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Title: Triangular

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Characters/Pairings: Schneizel-Suzaku-Lelouch

Disclaimer: Code Geass is not ours and will never be ours and really, you should have known that by know. And Suzaku's conversation with Shirley is not-so-loosely adapted from a certain conversation in Junjou Romantica. Yes, we are so not creative lately.

Warning: Is yaoi love drama enough of a warning for you?

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Chapter 7 – Confusion

If Suzaku wondered why Lelouch behaved a bit strangely lately, that day he finally had the answer for his curiosity though it was something that he had never suspected to be the cause of such behavior. It was a nice Saturday, a mere day after their rendezvous at the cinema. Suzaku had no particular plan for the day so he was every bit delighted when Lelouch phoned him in the morning, asking him for a nice casual walk together.

He knew that he was not spending so much time with Lelouch lately. It was something that he deeply regretted for he had promised to take care of his friend's well being. But somehow his schedule clashed horribly with Lelouch's that he rarely could allocate some times to check on his friend. He did try his best, though. He watched after him from afar, noting should he need his help, and tried to at least greet him should they meet on the corridors. After all, how could he know about his errand for Professor Diethard if he had not been watching him back then? He also kept in check with Schneizel. He had the curiosity that whatever thing that bothered Lelouch was connected to his brother and he had ever since been trying to figure out what it was. But so far, he still did not manage to do that.

Nonetheless, the times he spent with Schneizel were productive ones. He enjoyed each occasion and he thought that even though he did not get the answer to his question, he still could get close to Lelouch's brother. It was a good thing for sure.

Yet back to his friend, Lelouch vi Britannia, who at the time being was walking silently on his side. Suzaku just could not understand him. Lelouch was the one who suggested them to go out together. But after they met up in front of their dorm building, Lelouch just told him to walk with him. Afterward, he kept his silence.

They had been walking for nearly ten minutes when Lelouch suddenly stopped. Following his friend, he also stopped walking and his gaze surveyed his surroundings. He found them to be standing on the bank of a lake located somewhere inside the Ashford complex. It was not some place to be visited frequently so he was not surprised in finding that they were the only ones there. It was quite a shame, though, for the scenery was really beautiful. The rippling blue surface of the lake framed with green trees and the silhouettes of buildings against the blue sky looked so beautiful that he could not help but smile.

"It's a beautiful view," he said to Lelouch. "But I know you wouldn't drag me out of my room in a nice Saturday morning just to do some sightseeing. So, what is it?"

He saw Lelouch having that half smile on his face, "So I cannot even ask my friend out for the sake of appreciating nature?"

"Last time I checked," he said, pointing his finger at Lelouch. "You detest anything associated with nature."

"Let's just say I somehow have an urge to go sightseeing with you," Lelouch said before he turned on his heels and began walking slowly on the bank of that lake. Seeing that, he resumed his place walking beside his friend. Truthfully, it was not a bad idea to just walking aimlessly with Lelouch like that. He enjoyed his company and he would not mind doing that for the rest of the day.

And besides…

Glancing a bit to the side, he watched Lelouch's expression closely. He noticed there was a hint of anxiety but he could also note some kind of resignation there. It was as if his friend had already sorted out whatever thing that had been bothering him and made peace with it.

He was glad, or so he thought.

"Here," Lelouch gave him a paper bag that he had been carrying in his hand ever since they left their dorm. He took it and inside, he saw his neatly folded overcoat that he lent Lelouch the night before.

"My overcoat," he exclaimed, taking the paper bag. "I even forgot that I lent it to you yesterday."

"You have short memory span," Lelouch said. "Do you remember that time you forgot about those documents that Milly entrusted into your care? We had to go back to school at the middle of the night to search for them…"

He laughed, remembering the event, "Yes, I remember, and afterward you stayed over at my place because it had gotten so late."

"That time you were still living with your aunt, right?" Lelouch said, smiling at him. "She was a nice lady. I still don't get it why you moved out of her house."

"I need to be independent, remember?" he said. "I can take care of myself. And I figured out it would be awkward for her to live her personal life with me around. Say, for example, it would surely be hard for her to bring her date home with me staying there…"

"You always think over other people's well being, aren't you?" Lelouch said with such careful tone that he could not miss.

