Let Me Love You

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."

-Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

Chapter Seven: Peace

"Why are you so concerned about us speaking?" Jane asked, her brow furrowed. She didn't understand Thor's growing dislike of her ongoing communication with Loki. "You are the one that prompted me that it could be a good idea to speak with him. He is acting normal, he's a bit of a stuck up ass sometimes, but that sort of seems to run in the family. Why are you now against it?"

"I still believe he means you some ill at the end of all this, that he is attempting to build security and trust so you'll fall prey to his foul subterfuge more readily." Thor answered. It wasn't the entire reason, but he wasn't being completely dishonest – he did not trust his brother any longer. Not after the way he'd stabbed him on earth. The way he still spoke of Odin, that he continued to claim that they were not family. "Remember, this is the same madman that caused hundreds of deaths on your earth, and much damage as well."

"I know, but that's all the more reason he needs rehabilitation. Even studies show that just throwing people in jail doesn't do much, but rehabilitation sometimes means the world in helping criminals come around to be productive members of society." Jane argued. "He does call you brother, I don't think he always means to – but even if he tries to fight the idea he still feels as if you are all family. A screwed up family, but that's all people. You should write him yourself. Maybe it would be easier to talk to him if you didn't let him rile you up."

"And why shouldn't him putting you on his bed rile me up?" Thor snapped. "Did you enjoy being down in his cell? Following his orders, having to..."

Whatever deeper grave he was going to dig himself in his rushed anger was stopped by Jane's open palm meeting his cheek in a swift and painful way.

"How dare you, do you think I want to be sick? Or like this? Just...get out...please." Jane crossed her arms, looking away from Thor. She was angry, in part because a twinge of guilt was lingering in her chest as well. She did have a few less than innocent thoughts about Loki when she was in his cell after all. But it was far from enjoying herself, and really? How was now the time for his jealousy? She wouldn't have ever even contacted Loki if Thor hadn't suggested it.

"Jane, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that...I just...I'm so frustrated that I cannot do more to aid in your recovery. That I have to rely on him to help you when I should be able to save you." Thor admitted with his apology. "I want to do what I can for you but it seems like he does more for you than just with the potions or the building of this contraption. You always seem so happy to get his letters...and I shouldn't act like this."

"You shouldn't." Jane agreed. "I want to be friends with Loki, I want you to be able to make up with him because you are a family. I have to rely on him, and I have to trust him cause I don't have another choice, and making me stressed out about it. Trying to make me paranoid, does not help me be able to..."

Jane wanted to finish her rant but the heightened emotions had caused the Aether to flare and she began coughing and couldn't. The Aether seemed to react to her on an empathetic level. Positive outlooks seemed to aid in keeping it more at bay, while negative ones appeared to invite it right back in. Her body wracked with the coughing and she only managed to stop the fit after Thor offered her the potion that she was already growing to care for. Once she was able to choke down a little her body relaxed enough to finish it and she started to catch her breath again.

Jane blinked, her heart heavy when Thor touched her cheek with one of his hands – they were almost as large as her head – but incredibly warm. The twinge in her heart wasn't the fault of the Aether, the more she saw this side of Thor the less she became certain as to her feelings. She felt a bit like crying by the time he'd repeated an apology and left her bedside. That would only encourage the parasite inside her so she decided to instead tell Loki about this newest realization.

To Loki Odinson,

Other than what I've already described to you, I realized today that the Aether seems to react more and pull more energy when I'm feeling anything overly negative. If I feel particularly positive it seems to withdraw just a little. It's hard to feel very positive these days but I'll certainly be trying. Thor is not making it easier, has he always been this pigheaded? I really care about him but he's not being very reasonable. How do you explain something to him? Or compromise? I only ask cause you've dealt with him a lot longer than I.

I can't get up yet, but I am feeling a little stronger every day. So I suppose I have to admit (until I know more) that magic is pretty useful. I need to try and not be a complete pessimist so I'm going to try and ignore your more negative comments. Aren't you into jokes? Couldn't you try to make me laugh instead of making droll remarks about the irony of my close to dead existence?

