The words "more than anything, more than life' are not mine. They belong to the movie, "The Hobbit".
Erienne had spent most of the day resting. Though she felt better, she had decided to do little so as not to get Thranduil worried. She could see that he had been really shaken both by her accident and her recount of what had happened to Beinion. She had expected him to come in late but when he still has not returned by midnight, she got worried and went looking for him. He was not in his study or anywhere in the palace. She did not ask the guards not wanting them to disturb him unnecessarily.
But she was worried. Aradan was nowhere around as well so there were probably together. She went to the gardens. Aradan was there, leaning against the rocks beside the lake. That meant that Thranduil was somewhere near. She looked at Aradan and he nodded to her, signaling to the pavilion by the lake.
She went near the pavilion and stopped. Thranduil was not even sitting on the benches carved out of stone. He was sitting on the grass looking faraway. Erienne's heart fell. Thranduil looked forlorn and lost. Erienne bit her lips, wondering whether she had made a mistake in telling Thranduil the truth. But Thranduil was no innocent babe. He might not have experienced the horrors at Dol Guldur but he would not be ignorant of them either.
She approached him noiselessly, hesitating as she came nearer. She did not wish to disturb him. She had almost turned back when she heard him. "Stay," Erienne knew Thranduil's softly spoken word was not an order. Silently, she sat down behind him. Thranduil did not seem inclined to speak and she did not question him, content to just remain by his side. But, she was totally surprised when he turned around and placed his head upon her lap. Even as his head was buried on her lap, she could see his trembling body and knew that he was crying. Erienne felt her own tears upon her cheeks as she gently stroked his hair. Thranduil was crying for all the elves he could not save, their suffering and his own guilt that it was his Ada's decision that had caused their ill-fate.
Erienne did not say anything awhile, letting Thranduil release his emotions. He had not had a chance to do so since King Oropher fell. When at last, Thranduil had calmed down, Erienne rubbed Thranduil's arms gently, willing him to relax, "We can only answer for our own actions, my lord. Sauron was too powerful. 'Tis was not just Mirkwood that fell. Do not carry the burden of the past. Was it not you who advised me, my lord?"
She felt Thranduil's tremble again and hugged him. "We pledged to protect them. Yet, we failed. But 'tis not just for them, Erienne. I know I am being selfish but I cannot help it."
Erienne looked at him, a sad smile upon her face. She ought to have known what else was bothering Thranduil. She had failed to reassure him on that issue. "You fear for Legolas, my lord?"
"What if he comes to harm? Or is caught by Orcs? Or is thrown into Do..? I cannot bear to imagine it. Since he left, the worry haunts me day and night. Though I know Aradan has been getting information on his whereabouts, I cannot help fearing."
"I am sorry, my lord. 'Twas my fault that I failed to inform you. Thranduil," Erienne turned his face to look at him, "Legolas is safe. I would know otherwise. Till I draw breath, no harm shall come to him. I made sure of that."
Thranduil sat up and looked at her, remembering what Aradan had told him about what she had done in the tent when Legolas had been ill with fever. Erienne was his mate. She was Legolas' mother. He had no business thanking her for what she had done but he could not help himself. "I know I ought not to be thanking you. He is yours, your flesh and blood but…," Thranduil reached for her hands, placing her palms upon his cheeks, "I couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. I know you love him, more than anything else, more than life.." Thranduil was rambling.
"Not more than you, my lord," Erienne interrupted him softly. "You brought him up, watched him grow, taught him all. I could not possibly love him more than you."
Thranduil looked at Erienne. He knew that she respected him deeply. That was the source of her anger with Legolas – her disappointment that Legolas had disrespected him in front of others. "You are angry with him, Erienne. Else you would not speak like this."
Erienne bit her lips. As usual, Thranduil read her feelings as clearly as if he could see them projected unto a mirror. Deep down, she yearned to see her child, to hold his face and kiss him, cook for him and watch him laugh. Miracles had happened to her, perhaps one would happen again and she would see her child again. She turned to Thranduil who was looking at her hesitantly again. "You mean it, Erienne? You are sure Legolas is well?"
"You have my word, Thranduil. He is well. I would know otherwise." She then turned, a weak smile upon her face.
"What is it, my lady?"
"You make me jealous, my lord. My elfling is a lucky elf to have such love showered unto him." Erienne's voice was softer as she continued, "I used to worry about him in Dol Guldur. That you might be careless with him, be too busy for him or…or.."
"Or be like my Ada.." Thranduil finished.
Erienne blushed a deep red. She had always considered King Oropher too strict and unyielding.
Thranduil squeezed her hands. "I feel much better, Erienne. If you say it, he must be well. You would be proud of him, Erienne. He is a skilled warrior, just like you. His arrow never misses its aim. He is fast and agile. And so spirited and friendly. Just like Ceridwen. Aradan saw to his training. .."
Erienne sat by Thranduil, content to listen as he told her about Legolas and how skilled he was, how active he had been as an elfling. "Why he is almost as nimble as you, Erienne," Thranduil's voice was now filled with pride.
Erienne looked at Thranduil and her voice was gentle when she spoke, "You have never told him all this, have you, my lord?"
Thranduil stopped and looked at her. His face had stilled and Erienne could see the self-doubt and fear reflected on it. "I was not a good Ada to him, Erienne. I told Tauriel that I did not approve of a relationship between them. I don't know what I was thinking, interfering like that."
"Do you think they would be happy together?" Erienne asked softly.
"'Tis not for me to decide. I went out of line." Thranduil bit his lips.
"You did not want him to be hurt. I don't think Tauriel is right for him either. But you are right. That is something he should decide and we will let him do it."
"'Tis not all, Erienne. I could never laugh aloud with him. He hardly dined with me. I just did not know how to talk to him or understand him. I.."
"could never tell him that you loved him. You were afraid that you would lose him too," Erienne's eyes held her tears as she leaned against him.
Thranduil did not reply and Erienne knew her words rang true.
She looked up at the autumn stars, closed her eyes and made a wish - for the safety of her child, her lord, her friends and her elves.
Long had it been since she had enjoyed moments like this – just sitting with Thranduil. When his arms went around her, she dared to snuggle closer and Thranduil drew her inside his cloak.
When Aradan went to check a while later, both his lord and lady were asleep against each other. Careful not to wake them up, Aradan placed another cloak over Erienne and went back to rest against the rocks.