A/N: This was both the most emotionally challenging and technically complicated chapter to write (hence the lateness) (although that also has something to do with the fact that we are in a massive bloody heatwave here and it's been 40 degrees Celcius for the last three days in a row and close to it for the last week). I have no doubt that some people will get confused in this chapter, so take it slow and look carefully for cues because this chapter is DIALOGUE AND DREAMS ONLY. There are no, "He saids," no physical descriptions, just conversations between multiple people at different times so yeah, it gets a bit muddled. To be honest, that's the point. It spans many days, many dreams, and Harry is totally non-compus so he has no idea what's going on. I've left cues and hints in every dream and conversation to show that time is passing and who exactly is talking, but because Harry is confused and doesn't know what's happening the reader needs to have an element of that too. I was worried it would be too complex, but my Beta readers told me to give my readers some credit and not just low-ball it for the lowest common denominator. Enjoy!
The castle is burning. Chunks of roof are slipping off and crashing inside, and the walls themselves sound like they're screaming. Deatheaters are holding Harry back, laughing as he struggles to get away, get inside, help the people trapped in the crumbling building. Don't they know it's a school? Don't they know that children, some of their children, are inside? Harry is fighting, struggling, but the hands that are binding him don't let go, even as the fire gets closer, even as heat is licking up Harry's sides and burning him...
"Harry, kiddo, calm down, it's just a dream. Can you hear me? It's Burt. You're just dreaming, Harry, it's not real."
...he has to get free and get to the school, stop the roof from falling and the walls from screaming and the people from burning he had to...
"I hav't..."
"What was that, buddy? Stop struggling, now, you're okay."
"I have t'..."
"What do you have to do, Harry?"
"Have t' stop the burning..."
"Are you too hot? I'll get you another ice pack in a second - "
"Have t' stop the fire, Tonks, there's kids in there..."
"...Harry, what are you talking about?"
"Get me in the building, tha's an order. I don' care how dangerous it is, that's an order. You get me into the school, I have to..."
"...Harry. It's Burt. You're in Lima, okay? You're in Kurt's room, and you're safe. You're safe now."
Burning. He's burning up with the building, with the Deatheaters and the students and his soldiers and he can't do anything to stop it. He burns and he burns as minutes tick by and hours tick by an he should be dead but instead he just burns until he's -
Cold. Cold rotting hands are caressing at his face and he can't get his hands free to cast his Patronus. He's so cold and it's everywhere, all over, he has to get away...
"Harry, shh, you're just tangled in the blankets. Just give me a second."
Hands are grabbing at him, he has to get away, fight them off -
"Whoa! You okay, Schuester?"
"I'm fine, Burt, he didn't hit me that hard."
"Kurt says you shouldn't touch him when he's having a nightmare like this."
"Apparently. Do you think we can untangle him from the sheet? I think it's upsetting him."
"Maybe if we're careful..."
Their grip is loosening on him and he can move, he can curl away but the cold is following him. He has to escape, has to get away, he's on his feet and he has to get out of the dungeon, when did he get to the dungeon? But he has to get out, he has to get his troops out -
"Hey, no, lie back down Harry, just go back to bed-"
"I have t' get, gotta get out-"
"Burt, is he awake or not?"
"I dunno, maybe sleepwalking? Harry, c'mon, you need to lie down again."
He's sick, he feels so damn sick but he has to get them out, can't let them down, everyone is counting on him so he has to get out-
"Harry. Harry, it's Burt Hummel again. You need to lie down, okay? You're sick, you're - you're hallucinating or something, but you're safe and you need to lie down."
He could feel his legs collapse out from underneath him - had the Dementors sapped that much of his strength? But he had to keep going, he had to, he couldn't let them down, even as his head swum and his stomach roiled and a deep pain sunk into his bones... he couldn't stop.
"Whoa, hey, have you got him?"
"Yeah, Schuester, don't worry. He's not heavy."
"No, no I can't lie down, hafta... I gotta get... I gotta get them out..."
...he has to get them out, he can hear Wheeler screaming in the next room, what are they doing to him he has to get out but Tonks and Eades are holding him back, they won't let him go to him but he can save him, he can save him if they only let him go...
