A/N: First, I want to apologize for the delay in writing this chapter. It has been an overly hectic past few weeks and I've put every bit of free time into finishing this chapter. So thank you for bearing with me on that.
Secondly, I want to apologize for the length of this chapter. And yes – I know it's not overly long. It's actually shorter than I intended, as I wanted to include more, but it ended up being too much to fit in and, well…I figured I've kept you all waiting long enough.
Lastly, this chapter includes the first musical number of the story. Near the end, when Ellie plays her Walkman, it's the song "Alive" by Pearl Jam. If you want to listen to it you can play it in a second tab, window, or on your own Walkman – if you've got one.
The reason for this song is two-fold: It's one of the songs Ellie hums in the game, which leads me to believe it's one she's heard before – most likely from a cassette tape for her Walkman. I also chose this song because it fits the ending theme to this chapter, where Ellie is choosing to 'live' for a change.
And thank you all for your continued readings and reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. And, as always, any criticism is greatly appreciated!
The door closed behind him as he made his way down the porch steps, the each plank of wood creaking under the thump of his boots.
He was almost disappointed that Ellie hadn't put up more of a protest to him leaving – even if it was only for a short while. A part of him couldn't help but wonder if she would be alright by herself, seeing as this would be the first time they had willingly been apart since they arrived in Jackson. Sure, they had different jobs in town and had worked apart from one another – like they had today – but now, it was different.
Now he was essentially choosing to leave her behind.
He felt that shadowy sense of guilt creep up from his gut as he stepped off the bottom step, where Esther was patiently awaiting him.
Connecting eyes with her, he noticed that sun-kissed, dimpled smile of hers. It conveyed a gentle sense of comfort, which, to him, was strangely kind of relaxing.
Strange because he couldn't quite explain it, and relaxing because he found it easy to take solace in her expression; as though it was able to quell that low feeling of remorse for leaving Ellie behind.
She almost looked like she was trying to say that she understood – like she knew what it felt like to leave a loved one behind. Maybe she had, maybe she hadn't. He didn't know. But her patience was so unusually accommodating that he couldn't help but wonder.
Then just as he approached her, a peculiar scent caught his attention. It was a fresh, flowery fragrance – one he almost recognized. He had smelled it before, but for some reason he couldn't exactly remember when. Maybe it was something he encountered on one of the hikes he had been on with Sarah. Or maybe it was something he had come across with Ellie on their travels.
Whatever it was, it was noticeably out of place.
But even so, it smelled good.
Damn good.
He breathed in deeper, confirming the aroma just a second longer before he stopped by her side.
"Ready?" Esther asked, looking up at him with a caring gaze. Her delicate tone sounded more like she was asking him if he was okay than anything.
He gave a quick glance over his shoulder at the door again, as if checking to be sure Ellie hadn't come rushing out to beg him to come back already.
But seeing only the closed door under the hanging porchlight, he turned back to Esther.
He gave her a reassuring nod, signaling that he was, in fact, ready.
"I reckon."
Esther lips curved into a small, soft smile. She looked as though she was holding back a certain, humble excitement from his response – and maybe she was. After all, he was willing to spend time away from his daughter to go out with her.
Joel was unaware that his own crinkly smile had slid across his face as they began walking.
But Esther saw it, and it gave her a distinct feeling of contentment.
A few moments of silence passed as their smiles faded into more casual expressions, allowing them to take in the quaintness of the late afternoon on their leisurely stroll.
The sun was still a ways up from the horizon, giving off a warm heat that was uncanny for a Wyoming summer evening. A few streaks of wispy, white cirrus clouds sprawled across the deepness of the cerulean sky. They looked more like vapor trails that had been painted onto the backdrop of the blue with an old paint brush, frozen way up in the atmosphere where they never really seemed to move.
A flock of geese flew by overhead in formation, squawking an incoherent language that faded as they disappeared beyond the tree lines. The trees themselves were still in full bloom, forests bearing the greens and browns of full health, now that nature was able to reclaim its territory from man.
Well, except for Jackson, of course.
The town itself was very much alive with folks still working and building; farming and fixing as the day was just beginning to wind down. What once was just an outpost – a small safe haven with only a handful of residents – had grown into a vibrant community, boasting dozens of families, crops, and livestock.
There were even children here.
Of course, there were walls like the ones around the quarantine zones, but even those felt different.
They didn't have that same feel that the walls in Boston did. Maybe it was their size – smaller and even somewhat thinner than the ones around the quarantine zones. Or maybe it was their colors, as they were composed of random sections of sheet metal and concrete bolted together like a cluttered jigsaw puzzle.
Whatever the reason, the walls felt like they had a different purpose here.
They felt protective instead of oppressive. They gave people a second chance; an opportunity to do things right.
