Sam's Confession

Legalities: Supernatural belongs to Eric Cripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

Warnings: This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice".

It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons.

If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins.

Rating: T with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY

Please Review if you want to see this one continue. I will update this one all throughout the Christmas holidays. And will complete it by New Years. Keep the reviews coming and I'll keep writing. Happy Holidays.

Chapter One:

Wrong Place, Right Winchester

Life isn't fair. If anyone understood that it was Sam Winchester. At twelve years old he'd been dragged all over the continental United States. His father wasn't in the military, although some of the training John Winchester insisted that his sons do really felt like it. Because it wasn't just Sam that was hauled from place to place…it was also his older brother Dean. The difference was, at sixteen, Dean liked changing towns. He liked leaving behind the girls whose hearts he inevitably broke and the schools he was on the verge of getting kicked out of. For Dean it was an adventure. For Sam it was a punishment worse than death.

At least that's how it felt today. He'd been sitting at the crappy table in the piece of shit motel that his father had left them in when Dean had informed him that today was the last day here. And it wasn't fair.

Sam had been waiting for the Science Fair selection for weeks. He'd worked on this project about filtering water through sand and he really thought that he had a chance to win. Never in all the schools he'd attended had he been in one place long enough to enter one of these. And he was going to be damned if he wasted this chance. His father had been irritated that he was taking time away from sparring and training with his brother, but he didn't care this time. And their father never would have known if Dean had kept his big trap shut. But no…his obedient older brother had to give their father the weekly update.

This one time, Sam was going to do what he wanted to do. Not what his older brother or his father wanted. The thoughts had been running through his mind for the last few months. How could he stay in one place? What would he need to have to make sure that no one suspected that he was there alone? Not that Dean is ever gonna let me out of his sight long enough to pull that off. He thought with irritation. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate what his brother did for him…but damn…sometimes Dean took it too far. Sam could take care of himself after all.

He leaned against the lockers in the highway and pulled in a frustrated breath. It wasn't fair. He had earned the right to compete in this and he was going to make sure that it happened. Whatever he had to do.

XXXX

Dean watched with detached interest as the cheerleaders practiced some new cheer. His gaze jumped to the baseball team practicing in the background and he wonder if he could have done a sport. If they'd ever stayed long enough to try out for a team. Or if dad had ever bothered to teach me to throw something besides a knife. He shook off the condemnation of the thought and swallowed a large swig of Gatorade. The leather from his jacket a soothing scent as he waited.

Lacy Jones grinned in his direction and he smiled back without thinking. He was only moderately interested in what they were doing. Although some of those cheerleaders were seriously flexible…and that was kinda interesting. Mostly he was just waiting for his brother to haul his slow ass out of the kid's last class so they could leave and meet up with their father in Spokane for the next case. His gaze shifted to the guys practicing on the baseball field and he saw the pitched staring daggers at him. Dean smirked and gave the guy a 'princess style' wave.

John Winchester had called this morning with a new case he wanted the boys on and told Dean to pick up his twelve year old brother and head toward Spokane. He knew that Sam wasn't going to be happy about the move. And their father wasn't going to care. He sighed when he thought of the fight they'd had this morning. Sam had stated his case and Dean had shut him down in no uncertain terms. They. Were. Leaving. End of story. Sam of course was pissed as hell. He'd accused Dean of riding their father's coat tails and not having a mind of his own. There was something in there about being unable to make a choice of his own. That had pissed off Dean and he'd yelled at the kid. And then Dean had felt bad.

Sam had it rough. Being hunters of the supernatural wasn't your average gig and Sam hadn't exactly signed up for it. To be honest, neither of them had wanted this life. It was just the one they were dealt. Thoughts of Mary Winchester flooded his mind and Dean furrowed his eyebrows in pain. Losing his mother at the tender age of four had messed with him in ways that even he didn't understand. To this day he hated the smell of burning flesh. Okay, so that sounds weird…but it really wasn't. Seeing his mother burn on the ceiling of his six month old brothers nursery had left some scars. And when you kill supernatural things…you gotta burn them. Just the way it works.

Dean ground his teeth together in frustration. He hated when he got stuck in a memory loop about his mom. He wouldn't even talk to Sam about her. It was too painful. Everything in their lives had changed that night. No more peanut butter sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Or a warm loving voice signing 'Hey Jude' to him when he couldn't sleep or he had a nightmare. He huffed at that thought. Sometimes the nightmares are real.

He glanced down at his watch and frowned when he saw it was almost five in the evening. Sam should have walked out of the school hours ago. His green eyes slid up to the large brink building. It was a typical school. Single story, long rows of windows, a courtyard with several benches for students to wait and a row of several metal doors. Dean huffed again and looked at the distance between himself and the front of the school. He shoved the heavy door of the car open.

The storm that had been threatening all day finally let loose and he groaned when the first drops of rain hit him in the face. He hated the rain…always had. Something about rainstorms were unsettling for him, although he'd never really understood why. He pulled the collar of the brown leather jacket tighter around his neck and jogged to the overhang near the front door. His boots splashing through the building puddles.