"Tonks, lemme go, we're not leaving him here. Tha's an order, we're not... we're not..."
"Harry? Burt, who is he talking to?"
"I dunno, Schuester, he called me that earlier too."
"I won' leave 'im... I won' leave anyone behind. We risk it. I won' leave any of you behind. I promised I'd get ev'ryone home so - so we will. We risk it."
"...Burt, what is he talking about?"
"I don't know, Schuester. It sounds like... I dunno. Let's just - can you straighten the sheets? I'll try to get him back to bed."
"Yeah, I - yeah."
He needs to... he needs to save Wheeler but he's so tired, he feels so sick, he can't stand anymore and there's rough hands helping him against a soft, cool surface and he can't help but slip into darkness...
"He was... he said 'that's an order,' didn't he?"
"Yeah, he - uh. He said that earlier too. Before you got here. Look, Schuester, it's probably just the fever talking-"
"There were rumours - last year, when the English attacks were still happening, about the government training children-"
"I don't think-"
"Burt, I've wondered, he's got so many scars and he's so good in a crisis -"
"Schuester -"
"I suspected there was more going on than he let on, but - "
"Stop, all right? Maybe he's just hallucinating. Hell, maybe he's dreaming. Just - we don't know anything, all right? Just forget about it for now."
"But Burt, isn't it something we should know if we're taking care of him? That he might have a soldier's trauma?"
"I think that if it's true it's probably not something he's meant to talk about. Look, all we know is that he's a traumatised kid who's really sick right now. Does it matter how he got like this?"
"I guess it doesn't right now."
"We'll ask Kurt when he gets home, okay? Just... forget about it. For now."
"...all right. I really hope you know what you're doing, Burt."
"Schuester, I don't have a goddamn clue."
When it gets light again he felt so sick, why did he feel so sick? He needed to get out of his cupboard and make breakfast for his Uncle, he didn't want to make Uncle Vernon angry, he was so hungry and he hadn't eaten in days so he needed to get up and cook but he just felt so sick...
"Hey dad, Mr Schue."
"Hey, Kurt."
"How was school, buddy?"
"I don't want to talk about it. How has he been?"
"Restless. He's in and out, doesn't seem to know where he is. Schuester and me have been trying to keep him in the bed but he keeps jumping out."
"Has he thrown up any more?"
"A little. Kurt, has Harry ever said anything to you-"
"Schuester-"
"I'm sorry, Burt, but don't we need to know what we're dealing with?"
"Not now."
"What are you guys talking about? Dad?"
"Look, kiddo, when Harry was freaking out he was... saying some stuff."
"...stuff like what?"
"He was talking to people who weren't here. He kept calling Burt "Tonks" and telling us... saying he was giving orders."
"...oh."
"He might have just been hallucinating, Schuester, we don't know what he was seeing."
"My dad's right, Mr Schue, if he's having nightmares he could be seeing anything-"
"But he said the same thing to Burt earlier, 'that's an order,' didn't he? He keeps repeating that. Kurt, has he said anything to you about..."
"About what, Mr Schue?"
"...what do you know about the English child soldiers?"
"...fuck."
The forest wasn't safe for children, it wasn't where they should be but they were running into the forest, through the trees, trying to escape the cruel laughter of the Deatheaters. Harry was running towards them, trying to reach the forest before the Dementors hiding in the trees could get them but it was like he was running in place. No matter how hard he ran, how much his legs strained he couldn't get to the screaming children, his classmates, his friends. The forest wasn't a haven but they just kept pouring in...
"You can't say anything."
"Kurt - "
"I mean it, dad. You either, Mr Schuester, I don't want to hear a word about it. Do not discuss it between yourselves, do not tell Carole or Ms Pillsbury, and do not go telling anyone else, you understand?"
"Kurt, of course we do. We don't want to do anything to put Harry at risk-"
"Mr Schuester, that you've worked it out puts Harry in danger. He said that if the British Government finds out that people know who he is they'll make him 'disappear', and if that happens I will entirely blame you."
"Kurt, calm down. We'll keep it quiet, okay? I won't even tell Carole. Just tell us."
"...fine. Fine. He was - let me get my file."
"File?"
"My kid likes to be organised."
"I see."
