Legalities: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW Network. I am not making any money from this. I am simply playing in the amazing sandbox that is the Supernatural Universe.

Warnings: This is my take on what would have been bad enough to send Sam into a confessional as a child. Taken from a comment made by Sam in the season 8 finale "Sacrifice".

It's unabashed hurt Winchester. Dean suffers because of a choice that Sam makes in a moment of selfish anger. Will he get the chance to make things right before Dean is destroyed forever? Can their father put aside his own obsessive anger and his need to hunt long enough to track down both Sam and Dean? Or will his obsession destroy his sons.

If you do not like the violence, then DO NOT read this story. It revolves around the brothers and their relationship and this idea wouldn't leave me alone. So here is my take on the one and only time Sam confessed his greatest sins.

Rating: T with possible upgrade to MA at a later point if it takes a really dark turn.

NO SLASH/ BROTHERLY LOVE AND FAMILY ANGST ONLY

Please Review if you want to see this one continue.

Chapter Eight

Lies upon Lies

The road rumbled noisily under the tires of the old truck. The cold steel floor of the truck bed was as uncomfortable as Sam had thought it would be. The ridges were pressing into his hips, the cold making it worse...and his entire body freaking hurt. He shifted slightly and pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. The inside of the old truck smelled like his father's herbs too and he wondered if his dad had a whole kit of the strange ingredients in the large steel box that the man carried all his gear?

That was an interesting difference between Dean and their father. While Dean kept everything in some sort of organized chaos…that only he understood…their father had everything separated and stored in specific compartments. It was the same way that Sam would have stored the gear, if anyone had ever bothered to ask his opinion…which they hadn't. Every now and then he saw glimpses of himself in his father. That had pissed him off on more than one occasion when he'd realized that he was far more like their father than Dean was. Since Sam had never known their mother, he could only assume that the parts of his older brother that were different went because of her. That unfailing need to protect everyone around them. The only thing that his older brother had really inherited from their dad had been their father's obsession with finding the thing that had killed mom.

Oh, and his hate. Sam thought ironically.

Dean had inherited John Winchester's undying hatred of all things supernatural. If there was one thing that Sam had never fully understood, it was Dean's need to get involved in the world that had killed their mother. Even though he was aware that it had irrevocably changed their world, Sam didn't feel a special urge to track and kill the monsters that lived in the world with them. He would have been just as happy to live out his entire life as a normal person with no knowledge of those things. Get married, have a family of his own, and go to some lame job that paid him every two weeks.

He stretched his shoulders a bit when they started to cramp and watched as a ray of light penetrated the edge of the black cover over the pickup bed. Something occurred to him that he'd never thought of though…if they didn't know what they do, about what was really out there…and something had taken Dean…how would they ever have found him? Where would a normal person go looking for their loved one? And what would they do when they found them and realized that something was wrong?

Put the person in an Asylum? A shiver ran through Sam at the thought of Dean trussed up in a mental ward trying to convince the staff that he'd seen a demon? They'd never believe him. Dean wouldn't survive something like that. He thought sadly. His older brother needed people to believe in him. That was one of Dean's greatest strengths…and a flaw to be exploited by their enemies. And then there was his older brothers greatest weakness…family. Dean would do anything for him or for their father.

It hadn't ever occurred to Sam to be worried by Dean's incessant need for their family unit. But as he considered it more and more he knew that that was the way to break his big brother…use himself or their father as a bargaining chip.

Another chill worked its way down his spine and Sam knew that they needed to find Dean and fast. If that son of a bitchin demon had figured that out, then there might not be much of his brother to save. He gulped back the pain that thought evoked and shook his head. The beanie cap that he'd borrowed was Dean's and he got a gentle whiff of the cologne that his brother always wore. It was an almost spicy or woodsy scent and it made his stomach ball into a knot of apprehension.

"Dean…" He murmured softly.

The old truck rolled to a stop and he shrank in on himself as the engine cut out. He had no idea where his father had been headed. Sam simply knew that he needed to be there for Dean. This was his fault…if he hadn't taken off then Dean wouldn't even have been in town. So there was no way that he would have been taken by that demon. I'm going to fix this, Dean. I am. He swore a silent oath to God or anyone that might be listening.

The driver's side door squeaked as his father climbed out of the cab. He must have had whatever weapons he wanted already with him, because he didn't open the back looking for more. Sam was grateful for that. If his father knew that he'd stowed away in the bed of the truck…whoa was he gonna get a beating. Okay, well not a beating…but he'd definitely get extra training duty and less time in the libraries for his school studies. Although at the moment he didn't give a damn about school. The gravel crunched under his father's boots as he moved away from the truck.

Sam stayed still and silent until he was positive that his father was gone and then he carefully moved and grabbed the release latch inside the cover. It lifted slowly and he peaked out. The first thing he saw was a large barn off to the right, then he saw...

