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Title: Triangular
Author: DnKS – giRLs
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Schneizel-Suzaku-Lelouch
Disclaimer: We hold no claim over Code Geass and all its characters that we include in this story.
Warning: Let's just say that if you're already going this far, we believe you know what to expect…
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Chapter 6 – Realization
Lelouch closed his book with something like a dejected sigh escaping his lips. Tracing his fingers on the book's title, he let his mind wander to think of so many things being kept in his mind. He had been trying for so long to deny the fact but now even he had to admit it.
Suzaku was drifting away from him.
Schneizel was drifting away from him.
Suzaku and Schneizel were drifting ever closer toward each other.
He stood up from his seat and exited the library which he had occupied for the last two hours. Walking aimlessly across the corridors, he began to think about those facts. He could not help thinking that maybe it was his karma. He tried so hard to keep those two to him and him alone. It was the punishment of his selfishness, to have his two most precious people be taken from him.
As he walked further, he realized that Suzaku was nowhere to be seen. Lately they were rarely hanging out together. He knew it was because the term had progressed and they were being busied by their respective homework and projects, moreover he and Suzaku did not belong to the same department. But he oftentimes saw Suzaku and Schneizel walking together after their sparring session in fencing or sword playing or archery or whatever. It seemed that they both had found a worthy rival in each other.
Lelouch knew his physical condition would never let him to be any worthy rival of Suzaku in those aspects. And Schneizel could, he admitted that. He should be happy that his friend and brother could manage to get so close. Schneizel could be someone to Suzaku that he could never be. Just like Suzaku could complement Schneizel in aspects that he had no ability in.
But it was just too cruel.
He stopped his steps as he realized he somehow had walked to one of the cafeterias that Ashford Academy provided for the students. He was not particularly hungry, but since he was there already, he figured that grabbing some salads would not hurt. Though he noticed that the cafeteria seemed to be noisier that day.
He made his way across the many students and found out that they seemed to be celebrating something. In the middle of the circle of people, he noticed two familiar figures sitting side by side on one table. He saw his brother, Schneizel, sitting calmly with Suzaku on his side while people applauding them from many direction.
Somehow, the tiny appetite he had for lunch diminished to nothingness.
Slowly, he made his way out of the crowd. He was relieved that neither his brother nor his friend seemed to realize his presence. But his attempt at escaping did not go that smoothly for he bumped into Kallen on his way out of the cafeteria.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Kallen" he said to Kallen. "I hope I did not hurt you."
"It's okay, don't worry," Kallen said to him. He observed that she was still in her piloting suit. And he realized that so was Suzaku. They must have just finished one of their battling simulations.
"Fresh from the battlefield?" he asked her casually.
"Real fresh," Kallen said cheerfully. "We just got off our KMF's to celebrate for winning today's combat. Why didn't you join our little celebration?"
"I'm not part of the Military Division," he said with a small smile. "I don't have any reason to join your celebration."
"The fact that the center of celebration being your brother and your Suzaku is enough reason," Kallen smirked at him. "Those two guys are really the stars of today's battle simulation. You should see the combination between Suzaku and Professor Schneizel as they rode their KMF's. It was something to die for!"
Hearing Kallen ranting about how awesome that day's battle simulation was, he could only stare speechless. He knew that Suzaku was a great fighter in that gigantic iron structure they dubbed as Knightmare Frame. Yet he never knew that Schneizel also took an interest in that aspect.
"But…" he tried weakly. "My brother is not in Military Division…"
"Oh, yes," Kallen said. "It just happened that today Professor Asahina was absent due to some emergency. He was supposed to lead us in today's simulation. I got pretty surprised when Professor Bismarck announced that Professor Schneizel should take the position to lead us. Rumor has it that your brother obtained his licenses during his studying abroad."
"I never knew…" he softly said.
"But apparently, it was a brilliant idea," Kallen continued as if she did not hear him. "Your brother is a magnificent strategist. And he was amazing in a KMF. When I saw him and Suzaku, it was like seeing them dancing a dangerous and beautiful dance. Those two were so wonderful."
