Hello, people! (and hopefully other test subjects, because this is important).
Now it's June, and the heat is kicking in. At least that's what I'm hearing by the internet, and unless they're wrong, I won't be kicking off the air conditioner flowing throughout Aperture. Now, granted you know what this heat feels like, I'm sure you can relate to it judging by the name of this post, and what'll be coming up. However, before you pull your jumpsuit off and ready yourself for warmth as Aperture for the first time in years warms up the enrichment spheres while you test to feel the experience for the first time in a set amount of time, I want to take the opportunity to show a question I have been given to by Test Subject #12! And this is his simple question:
"Hi, Mr. Johnson. Wow, it's warm! And one thing that I thought of with warmth is, quite oddly, radiation! I have been studying radiation since my teenage years and one thing I do despise is one hell of a mutation when irradiated by radiation. I'm curious, and this ties up to my question, assuming we had the time to build a mega-large room in which nuclear weapons could be tested in and gas inhibitors that could transfer liquid, gas or solid to any other selected state of matter, what if we gassed the room using atmospheric radiation? Or maybe liquidized radiation? Thanks!" -Test Subject #12
Also, just a side note before I answer the question: I won't lie. I edited this as much as I could into an interesting question by making it seem long and not just one simple question. And yes, it was an incredibly simple question, but I took the time to switch around reality quite a bit. Oh, and brilliant question.
While Aperture Science hasn't experimented much with radiation at all, now that I think, I have had my fair share of radiation! And what experiences have I had? Well, I've seen people become horrible, unspeakable, unimaginable things.. And you wonder why I still want to do this? Because this time, Aperture won't make that tragic mistake.. Mainly because we don't want to pay 110 million in cash by stealing our employees savings. Now, we have run into a few errors: Gas. Yes, believe it or not, it's a fact that neurotoxin has the unfamiliar reputation for accidentally spreading a little too far. Radiation does this too, but neurotoxin isn't as thick. Radiation is. Now, Test Subject #12 brings up a terribly good point that even I didn't think of because, once again I'll have to be a robot to not make that mistake.. That and it's common sense which I didn't happen to have at the time. Now, I don't get a sort of cheap thrill of demeaning others by proving obvious points quite like my employees like to when working with their partner, but I do like to be right. Right for what, one man asks. I call him an idiot, and my answer is Science!
Anyway, that point that #12 brought up was: Why don't we create a huge room that could connect to Aperture that is based purely on nuclear and radioactive testing, as well as different testing elements. Hell, he even asked me if he could create a doll that releases neurotoxin! Ha ha ha! (If that was serious, take a break from testing). And what did I say? Perfect idea! The bad thing is, where are we going to put it? My profits are at an affordable amount for whatever sized testing-box you're asking for here, but it should be big. And if it's going to be BIG, it's going to need space. This isn't the 19th century here, folks. We don't need land to farm. We need the best land to farm! However, as unbelievable as it is the government has limited our space.. Which is why the new gigantic testing-box is going to be under the great lakes! That's right, Test Subject #12. A gigantic test chamber based solely on nuclear testing is built purely in not your honor, but your question!
This has raised a few questions. What if we blow up Aperture Science? What if that nuclear bomb explodes so far beyond the test chamber that it ruptures a hole through the great lakes, efficiently killing a predictable amount of people in Aperture Science as a result of drowning? Hell, what if that nuclear bomb happens to be a black hole bomb? Well, okay. Not a black hole bomb per se, but the other limitations could be entirely possible! Face it. It could happen. Fortunately, we haven't started the chamber yet so we'll have time to think of all of the possibilities and efficiently contradict the possibilities, assuming we haven't misconceived science almost completely, resulting in a black hole's feelings getting hurt and essentially it killing us.