They gave people a shot at redemption.
That was something Joel knew all too well.
"So…" Esther began.
Her voice brought him back from his observations.
"So..." He replied, mirroring her tone. He wasn't exactly sure what to say.
"So…that was Ellie?" She commented, a hint of ponderousness in her tone.
He held back a nervous laugh, giving her a nod.
Now he knew where the conversation was going.
"Eyep. That was Ellie."
Esther's smile widened, showing the shallow dimples on either side of her cheeks.
"I like her, Joel. She seems like a very nice girl."
That sounded more like a compliment directed at him than at Ellie.
"Oh good," he said, sounding a bit relieved in his delivery.
"I'd hoped she wouldn't put ya off tew much."
Esther waved her hand, brushing away that notion.
"Oh – not at all, Joel. I can see why you talk about her all the time."
She had a playful tenor in her voice that communicated a genuine appreciation for the redheaded teen, something that Joel found extraordinarily pleasing to hear.
Nevertheless, he kept that to himself.
"Heh. Yeah, she is a good kid…most a' the time." He smirked at her.
"Most of the time?" Esther raised a somewhat playful brow at him.
"What does that mean?"
He shrugged.
"Ah nuthin'. She jus'…she forgits her manners sometimes, that's all."
"Ohh okay." Esther nodded understandingly.
"Well, she is a teenage girl. They do tend to forget their manners sometimes..."
She trailed off with a grin, looking up and away, as if reminiscing of her own habits when she was that age.
"Oh, I know." Joel nodded.
"Jus' wish she'd pick better times to forgit 'em." He said, holding back a chuckle.
He had a daughter once, too.
"Well, I thought she remembered 'em pret-ty darn well." Esther replied, as if insisting upon the fact.
"I reckon." Joel nodded.
"'Course I did tell 'er to be on 'er best behavior when she met you."
"Oh did you?" She looked at him with a coy brow.
"Well tell her she did a great job."
There was that dimpled, genuine grin of hers again catching Joel's eye. He couldn't help but smile back at her.
"I'll be sure to let her know."
"You better." She smirked.
There was an interesting mix of seriousness and lightheartedness in her tone that he was able to pick up on. He had heard it before from women, but it had been so long that it nearly missed his senses.
It sounded flirtatious.
Joel felt his cheeks get warm, even amongst the warmth of the summer afternoon, as they started to show the faintest hint of flushness.
Esther could tell and nearly blushed in response, before her eyesight trailed down to the checkered pattern of his gold button-up.
"I like that shirt on you, by the way."
Joel blinked.
"Oh – uh, thanks." He stammered, glancing down at the fabric. He wasn't used to being complimented – much less flirted with – but he couldn't exactly complain about it.
"Ellie helped me pick it out."
He instantly bit his lip, almost cursing himself for bringing up Ellie again. He was sure Esther had to be getting annoyed with it by now.
"Really?" She said with a look of fascination.
"Well…the girl's got good taste! Gold definitely is your color."
Joel nearly stopped, just barely starting to trail behind as she walked ahead with a satisfied attitude in her step. He practically felt his jaw drop as he heard that eerily similar flow of words from her, until he realized why it sounded so familiar.
Ellie had said the same thing.
Joel felt a new pressure build in his stomach as he picked up his pace again to match hers. It was a new feeling – one that had all but replaced that shadowy guilt from before. Surely it wasn't love – but it had been so long that Joel felt anything like this that he didn't know what to call it.
He merely found himself walking closer to her than before, his curiosity drawing him in. Perhaps it was the diminishing barrier he had constructed in his mind to separate him from other people. Ellie was the only one who had gotten past it, and as his pace matched Esther's, he began to think that she could be doing the same thing.
Simply put, he was intrigued. He wanted to get to know this woman more, and that feeling wasn't going away.
Even if it was something almost foreign to him – something he hadn't felt in years – it was there, and there was no denying it.
The floor creaked as she made her way off the top step, heading for her bedroom. She was already bored again and knew it was a matter of time before she would find herself getting antsy for a new fix of excitement. As scary as the outside world was, at least it wasn't boring. Of course, she was constantly fighting for her life. Of course, there was always that fear of not surviving another day.
But there was never a dull moment.
Walking through her doorway, she noticed Joel's guitar still leaning against her windowsill, the sight immediately bringing him to mind.
She let out a shallow breath as she sat down on the side of her bed. Glancing around at the plain-colored walls, she felt a distinct sense of longing creep up on her.
It was a strange sense of longing, too. She couldn't tell whether it was a longing for Joel to come home, or just to not be bored anymore, but it was definitely there, and it was growing.
Looking over at the old alarm clock on her nightstand, she heaved a sigh of frustration.