Your mom seems really nice, you should probably give her more credit. I'd like to hope she'd want to help me cause it's the right thing to do, not just because she wouldn't want Thor to be sad. I dunno about trying to mix the potions myself. I'm incredibly curious but Thor is already a little disturbed that he's not personally doing more to help. I don't suppose he can do anything else for you? It might make him feel a little more useful.

I may have put him up to writing you, I dunno if he will but try not to be a complete jerk if he does. I think he's a little insecure right now with everything that's happening. He was starting to take it out on me.

Trying to help is not the same as chiding. I guess you don't have to justify your actions to me but I'd think you need a reason you can believe yourself. Even a god of lies can only pull the wool over his own eyes for so long. You aren't a monster. Do you think that just cause you were born with different blood? That's a cop out. It's not the way you are born, it's the actions you choose to take going into the future that make you what you are. You have a chance every day to try and push away all the horrible parts of your past and instead embrace the moments that make you better.

Hopefully you don't ever get infected by this parasite, with as gloomy as you are it'd probably drain you dry in a few minutes.

-Jane Foster

His coat had been discarded over the back of a chair sometime ago, and his sleeves were pushed up, shirt partly unbuttoned. Loki looked more disheveled than he'd ever let anyone see. There were images in place so the guards thought he was just working calmly. Certainly it drew a bit of his attention but the idea of slighting Odin's orders of no covering up made him all the more content to do so in such a way that no one would even notice.

Loki pushed his hair back from his face, straightening the wild strands of black so they wouldn't be in the way, leaning forward to augment a small piece of metal that was barely in the wrong spot. If things weren't perfect the Aether would find a way out of the wards he was crafting on the inner part of the rectangular container he was building – he'd finally found a design that worked with the supplies that his mother had gotten him. He leaned back to look at the exact set up and then nodded to himself. It would need a little time to set before he began on the next. It would give him a clearer picture of if it would retain it's shape when he forged it into place.

It was the sound of the letter slot outside being moved followed by the light fall of mail that drew him away from the crafting table. His personal quarter's were looking more like a crafter's garage these days. He lifted the letter from the slot and smiled at the script of his name scribbled across the envelope. It was hardly his own elegant hand, but the doctor's of earth were apparently all ill-suited for careers as scribes.

He leaned back, reaching over to get a water to sip while he read her words. This made for an excellent break. Of course, she couldn't get through a note without being judgmental but he was growing accustomed to it. In the end her opinions meant little as long as she kept up this image that he was some philanthropist so he could use it later. He laughed at her final remark, it was such in her nature to end the letter with that after complaining about negativity.

To the 'lady' Jane Foster -

Given the new information, I would like the chance to check you over again – particularly as you claim to be feeling a little better. If the potions are doing that much it would be wise to reevaluate the manner in which the Aether reacts in person. I hope Thor can accept such a check in considering he should have your best interests at heart. As for any intelligent, reasonable, normal discussion with Thor – it seems unlikely. I can't remember ever having more than a handful – and those often just depended on his mood. If he was feeling particularly generous that day – before the drinking began.

I enjoy a wonderful jest as much as the next person, however, my own humor often comes from such darker observations. Certainly you've realized that by this time. I believe your observation as to emotion however, the Tesseract could have similar reactions at times when I utilized the spear attached to it's energy. Yet, the cube was much more stable so in an area that is already mutable I'm not certain I'll be able to get a read on the Aether's reactions at all.

Frigga is someone I love dearly, she is the only person that has ever treated me as a true member of a family. I respect her greatly, but I also have an understanding as to how she usually tends to think. There are mortals on your world that die everyday- do you think your treatment here is for any other reason than your station near Thor's side? If so, then you are mistaken. You would already be dead had you been anyone else possessed with the Aether – just as well considering how dangerous it is.

Thor could cease to be such a pointlessly jealous suitor. The only method by which I am interested in your attention is platonic. Otherwise, the oaf could stay out of the way and continue to make certain you get the potion that you require. Not that his feeling worthless isn't him finally coming to realize the truth. My brother has never been good for anything except swinging that hammer – and half the time he doesn't pick an appropriate time for that. I realize that he had some spiritual alteration when he decided he loved you because you took him in when Odin cast him out. You saw only a fraction of the lack of manner he once possessed during his time with you on earth. Certainly he didn't mean to break that cup in the humble diner, but that was always Thor's problem. He never meant insults, just didn't care to learn the proper manner by which not to cause them to begin with.