He chanced a look toward the direction where Schneizel and Suzaku were supposedly sitting. The crowd was so thick he could not even saw any glimpse of either his brother or his friend amidst those people. He knew that those two were amazing. After all, they were Schneizel and Suzaku, his brother and his friend.
"I believe it must be really amazing," he said wistfully. He had seen how beautiful the scene Suzaku made with Schneizel when they clashed their swords. He had no hard time believing Kallen's words. Those two made a beautiful scene, anytime.
Those two, he thought, and there would be no room for him there. Because he would just disturb that beauty. Because he would only ruin the picture perfect scene.
"I will congratulate them later," he said as he smiled at Kallen. "It's too crowded now."
"Yes, I know you hate crowded place," the girl smiled back at him. "Oh, by the way, clear your schedule for next Friday night, okay?"
"I have no plan for that time actually," he said. "Why?"
"Milly asked us all to go to movie together," she explained. "Don't worry, it's not a romance drama. Have you heard about this movie they play at the theatre about the Black Rebellion? She said it could help us doing our research. But personally, I think it's just her wanting us to have fun together."
He laughed nonchalantly at that, "I will surely come."
With one last wave to his friend, he exited the cafeteria. He had no particular destination in mind yet his feet brought him to the outside field of Ashford Academy. There, he saw those many cherry trees lining the pathway that he was currently walking on. The cherry trees had had their blossoms gone. It was a fickle thing, a blossoming cherry tree. It could only stay in bloom for at most a week. After that, all those pink blossoms would be gone and it had to wait for a year to wear that soft mantle of pink petals again.
He remembered the last time he had his lunch with Suzaku that day under the cherry tree that had yet to bloom. At that moment when he walked to the direction of that particular tree, he saw that even that tree had finished its blooming session. The time when there was pink blossoms blooming on those branches had passed, just like the time when there was him and Suzaku sleeping side by side under said branches.
He laughed softly at that. What a stupid and melancholic thought. So Suzaku was busy and they did not manage to hang out together that often. But it was reasonable. After all, he was also busy with his study so it was perfectly logical should they rarely meet. He just saw Suzaku with Schneizel. But again, it was reasonable. He had no claim over Suzaku and his friend of course could do anything he wanted to do. If he wanted to spend his time with Schneizel, what right did he have to feel annoyed? They were just celebrating their deserved triumph, Schneizel and Suzaku. He was perfectly alright when Suzaku spent time with Rivalz discussing their love for motorcycles or when Suzaku interacted with Kallen talking for hours about military things. He did not even feel a bit disturbed when Suzaku started to get close to Shirley during their time as members of their academy's swimming club. And that was really something considering he used to date Shirley in the past.
Yet that time, he was far from being indifferent. And the cause was no other than his brother, Schneizel vi Britannia. The fact that it was his brother made everything different. The way Suzaku looked at Schneizel was different. The way he felt when he saw them interacted with each other was different. Why was it like that, he did not know. Did he feel jealous toward Suzaku or did the jealousy he felt was directed to his brother or, worse, Lelouch thought, what if he felt it toward both? Could it be possible that he loved them that much? Oh, yes, he knew he liked Suzaku and Schneizel. He knew he was attracted to them. He could even say that he might actually love them. But to love them to such high extent…
Could it be possible?
He sighed as he carefully massaged his temple. Thinking about that matter was not good for his head. His growing headache was a proof for that. And considering how often he found himself being subjected to said headache lately, Lelouch began to think that maybe this whole 'love' idea was not his thing.
Trying to give no more thought on the matter, he continued his steps onward. Maybe, he thought, given time the matter would solve itself out. Maybe given time, he would find himself content with everything. Maybe given time his stupid feeling would dim, or maybe it would grow.
Maybe, he thought, given time.
