he wasn't entirely sure made him uncomfortable. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

"I think you're attracted to me. Maybe the man I remind you of used to be a lover. But you used to be married and had a son, so I think you left that part of your life so far behind that you don't know how to make a connection. Maybe you don't want to make a connection. Maybe it was too painful, so you chose to forget about him, but then I reminded you of him -"

When Jack finally lifted his head and looked at Jane he couldn't go on. The intensity in Jack's eyes took his breath away. It was all there for him to see – pain, fear, insecurity – despair. Jane had to take a breath and consciously separate himself, create a distance.

"Maybe", Jack said eventually, and it sounded as if it was the only thing he could get out. Jane made a decision. He stood and squatted down close to Jack. Looking up at him he let him see the real Patrick, unmasked and vulnerable.

"Maybe I feel the same, Jack. Maybe all I want right now is to touch you. Maybe I'm too scared to try."

Jack's eyes closed and he swallowed. His eyes still closed he breathed: "I don't know how -"

Jane reached for Jack's hands from his position on the floor, and when Jack allowed it he decided to follow his instincts. He got up and sat next to him on the couch, his body turned towards Jack, still holding on to his hands. Giving them a slight squeeze he said: "Hey", trying to get Jack to look at him, but he gave a slight shake of his head and refused to open his eyes.

"Do you want me to touch you?", Jane tried.

Jack nodded, a movement as small as the shaking of his head had been, and the pain on his face cut right through Jane's heart. He let go of Jack's hands and gently touched his face, brushing his thumbs over Jack's cheekbones. When he opened his eyes and looked straight at him Jane was overrun by the need he saw, and without giving it a single thought he leaned in. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to taste Jack's lips, carefully checking for his reaction, ready to pull away should he sense the slightest resistance. But Jack responded to his kiss as if he had been waiting for it all his life, his hands coming up to frame Jane's face, the tip of his tongue trailing along Jane's willingly parting lips. There was no battle for dominance – Jane simply surrendered, allowing Jack to take control. When they finally broke the kiss Jack pulled Jane into his arms.

"Why is this so difficult for you, Jack?"

Immediately he felt Jack tensing up. Jane pulled away from him and put his hands on Jack's shoulders, gently kneading. "Talk to me."

"The man you reminded me of -"

Jane smiled at him encouragingly.

"Paul. I guess you could say he was my first crush...I was confused and scared, but it turned out he liked me...a lot."

"Did you get together?"

"Yeah, we did. It wasn't the time to actually come out, so we kept it to ourselves, but I was really happy with him. It ended when he started seeing someone else, and of course it hurt like hell, but I still think it was a good thing."

"So how does your family fit in?"

"I met Sara a few years later. By that time I had already found out I was into men and women, and she was great, and I fell for her. Hard. We both wanted children, so for a few years we were the happiest little family..."

"And then you lost your son." Jane's voice was soft, trying to hurt Jack as little as possible, but he needed to know.

"Charlie. Yeah. Sara and I didn't deal with it so well, so soon after he died Sara and I were over."

"Has there been anyone since?"

"No."

"So you haven't been with a man for a very long time."

"No, I haven't. But that's not the main reason I'm being – like this."

He closed his eyes again. Jane thought he looked exhausted. He moved his right hand into Jack's hair, gently massaging his scalp. When Jack moved into his touch he lifted his left hand from Jack's shoulder, too. Jack let out a tiny moan, half suppressed, but it still had an effect on Jane. He let his hands fall to Jack's shoulders. Jack opened his eyes. "I'm sorry, Patrick. I can't do this."

Jane's stomach clenched. Jack got up, gently lifting Jane's hands off his shoulders. "I have to go. I'm sorry. Please don't – it's not your fault. You're amazing, and I owe you. But I can't."

He almost made it to the door before Jane called his name. He froze, eyes closed again, and forced himself to turn back. Jane closed the distance. "Can I at least steal another kiss?"

Jack gave in the moment Jane ended the sentence. They met in a clash of lips and tongue, their hands roaming, their bodies melting into each other. It was Jane who stilled, leaning his forehead against Jack's. "What's wrong, Jack? How can you not want this?"

"Oh I want it, believe me", he breathed, trailing his thumb along Jane's lower lip. "But I can't."

He leaned in for one last kiss, and then he was gone. Jane was left wondering once more what it was that he was missing about Jack O'Neill.