Disclaimer: For all the love I have for Digimon, it is not mine.
A/N: A big hello to all of you reading this. I would like to thank everyone who read and reviewed the stories. All constructive criticism have been received with heartfelt thanks! I actually rewrote this chapter again after reading the reviews. Even I don't really know what's going to happen, it's quite fun to see the story take on a life of its own. Anyways, please enjoy!
The sleeping incident was never mentioned again, after that morning, when Sora and Taichi woke up in each other arms, screaming.
"I am so sorry," the two of them apologized. But Yamato just laughed and laughed.
"You're not mad?" Taichi asked, shocked.
Yamato shook his head, of course he was not mad. Hurt, yes, mad? No so much. Deciding to save his best friend and girlfriend some face, he offered them an explanation, "I went to the toilet, Sora was asleep and didn't know any better, so she probably assumed you were me. And we all know what kind of dreams you have," he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively at Taichi. That was all that was needed to set the brunette in a fit of embarrassed rage and the issue was dropped.
Things did change after that night though, especially with Natsuhi.
When Yamato told her about the Sora and Taichi cuddling incident, instead of offering him a logical explanation like she used to, she voiced her blunt opinion instead.
"You should just lock those two in a closet until they come to their senses and then sort this shit out," she said crudely.
Yamato just shook threw his head back and laughed. He wished he had the courage to do that, but that crest belonged to Taichi, he valued their friendship far too much to do that to him.
"So are we going to jam or what?" Natsuhi asked impatiently.
Ever since the blonde found out she could sing, he came over even more frequently, and made her go through his compositions with him. Hell he even composed songs for her now, but she had threatened to rip his balls off if he told the rest of the band about her other musical talents. Yamato knew where to draw the line and promised her that much, besides he liked having a secret that only they shared. And so, jamming sessions at Natsuhi's became a weekly thing.
"Not that I'm complaining," Natsuhi said as she took a bite of her pasta, pasta that Yamato had cooked. "But shouldn't you be spending more time with your girlfriend?" She already saw him twice a week due to band practice, they shared the same socio-cultural lecture and now on-top of that he comes over once a week to jam with her. Natsuhi was of course more than happy to spend extra time with Yamato, as masochistic as it was, but she knew his schedule by heart, and there was no way he would have much time left for Sora if all he spends all his free time at her place.
Yamato, who was picking away at the pasta with his fork, paused to think about the question. He should be spending more time with Sora, why wasn't he? In fact, after Natsuhi's confession, it should be weirder to spend time with her than Sora. But somehow Natsuhi pulled it off. Instead of pretending that nothing has changed, she now openly tells him she loves him and lets him know if he is making her uncomfortable or crossing boundaries. The word 'Awkward' evidently did not exist in her dictionary. This was not about Natushi though, he reminded himself. This was about Sora. He knew Natsuhi was right. He should spend more time with Sora, but it was not as if the woman in question called him up or messaged to ask about him either…still it was no excuse.
"I just don't want to face her," he admitted after a while.
"Why?" Natsuhi asked without missing a beat.
"It's not that I don't love her, it's just, I'm so tired. I want to be at my best when I'm with her, you know what I mean? So I guess, I'm avoiding her now because I don't want her to see me like this," He explained with a long-suffering sigh.
Natsuhi cleaned the sauce off her fork and twirled it experimentally, because Yamato was sighing enough for both of them. She wanted to tell him there was nothing wrong with how he was, but that was both inappropriate and would not help thing. Instead she settled for the truth, even though the truth hurts. "You know, she's the reason why you're like this," she stated as emotionlessly as she could.
Yamato flinched at her blunt comment. He wanted to deny her accusation, defend Sora. But he was nothing if not a realist. So instead, he settled for another sigh and stayed silent.
She hated hurting him, hated it so much, but the psychology major in her would not relent. He needed to see the light. "Don't start blaming yourself for this. It's not your fault, it's her. Her floundering between you and Taichi and not making a call is obviously going to stress you out," Natsuhi said, none too gently.
Dissent bled into Yamato's blue iris at the brutal facts laid before him. "Maybe if I loved her more, if I was better, she wouldn't be confused. It's obvious that she's stuck between the two of us because I'm not a good enough boyfriend," he argued, more to himself than to her.