A teacher passing by the door saw him grab the handle and reached to push open the metal door when it proved to be locked. Dean had been on the verge of swearing up a storm.

"Hey, thanks." He ran his fingers through his short spikey blonde hair in an attempt to brush the water out of it. He noticed that the man was about four inches shorter than him. Which meant he was only about five foot nine. The teacher simply smiled immediately noticing how young Dean was.

"Since I know you're not a parent…and you're not a senior I've ever met…you must be looking for a…" The man let the conversation drift off and waited for Dean fill in the blanks.

"My little brother…Sam Winchester, you know him?" Dean added. The man nodded as a grin spread across his friendly face.

"About yay high?" The guy lifted his hand about head high. His brown eyes were sparkling with humor. "Yeah, he's kinda hard to miss…damn smart."

Dean laughed. "Yeah, he is. " He bit back the smart-ass comment that floated through his head. "You seen him?"

The teacher's forehead furrowed in confusion. "Not since second period." Dean nodded as his face fell and started back toward the door. The teacher shouted after him. "His project got accepted into the national completion for the science fair…he tell you about that?"

Dean licked his lips and frowned. He sorta knew about it. Sam had tried to get him to look at some new geeky potato thing he was working on. No it had been something about natural filtration systems. But Dean had been watching a new documentary on classic rock…and he'd yelled at Sam. Thinking back on it now, he felt pretty freaking terrible about it. "A bit." Dean said quietly. Sammy had been trying to share something important with Dean and he'd blown him off for a documentary that he could've caught the rerun for later that week. Kind of a shitty brother, aren't you Dean. He thought as guilt rant through him.

"Well…we're very proud of him. Only about twenty students nationwide are invited to compete. Impressive that one of them came from our little town." He patted Dean on the arm and walked away.

Yeah, just dig that knife a little deeper pal…twist it…and there ya go. Right in the feels.

"Yeah…impressive." Okay, so now Dean felt like a complete ass. Sam had been trying to share something he was proud of and Dean had yelled at him for it. Sam must have gone back to the motel…that was the only explanation…and if he hadn't been caught up in watching Lacy practice then he would have noticed that his brother had slipped past him. He spun around and headed out of the school at a run.

Dean slid around the front of the classic black Chevy Impala and yanked the door open slipping inside before he was soaked clean through from the rain. Worse than that was the thought of getting the water on the leather seats of the car. The engine fired up immediately and rumbled as he quickly put it into drive and peeled out of the empty parking lot. His gaze shifted to the field, it was empty. The cheerleaders and the baseball players having gone home a while ago and the empty field making a mockery of Dean's search for his brother.

Seven hours later, Dean was ready to pull his hair out of his skull. Sam was still missing and his father had called twice to get updates for their arrival. Dean had lied to him both times…something that he'd never done in his life. And oh boy am I gonna pay for it if dad figures it out.

The idea of facing his father was terrifying…but not as much as whatever might happen to Sam if he couldn't find him. Dean couldn't handle the idea that something horrible might have happened to his baby brother. It was his sole job to make sure that the kid was okay. That he was protected from the world as a whole. He sank onto Sam's bed and dropped his head into his hands. Horrific deaths were playing across the wide-open plains of his mind. The fear was sinking deeper and deeper into his heart as Dean tried to get ahold of it. He sighed again and surged to his feet, grabbing his keys out of the ashtray near the door.

XXXX

Sam peaked around the corner of the motel wall and watched as his big brother got into the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He couldn't help the satisfied smirk that flitted across his face at the pain he saw on his brother's. He knew that that wasn't okay and that he shouldn't feel that way, but he was so angry and he was so sick and tired of Dean always doing what their father wanted. Couldn't his brother for once realize that Sam's wants and needs had to be taken into consideration?

He snuck around the motel and opened the door with the key he and Dean always left hidden under the mat. Not that he couldn't pick the lock, but this was just easier. That thought made him snort at the irony. I'm twelve years old and I can pick a lock and count cards better than most career criminals. And then there were the hunts…he'd killed all manner of supernatural beasts in addition to ghosts and even a shapeshifter once. Okay, so he hadn't killed it…he'd waited in the car and his dad and brother had killed it. But he'd been there, so he counted it. He glanced around the dark interior of the room and for the first time he noticed his brother's absence. It was quiet…and Dean was anything but quiet.

Sam's dark eyebrows cut down in irritation at the thought. He wanted to be mad at Dean right now…he didn't want to notice the things he missed about his older brother. Hell, right now he wanted to be pissed at his whole family and their lot in life. Why was this bothering him at all? He shook it off and hurried to grab his stuff. He would catch back up with his brother and father after the science fair. He just had to stay hidden until the competition was over.

Deep down, Sam knew that this wasn't his most brilliant idea…but he didn't care.

XXXX

Dean drove around town until three in the morning. His anxiety level was through the roof by the time he stopped. He checked everywhere that he knew that Sam might be. And now he was scared. He didn't know where his brother was or what had happened to him. Because Sam would never take off like this on his own. Anger flooded through him and he slammed his balled up fist into the steering wheel…and immediately regretted the action.