"Because they are the people I love," he answered.

"People you love…" he heard his friend whispered. But there was something strange in the way he whispered it.

He looked at Lelouch's face and realized that his friend seemed a bit flustered. It was still morning so the possibility of him getting a heat stroke was near to zero. Yet, he reminded himself that it was Lelouch. He could get ill so easily and he worried for his friend.

"Lelouch…"

"I love you," Lelouch suddenly said, stopping him effectively from continuing his sentence.

He blinked. What now?

"I love you too," he said automatically. "But more importantly, are you feeling alright? You seem…"

"Suzaku!" Lelouch cut him off again with such desperation in his voice. Startled, he stopped walking and stared at his friend. Lelouch, he noted, also stopped walking so they were standing there, facing each other. It was then he realized how serious Lelouch looked at him as he spoke up his next words. "I love you."

And with that, he finally realized what Lelouch meant by 'love'. And finally he realized the cause behind his friend's flustered face. There was nothing but honesty there so he could not pretend that Lelouch was joking with his words. Lelouch, his dear Lelouch, was dead serious when he said that he… loved him.

He gulped, suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded. Hearing Lelouch's words, no, he corrected himself, hearing Lelouch's confession, he too felt a bit flustered himself. In all honesty, he felt flattered that Lelouch could deem him worthy of his love, but…

But…

He stared at his friend in confusion. Lelouch had a look of expectation on his face. He knew that his friend was waiting for his response. But he just could not say anything back to him. He did not even know what to say.

"Lelouch… I never…" he tried and failed. He never thought about it. He never suspected that Lelouch felt that way toward him. He never even considered the possibility of Lelouch and him to be in love. Sure, he loved Lelouch. He loved him to death. But, did he love him like that he did not know. "I don't…"

He saw Lelouch's expression changing and the next thing he knew, his friend had turned his face to avoid meeting his eyes. Seeing that, he realized that he might have made such terrible mistake.

"I understand," Lelouch said. "I'm sorry for putting you on a difficult spot…"

"Lelouch…" he said weakly. He did not like to see Lelouch like that. His friend looked so fragile. He looked so hurt. He looked to be in such deep despair.

And he was the one at fault.

"Just… think about it, please," Lelouch said, still refusing to meet his eyes. He saw his friend wrapping his arms around himself and suddenly he had an unexplainable urge to hold him and say everything would be alright. But he knew Lelouch would not welcome his act.

"I… uh… I will…" he said.

"Thank you," Lelouch said so very softly before he looked up with a small smile on his face. "Then I guess I better get going."

"Wait, Lelouch, I…"

"Suzaku, please," Lelouch cut him halfway. He threw his head and gave him one very beautiful smile, albeit a forced one. "Just leave me be for now, I beg of you."

Any word he was ever going to say diminished in his throat at that request Lelouch gave him. His words were so filled with something that he could not describe. Was it sadness, was it despair, or was it pain? Or maybe it was everything combined into one fearful existence that could make something clench unpleasantly in his stomach. And to think he was the cause that Lelouch was subjected into such sadness, into such despair, into such pain…

He felt so helpless when he watched Lelouch walking away from him. He had promised to make things alright for him yet so far he only caused pain to his friend. Lelouch loved him, he thought. Loved him in a way he never thought before. But what about him? Did he love Lelouch the way he loved him? Did he care for him the way he did to him? Did he crave for him the way Lelouch surely craved for him? Did he want Lelouch the way his friend wanted him?

So many questions plagued his minds. They kept bothering him throughout the day. They kept bothering him even throughout the next days. They bothered him in even greater extent when he noticed how Lelouch intentionally trying to avoid him in the days following their fateful conversation at the lake. There was always an uncomfortable tension between him and Lelouch, though his friend kept being civil around him. And seeing how Lelouch acted, he just could not shake out from his mind the image of Lelouch's expression as he stood there that day, saying those three words to him.

I love you.