"Yamato, that's stupid and you know it," Natsuhi cut him off coldly. Not good enough? Him? He treated Sora like a princess. What more does he think he can give!?
"Is it? Is it stupid? If I was better then maybe she would love me and only me. I mean, I am sitting here instead of being by her side, obviously I can afford to show her more love and attention. I can do better than this!" He yelled back.
Anger flashed hot behind Natsuhi's eyes, because what he said totally did not hurt her at all. "Oh really? Then why are you still sitting here then, go to her- "She cut herself off before it evolved into a bitter jealous rant. She took a deep breath and flicked the fork harshly, trying to calm the anger and frustration burning in her veins. Now was not the time her jealousy to rear its ugly head. "Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but listen to me very carefully. . .fault. You are sitting here because you are tired and you don't want her to see you like this. You are tired because, whether you like it or not, you are human, and you have had a very emotionally draining past few months, balancing your relationship with her and your friendship with Taichi. Then there have been these little accidents happening here and there that you have to just suck it up and take it all in, to accept and forgive. Of course you will be tired. As for her indecisiveness…it's not that you don't love her enough, you love her more than anything in the world," getting those last few words out almost killed her, but she forged on, "It's just, you're not-" Natsuhi cut herself off abruptly.
"Finish it," Yamato growled.
"It's just you're not Yagami Taichi," she said in a voice that's almost a whisper.
Yamato's blue eyes flashed dangerous and he fisted his hands tightly till the pain on his palms rivalled the pain in his chest. He turned away from the table, back facing Natsuhi as fumed silently.
She hated hurting him like that, even if it was the truth. However she knew, he needs to face the truth…the best medicines are always the bitter ones… But she was also only human, and so Natsuhi allowed herself this tiny breach of conduct.
Standing there, breathing heavily, Yamato tried to reign in the anger and self-loathing in him. Compared to Taichi he was never good enough…always, always. Even when they first ended up in the digital world, Takeru had leaned towards Taichi instead of him… A sudden weight on his back broke his train of thought.
Natushi had rested her head against his back, on hand placed gingerly on his shoulder. "But you're amazing just the way you are," she whispered softly. Why can Yamato not see that even though he was different from Taichi, he was still an amazing person.
Yamato exhaled, hard, and moved away from her. "I need to be alone," he said.
"Mm," she acknowledged.
He swiped the keys off the counter and stepped out of the house.
As the door was slammed shut, Natsuhi breathed out tiredly, "Well that went well."
The Toyama Multipurpose Park was deserted at night, making it a great place to be alone and think. Yamato leaned back into the bench facing the lake and sighed to the night sky.
He felt bad saying it, but he felt better after fighting with Natsuhi, all the pent up stress and frustrations had finally release. He left the house not because he was mad at her, because he needed to collect himself and not go into the dark place in his mind…the last time that happened…Yamato shook his head to rid himself of that memory. He knew he had some deep-seated, but well-hidden self-worth issues. Normally they were held in check, but whenever love was involved, it would spiral out of control.
The night breeze felt cold against his heated skin and he breathed in the bitterly cold air to help quell the rage inside him. Being angry at himself would not fix anything.
Feeling much calmer now, Yamato stared into the distance and wondered. It was indeed a good thing that he had avoided Sora the whole week. It would not be good for her to see him like this, he never wants her to see him like this, so angry and full of hate. He knew Sora had seen this side of him, but that was many years ago, when Piedmon was stirring up strife amongst the digidestined. Now that she is such an important part of his life, he could not afford to scare her off with the darkness in him…like his dad did with his mom. Much better that he fought with Taichi or Natsuhi instead…speaking of which.
Did he feel bad for yelling at Natsuhi? Of course, but this was not the first time they argued and it would not be the last. Besides, he never has to worry about something as tiny as a fight ruining their relationship. She had told him early on their friendship, with those eyes that stared into his soul that, 'There is nothing you can do that will make me think differently about you. Nothing.' She had seen the absolute worst of him and still stuck around. It was one of the reasons why he chose her place to hide away for the week and recuperate before going back to Sora. There was no stress of having to keep up appearances of any kind. He could just be himself, even the worst of himself, with her.
"Now though, now you're okay. You can go back to her," he whispered to himself. He thought back to Sora's warm smiles, her soft but firm voice and smiled to himself. He missed her so much.