Not only did his hand hurt like hell, but he'd just hit his baby. "Sorry." He muttered to the car. Dean's head lolled back against the headrest as exhaustion settled heavily on his shoulders. He sat like that for a moment before hauling himself upright and pushing the door of the Impala open. The air smelled like rain and he inhaled the woodsy scent surrounding the school. It was the last place that he knew that Sam had been. So it was the first place him to start looking for his missing little brother. His father's voice floated through his head and he clenched his eyes shut.

"Take care of Sammy." John's voice had a way of cleaving through everything else in Dean's head and driving home his words in an almost painful way.

Dean swallowed and started across the dark field. The feeling of being watched was so strong that his head swung around and could have sworn that he saw shadows moving in the distance. But when his gaze landed on the empty expanse of grass he shook his head at his own fears. It's because I'm worried…that's all. The moon was starting to peek through the clouds.

"Looks like the rain's past." He murmured to the empty air.

A shadow moved behind him and he spun around just in time to catch a fist in the jaw. Dean stumbled backwards and his hand moved to his chin. He exhaled heavily when he saw five guys surrounding him. His jaw was zinging with the strength behind the last cheap shot and his gut was telling him that there was more to this than he was seeing. It wasn't that Dean had a problem with fighting, the opposite in fact, he actually liked to fight. But he didn't like to. It never boded well for them and then Sam was angry and they'd have to move. And then there was the explanation to his father…and that was never a party.

"You like to hit on other guy's girls, huh?" Josh Anderson the star pitcher of the baseball team stood in front of Dean. The guy was taller and broader than Dean was, but he shouldn't be as fast or as well trained. So Dean simply put on his smirk and tilted his head to the side.

"Can't help it if Lacy wanted to upgrade." His green eyes scanned the other four guys, three he knew, one he didn't. Unconsciously his weight dropped into his heels and he shift onto his back foot so that he could move more freely. This was going to end in a fight whether he wanted it or not.

Two of the guys surged forward and pinned Dean's arms against his side. He was spinning his lower body in a circle instantly. The momentum from the spin tossed one of the guys off balance, but the other one was ready, he kicked out against Dean's right knee causing him to sink down to his knees.

"Don't break anything." A deep voice boomed through the silence. The teacher that Dean had run into inside the school stepped out of the darkness. Only he didn't look friendly anymore. Underneath that cardigan the guy had been sporting he was big…like hitting the gym twice a day big. "We need him in fighting shape."

Dean looked up at the guy through the arms of the two dudes holding him down and something told to fight like hell…or this wasn't going to end well for him. "What the hell are you talking about?" Dean growled. His brain was coming up with an escape plan while his mouth bought him time.

The man looked at more closely. "You're smarter than I gave you credit for."

"No worries, it happens all the time." Dean snarked. And then a thought occurred to him and the smirk on his lips slipped away. "Did you take my brother?"

The teacher laughed, it was a hollow tinny sound and it sent chills rolling through Dean. "He really is missing. Probably got sick of being dragged around by you."

That had Dean stretching up straighter. "Sam wouldn't do that." He breathed. But deep down in the dark places of his soul, Dean wondered if maybe he would. If maybe Sam had run away. His resolve lagged for a moment and it proved to be the moment these douchebags were waiting for. Josh lunged forward and threw a left punch straight at Dean's face.

Dean's quick reflexes were the only thing that saved him from catching a crazy punch right on the jaw…one that would have knocked him clean out. He ducked down and pulled his arms toward his body, one of the guys hanging onto him caught the punch on the chin. He went down like a sack of lead. Dean used his newly freed arm to swing at the other guy. He felt his knuckles slide along the kids jaw and his other arm was suddenly free. Dean was lunging to his feet when he felt sudden pain flare along his back. His body spasmed and he fell forward, barely managing to catch himself before he slammed into the ground.

"Son of a bitch…" He groaned.

"Knock him out." The teachers voice ground out. And Dean shook his head to try and clear the fuzz rumbling around in his head.

The last thing that Dean remembered was pain lancing through his head before the darkness claimed him.

TBC…

Author's Note: "Dean felt the cold stone before he could see it. His vision was blurry and he was still trying to clear the rummy feeling from his head. "Oh god that sucked out loud." He moaned as he rolled up into a seated position. He reached up and ran his hand along his head and groaned when it came away sticky. Blood. "Awesome." He mumbled. He stretched and pain shot through his back and side. His memory started to clear and he remembered the fight at the school…when he'd been searching for Sam.

The memory that his little brother was missing had him trying to lurch upright. His head slammed into the top of a cage and he sank back to the floor. "Seriously?" He complained. He looked around the dimly lit area. "What the hell?"

"Welcome to the fight, Dean Winchester." A male voice boomed through the small cage.

PLEASE REVIEW: Please let me know if you guys want this continued. If not, then I'll drop the storyline. Thanks.

Chapter Two

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