I imagine that is the case you speak of now, I wonder how quick he was after his mistakes to apologize and expect immediate forgiveness. I am not so ignorant of the world. I don't immediately believe that simply wanting to do better solves every problem ever caused. A small apology does not alter the past, and it's become a bandage for Thor to paste on every tiny harm he ever commits. It is not in my nature to just forget in favor of living in those few times worthy of retelling.

As for the Aether, perhaps you are correct, that it would receive a fair amount of sustenance from me. I will do my best not to discover if the thought has any truth.

-Loki Odinson

"Each time you go to visit him it is a danger that he may attempt to escape." Thor was trying to explain why he'd been so quick to tell Jane that she could not go get 'checked up' by Loki as he'd put it. Was earth's terminology really so strange here? Or was it just the translation thing in their minds? Thor had told her once that Asgardian's naturally spoke any language they heard from others. Too bad that didn't appear to include slang or various other nuiances she was starting to feel were important. Why did Loki seem to have an easier time? Because he'd spent more time on earth? It was the only reason she could think of – or at least the only nice one. Since Loki kept insisting that Thor was stupid she was starting to notice it a little more if he did something 'a brute' would do.

Maybe Loki was getting into her head. She had waited years for Thor, but now that she had him, and she was in this situation – she appreciated all the help but at the same time she was beginning to not really hold much interest. Being incredibly ill to the point of near death let one reconsider parts of their life – in this case it was stating to make her realize just how little she had in common with Thor. He was no scientist...and he was beginning to show just how jealous he could be – that he had a dark side as much as his brother down below.

"I am aware of that, but I'd really rather live, and if he thinks this could help then I'd rather do the check-in. It's been almost a week..."

"It's been five days." Thor interrupted her and she scowled before he quieted to let her finish.

"It's been almost a week, and if he thinks it could help make his work any faster then I believe it is only natural to do it. I want this thing out of me. Whatever can be done to expedite that is a-okay with me." Jane answered. "You already said Odin decreed that I could see him up to three times a week if it was needed. I get that you are jealous but you need to relax. I have to get better and Loki's the only one that can help me with that. Are you going to escort me or not?"

"We'll go in the morning, so I can make certain there are extra guards ready should he try something. Try to get some rest, this arguing is not going to aid you. No letters either, if he is unaware of the time we are coming he is less likely to be able to pull something off." Thor stated in a way she could tell arguing wouldn't help. She crossed her arms and said something she knew she'd regret as he headed for the door.

"Well, no wonder Loki went mad, having to put up with this every day would drive anyone crazy." It was spiteful. She knew it, but she was at her wits end, and angry, and this wasn't helping her mood or her health to be constantly having to fight just to be cared for. Thor should be helping her but he wouldn't let his pride or some fear of his brother's escape allow that. Sure, everyone had hang ups but now wasn't the time for her to really be able to put up with them. She should come before whatever the rest of this was, and she was growing more bitter by the day that she was not. Sure she could walk now, but if these arguments kept up she wasn't sure if that would be the case. She always felt weaker after these events.

Was he doing this on purpose just to keep her in bed? To prove Loki wasn't as good a savior as maybe Thor feared? No...he wouldn't do that...

But Jane was having a hard time convincing herself as she tried to get to sleep. If her time on Asgard had taught her anything – it was how little she actually knew about Thor or what actions he might take if she told him that she was having second thoughts as far as their relationship was concerned...

End Chapter

I know Thor's being sort of a dick but that's because he's not really used to being second fiddle. It never really comes up in the movies.

-Aura

To my reviewers:

Thanks for the remarks, I'm glad a few people seem to enjoy my letters fic. Let me love you was supposed to be a play on 'letters' by the way. I guess it's not that clever in retrospect but I still like it ^^;;;;;

OkieDokieLoki – Awesome, I'm glad. Many thank you's to you : )

thephoenixandthedragon4ever – Well I haven't read many of the comics but yes, I already noticed that they do have the whole 'meeting your fate on the road you take to avoid it' thing going. Though I noticed Frigga is way nicer in the movies than the comics so I'm going with the nicer version from the movies for this fic. I hope you stick with my story, and if not I'm with you on the Odin and everyone failing on the whole family values department.