"Room for one more?"

Rafael, who was submerged to his eyes in a bubble bath, peered over at the doorway like a lonely little frog in a pond. Sonny stood draped in a white cloth robe and pursed his lips to the side as he waited for a response. Rafael slowly sat up straight in the tub and said nothing to the taller man as his eyes explored him.

Sonny had been consistently working out in the months since Robert's death. The slightest chance of a threat towards Rafael resulted in copious trips to the gym and his constant surveillance; Sonny was becoming ever the bodyguard. Rafael nodded slowly. The candlelight flickered against the blonde's sun kissed skin as he took off his robe and placed it upon the hook behind him.

He lowered himself into the tub behind Rafael and wrapped his arms around his middle. While Sonny had been gaining muscle mass, Rafael had been losing weight altogether. He relied on the forceful nature of his colleagues reminding him to eat and keep himself together. He was thankful for people like Sonny.

As he relaxed into his hold, he tried to remember a time when he was held in such a caring embrace. Come to think of it, he never really had been since he was a child. Until there was Sonny, there was no sun for Rafael, and he was sure to keep that in mind.

"How'd you do today?" Sonny spoke into Rafael's neck, inhaling the lavender scented bubble bath his therapist had suggested.

Rafael sighed. He twiddled his thumbs, placing his hands on Sonny's and watched as tinier and tinier bubbles popped around them. "Better." They stared at their reflection on the circular overflow cover and Sonny sighed with him.

"I'm sorry I'm home so late." Sonny eventually spoke up.

"Duty calls."

"I didn't mean it like that, Raf-"

"Why can't I go back to work? This is becoming ridiculous." Rafael sat forward and turned his head to look at Sonny. "You know it. I know it. The entirety of the goddamned New York populous knows that-" he rambled off quickly, "I'm withering away."

The detective frowned. He knew not to interrupt Rafael when he began to vent like this. The past few months had been filled to the rim with contemplative silence and slowly but surely Rafael would open up more and more. It was like dating a whole new person, and yes they had confirmed they were dating- at least to one another.

It had started with a bottle of pinot grigio over talk of the case and ended up with the two on the floor of Rafael's apartment. The two wore sweaters and jeans and Rafael insisted on not wearing socks, which Sonny welcomed anyway but still wore his because he was self-conscious. Rafael invited him over as an act of trying to get back to normalcy. They talked about Olivia and then Robert's name was brought up and then Sonny changed. Their laughter soon was replaced by silence.

"Carisi?" Rafael smirked, emotions blinded by the sweet alcohol pumping through his veins. "Why'd you get so sad all of a sudden? I thought I was supposed to be the sad one."

"What are we?"

"What?" Rafael slightly chuckled.

"You just called me Carisi." He looked up at the ADA and frowned.

"So?"

"You only did that when we weren't-"

"Weren't what?" Rafael inquired, setting his wine on the coffee table beside them.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out, counselor!" Sonny burst. He set his own glass down and hugged the pillow in front of him like the child he felt like.

"Sonny, what's going on?"

"Oh don't even go there." His expression turned sour. "Acting like Captain Oblivious, okay. Well, for starters, um- oh yeah. This is our first real date in weeks."

"I'm coping." Rafael sneered.

"I'm not talking about since Robert died, Raf. Before that."

Rafael tried to remember a date before the case but he soon realized Sonny's convoluted point. Given it was done in a slightly manipulative way, he still wrapped his mind around it. His expression softened.

"Olivia's got a thing for you and I don't like it."

"I can assure you she's definitely not my type," he said with a slight, sad chuckle.

"Not gonna stop her from stealing you away."

"From you?"

Sonny's face seemed to melt into even more of a hurt visage. "Are you not mine?" He narrowed his eyes and watched Barba as he tried to figure out just was going on here. "Oh my god, you're not."

"Sonny-"

"You're really not. And here I was getting emotionally attached and I'm just- I'm just some… fuckboy to you." He stood up and ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm down but those damn Italian emotions as they ran rampant through him. "I knew I was a plaything."

"Listen to what you're saying right now-"

"I'm just arm candy. I'm nothing, am I? Did you ever feel… anything for me? Or was I just a rebound?" Sonny's eyes widened. "Was I Robert's rebound?"