A large field with trees lining the edges was all he could see in every other direction. Why would they keep Dean here? He wondered before sliding out of the truck bed and landing on his boots. He stomped his feet a few times to get the blood moving again. Pins and needles shot through his legs and he grimaced at the uncomfortable feeling. Sam reached back into the truck and pulled his backpack out. It no longer contained his books or schoolwork…but his silver Taurus and extra ammunition. He glanced around; making sure that his father wasn't heading back his way. When he saw nothing but the softly lifting fog he shoved open the weapons cache. Inside he found what he was looking for, a bottle full of holy water, he hoped it wasn't frozen, and several long blades made of either iron or silver. He grinned before grabbing one of each.

Sam had done some research after Bobby had told him what they were dealing and he knew that holy water was his best bet, but the silver and iron could do some damage as well. He also pulled out the smaller first aid kit and shoved it into his bag before gently closing the lid and locking the tunnel cover back in place on the truck. A slice of gratitude raced through him that his father hadn't noticed the missing lock. Or he would have been found out back at the motel and his ass would have been grass.

The soft call of an unknown bird had him spinning and looking off into the distance. He squinted several times and then laughed sardonically when he saw a large abandoned building off on the horizon. That seemed like as a good place to start as any. He shrugged the heavy pack into place and started walking. His breath was misting in front of his face in puffs of white and he wondered what the temperature was…and whether or not Dean was okay in the cold.

XXXX

Dean's body was nearly numb except for the shivering. He couldn't feel his legs anymore, the blood having been pinched because of his forced position. His shoulder was a blazing fire of pain ad heat, so much so that it was getting most of his focus. The rummy feeling inside his head made him feel like maybe he was floating.

Thoughts turned into memories and feelings into equal parts regret and guilt. The black flame candle continued to burn in front of his cage and Dean found that he couldn't pull his gaze from it. Inside the flames he could see his mother screaming. She'd flicker and then it would shift to Sammy…Dean wanted nothing more than to alleviate their pain…but he couldn't do anything more than watch and feel...and it was agonizing for him.

Oh, and then there was the smell. He remembered hearing about how the human memory was so tied to a person's sense of smell that they could be transported by one whiff of something traumatic or pleasant. In his case it was the burning…and then whatever the black flame was doing to him...it was keeping him locked inside the painful memories.

The overhead lights flared up and he threw his face into his shoulder in an effort to protect his eyes. Noises from below him had him blinking against the tears that formed on the edges of his vision as he tried to see what was happening. The flame on the candle puffed out and it fell to the ground, rolling to the feet of the teacher…and the baseball jock.

"See, I told you I'd take care of him." The man turned to the kid and patted him on the shoulder. "It was a good deal…wasn't it?" The eyes flashed black and the kid jerked involuntarily before nodding. "Want to see me shred what's left of his sanity?" A grin spread across the man's face like a child on Christmas morning. The jock nodded again...albeit more slowly and with no enthusiasm. "Watch this."

He waived his hand and something floated out from behind Dean. The body was twisted into a mangled position the face hidden beneath a mop of sable locks. The young lithe body was covered in burns that could be seen through his clothing and those marks could only have been made by the cattle prod.

Dean's breath froze and his mouth dropped open in a silent 'no'. He forced his hands up and grabbed the bars of his hanging cage. The bloody knuckles turning white as he grasped with all his might at the iron bars of his prison. The dark puffy jacket and grey converse shoes exactly like the ones he'd bought Sam at the start of the school year.

"Sammy…" He whispered in a cracked voice. And it sounded like a broken animal's cry as it was torn up from his soul. Dean leaned his head against the bars and his entire body slumped forward in grief. The fuzzy parts of his brain took over and he let the tears fall. No longer caring that anyone was watching. He'd failed.

Josh watched as the other kid slumped in anguish and he found that that actually made him feel something. He drew his eyebrows together in realization…he'd done this. He'd invited this man into his life and then he'd handed the thing, Dean Winchester. Lacy wasn't worth that…she wasn't worth his soul. He gulped as it finally occurred to him what he'd done…what he'd given up…for a girl.

"Uh…I gotta check in with my folks." He muttered and moved away from the grin on the man's face and the angst radiating off of Winchester.

The demon looked over the boy and rolled his eyes before shrugging. He had what he wanted from the boy…granted he had to wait for ten years, but that was fine. As his eyes rolled to black and he looked back at Dean he couldn't help the glee that flooded his body. It was like an adrenaline high…seeing the boy suffer. He floated the body closer to the cage and Dean actually whimpered and pressed away from the corpse. He kept his gaze averted…and it was amazingly wonderful to the demon. Rather than pulling the body away he secured it in the cage next to Dean's. He made sure that the face was turned the other way, Dean would tear apart his own mind just looking at the body...no need to spoil the fun.