I love you, he thought. He had been saying those words so casually to Lelouch during the times they knew each other. And he had said them in pure honesty. He did love Lelouch like how he loved his other friends. He cherished them all greatly and thought of them as people precious to him. He thought about his friends in his high school student council, how he had gone through thick and thin with them. He thought about his friends in his department, about how they fought together and did their paperwork while cursing their professors. He thought about all the people he knew in his life, and yet, even he had to admit that there was something different with Lelouch. He cared for him more than he cared for his other friends. At first he thought it was because he had known Lelouch longer than he knew anyone else. But now, he began to rethink his idea.

Could it be possible that he also, without him knowing it, loved Lelouch vi Britannia?

He had past girlfriends. He had dated some girls. He had told them he loved them. That was all because he felt comfortable around them, because he was attracted to them physically or emotionally, because he enjoyed spending times with them. But did he not feel the same with Lelouch? No matter how comfortable he was with anyone, how attractive they looked, or how much he enjoyed spending times with them, he knew that in his heart he was most comfortable when he was with Lelouch, he knew that in his eyes Lelouch vi Britannia was the most beautiful person both physically and emotionally, and he knew that he enjoyed spending his time with Lelouch more than he enjoyed spending it with anyone else.

Well, maybe Schneizel came in close second, but he was Lelouch's brother… if that could be considered a justification.

And speaking about Schneizel, Suzaku thought as he felt the gaze of his professor falling on him, it seemed that the person in question also noticed the tension between him and Lelouch. That time, they were having one of their weekly group discussions. And Lelouch, though he still took his place on his side like usual, seemed to keep his distance from him. It was frustrating.

He half expected that Schneizel would surely corner him demanding his explanation, but it seemed not to be the case. Instead, after the end of that day's discussion he found Schneizel quickly went after Lelouch who exited the room the first chance he got. Watching the two of them, he felt half relieved half bitter. He was relieved that at least Schneizel would be there for Lelouch. Schneizel would help Lelouch, he would surely make him feel better. He was thankful for that. But he also felt bitter because it should have been him; he should have been the one to be there for Lelouch, to help him, to… love him…

Wait…

To love him?

"Suzaku…?" a woman's voice stopped his inner monologue. Turning his head, he saw Shirley staring intently at him. "Are you okay? Why are you still standing there? The others have all left already…"

"Oh… I'm okay, just… thinking…" he said while scratching the back of his head.

"About Lulu?" Shirley said, shocking him considerably. "Ne, Suzaku, is there something between you and Lulu? You used to be such good friends but lately you seem on edge towards each other."

Staring at Shirley, he thought that maybe he shouldn't have been so surprised. He knew that there was a history between Lelouch and Shirley. He knew that Lelouch and Shirley had been an item once. It was not so surprising should Shirley note there was something off with Lelouch. She was once the one closest to him.

She was once calling herself the lover of Lelouch vi Britannia. She had once decided that she loved Lelouch vi Britannia.

"Shirley," he addressed her with a bit of anxiety. "Are you busy?"

"Not really. Why?" Shirley said, studying him intently. "You want to talk about something?"

"Somewhat," he said reluctantly.

"Well, let's sit down, then, they won't need this room for a while," Shirley said, dragging a chair on which she then sat. He followed her but even then he still could not find the right word to say to her.

He stared at Shirley which the latter responded back with an expectant look. He gulped.

"Ne, Shirley," he began cautiously. "This is just… hypothetically speaking…"

"Yes…" Shirley said with growing interest.

"Say, pretend that you have this certain someone. A… a friend, if you please… but actually it's more than just friendship between you…"

"A lover?" Shirley piped up.

"What? No!" he exclaimed with his hands flailing wildly before his face. "It's… someone you have known for your whole life, and you love him so much, and you want to be with him forever, but… not your lover…"

"Ah…" Shirley said and he thought he saw a bit or dawning realization in her face. "A childhood friend?"