Now Rafael had the hurt expression.

"I was Robert's rebound. Did you think you two could get back together? 'Cause that was never gonna happen and you both knew it so you decided to get together with me 'cause I was just all over you."

Rafael watched as Sonny paced around, lips firmly pressed together.

"You were the talk of the town with your big shot cases and I'm just some lanky law student that thinks you're the fucking Queen of England. So I decide to try you on for size and I realize that I got a thing for you and you were just getting sexual favors from some younger guy and that made you feel much better because your fuck buddy bailed on you-"

"Why would I help you with your mock trial?"

"Y- what?" Sonny stopped in his tracks and looked at Rafael, slightly offended he interrupted his rant.

"Why would I invite you to my home and pull my college material out of storage for you if I didn't want to spend time with you?" He deadpanned.

"But-"

"Why would I even care how you're doing in law school if you were just some lanky law student? Why would you be sitting here right now if I didn't want to just talk to you and laugh with you? Honestly, why would you be here today if I didn't trust you enough to cry with you?"

"Because you want to have sex with me?"

Rafael laughed in the middle of tears falling down his cheeks. Sonny looked confused. "That's just the icing on the cake, I guess." He smiled, wiping his eyes and sniffling before looking up at the other man and shaking his head in pity. "Sure in a technicality, at first, you were a rebound. I honestly guess I did 'love' Robert. But he didn't love me back. And I just kept sleeping with him thinking that one day he'd say 'why don't you move in with me?' and trust me I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I believed that maybe there was a sliver of a chance for it. Sonny, he invited me over and we'd just have sex. That was it. There was no sitting on a couch watching horrible teams play, sharing hoodies, homework help, advice. There was never any cuddling because he wanted it to not be 'weird." Rafael did air quotes, sniffling out a chuckle.

Sonny sat back on the floor and pursed his lips to the side.

"Robert would have never sat with me like we are right now and shared a glass of wine and talked about our feelings. He wouldn't have sat here and listened to my case in great detail and let me vent. And do you know when I realized that?"

Sonny shrugged and looked at the floor.

"It first started to click when you invited me for breakfast with Rollins because who would willingly want to spend a morning with me before coffee?"

Sonny smirked.

"And then when I had the urge to follow you after you stormed out. I don't do that. I told you I was going to keep you safe and I never realized that you'd end up being the one who'd keep me safe." He smiled as he looked up, desperately trying to get the tears to stop falling. " I care, like a lot."

Sonny grinned. "I knew it."

Rafael laughed and shook his head. "Robert wouldn't have ever done anything for me the way you are. And yes, we- "he waved his finger between the two of them "are definitely something. This is a date, isn't it? A god awful one so far, but I'm glad you're here with me and I want you to stay… a really long time. It won't be weird."

Sonny smiled and leaned across the way to kiss him but he was cut off.

"I guess I never really thanked you for being here for me."

There was silence.

"So?"

"Thank you… Dominick."

They laughed at each other and the distance between the two of them was closed with a kiss.

"So?" Sonny spoke on Rafael's lips.

"Jesus, do I have to spell it out for you?"

"Nah, I think I got it."

"Sonny?!"

The younger man snapped out of his trance and looked at Rafael still soaking in the tub and waiting for a response.

"I think m'gonna talk to Liv about you going back to work."

"Y-what?"

"Yeah, yeah. You've earned it. I'll have her send an email to the DA and we'll get you off leave."

Rafael looked at him speechless as his mouth drew agape. "Seriously?"

Sonny chuckled and nodded. "Definitely."

Rafael smiled and leaned back into Sonny's hold and closed his eyes, relaxing truly. Maybe it was the herbal bath or maybe it was his boyfriend, but he felt content for the first time in forever.

Sonny pressed his lips to the top of Rafael's head and mumbled a sweet nothing and laughed to himself.

"Love you too."

When Rafael's return to work had been approved, he found himself having to pick out a professional outfit for the first time in months. With a slight idea in mind, he opened the French double doors and stared at the suits that hung before him in a color-coded order. As he stroked his chin, the prickle of his slight stubble reminding him to shave, he weighed his options.