"Always a pleasure, Dean." He purred before turning toward the shadows. Almost as an after-thought he threw another shot at Dean. "Wouldn't have happened if you'd just fought…he might have been injured…but he wouldn't be dead."

Tears dripped off the end of Dean's nose and he laid his head against his folded knees. The ache in his lower back and the heat in his shoulder a dim reminder that he didn't have much time left…and now he didn't want to be rescued. "I'm sorry, Sam." He moaned.

XXXX

Sam approached the old building in stealth mode. He'd crouched down and was moving through the tall dried weeds, rather than making a bee-line for the large entrance. The wind was rippling through the trees and the scrape of the dried wild plants was helping to hide any sound of his approach. He dropped to his belly when a small door on the side opened and a kid stepped out into the light.

Josh? He recognized the kid from school. Some sports guy that had been dating the chick that Dean had scoped out for a potential conquest. Sam had told his older brother that his libido was gonna get them into trouble one of these days. But he hadn't expected that the kid would be involved in Dean's disappearance. Anger flooded into Sam's veins and he ground his teeth together as he forced himself to stay low. He watched as the kid started through the brush…and he was headed straight for Sam.

Maybe if he'd had more time to make a decision, he wouldn't have done was he did. But Sam swallowed his anger and waited for the kid to get close enough before he lunged up out of the weeds and tackled the guy to the ground. He might not have been able to do it, if he hadn't known exactly where to aim the strike to the inside of the larger boy's knee. The nerve fired up and the kid cried out before his leg gave out and he collapsed in front of Sam.

"Arg…" His hand going automatically to the pained area.

Sam sprang forward and wrapped the same sleeper hold that Dean had used on him numerous times. "Where's my brother?" He growled out. Sam knew that the older student had at least thirty pounds on him, but chances were pretty good that he didn't have the training that Sam did. So as long as he kept the chokehold locked, he could control the situation.

Josh wheezed an answer and Sam had to loosen the hold slightly so he could hear it. "What?"

The kid tried again, his voice a breathy version of its normal deep timbre. "He's inside…" He shifted, but didn't try to get away. "Please…I'm sorry…I didn't know." His fingers had finally found their way to Sam's hold and he pulled ineffectually at it.

"How do I find him?" Sam pressed. He tweaked the hold so that he could hear the answer better, but he didn't release the pressure.

"I'll show you." A tear slipped down the boys cheek and he slumped down into a seated position. "I didn't know what he was…I'm so sorry."

This time Sam believed him. He slowly loosened the hold and slid around so that he was in front of the kid, he pulled his Taurus as he did, cocking it without thinking. The boy's brown eyes slid down to the gun and flashed back up to meet Sam's icy blue-green gaze. "Is he alive?" Sam forced out passed the denial.

Josh nodded and swallowed thickly before reaching up and brushing the tears from his cheek. "But he's not gonna be for long."

"What?!" Sam squeaked. He dropped to his knees in front of the other boy and grabbed his shoulder's forcing him to look the youngest Winchester in the eyes. "What the hell does that mean?"

"The teacher…he knows your dad's coming…and Dean's dead the second he sees that man." Sorrow filled every word and Sam gulped before hauling the kid to his feet.

"Show me. Now. Are there others?" The boy nodded.

"Three more...Don't know where they came from...but they're not as bad off as Dean." Josh's head fell forward in shame at his own selfish need to damage Dean.

Sam shook his head and bit at his lip as he considered his options. A part of him knew that he needed to find his father and call in Bobby. But if the trigger for Dean's death was just the sight of their father? Well then, Sam was just gonna have to go in without the man. He did pull out his cell phone and shoot a quick text to Bobby.

Bobby, sorry I ditched you. Found Dean. Can't tell Dad or Dean dies. Could use the backup. Old abandoned factory off Route 3. Come fast! –Sam

He hit send and hauled the kid to his feet. "Let's go."

TBC…

Author's Note: Oh Sammy…what have you got yourself into? The next chapter has all the answers and the rescue. Sorry, thought I was gonna have John actually meet the teacher first, but then the chapter sorta wrote itself and it turned out that Sam is going in after Dean. Hope you all enjoy the newest angst-fest that is this story. The holidays just bring it out in my inner-writer.

Thank you to all of you awesome readers that have continually read and reviewed this story. Soon as it's done, I have another one in the works for the final days through New Years…so lots of new angst and hurt Winchesters in store. Thank you to the following readers: HpDork FreakaZoid, BranchSuper, mb64, Taraneh, nawalhussain, guest, Beakers47, janiekm, Nina Ferraro, DearHart, Sylvie-winchester, and Dean's Worshiper. Much gratitude for the continued reivews.

PLEASE REVIEW: Keep in the loop about whether or not there is something that isn't making sense.