"Here. I destroyed most of the stuff when he confirmed my suspicions, but I kept one article. Don't read it aloud, just... look at it."
"...Jesus Christ, kiddo, you sure about this?"
"Yes. He confirmed it."
"So all that stuff about his old family-"
"It's true, Mr Schuester. He didn't lie to us. He lived with them until he was 11 and over summers but during the year he was at his school. The boarding school he went to was for... special kids. Like him. Fighters. But he was the only one who was trained so extensively. He was some kind of general or something."
"But why? He's just a kid."
"I don't know, dad. He didn't know either, but he hated it."
"God, that poor thing."
"So now you know. And I don't want to hear another word about it, okay?"
"We won't say anything, Kurt, you can trust that."
"I hope so, Mr Schuester. I really do."
Time passes. It's dark and then it's light and then it's hot, it's too hot the hospital burns, it's burning and it's screaming, there's so much screaming why is there nobody stopping them, why is nobody stopping the Deatheaters from cutting everybody down? It's just Harry again, just Harry on his own against an army and he doesn't know how long he can hold on...
"Hey, Kurt."
"Quinn? What are you doing here? - I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"No, it's fine. I'm sorry for just barging in like this, I just... wanted to see for myself. Oh God, he's so pale. So pale and so thin and - what happened to his face?"
"He keeps scratching at it when he dreams, we can't make him stop. Look, Quinn, I get that you want to see him but it's probably best for everyone if you leave. Having people around unsettles him as it is, and it's just going to upset you."
"How could we let this happen, Kurt? How could we let him get this bad - god, I can't even..."
"Oh sweetie, don't cry. He's going to be fine."
"I know he is, he has to be, it's just - he's so little, Kurt. I just want to protect him."
"So do I, Quinnie, so do I."
"Why is he making that noise?"
"He's in pain, I think. He does that a lot."
"Can't you do something?"
"Not really. He throws up every painkiller we try to give him, and he doesn't have any food in his stomach anyway so we really shouldn't - "
"Don't you start crying now Kurtie. You'll set me off again."
"Sorry, I'm just so tired and so worried -"
"Hey, hey, I was kidding. You cry if you need to, Kurt. You have every right to cry right now. I know how hard this is on you, and we're here for you. For both of you. I promise."
"Thank you - Harry?"
"Is he awake? God, what's he doing? Why is he scratching like that?"
"He's just scared, I'm sorry, Quinn, you need to go."
"Why is he screaming, Kurt? Oh God, what did I do-"
"Quinn, just leave! Get out of here, you're scaring him! Harry, sweetheart, it's okay, it's just us, she's gone. Everyone's gone."
Everything burned, burned and rolled and his stomach heaved and he was gasping why did it hurt so much-
"Harry, sweetheart, please, you're tearing the sheets... come on, Harry, you're all right. It's Kurt, you're safe, just calm down..."
Hours pass. Hour after unbearable hour and Kurt's soothing voice leaves his unconscious mind and others seep in, less familiar, less soothing but they don't run away and it's light and then it's dark behind feverish eyelids and he's falling, he's dreaming again. Green light, lights flashing everywhere and ripping flesh and cutting off screams and cries and it's Harry, Harry's hurting them and he's smiling-
"Jesus, Carole, is he bleeding?"
"He scratched at his face again, Burt, can you get me a cloth? Harry, you're okay, just calm down, calm down..."
They go, those voices go and there are others, in light and in dark and whispered conversations he doesn't understand. Food is coaxed down his throat but his body rebels against it, and he can hear the worried noises and the cries but he doesn't understand. Where is he, where is he, his uncle was chasing him through the house, if he could just get to his cupboard he'd be safe, he wouldn't have to listen to the screaming or feel the hand across his face he just had to run and run and run and run -
"Oh god."
"Hermione? What are you-"
"Puck called me, I came over as soon as I could. Oh, Harry, how could this - what happened, Kurt? Puck couldn't tell me and - Merlin, he looks awful."
"I'm so sorry, Hermione, I didn't even think of calling you. These past four days have been so insane..."
"What happened? Where's Remus?"
"We don't know. He just took off, Hermione, and he took all of Harry's medication with him."
"What? He took his - oh my god, how could he?"