He could show up in a plaid blue suit and shock everyone; to think that he had metaphorically risen from the dead and was now here to prove all of his naysayers wrong. He would emanate a masculine and intelligent vibe as he strode into the office and sat at his desk where his name was displayed. Or he could casually bump into his colleagues in the break room, clad in a beige conservative ensemble and crack jokes about the governor's latest scandal. He even pulled the black suit out that slimmed him ever so slightly and made him feel protected and classy just to look.

But ultimately he knew he couldn't arrive in any of those fashions. His eyes locked to the grey suits directly in front of him. 'How dreary,' he imagined the office gossip he would deal with. 'That's the guy whose boyfriend died.' He closed his eyes and braced himself for the hell he'd have to continue to deal with. The story had made headlines. Rafael had no time to prepare himself for the media frenzy that had ensued. His old gay district stomping grounds held him in high honor and drag queens were filmed saying they'd claw the next guy who approached him in a sketch manner. Sonny thought it was great at first; an entire city wanting to help Rafí out and make him feel better. But Rafael didn't like it and his mother certainly didn't like it either.

When she first saw a small photo of him in the newspaper as she quickly flipped through it, she smiled. But as she read on, she realized it wasn't what she thought it was. "M'hijo!" Rafael could feel the angry spit that leaped through his receiver.

"Mamí, if you could just hear me out for a few minutes, I can explain." He pleaded.

"You told me that this was a personal thing- that I didn't have to have it shoved in my face. But I open the paper this morning, and guess what, Rafí? Shoved right in my face." She sighed and spoke something almost prayer like under her breath, in spanish, and continued on. "You're lucky mami isn't around for this."

"Don't bring abuelita into this!" He snapped back. "She would have supported me through this and turned the other way." A hurt, dark, nervous laugh escaped his throat. His demeanor quickly changed and suddenly he felt like he had to deal with a convict. "I forgot. You know a thing or two about turning the other way when I'm getting attacked."

"¡Cállate carajo!" The elder Cuban huffed to Rafi. "Ay. Tremendo paquete." She sighed.

"I'm over this. Call me when you're ready to be a real mother. If you even bother."

It took Rafael weeks to apologize to his mother and she reciprocated in the best way that she could- with food.

"Lechón? Mamí." He smiled opening one of many tupperware containers filled with rice and beans and fried plantanos. He set them aside and hugged his mother tightly.

"I've had nobody to cook for. I was going insane." She smiled softly as she pulled away. Her arms fell to her sides and she shrugged, shaking her head. "When you called, I knew I had to bring you something. Let me get that, mijito."

Rafael's mother opened the fridge to put some of Rafael's food away and stared knowingly at a container of soy milk and a box of cannoli. She shook it off and then shut the door and sat at the kitchen table.

The two spoke about how Lucia's school was going and how Rafael was managing along before she interrupted him. "Did Roberto live here?" She tilted her head. Rafael stared back with wide eyes. "You haven't even put away his groceries?"

Oh right. Sonny's things. He hadn't bothered to hide most of his possessions before his mother arrived. He cursed under his breath and ran his hands over his face.

"Mamí, I need to tell you something."

"Rafael, I don't think this is something I am wanting to hear."

"But you should know. Firstly, those aren't Robert's. He didn't live here, okay? Get that set. But I am with someone right now."

Lucia's jaw clenched as she nodded stoically. "Am I going to meet them?"

"When the time is right, you can meet him." He narrowed his eyes as a means to emphasize his point.

Lucia's fingernails rapped against the table as she took yet another bombshell into mind. "I see." The elder shrugged. "Can I ask one thing?"

"Si, Mamí."

"Whatever happened to Lauren Sullivan? Remember her?"

Rafael laughed and remembered how in love he was with her in the eleventh grade. He took her to prom and she spent most of the night drooling over Tommy Devito with some of the girls from his block. He was focused on spending time with his bros, so he didn't mind all that much. "Last I heard of her, she had gone to Connecticut for cosmetology school. I don't know." He fondly shook his head remembering how he had told Olivia that she could massacre his entire family and he wouldn't even care.

"Or Rita?" She remembered his college flame.

"You know I work with her often."