And time was indeed given to him before all came to a decisive point that certain Friday night. None did he know that the night would be proven as the one time he finally accepted something so crucial in his life. It was the certain night when he was supposed to meet up with his fellow research group members for their supposedly gathering in the form of watching a movie. But it just happened that Professor Diethard gave him an errand to do that afternoon so he was a bit delayed to go to his appointment. Heaven knew how he himself hated latecomers and he thought it would be the worst of him should he be late. So, with a few well placed curses, he ran to the front gate of Ashford Academy only to see Suzaku waiting for him on a black motorcycle.
"Suzaku?" he asked confusedly.
His friend only smiled as he threw a helmet at him.
"Jump up," Suzaku said. "And hold on tight."
He climbed to the passenger seat behind Suzaku carefully. Winding his hands around Suzaku's midsection, he asked his friend.
"You intentionally wait for me?"
"Yes," Suzaku said as he carefully secured Lelouch's hold around his stomach tighter. "I saw you running errand for Professor Diethard so I guess I should wait for you and drive you to town. Traffic is a pain during this hour and I know you hate to be late."
Lelouch smiled, "For someone stupid you can be so sharp at times."
"Aren't you thankful you have me?" Suzaku chuckled as he started the motorcycle with a roaring sound. "And here we go, then…"
With that, they rode through the city streets. Suzaku was right when he said traffic was a pain in the ass during that hour. But Lelouch had to give him credit for his amazing ability at riding that motorcycle so they managed to arrive at their rendezvous place just in time.
Climbing down the vehicle, he gave Suzaku the helmet back. It was a fun ride and he was a bit disappointed that it had ended.
"I can take you for a ride again, someday," Suzaku said to him with a wink of his eye.
"Why do you think I would want that?" he haughtily said. They were then walking to where their friends were standing, waiting for them.
"Oh, come on, Lelouch," Suzaku said as he grabbed his shoulder. "You enjoyed it. Don't try to deny it, I know it from your face. You love the feelings of wind against your face and you are awed by my skill as I ride that vehicle with such grace that you find yourself captivated."
He laughed as he punched Suzaku's face lightly, "I'm merely amazed that we somehow did not get injured during your reckless ride, idiot."
Suzaku was about to retort but Milly's shout of "You are late!" beat him. They had reached their friends and Milly had started her ranting about how late they were. Suzaku retorted to that, saying that the time as shown on his watch told them that they could not be considered late. Rivalz added his opinion that maybe Suzaku and Milly lived in a different time zone, and Kallen's well placed smack on his head stopped him from sprouting any more nonsense. The argument between them was stopped by Shirley as the girl shrieked that if they did not stop their quarrel they would be late for the show.
And Lelouch thought it was the most rational thing someone had ever said that afternoon.
The simple statement made them all end their stupid quarrel. Soon, they had already found themselves seated in a row. And Lelouch realized with half dread half delight that he was seated between Rivalz and Milly.
Well, he thought with a twitch, at least the movie only had the duration of three hours.
Darkness enveloped them and the movie began. He had heard about the movie they were watching. It was supposed to be a historical drama that took the theme of the Black Rebellion and centered on the protagonist, The White Knight. It was a clichéd idea, but the movie presented some radical views that he noted with interest. For once, the movie presented the idea that The White Knight had known Zero before he donned his mask and became the leader of Black Knights. They were actually close friends that were forced to fight each other because somehow, they stood for different factions during the war. They both had their own reason, Zero, because The Empire had betrayed him, tried to destroy The Empire for a better future. And The White Knight, because he owed his life to The Empire, tried to change The Empire from within for a better future. But in their hearts, they hoped for the same future, a peaceful country without war.
Lelouch took great delight in finding loopholes in the plot. He frowned at some contradictions he could spot throughout the movie. He snorted at the uselessly added romantic scene in the relationship between The White Knight and his princess. Just why movie makers always felt the need to add romance into their movies was something he always wondered.
Yet he had to admit that the idea presented in the movie was quite a clever one. It showed the nature of human in the two leading characters, The White Knight and Zero. He could not help but curse at The White Knight through the entire movie. If that person knew that Zero was his friend, he should have known that there had to be a reason behind his acts. Should he try to be more intelligent, he would find out that the root of all the acts Zero took was none other than The Empire. Yet he discarded any feeling of friendship to the air and tried to kill him just because of his idealistic logic. What an idiot, he though with a scorn.