"That's what I've been wondering."
"So Harry's been withdrawing? How is he?"
"He hasn't been compos mentis in days. He keeps talking in his sleep, hallucinating, he throws up every time he eats anything... it's bad, Hermione. It's really bad. And he's in so much pain."
"I can't believe Remus did this, this is just... and no one knows where he is now?"
"No idea. He just left Harry a note. And this was the day after he beat the crap out of him. My dad went over to Harry's place yesterday to see if Remus had come back - he wasn't, and the whole house was trashed; broken glass everywhere, cracks in the walls, the TV was smashed... and there was blood all over Harry's room. Dad was as white as a ghost when he got back."
"Wait, Kurt, did you say Remus beat Harry? No, that's not - is that where those bruises came from?"
"Yes. Harry came to school black and blue, saying he'd fallen, but he admitted it later. He said - he was still trying to protect him, Hermione."
"...this was five days ago, yes?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Just - no reason. Merlin help us, he could be anywhere by now. I'll call someone to try and track him down. Thank you, Kurt."
"For what?"
"For taking care of Harry. Have your family been okay with it?"
"Oh, yes. Dad's been in here while I'm at school, and Carole usually helps when she's home. Mr Schuester's basically living here too. We care about him, Hermione. We love him. We weren't going to abandon him now."
"... do you think he'll mind if I sit next to him on the bed?"
"He seems settled, so I doubt it. You can stay here if you like."
"Thank you, Kurt."
The smell of lilac perfume soothed a little, soothed like Kurt's voice and rough hands brushing back his hair. It hurt, why did it hurt, his body and his head and just everywhere make it stop - he had to stop Bellatrix, Ginny and Luna were right there and they were trying - Ginny cursed her, it's good but it won't be enough, nothing is going to stop Bellatrix so Harry has to stop her he has to he has to he has to -
"Hey, uh, Burt?"
"Oh, Finn, hi. Finn, you probably shouldn't be in here, buddy, Harry gets a little antsy when new voices are around - "
"I - I know, I just wanted to know if there was anything you needed, any water or whatever."
"No, I think we're good in here. Harry's asleep again anyway."
"I heard him - I heard him screaming before. Was he... what happened?"
"Just a bad turn, Finn, don't worry about it. Withdrawing from this crap hurts, Hermione said. Harry will be up and about in no time, just you wait 'n see."
"...Burt, is this my fault?"
"What? Finn, no, why would you even think that?"
"Because he heard me tell Kurt that I thought he was dangerous because he hurt Azimio and then he went home and Remus hurt him and he might not have got hurt if I hadn't made him leave and Remus might not have run off and then he wouldn't be like this - "
"Take a breath, Finn. Atta boy. Kiddo, this is not your fault. Did you mess up just before this happened, yeah, a bit. You were a little insensitive about where Harry was comin' from, coulda been a little more open minded. But you know what? You're 17. You're allowed to be a bit stupid sometimes. Really, what you did wasn't so bad. It don't make you a bad person to make a little mistake like that. Harry's breakdown - or whatever you'd call this - it's because he's had a seriously tough life and losing Remus pushed him too far. Even if he hadn't overheard the fight between you and Kurt, this still woulda happened."
"I was just so scared he might hurt Kurt. I never meant to hurt him."
"Well, I'm glad you're so protective of your brother. It means a lot to me that you two look out for one another. But you know what? This boy in this bed is hallucinating and flailing and scared out of his brain, but not once has he taken a swipe against Kurt. He's hit me and Schuester, and even pushed your mom away once or twice, but he's neverlashed out at Kurt. I don't think we have anything to worry about."
"...I just want him to get better, Burt."
"He will, Finn. Just give it time."
Why is his uncle so angry? He cooked the food right today, he was sure of it, but he still wasn't allowed any dinner. He was so hungry curled up in his cupboard with the smoke from the St Mungos fire clinging to his skin but he couldn't eat, couldn't bring himself to raise food to his lips with the memories of the burning and maimed bodies so fresh in his mind. Kingsley took a Reducto to the chest, it split him open like a shotgun would have, shattering his insides. Harry held his big hand as he died, as the light dripped out of his eyes...
"Hey, Hermione, wasn't it? Kurt said you were here."