"Is she single?"

"Mam-"

"Oh hush, Rafi. I know."

They sat in silence before Rafael chimed in shortly thereafter.

"Voy a hacer café. Would you like some?" He stood up and moved towards his nespresso. Lucia took this as her cue to leave and they said their goodbyes and that was that.

Rafael knew it would have been best had he waited to introduce Sonny. In fact, he made Sonny go out for the night, having one completely avoid the other. Since family was everything to Sonny, he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt, but when he came home and found food in the fridge, he couldn't complain. He'd hug Rafael from behind and say things like "quiero jama" and "teeeeeengo hambre, Rafí." Rafael couldn't complain either. It was just meant to be.

The ADA sighed as he selected a heather grey suit and a pale lilac shirt to wear. He draped them on his bed and moved to his dresser where he retrieved some matching silk accessories and cufflinks. Folding his arms, he stared at the outfit for several minutes wondering if he could retrain his mind to believe that it is in fact the suit that makes the man.

The ride to his office seemed like an eternity but once he sat down at his desk at 1 Hogan Place, he seemed to fall right back into the scheme of things. The DA let him ease into his morning and be reminded of all things that had happened in the past few months. After lunch- which he was treated to by a few peers- he got right back to work and readjusted himself to his work behavior. His phone pinged.

Liv, 3:22 p.m.
'Heard you made it back to work! Can't wait to bother you again. Stop by later?"

Rafael laughed. It wouldn't hurt to make a visit to the bullpen. He could even visit Sonny. What did he have to lose?

Barba, 3:31 p.m.
'Plan on it. See you then."

"There he is! Abogado is on the case once again!" Amaro smiled, laughing and clapping his hands together once as he approached Rafael for a hug. "Missed you, amigo."

Rafael smiled endearingly and nodded after a quick handshake. "Where's Liv? She told me to stop by."

"Speak of the devil." Amaro smirked and nodded behind Rafael as Olivia strolled out of her office and approached the men.

"Barba!" She smiled lovingly and hugged him. "We're glad to have you back."

"Thanks, Liv. I'm definitely appreciating the time out of the house. " He laughed slightly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Although, I've yet to sass anyone today yet, is Caris-"

"My man!" Fin wiped his hands on his pants and approached for a bro-shake. "How's it been? You're gonna make me smack you, I missed your fancy ass around here." He grinned as Rafael reciprocated.

"It's good to see you Fin." He looked at the detectives who surrounded him and nodded. "So I actually was wondering where-"

"I didn't do nothin'! Let me go!" Sonny and Amanda entered the bullpen with a rowdy suspect who was trying his hardest to release himself from the male cop's reigns.

"Keep resistin'. I dare you." Carisi's thick accent chimed in as he threw the suspect down into a chair for booking.

Olivia walked over and folded her arms as she tried her best to ignore the new animal friend on Rollins' desk. "Who's this?" The man kept squirming until Fin walked over and tightened his cuffs. That didn't last too long.

"Ow, what the hell's that for? I told you! I didn't do nothin'. Let me go!" He wriggled himself in the chair and budged as hard as he could. Fin removed his extra handcuffs from his desk, fastening the pair around one of the man's ankles and a chair leg. "Police brutality!"

"Look pal, I suggest you better pipe it down before I taze your ass." Fin folded his arms and stared down the man in the chair. "I don't think you're ready to be my bitch just yet."

"Rollins?" Olivia sighed and looked at the duo expectantly as the man mumbled angry sounding Spanish phrases under his breath. Her eyebrows furrowed as she noted the gang affiliated tattoos on his neck and arms.

"Diego Marcial. Member of the Trinitario gang." Rollins turned the man's head to note a '3ni' tattoo on the underside of his jaw.

"Woah, aren't these the guys that run around with the machetes?" Amaro piped in, eyes narrowing disgustedly as the man who sat in front of him. "That's some sick shit."

"We got 'im trying to solicit sex from a minor." Sonny noted before looking up and catching Rafael's glance, which seemed like he was almost entirely back in his element. "Machete's in the squad car."

Rafael smiled softly at him and gripped his case files a little tighter.

