Their next date got canceled when Jack was injured on a mission. Jane didn't take it well when Jack told him he wasn't allowed to come visit. When Jack was finally released from the infirmary Jane flew over only to be confronted with Jack's team mates. He left after it became obvious that they had a perfectly functional routine for those kind of situations. He felt useless, and he was hurt. A few days later he called him. "We need to talk."

"What did I do?"

"Seriously. I was useless in the Seth case."

Jack wasn't sure where that was coming from. "Only because our plan failed."

"Maybe. But that's not the point. I was scared, listening to what was going on, unable to do anything. And recently, when you were injured, I realized that's what you do for a living. I'll never know where you are, or how long you'll be gone, and if something should happen to you – I would never even know."

Jack's voice was soft: "I'm sorry I can't make you 'next of kin', Jane."

"Yeah, who's that by the way?"

"Sara."

"Your ex-wife?"

Jack shrugged. "I never changed it. The handful of people who care if I live or die are all with the AF anyway. Most of them would probably be declared missing in action at the same time I am."

Jane was silent for a while. And then he dropped the bomb: "I think I need some time to think. Find out if I want this."

"This! You mean us. In fact you mean me. If you want me."

"That's easy. I do. I need to find out if I can do this the way we have to do it."

"I told you from the start. You knew what you were in for."

"Yes you did, and I thought I could handle it. But I love you, and I'm tired of hiding that. I'm tired of the lies, the secrecy."

Jack's gut clenched. "Doesn't sound like you have much thinking to do."

~o0o~

Jack's first attempt at reaching Jane failed when he didn't answer his phone.

On his second try he left a message, not quite sure what to say, but in desperate need to reach out to Jane.

When there was no answering call all day he started to get grumpy. He left an angry message that he regretted the moment he hung up, but he was too proud to call again to leave an apology.

When there was still no sign on the third day Jack got worried and typed a message.

At least tell me if you're alive.

His phone pinged three minutes later.

Yes.

Great, so Jane wasn't dead, just not talking to him. He felt his anger rise again, only to be replaced by something else after a heartbeat. He remembered that feeling. It had hurt just as much when Sara had left. Paul. Charlie. All the losses he had suffered had felt like this. He kept telling himself that Jane hadn't left him. Not yet. But it hurt anyway. The words of that Phil Collins song came to his mind from nowhere. He hadn't heard it in years.

How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace?
...

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave?
...

So take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Ooh, Take a look at me now
Well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face,

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

Take a good look at me now
'Cause I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've got to take
Take a look at me now.

~o0o~

Jack came home from the mountain one day to find Jane leaning against his front door. He looked gorgeous, but tired. And a little unsure.

"How long have you been here?"

Jane gave him a small smile. "A while."

Jack slowly walked up to him, joy, anger, fear racing through his soul. His throat was dry. This was the moment Jane would have to make a decision. Probably he had made a decision and was here to tell him. He hated being this vulnerable, and still he hoped with all his heart that they would be good. When Jane's smile got wider he felt like Cheyenne Mountain had been lifted from his chest. He closed the distance and wrapped his arms around Jane with so much force it had to hurt. But Jane was still smiling when his arms came up, too. "Hey. I'm here. I'm sorry."

They let go and went inside, and the moment they were through the door Jane pulled Jack close again. Jack held tight and buried his face in Jane's neck. "I thought you'd had it with me."

"No. I love you, Jack. I told you, I had to -"

"Think. I know. About that whole under cover number."

"Yeah."

"So?"

"It's still true that I hate that -"

Jack tensed up, but Jane's hands stroking his back helped him relax. A little at least.

" - but it's also true that you told me right from the start - and I guess I'll have to live with it. Because you're amazing, and you're worth it. I don't expect you to give up your career. I'm just – sad. I'm sad we can't be a couple. That I can't touch you. Hell I can't even look at you the way I want to when there are other people present."

They still stood in Jack's hallway, still clinging to each other, their foreheads touching. Jack heaved a sigh. "How close are you with your team?"

Jane pulled back and looked at him speechless for a moment. After he had recovered from the shock he asked: "You wanna tell them?"

"I'm asking. Can I trust them with my career?"

Jane broke into the widest smile Jack had ever seen on him. "I love you", Jane breathed and kissed him, slow, sweet, and soon it turned into relief and passion and lust.

