Author's Note: Maybe, just maybe, though I hardly think so… VERY MINOR MASS EFFECT 2 SPOILER.

"I need something, anything."

"By 'something, anything'… you mean a pet."

"Yes. If there is something good from joining Cerberus, is that we may bring pets into the ship."

"They haven't said so. In fact, I don't think Miranda would approve-"

"That's Miranda. Miranda doesn't approve of anything. Besides, they suffer a distinctive lack of regulations. Jacob told me."

"You told me about that one time, and his intention and meaning had nothing to do with pets."

"You don't know the uses some people give to 'pet', do you?"

"… that's sick."

"I know."

"But he never even mentioned the word."

"I know. I just wanted to see you face. Priceless."

"Har. Har."

" 'Har har' to you too."

.-.-.

"So, here it is… they only have fish."

"They don't only have fish, they mostly have fish. And anyway, we are looking for fish."

"You'll kill them."

"I don't get that hungry, you know?"

"You'll get them that hungry."

"I am forgetful, yes, but they'll swim in that big-arse tank reminding me to feed them."

"You'll kill them, anyway."

"So little faith."

"You don't even like fish, you told me."

"But between an empty fish-tank, and a full one, which one do you think gets more monotone?"

"I can't condone you killing living creatures because they are boring."

"Look, I—Look at that!"

"What! Where?"

"Aren't you cute, you little thing?"

"…that's a rat."

"Don't listen to the jerk, baby."

"I thought you humans hated rats?"

"Sweety, you no rat. You a mouse, aren't ya'? A cute mouse."

"It looks like a rat."

Standing up: "A rat is ugly, big and hairy. That thing is a beauty." Stepping over to the seller's desk. "How much does it cost? Done. It's a her? Great!"

"You'll kill her too."

"But listen to her chirps. How could I forget?"

"I bet you a hundred she'll die within the month."

.-.-.-.

"Pay up."

"So, that's it! You remember when it's convenient for you!"

"You are not getting out of paying."

Author's Note: Yes, Jacob flirted with me while I made gagging noises in front of the TV. I was so angry at being with Cerberus that I chose the lower dialog options because they tended to be renegade, and with them I wanted to be a Jerk. Instead, I found myself flirting. Oh, the irony!