AN: Another chapter inspired from my CS Playlist, set in a imaginary timeline between returning from Neverland and Pan's curse.
You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,
Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name
Pack up and leave everything,
Don't you see what I can bring
Can't keep this beating heart at bay
- Leave Your Lover, Sam Smith
He does his best to avoid her in the weeks that follow their return to Storybrooke. But even still, he catches glimpses of her; her blonde head ducking into Granny's just as Killian's leaving his table, the lilt of her laugh behind him as he's crossing the street, the hum of her yellow vessel as he hurries to the docks.
He knows it's his own fault. He had made the decision to back down and grant Emma the opportunity to pursue a family, if that's what she desires. And Killian knows he did the right thing, for Swan and for Baelfire, for their boy- but it doesn't fill the hollowness in his bones. It doesn't mean Killian finds it any less difficult to look at her. For each time he does, he's reminded of all he's given up. (All the things he still would give up for her, even now, the things he'd do for those green eyes and that smile like the bloody sun itself.)
Each time he looks at her, the pull in his chest grows a little stronger, making it near impossible for Killian to do the honorable thing and stay away. Seeing Emma with Baelfire and Henry, it forces Killian to have thoughts he knows he has no right to be having.
He knows Emma owes him nothing. But the beast that lives inside his chest, howling its jealousy, making Killian feel as if his own actions are beyond his control- well, the beast yearns to believe Emma should be with him.
As if it's some right Killian has earned.
And he hasn't. He's done nothing to warrant Emma's affections, for even the most noble of acts can't erase the simple fact of the matter. A fact Emma herself had pointed out, framed by the leaves of Neverland's jungle; you are a pirate.
That I am, Killian thinks darkly as he ducks his head, spotting a familiar red leather jacket coming down the street.