Multiverse Zealot Cave here,
As most of you know, we've been staging Monkey Mock Crashes over the past couple of weeks. In case your head was literally inside your stomach as a result of the genetics test lambs 300 feet below my office or you died early and accidentally, the mock crashes are exactly as it sounds. What we do is crash giant robot bananas into their respective others and then see the outcome of it. The outcomes? Dicey. We're talking whole test spheres rattling and falling as a result of it, keep in mind that I installed windows in the spheres just for the sake of having my then-10,000 test subjects (now in the low 50's) -watch- the Mock Crash.
Unfortunately, the mock crash wasn't even a mock crash; it domino-effected every single testing sphere ever built. Boy, if the original Cave Johnson were here, he'd be pulling heads and taking names, which is exactly what I'm doing now. Will whoever is still alive and reading this e-mail please report to my office so that you can volunteer for the new crash? As of yet, it hasn't got any creative name, but... hold on.
...Right, Greg-bot tells me it's going to be called the Real Crash. So, yes, anyone still alive, report to my desk for the volunteering process. We're going to actually crash you into Saturn to appeal to Jupiter. He's told me in my dreams that he'd really appreciate if we could bust up that Saturn as much as possible!