"Yes…" he said, relieved. "Yes, a childhood friend is a nice term. Anyway… you cherish this person greatly and you think he is one of the best things happened in your life. You think that's how it will always be between you and him, that you will continue to be the best of friends. But suddenly… he said to you that he loved you. And you don't understand, you never thought of it. Yes, you love him, but you never thought of him as a romantic material but you also don't want to lose him and because you are confused you hurt him and you don't want to hurt him but you just don't know if you love him like that or not and… oh, Gods, I'm babbling, aren't I… I'm sorry…"

"Oh, no… don't worry," Shirley said, raising her hands up in a placating manner. "So, you mean you are confused if you love Lulu or not…"

"Yes, I mean… WHAT?" he nearly shouted. Shirley's mentioning Lelouch was enough to surprise him considerably. "I never mentioned his name, did I? Never, right?"

"Yes, but…" Shirley frowned. "So, this person is someone who really resembles Lulu but… not Lulu?"

"Um…" he gulped. "Yes…?"

He saw Shirley sighing from the corner of his eyes and suddenly he began to think that conversing with her was not really a good idea. For one thing, she seemed to have this knowing glint that spoke of 'what-should-I-do-with-you'. Girls tended to be sharp on things. And they also tended to share things. He did not doubt it that their conversation would surely spread out and within hours, Milly, Kallen, and even Nina would know about it for sure.

"Suzaku," Shirley began. "Love is something you feel, not something you think over. You feel that you love someone, not you think that you love someone. If I feel I love someone, then I love him. There's no point in thinking whether I love him or not when I already feel that way about him. If I feel comfortable with someone, if I'm happy with someone, if I… want to spend my life with him, I don't have to think whether I love him or not, right, because I already feel that I love him."

"But how can I know if I love… that person or not?" he asked.

"That's not something I can tell you," Shirley said, placing her forefinger against her lips before she chuckled lightly. "But you see, when you are thinking this much about a certain person, I most certainly think you are already in love with that person…"

Hearing that, Suzaku could not help the blush from rising on his cheeks. Could it possibly be true, he thought frantically. He was thinking about Lelouch so much, yes, because he was precious to him. He enjoyed their time together, he was comfortable with him, happy with him, and he was even willing to spend his life with him. Those all, if he followed Shirley's words, justified that he indeed loved his Lelouch.

His Lelouch.

Since when had he claimed Lelouch as his? Since when had he taken his presence for granted? Since when had he hurt him, all along saying how he loved him yet he failed to notice how his friend loved him in turn.

Lelouch, his Lelouch, with that expectant face of his, confessed to him that day. And now finally he realized. That time he was just being his stupid self. That time he was far too shocked. That time he was too confused until he could not respond to him properly by telling his in all honesty…

…that he, Kururugi Suzaku, really did Love Lelouch vi Britannia, sincerely and immensely.

With a deep sigh he buried his face onto his hands.

"Shirley," he said. "I think I might have done a terrible mistake that I cannot undo."

"Even though you cannot undo it, you can still make up for it, right?" Shirley said to him casually. "Rather than being stuck in the past, repenting what you cannot change, isn't it better to move forward and try to make things better? Just tell your feeling to that person and apologize."

"I just hope that person could be as understanding as you," he said, throwing a hopeless look to her direction.

"This is a person who really resembles Lulu but is not Lulu, right?" Shirley said. "So I bet he would understand."

He smiled. He really did hope so. At least he hoped he could make things right between them. He had done such terrible thing to someone he loved so much. The least thing he could do was to offer him his apology. Should Lelouch accept his apology, he would be glad. Should Lelouch give him a chance to tell him how much he loved him, he would be elated. Should Lelouch give him the chance to show how much he meant to him, it would be something that he would be thankful of for the rest of his life. Because Lelouch was precious to him, so precious until he felt he was such an idiot never to think that he indeed loved him.

But suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. A certain thought of a certain someone whose face unexpectedly surfaced on his mind.

"Um… Shirley…" he said. "You… remember, you say about… how you feel that you love someone when you feel comfortable and happy and all that?"

"Yes," Shirley said.

"Do you… really think those are the things that defined love? If I feel those things toward someone, does that mean I love that person?" he said, trying to explain his jumbled thoughts to Shirley. He thought of Lelouch, he thought of himself, and he thought of Schneizel. Yes, Schneizel. "I mean…yes, you feel comfortable with him, you want to spend your time with him, you want to share everything with him, and… and you want to make him complete like how he had made you feel complete. But… what if… let's just say there is another person who can make you feel like how he makes you feel, though not entirely the same… And please remember that this is just hypothetically speaking…"

Shirley frowned hearing his rambling and he began to think of a way to rephrase his words. He knew he was not good at words. But he just opened his mouth when his friend said something that made him close his mouth again.