~o0o~

They were lying in Jack's bed, naked and spent. Jack placed a kiss against Jane's shoulder. "I called Sara by the way."

"You did?"

"Yes. I told her there was somebody in my life. She said she was happy for me." He smiled at the memory of that conversation:

"I assume you changed 'next of kin' then."

"Uh, no. It's officially still you, if that's OK with you."

"Sure, but -"

"Look, I need you to do me a favor."

"OK?"

"In case I go missing – or get killed – can you call the number I'll give you? Only in case of an emergency?"

Sara sighed. "Things always have to be complicated with you, Jack O'Neill. OK. Give me that mysterious number."

"So Sara has my number now but no name?"

"I gave her your last name."

"Smart. So your ex-wife thinks you're with a lady called Jane."

"Yep."

"You're nuts – but brilliant. And I'm glad. Thank you Jack." He leaned in for a long kiss. "Uh of course I hope we'll never need that arrangement, but I appreciate it. A lot."

"So you're not running from me again?"

"No."

"And we'll tell our teams."

"Yes."

"OK. Oh And Jane? I've been thinking."

"Hm?"

"How would you like to go on a vacation?"

Now that came as a surprise to Jane. "The two of us?"

"Yeah. Somewhere people know neither you nor me."

"Hmmm...", Jane closed his eyes and smiled. "I'm thinking...Hawaii."

"OK."

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "OK? Just like that?"

"Sure, whatever you want. Book a flight."

"I can't believe how excited I am! It's just a vacation."

"No." Jack framed Jane's face with his hands and studied him. "It's a chance to be 'us'. No case, no mission, just Patrick and Jack." He smiled. "I'm excited, too."

"Really?"

"Hey, I don't like the sneaking around thing any more than you do, Jane. Hawaii sounds great."

"Do you surf?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm from Minnesota!"

"Your point?"

"Hello? Skating? Hockey? Skiing?"

"I get it. But I can show you."

"I guess I'm a little too old to learn how to surf, Jane."

"You're never too old to surf."

"That's California's official slogan or what?"

Jane chuckled. "No, but I want you to have fun."

Jack grinned. "Oh I don't know – watching half naked, wet Jane riding the waves - sure sounds like fun to me!"

"Oh come on. What are you gonna do all day?"

"Breathe, I guess. And think of ways to warm you up when you get out of the water."

~o0o~

Jack's house

Jack was clearly nervous, and he hadn't touched his beer. He cleared his throat and sat down on the armrest of his couch, feeling his team's expectant looks on him. He cleared his throat one more time and drew a deep breath. "Uh, OK, I guess you guys have noticed that I've been spending most of my down time away from the Springs lately..."

"Fishing, sir?"

"No. Well, yes, once, but – never mind."

He was fiddling with the hem of his shirt and avoided looking at his friends.

Daniel grinned. "OK, Jack. Who is she?"

Jack chose to ignore him. "I'm not exactly following AF regulations with this relationship, so I can only hope you guys value my - happiness high enough not to report me. Personally I think that particular rule is wrong."

"So it's someone from the SGC, sir?"

"No. It's a civilian."

Daniel looked confused. "So what's the problem then?"

For a moment it looked as if Jack had stopped breathing. Daniel sighed. "Jack, do we have to surgically remove it from you or are you going to tell us anytime soon?"

"It's Patrick Jane."

Complete silence. Carter was quickest to recover. She smiled at her CO. "Personally, sir, I tend to agree with you concerning that rule. And I can't see how being in love with a guy makes you less of an officer. I'm just glad you're happy."

Jack threw her a grateful look, while Daniel looked surprised. He made a mental note to confront Sam later – in private. Turning to Jack he said: "Hey, whatever floats your boat!"

Jack grinned. After a moment he sobered and turned to Teal'c – worry evident on his face.

"I do not believe any man should have the right to judge another man's feelings. PatrickJane is an honorable man. You chose well, O'Neill."

~o0o~

On their way home Daniel looked at Sam. "Are you're OK with it?"

"The colonel and Jane? Sure, why not?"

"I always thought there was – something – between you guys."

Sam smiled. "No. I'm good. I'm happy he found someone."

"Funny. I could have sworn...so, Patrick Jane, huh?"