"Ah - yes. I am Hermione. You are Mr Schuester, correct?"
"Yeah, that's me, but all the kids call me Mr Schue, I don't mind if you do. Will is fine, too."
"Thank you. And thank you for being here for Harry. Kurt tells me you've taken time off work for this."
"It isn't a problem. I had time off saved up, the only thing I needed to keep up with was Glee club."
"Yes, Harry said you were getting ready for a performance right now. Ron and I weren't going to be able to make it."
"Being here isn't a problem for you, is it? Because Harry's going to be okay, and I'm sure he'd understand - "
"I know he would. I'm sure the reason he didn't mention he was having problems was because he didn't want to interrupt mine or Ron's work commitments, but family is more important than that. He's more important than that. He's so stupid sometimes - or perhaps more stupidly selfless than actually stupid. He never wants anyone to be put out because of him, never wants to be a burned. We worked it out just fine, getting here. Ron managed to get a rush on all his exams so he can take them early, so he'll be here within a day or so now too. He wanted to come over right away, I had to practically beg him not to drop out of his course until we knew what was really going on. Harry would never forgive himself if Ron gave up his dreams for him. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be ranting like this, I'm just so frustrated."
" Don't worry, I get it. You've tried to explain to Harry that he matters too, huh?"
"Only every day since he was eleven. It was that bitch aunt of his... she and her troll of a husband should be in prison for what they did to him."
"He doesn't talk about them, but I saw the scars on his back..."
"Yes... yes, I've seen them too. Merlin, that it's come to this..."
"Hey, Hermione, it's all right-"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. It's just - he's been my brother since we were eleven, or as good as. I'm not close to my parents, I don't have siblings... he and Ron are my family. They're my world. It's bad enough that Ron wants to join the Minis - military. I thought Harry would be safe here, at least. God, look at me, I'm a mess."
"Here, have a tissue."
"Thank you, Mr Schuester. Puck talks about you, you know. He says you're one of the few teachers who actually cares about their job at that school."
"Puck? I didn't realise you two were..."
"Yes, we're... dating. Kind of. I wasn't all that invested in it, to be honest, but that he thought to call me and tell me what was happened to Harry, and he was so upset and angry about it... I have a whole new appreciation for him. He's a lot more mature than I thought. I'm going to give him the biggest... hug...ever, when I see him."
There's a first year girl, he doesn't even know her name, a Ravenclaw with black hair and wide, dark eyes and her scarf falling off her narrow shoulders. She's standing in the middle of the hallway as everyone else runs away, to terrified to move, to terrified to make a sound. He's running towards her, faster than he's ever moved before but he's done this before, he's relived this moment so many times and he knows what's coming, knows that the curse will hit her before he gets to her side no matter how hard he runs, and she's dead before she hits the ground and he never even knew her name -
"Harry? It's Kurt. I don't know if you can hear me... I don't know how much of the last week you've been able to hear at all. You told us that this - this nightmare of a withdrawal would last about a week and it's been six days so I hope it's getting better - I hope it doesn't feel quite so bad to be you right now.
"I just...I miss you, Harry. I can't believe we've only known one another for four months - it feels like we were friends for a lifetime. You're one of the only people in my life who've ever seen me as more than 'Kurt, the Gay Boy.' I'm more than that to you - more than the stereotype, more than the bitchy words and fancy clothes and high voice. I think you're the first person I ever met who acted like I didn't like fashion and Broadway and Vogue because I was gay. You know that I like those things because I'm Kurt. No one has ever really got that, you know?... why am I talking like you're going to reply, you're only semi-conscious...
"Please wake up, Harry. Please, wake up and be with me again. I'm so scared at school right now - scared that I'll come home and something will have happened to you, and scared of... of Karofsky. It's - just please. It's selfish and it's stupid, I know, but please, please wake up for me. Please."
He feels... he feels... better? Is it better? He doesn't feel so sick. The crackling of the burning castle, the screams and the smoke feel further away now. The pounding in his head has faded to a sort of vague throbbing. Bellatrix's blood isn't staining his hands anymore. It's washed away in the suddenly cool, clear water of the lake. He feels better. There's a hint of lilac perfume floating around him, and he opens his eyes.