"I don't understand," Shirley said, seemed genuinely confused.

"Well, what I mean is…" he tried and failed to explain. Now that he thought about it, he could not exactly explain it. "I don't know…"

He saw Shirley sighing softly. With a start, he realized that his friend was grabbing his hand and staring at him with such an intense look.

"Suzaku," Shirley said. "Are you saying that you feel that you love someone but you are unsure if what you feel toward that person is love because there is another person who somehow holds the same or comparable position in your heart?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. Maybe Milly was right, he thought, maybe women really did have better brains than common men. At least Shirley did fare better at wording than him.

"Rather than thinking that way," Shirley continued. "Isn't it more logical to think that maybe you love them both?"

Love them both, Suzaku thought. Love. Them. Both. Love, as in a feeling deeper than mere friendship. Them, as in Lelouch and Schneizel. Both, as in… the two of them…

He gulped. He had not yet sorted out things with Lelouch but now he was also faced with the notion that he might also loved another, and that another happened to be Schneizel vi Britannia, and Schneizel happened to be Lelouch's brother, and Lelouch happened to be the one already tormented his heart with so much confusion. He began to think if he was a masochist for daring to try his chance at love with Lelouch vi Britannia, and moreover he dared to think that he might also include his brother in it.

"So who is it?" Shirley piped up. "Past girlfriend? Because that's just too classic, being torn between past love and current love…"

"Um…" he mumbled, did not know what to say. Surely, it was not past girlfriend, as Shirley had put it. But saying that he was torn between his best friend, who was a male, and the brother of said best friend, who was his professor, was not something quite smart to do. "Well… not really, but… kinda…"

"Well, it's quite a predicament," Shirley said. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I…" he began but cut himself when he realized that he did not really know what to say. What he was going to do, he thought. The first thing came to his mind was to solve things between him and Lelouch. Any other thing could wait. But Lelouch was still avoiding him. The situation between them was so tense already. And he doubted that suddenly going up to Lelouch saying 'I love you' was enough to make up for everything he had done. If anything, he felt too guilty to even think of approaching Lelouch.

"I don't know, Shirley," he said. "I could just hope things will get better. I just hope I have a chance to make things right."

"Don't worry, it will," Shirley smiled with such certainty that he felt himself assured by her confidence. "And I know you will make Lulu happy."

That signaled the end of their conversation. Afterward, they went to their respective classes but it took some time before Suzaku fully realized what Shirley had said to him. It was later that night Suzaku realized that Shirley had said that: she was sure he could make Lelouch happy.

He chuckled as he remembered that. He guessed maybe it was futile trying to hide things from Shirley. She probably had known from the start that the person he was talking about was none other than Lelouch vi Britannia. But she had said so: he could make Lelouch happy. And her words strengthened him. Shirley had put the happiness of Lelouch vi Britannia, a man whom she loved in the past, into his hands. It was a great honor and he would make sure to uphold it.

Feeling his mood suddenly became lighter, Suzaku then turned his laptop on. He pondered about Shirley and their conversation as he connected to his mail server. He would not let her down when she had put such confidence in him, he thought as he checked his inbox. He would not let Lelouch down when he had loved him that much, he thought as he browsed through his e-mails. When he saw Schneizel's name being displayed on his screen, he froze.

He had not yet thought about Schneizel after his conversation with Shirley. He did not dare to think about him when he had yet to resolve things between him and Lelouch. Nonetheless, he clicked on that certain e-mail and read the content. Once he finished reading it, he frowned.

"A field trip…?"

- end chapter 7 –

(A/N: so… this is the half of the story, maybe… and the drama is getting so drama-ish we almost felt sorry for writing this. Does this chapter deserve some reviews still? If you do leave your reviews, we will be forever grateful. Thank you for supporting this fic and we really hope to see you next chapters. May you have a merry Christmas and happy holidays.)