"What you smilin' at, montro?" The gangbanger looked up at Rafael, slightly offended. "You like what you see?" He perked an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Excuse me?" Rafael stepped forward and folded his arms, tucking the case files away.

"You heard me."

"Raf, maybe you better step outta this?" Sonny tried to rest a hand on Rafael's shoulder before it was quickly swatted away.

"Trouble in paradise, balsero?" He smirked.

"Ay, you better watch your mouth." Amaro stepped forward, only to be restricted by Fin. "One more investigation and I'm outta here and if I waste my last chance on you, I don't think I'll mind too much." Fin held him back and spoke to him to calm him down.

"Diego, you better watch what you say because I can and will upgrade those charges and you'll be known as the gnark in your hood." Barba's eyes narrowed as he approached the man.

"Fuckin' bugarron!" Diego spit in Rafael's face and in a matter of seconds, the lawyer snapped. He pushed the chair the man was in over and stepped over him, managing to get one good punch in before Sonny pulled him off and Amaro and Fin carried the chair- and Diego- away into a private room.

The squad froze. Nobody knew Rafael was capable of anything remotely violent aside from threats of capital punishment and snarky glares. Olivia stood flabbergasted as Sonny held Rafael back; he was fuming. His face was red and a vein popped out on his temple as his jaw remained clenched. He pushed Sonny off of him, who remained speechless and Rafael brushed off his jacket.

Rollins exchanged aghast looks with Sonny and then to Liv.

"What?" Rafael perked an angry eyebrow, speaking quickly and licking his lips. "Just another maricón throwing a tantrum!" He straightened his tie and scanned their faces before picking his case files off the ground and storming out.

Sonny ran his hand through his hair and looked at Olivia for an answer. "Liv, I gotta-"

"Go, Carisi. I know." She sighed and copied his action before heading to her office knowing that the amount of paperwork she'd have to deal with would be insane.

Sonny followed suit after Rafael, wondering if everything they'd ever do would end up paralleling each other's actions. Rafael was sat outside of HQ on the steps outside the gate. Sonny approached him cautiously. "It's a little cold out."

"I obviously need to cool down."

"Jeez, Raf. What was that all about? You've had scumbags talk to you like that before; I don't get it." Sonny sat down next to Rafael, but not too close since they were at work.

"What's not to get? He struck a nerve." Rafael thumbed through his files, reorganizing the papers and sighed. "God, I'm so embarrassed. I'm just under so much pressure and I haven't been called-"

"A fag. I know." Sonny pursed his lips to the side and reached an arm out to pat Rafael's shoulder in a loving, yet professional way.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Last person to tell me to my face was my dad. And the way he spit on me just triggered a really bad memory. I felt like I was fifteen again."

Sonny looked down at his feet before retracting his arm. "You know, you've never really talked about your family with me, Raf." He shrugged in thought. "Maybe since you're so stressed, maybe venting could really help. I mean, it's what I'm here for."

Rafael habitually kept his gaze down, fists slightly clenching as memories he had long repressed suddenly invaded his mind. He nodded. "When my mom came over,"

"Yeah?"

"She had found your stuff. And the whole reason we hadn't talked was because of the whole Robert fiasco in the media."

"She's got a problem with you being queer?"

"Well. Not really. Mamí's had gay friends who work with her at the school. She just, when my dad was around, he had her like trained."

"I don't really understand."

"He was really abusive, Sonny." Rafael looked to Sonny with the same eyes Rafael looked at Alex and Eddie with; a little boy with a black eye begging for some sort of help; a soul that was unrequitedly troubled. "He had a problem with me being bi. Anything remotely not masculine was frowned upon and solved with a beating. And if it wasn't me who was getting beaten, it was mamí for raising me wrong."

Sonny frowned, eyes crinkling with legitimate hurt. He really felt for Rafael and wanted so badly to go back in time and help the small child. That's why he became a cop: to help those who couldn't get the help. That's what Rafael did too.

"You know, he didn't want me to be a lawyer." He laughed, pain eminent in his voice. "Couldn't see why I didn't have the urge to do something with my hands." He smirked, eyes zoned out into a memory that seemed to be right in front of him. "I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing. There were so many things I could've done but I didn't get to. I studied so hard for him. I just wanted him to be proud of me. But no matter how goddamn hard I tried, it just wouldn't work." Rafael sniffled; tears hadn't yet begun to fall.