The three hours he spent to watch the movie was a good time, he admitted, though he twitched every time Milly sighed dreamily at the romantic scenes between The White Knight and his princess and Rivalz shouted some war cries at each battle scenes. It was an acceptable movie. And it gave him some insights for his research project. Because apparently from the pamphlet he had in his hand, he found out that there was indication that The White Knight really did know Zero on intimate term, as being excerpted from the entries of his daily records.
Promising himself that he should get his hands on that transcription of The White Knight's daily records as soon as possible, he exited the theatre with his friends after the movie ended. Chatting about the movie, they walked through the pavements to some small café where they sat and bought some drinks. It was just a little after nine so they still have some time before they had to head back to Ashford.
"I guess you cannot really blame Zero," Kallen said, slurping her orange juice. "After all, he only wanted happiness and it was perfectly human."
"But the way he tried to obtain his perception of happiness was a bloody one," Suzaku interjected. "The important thing is not only the intention but also the means to get said intention."
"There is no way that everyone can be happy," Lelouch said. "Zero's way is reasonable if you consider the big picture."
"Wait, are you saying that you are defending Zero now?" Rivalz said.
"I am merely stating my opinion," Lelouch said.
"But Zero killed people," Rivalz said again.
"The White Knights also killed many people to defend The Empire," Shirley said as she sipped her diet cola. "I guess it happened because they lacked the ability to forgive. The Empire betrayed Zero so he tried to destroy it. The White Knight felt that Zero, who was his friend, betrayed him in becoming a terrorist so he tried to destroy him."
"And the same also holds for the situation between The Empire and the Japanese people," Kallen said as she thought over it. "The Japanese felt The Empire was unfair to them so they resorted to violence. People of The Empire who suffered the loss because of the terror practiced by the Japanese fought back with immense hate toward them. It was a vicious cycle of hate."
"What insightful opinions," Milly exclaimed excitedly. "As expected, women surely have better brains than men. Just think, if The White Knight and Zero managed to talk things between them and settled their differences in opinions, the outcome of the war would have been surely changed. Rather than rushing out to a full war, wouldn't it be more reasonable to do things diplomatically?"
Lelouch chuckled, "My brother would really love that idea."
"But I guess he would not love it if I present my idea of Zero and The White Knight involved in a romantic relationship…" Milly said thoughtfully.
"That again?" Suzaku said with a helpless smile. "You still think that Zero was a woman?"
"No," Milly said with a devilish smile. "What if they both were men yet they were involved in a forbidden relationship? That would surely make a big twist."
"Oh, for the love of Heaven," Lelouch huffed. "Spare me the idiocy, please."
They all laughed and somehow the conversation turned to more trivial things. They discussed their recent daily life. The girls were, of course, gossiping about who just got together with whom. And Milly supplied them all with the news that she, finally, accepted the engagement that was presented to her by her family. At that, Lelouch could see Rivalz's face turning a bit green. He knew that his friend had a hopeless crush on Milly. That poor thing.
They finally headed back to Ashford once the clock struck ten. The girls went with Milly, as she was picked up by her family's driver. Rivalz rode his motorcycle. And Lelouch found himself once again during that day clutching Suzaku's waist as they rode through the rather empty street. The empty traffic made them arrive at Ashford in no time. And after they secured Suzaku's motorcycle on the parking lot, they walked together to their dorm rooms.
"Ashford in the night," Suzaku said as they walked. "Kinda creepy, eh?"
He chuckled, "What, are you scared?"
"I'm not scared of the dark but give me one Professor Bartley demanding me to redo my essay on geography and I will be one scared man," Suzaku said.
Lelouch snorted at that. Suddenly he felt something against his shoulders and realized that Suzaku had draped him with his overcoat. Turning his face, he met the smiling face of his friend.
"You catch cold easily whenever you're out late," he explained. "Take it."
Though he did not want to be treated like a weak soul, Lelouch had to admit that the night did feel a bit chilly. He slipped his arms to the sleeves of the overcoat and then he remembered something.