Mood renewed, Yamato got up to walk back to Natsuhi's apartment, he hope she had kept the bath waters hot for him.
"Tadaima," Yamato called out as he stepped back into the apartment. The running water was the only reply he needed and he wondered why she was taking extra-long in the shower today. Then, the light bouncing off the small zippo lighter on the table answered the question for him.
There on the dining table was a lighter, a pack of Lucky Strike cigarettes on the table, with a note nestled under it. He shook his head slowly as he laughed, so that was why she was only just getting in the shower.
Yamato picked up the note and read the messy script scrawled on it.
'If my house ends up smelling even faintly like tobacco when you are done, I will rip your balls off, or break your bass. Actually, I'll do both. And put your clothes straight into the washing machine once you are done, I don't want the smell getting on my hamper.'
Chuckling, Yamato grabbed the lighter and packet and walked towards the balcony.
Closing the door behind him, he allowed himself a sad smile as he broke into the unopened box of cigarettes. Just another thing Sora would not appreciate.
He was not addicted to smoking, he almost never smoked. But he his dad chain smokes like it is his job, there was no way he would grow up unaffected by that. In all honesty, Yamato was not particularly fond of the taste of smell of Tabaco, but after his father had offered him one during one of his really bad slump a few years back, it had become a ritual to smoke a cigarette after some a patch.
He still preferred alcohol for company in his times of misery of course, but today's bitterness tasted more like cigarette smoke than the sharp notes of whisky, so that was what he will be having. Bringing the cigarette up to his lips, Yamato lit it with fumbling hands. As the fire consumed the tip of the cigarette, Yamato could feel any remaining frustrations burning away along with it. He tossed the still-full box to the side and made a mental note to pay Natsuhi back. As much of a waste as it was, one cigarette was all he needed, the rest will most definitely go to the trash since his dad smoked a different brand.
Taking in another drag of the joint, Yamato marvelled at how Natsuhi had figured out his little smoke-fuelled ritual. It was the first time Yamato realized something was off about Sora and Taichi, not knowing what to do then, he went out and bought himself a pack of cigarettes. Lucky Strike ended up the poison of choice simply because the name had an ironic appeal in his dejected state. He had finished his cigarette by the station before going to Natsuhi's house, bought himself some breath mints and water along the way too, but somehow the moment he stepped into the house, she knew. She never commented, merely raised an eyebrow at him, however ever since then, if they had fights or if he went out to clear his head instead of breaking into her liquor cabinet, there will always be a pack of Lucky Strike waiting for him on the dining table.
As his thoughts came to an end, so did the cigarette, the balcony now reeked slightly of Tabaco but it was nothing the July breeze would not sweep away. Satisfied, Yamato pulled off his shirt and walked back into the house. Best get rid of all the evidence before Natsuhi started nagging.
Just as he finished dumping his shirt and pants into the washing machine, Natsuhi walked out of the bathroom, towelling her hair dry as she did. She stopped at to stare at his state of undress, eyes pensive.
"I think we need a rule for this," she stated like she was not blatantly checking him out. Then again, she had seen him half naked enough times that the novelty probably wore off. It was a small apartment and rushed morning showers were definitely the norm.
"What?" Was Yamato's intelligent answer.
"You know I like you," she asked. He nodded. "This," she gestured at his naked torso, "is hence inappropriate. No walking around the house half-naked anymore, not unless it's an emergency like you forgot your clothes or something." She added the last half as an after-thought.
"Okay Ms Celibacy," Yamato teased and reached out to ruffle her hair affectionately.
Her hand and cold stare stopped his arm dead in its tracks.
"Don't," she whispered, a flash of sadness flickered in her eyes.
Yamato retracted his hand, it was one of the new lines she had drawn after her confession… "I'm sorry," he said.
Tension mounted, she knew he did not do anything wrong, he knew that too, but now he feels bad for upsetting her… With a sigh Natsuhi looked up at Yamato with a playful grin.
"Aww, is poor little Yama worried I won't forgive him?" She teased.
Yamato replied her by rolling his eyes.
"Don't be sorry, it's all cool," she waved it off and stood up on tip-toe to ruffle his hair instead.