He hadn't been gone for twenty minutes, and she was already sick of the silence. She had to find something to do.
She reached for the comic book laying on the bed next to her before she noticed a certain, greenish blob in the corner – her backpack.
She stared at it just a moment, trying to remember what all was in there that could be of any value to her, until one particular item came to mind.
Her Walkman.
"Oh – duh!"
She jumped up from her mattress, darting over to rummage through the bag. How could she have forgotten about the Walkman that she had had for years? The one that she had promised to fix - and had done just that within the last few weeks of being in Jackson? She nearly kicked herself.
Feeling that square, plastic frame meet her hand, an excited grin lit up her face.
She immediately unraveled the small, grey earbuds wrapped around it. Once untangled, she slid it half-way into her jean pocket, letting it stick out the top just far enough for her to reach the buttons. She then tucked an earbud into either ear, before kneeling back down and rummaging through her backpack once more for something else.
But after a few seconds, she grunted, unable to find it.
"Oh, come on, you fucker. Where are you…?" She said to herself, digging deeper into the sack.
A few more moments of unsuccessful searching went by before she let out a loud, frustrated groan.
"Arrrgh!"
She then picked up the entire bag and flipped it upside down, shaking out all the contents into a cluttered pile onto the floor, tossing the now empty backpack aside.
She dug through the random items, pushing some aside in quest.
"Goddammit! Where's my fucking knife?" She grunted, standing up. She immediately began looking around the room for that special weapon of hers. It might not have been much, but that precious switch-blade had saved her life – as well as Joel's – more than once. She could never go anywhere without it.
Just as she was about to give up, her eyes settled on the steel blade glimmering from the top of her dresser.
"Oh, there you are." She muttered, snatching it up.
"Fucker."
She snapped it shut and shoved it into an empty pocket.
She hurried down the steps, heading for the front door. But just as her fingers wrapped around the knob, she stopped, holding herself there for a moment as a series of thoughts entered her mind.
What if Joel comes back soon?
That idea almost made her smile, until she realized the implications behind it.
On the one hand, him coming home early would mean she would no longer be alone. She would have her protector with her – her father figure with her. But on the other, it would mean that his date was almost certainly a disaster. And if she knew him as well as she thought she did, that would depress him for, at the very least a few hours – if not the rest of the night.
And that just wouldn't be fair to him.
As much as she didn't want to be alone, she wanted him to be happy.
She had heard there was a saying about that once; something that had to do with love, but she couldn't quite recall how it went.
She shook her head of the thought, opening the front door.
But what if he came back and she wasn't there?
Walking onto the porch, she paused again, pondering through that option.
If he did come back before her, he would undoubtedly be worried. And she knew better than anyone that when fear crossed Joel's mind – especially concerning her – he became someone else. He became that same man that she had seen blow off a dozen clicker's heads with a shotgun. The same man that would strangle countless hunters to death just so they could get through their camp alive. He became a nightmare to anyone in his way. Quite literally, he had fought and killed for her. He had risked his life for her.
Did she really want to put him through any more of that?
No. She couldn't do that to him anymore. They had a new life now, here in Jackson. This was their second chance. They had to do things right this time.
But she knew she couldn't stay here by herself any longer. She had to get out.
But according to his promise, Joel wouldn't be gone long.
So neither would she.
"Fuck it." She sighed.
And with that, she made her decision.
She was going to take a chance and get out of the house – even if she didn't make it back first. She had to do something other than sit at home.
Besides, she had her music now.
And that, she thought, was worth it.
Hurrying down the porch steps, she slid her fingers into her jean pockets as she began her aimless walk through town, tucking one hand around her Walkman and the other around her switchblade. As long as she had these two items with her, she could let her mind wander, and protect herself if she had to.
But she hoped it wouldn't come to that.
This was her chance to enjoy life for once, and she didn't want anything to ruin it.
She clicked the play button, the gravel crunching beneath her soles as she awaited whatever song was on the tape to start.
It didn't take long for the familiar tune of a long-since forgotten melody to come pouring into her ears, drowning out any sounds from the real world and, subsequently, from her own mind as well. The music quickly filled her head, leaving only her emerald-green eyes to take in the world around her. But even those weren't focusing as she was already beginning to daydream – her steps beginning to match the rhythm of the sound.
She found herself imagining a live performance of the song, being in an audience of thousands of people in a large concert hall, dancing as it played. She might have never been to a concert, but she knew enough about them to have at least some idea. She momentarily closed her eyes, picturing the band on stage, as if she had a front-row seat to the show.
She could almost see the guitarist playing right in front of her.
As she let her mind wander through this made-up scenario, her body felt lighter; her smile grew wider.
She was finally doing what she wanted to do.
For once, she was doing more than just surviving.
She was living.