"Suzaku," he said. "What do you think about the movie?"
"The movie, eh?" Suzaku said thoughtfully. "I think it has clever plot. I enjoy the side of Zero and The White Knight that they present. I can perfectly see how tormented The White Knight was during his time to realize that his friend was the one who had caused him and The Empire so much anguish."
"But I cannot help thinking that he was a fool," Lelouch sighed. "If he knew it was his friend, shouldn't he be thinking what had caused him to resort to such acts rather than going head on with the sole intention to kill him?"
"Maybe he was too saddened to see his friend turning to a terrorist," Suzaku said. "And the only way he knew to stop him was to kill him."
At that, Lelouch stared at his friend in incredulity.
"What kind of flawed logic is that?" he demanded.
Suzaku laughed sheepishly. "I don't know, I just somehow get that feeling when I think about The White Knight."
He looked at Suzaku carefully. His friend was someone so similar to The White Knight in some aspects. He was idealistic, he was brave, he was selfless, and he, Lelouch added, was an idiot.
"Say, Suzaku," he said. "Let's pretend that you are The White Knight and I am Zero. What would you do when you find out that I, your friend, am Zero, the man who is the bane of your existence?"
He saw Suzaku stopping after hearing his question so he followed his friend. They stood there, staring into each other's eyes as silence enveloped them. Lelouch could see how intensely Suzaku stared at him that he had to clench his fists to stop his hands from trembling. Just why he was so anxious to hear Suzaku's answer was something he could not decipher.
"If I know that you're Zero," Suzaku said, his voice strong and sure. "I will hunt you down until I find you. Then I will beat you up to a pulp that will surely make you feel sorry for all the bad things you have done. And afterwards I will tie you up and keep you always by my side so you won't ever be able to go from me to do such reckless thing again."
He saw Suzaku smile with such sincerity before his friend started walking again. Following him, he then heard Suzaku continued his explanation.
"Because, Lelouch, you are my precious person," his friend said. "What you did surely cannot go unpunished but that doesn't change the fact that you are my precious person. I want to create a better world, but if it has no you in it, then it will be nothing of an importance to me."
There was some unexplainable relief surged over him as he heard Suzaku's words. He did not know why but somehow, knowing that Suzaku would still deem him precious was something that he was grateful of.
"But again," Suzaku said with a laugh. "I'm not good at this pretending game. You should ask Schneizel, he's good at it."
And with that, the grateful feeling he had in his heart was replaced with something like dread.
"Schneizel?" he asked softly. "Since when did you call my brother by his given name?"
"I don't know," Suzaku casually said. "It comes naturally after we become closer, I guess. He did ask me to call him that, though."
"Oh…" he said. Somehow he was relieved to notice that they already arrived at the front of his dorm room. "Well, it seems we are here already. Then, I guess… see you later…"
"See you later," Suzaku agreed. "Have a good dream tonight."
He watched Suzaku walked to the room beside his. He still stared at that direction even after his friend had already disappeared behind the door. When he finally tore his gaze and entered his own room, he realized that he was still wearing Suzaku's overcoat.
Taking the overcoat off, he carefully hanged it in his dresser. Watching said article of clothing, he mulled over Suzaku's words and it was then he was forced to admit something that he had somehow denied to think about for so long. He thought he was at ease with the way things progressed, with the way his heart was torn between his brother and his friend, but Suzaku's words… the way he called his brother so casually…
"I cannot lose him," he whispered to nothing. "Gods, I don't want to lose him to anyone. I love him…"
Suzaku. His Suzaku. He just could not lose him, not even to his own brother.
- end chapter 6 –
(A/N: surely there must be something wrong with us… why do we enjoy torturing Lelouch so much? Sixth chapter is here and this fic still has a long way to go. And somehow this starts to feel like a reincarnation fic of some sorts XD. Hope you had a good reading and like always, reviews will be much appreciated. We thank those who have reviewed this fic and those who have given this fic a chance. Please look forward for the next chapters.)