"The social workers in the seventies and eighties weren't shit, Sonny." He laughed. "I would have given so much to have had someone like you or Liv burst in through the door to rescue me." He smiled sadly. "All I had was mi abuelita. She was my strength. She would sing to me when they were fighting and she would sneak me gifts and sweets when I wasn't supposed to have any. She did everything to make me happy and I tried so hard to make her life easier, but then I took away her happiness. She just wanted to stay at home when she was dying." Rafael let a few tears fall before shaking them off and looking to the sky and inhaling deeply.

"I'm so sorry, Raf."

"Don't be. You of all people don't need to be. I'm fine." He smiled and discretely placed one of his hands on Sonny's. "I ended up going to Harvard, and I got to meet you. So everything is fine right now. I'm better."

Sonny smiled sadly back and let the silence fill a few moments. "Do you think she'll like me?"

"Who?"

"Your mom."

Rafael laughed. "She'll probably tell me I'm too old for you." He removed his hand and looked off as the cars drove by. "You know when I first told her I was into men, she was convinced that I had a father complex."

Sonny laughed hard and shook his head. "Please don't call me daddy."

Rafael's face shuddered into disgust as he shook it off with a laugh. "As long as you don't first." He smirked.

"Raaaaaf!"

The weeks following had become easier and easier for Rafael and things seemed to work themselves out. Progress in their cases was being made, and suddenly a natural schedule had fallen into place. Sonny had finally moved in, mostly, to Rafael's place and was beginning to think that things were for the better.

Leads had run out, however, on Rafael's case and with every passing day, the threat seemed to wear off. He'd be lying if he said there wasn't a fractal of his being that still looked both ways before exiting his building, or kept on his phone on whenever he walked anywhere. Rafael was scared.

Rafael had invested in a small pocket tazer and brought it everywhere with him. Sonny couldn't be on his arm 24/7, so it was up to him to provide some sort of self-defense. That being said, Rafael only kept to his apartment when the opportunity arose.

Sonny entered the living room with his key and groaned as he threw his messenger bag onto a loveseat. He threw his body onto the couch and groaned even louder into that stupid throw pillow Olivia bought Rafael just to 'spruce' it up a bit. Rafael was totally offended 'cause he knew he knew interior design better than Liv did.

Rafael laughed as he loaded some leftovers onto a baking pan and slid it into the over. "School can't be that bad."

"Why didn't I just double major?" He turned his head to avoid the muffling. "Why did I do criminal justice and the police academy and law school. This is so dumb."

"But you're helping people. That's the good thing." Rafael removed his oven mitts and set them aside opting to sit with Sonny. "Plus you always take the most complicated route for things."

"Watch it."

"Got a lot on your plate, huh?" He bent Sonny's knees and sat down, letting his legs fall on top of him.

"Liv's wantin' overtime 'cause of the new guy and then I got a term paper I have to complete. And I can't ask for any more extensions because I'm a grown man and I can't keep kissin' up to these professors, Raf."

"Slow down, there's a new guy?" Rafael laughed with intrigue.

"Oh." He turned himself around and reached his arms behind his head. "Here's another thing. Nick's thinkin' about movin' out to California so there's a lot of talk about hirin' a new guy 'cause Liv doesn't have a second in command."

Rafael felt his heart drop a bit. Given the man was a hotheaded jackass seventy percent of the time, it was nice to have a fellow Cuban around. He really got Rafael and was definitely there for him and helped keep his secret. "How's uh, how's Amanda feel about all this?"

"She doesn't even know yet."

"Is Nick gonna tell her?"

"I don't know. Fin could've ranked up but he's not wanting to. Says he's fine where he is. He also said it's not uncommon for dudes in SVU to just disappear without warning." Rafael shot him a look and Sonny shook his head. "I'm not gonna do that."

"I know. Just, she's gonna be crushed." He ran his hands over his face and sighed.

"Are they that serious?"

"A bit, yeah."

"Jeez. Promise you won't go off to California or nothin'?"

"Cross my heart." And it was sealed with a kiss.