He swatted her hand away, annoyed. He hated it when people ruffled his hair.
"Oh so it's okay for you to do it to me but not the other way round," he complained.
"Yes," Natsuhi said matter of factly, "Because I love you but you don't love me." She stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Now go shower stinky head," she said as she walked towards her study table, towel in hand.
"Yes mom," Yamato drawled and shook his head exasperatedly, then something caught his eye and he smiled.
The bathroom was still humid from the steam, but that was not what caught Yamato's attention. There, in the bathtub was hot water, heated to the temperature that he liked best.
He knew she would not forget.
Yamato walked out from the warm bathroom and into the cooled living room/bed-room feeling refreshed.
"You took your own sweet time," Natsuhi said without looking away from the computer screen.
"You were the one who threatened to rip my balls off if I came out smelling like anything less than roses," he countered without any real venom.
"Touche," she said, fingers still furiously flying across the keyboard.
"Work?" He asked, had she not finished her quota for the month last week?
"Give me a sec…okay got it," she said and she snapped her fingers with flourish.
Yamato looked at her with curious eyes.
Natsuhi hammered away on the computer a few seconds more before the printer buzzed to live.
A few moments passed as the printer worked to get the paper out and when it did, Natsuhi pulled it off the press so fast, Yamato was shocked that the paper did to tear.
"Here are your tickets for two for Tokyo Disney Sea, dated for tomorrow, and this is your hotel reservations for two for Hotel Miracosta for tomorrow night. Please don't lose this, you have no idea how hard it is to get discounts on last minute bookings. Now, for dinner, I recommend S.S. Columbia Dining Room or Magellan's. Try to get priority seating so you can watch Fantasmic in peace.." Natsuhi rattled off with practiced ease. She had reviewed Tokyo Disney Resort enough times to walk through the park with her eyes closed after all.
Yamato just stared at the paper in his hands, stunned.
"Uh…how much do I owe you?" He finally managed after finding his voice.
Natsuhi gave him a pointed look and then sighed with a small smile, "You don't owe me anything, but if you insist. You owe me a romantic date out with that girlfriend of yours. Just, be happy k?" She said earnestly.
Yamato tightened his grip on the paper in his hands as he looked at this best friend and realizing for the first time, just how much she loved him. She just genuinely wanted him to be happy… In that one short moment, Yamato felt grateful and so loved that he just wanted to give her the world to show her how thankful he felt. But that feeling crashed almost immediately when he remembered that he can never give her what she truly wants.
Dull ache in his chest, he reached over with a sad smile and pulled her into a hug, ignoring all protests from her.
Eventually Natsuhi's protests died down, and she gave into the hug. Hesitantly, she wrapped her arms round him and hugged him back, breathing in his scent as she did so. This was definitely violating the new rules she had set up, but she guessed she will let it slide this one time. Besides, she will take whatever she can get from him…
As Yamato whispered his heartfelt thanks into her hair, Natsuhi tightened her grip on his shirt.
Who knew heartbreak could feel so contenting.
A/N: So some background information in case anyone is interested. All the universities mentioned in this story are real universities, the places mentioned, minus the Digital World are also real.
Natsuhi lives at Court Breeze Waseda, which is near Waseda University's campus. (You can find it on Google Maps, address is 2 Chome-2 Nishiwaseda Shinjuku-ku, Tōkyō-to Japan)
Also, useless tidbit of information, Natsuhi, Sora and Taichi's faculty is in the main Waseda building while Yamato's faculty is in the Nishiwaseda building. Which is why he spends so much time at Natsuhi's place because she lives a short walk from his campus. The park Yamato sits in the story is actually right behind the apartment.
Also for the purpose of the story, Yamato lives with his dad in Odaiba. And if any of you still remember, his dad works in Fuji Television Station, which is a landmark in Odaiba. Even more useless information, Yamato lives 11 stops away from university, which will take him roughly 1-1.5 hours to get to class everyday. See why he just bunks at Natsuhi's?
Finally, why can't he stay with Taichi or Sora? So, in the story, Taichi and Sora lives in the university dorms. Now in Japan, dorms work a little differently. If you want to bring guests over or have them sleepover, you need to submit a form and stuff. Some dorms don't allow guests to sleepover, also males are generally not allowed into female dorms. So that's that.