"He's an attractive guy, I get what the colonel sees in him."

Daniel grinned. "So you have the same taste in men? I knew there was a connection between you."

Sam swatted his arm, but she was still smiling.

~o0o~

Jack was laying in the warm sand, watching Jane's slender, muscular body rise above the waves, dressed in shorts and a white t-shirt. The way the wet fabric was sticking to his chest caused a delicious pang of desire low down in Jack's belly. He wanted to touch him. Badly. He let out a soft moan and stood, slowly making his way towards the shoreline. He was already knee deep in the water when Jane noticed him. He lay on his board and started paddling towards Jack. They met in waist deep water, and Jane slipped off his board.

"I couldn't wait any longer", Jack breathed and pulled him into a passionate kiss. His hands started roaming Jane's broad shoulders and came to rest on his chest. "You're absolutely irresistible. I've been watching you, thinking about all the things I wanna do to you."

Jane's eyes closed and he smiled. "Such as?"

Jack didn't answer but kissed him again, his mouth wandering over salty skin, lightly scratching Jane's shoulder with his teeth and right afterward sucking the same spot hard enough to leave a mark. Jane let out a whimper and turned into Jack, giving him easier access.

"God I feel like taking you right here", Jack growled.

"I wouldn't mind", Jane breathed, turning around and bracing both hands on his board, pushing back against Jack's body in a desperate try to feel as much of him as possible. Jack's arms came around and rested on the board, too, effectively trapping Jane. "Hotel. Now."

Jane's 'OK' sounded strangled. They barely made it there.

~o0o~

A few days later Jane came out of the water without getting any reaction from Jack. When he carefully came closer it turned out he was sound asleep. Jane had never seen him that relaxed in public before, and it moved him. He had planned on startling Jack, splashing cold water on him or something, but now he couldn't bring himself to do that. Instead he knelt by his side and gently touched his temple. Jack smiled and moved into the touch. Jane's cool hand running down his chest and side felt heavenly against his heated skin, and he simply enjoyed with his eyes still closed. "I could stay like this forever", he murmured. When Jane's mouth followed his hand Jack groaned. "Or maybe not. Wouldn't wanna get arrested."

"It's our last day, Jack."

"Ah. I don't wanna hear it."

"I was thinking we could spend it in our room, with room service, and don't get out of bed at all."

Jack opened his eyes with a wide smile. "I love how your mind works, Jane."

~o0o~

They were waiting for their check in at the airport when someone called Jack's name. He froze. After briefly closing his eyes he turned around to face the man. "Harry. You're hiding in Hawaii of all places?"

Former USAF Colonel Harry Maybourne smiled at Jack. "Not the worst place to hide I guess. Who's your friend?"

Jack didn't even blink as he reached out to Jane and pulled him into his side. "Boyfriend. Just finished our honeymoon."

"Jack! I'm hurt! I'm gone for – what, a few weeks, and already there's another man in your life?"

"Face it, Harry, he's a lot hotter than you. Get lost, will ya?"

Maybourne smiled and turned to leave.

Later in the plane Jane still couldn't believe it. "Can you please explain to me what that was?"

"Strategic decision. Hiding in plain sight. He's never gonna believe I actually told him the truth."

"Why not?"

"Because he's the typical narrow minded military type."

"What, he's air force? Are you nuts?"

Jack chuckled. "He was. And even if he was in contact with anyone who could possible harm me, like I said – no way is he gonna believe in the possibility of -"

" - Colonel Jack O'Neill being gay."

"Right."

"If he does talk, I guess you could deal with it?"

"I think so."

Jane leaned in to whisper into Jack's ear. "Will they ever find the body if you do?"

Jack whispered back. "Ah, probably not. And even if they did, there's that genius cop I'm screwing who's bailed me out of a murder before."

"I'm not a cop and you're not screwing me."

Jack smiled against Jane's neck. "Sure felt like it last time I was inside you."

Jane could barely suppress the moan that threatened to escape him. Jack's smile got wider. "You're such an easy lay, Jane."

"I'm not usually."

"No?"

"No. I just don't have any will of my own when it comes to you."

"You're saying you submissively obey me."

"Yes, sir. Fulfilling your every need."

Boy would this be a long flight...

The End! :-D