Disclaimer: I absolutely adore Digimon, but I don't own it. If I did, Digimon Tri would have a different artist. And everything after Digimon Frontier would never have been made.

A/N: *shifty eyes* ahem so...it's been a while. I actually swore to myself to not update until I've finished the story (hence the lengthy wait) but then the opening video for Digimon Tri got released and I just couldn't wait and absolutely had to update. So here it is.

PS: feel free to play 'rainy mood' in the background while you read this. Cause 'rain makes everything better' =P

Natsuhi glared balefully at the sun. The weather was entirely too nice for her gloomy mood.

"If you keep that up your face is going to stay that way," Beelzemon snarked from beside her. Said girl merely scoffed at her once-partner and returned to her thoughts. Her very gloomy thoughts. Letting out a huge sigh, the not-digidestined threw herself onto the grassy ground with an audible thud and covered her eyes with one hand to block out the sunlight. Why did she run away to the digital world again?

'Because you couldn't deal,' the tiny voice in the back of her head reminded her. Choking back a sob, she chose to let out a bitter laugh instead. After the heart to heart talk with Yumiko, Natsuhi had left without so much as a by-your-leave even though Yumiko had put her up for the night without any prior notice.

Everything in the real world reminded her of Yamato. Every little damn thing, street lights, convenient stores, even the fucking shadows on the walls. When had Yamato become so intricately woven into the fabric of her life? So she had chosen to escape to the place where she had the least memory with Yamato, the digital world. Her first choice had to been to fly back to the UK, but opening a portal to the digital world was much easier than booking a plane ticket. (And if she was honest with herself, she was in absolutely no state to book a plane ticket.)

She had arrived in a flash of light and right there, as if he knew he was needed, was Beelzemon. If knew something was wrong, he hadn't asked. Instead, the demon lord gestured at his bike and drove her to the sunny clearing where she had been hiding out for the past 3 days.

'Just give me a reason, to keep my heart beating..' The rhythmic guitar intro of ONE OK ROCK's The Beginning blared from her handphone. Like she did so many times before, Natsuhi pressed the red hang-up button without even looking at said device. How the hell was there reception in the digital world she would never understand, but it just goes to show that she could run but she can't hide.

"If you're not gonna pick it up, you should just switch the damn contraption off," Beelzemon grumbled from beside her.

Her hand twitched to obey the fallen angel's suggestion, but it rested on the lock button, unmoving. Why, why can't she turn it off? She couldn't even switch the damn thing to silent mode.

'You're waiting for him to call,' the usual snide voice in her head chided. She clenched her phone hard enough almost crack the screen at that realization. She was. She dared not switch off her phone because she wanted to be able to pick up when Yamato decided to call. Because even he left her broken, she still felt obliged to be there for him…or maybe she just didn't want to let things end the way they did…or maybe…

Frustration bubbled in her chest till they finally culminated in a roar of frustration. "FUCK IT ALL!" Natsuhi almost threw her phone onto the ground, but the persistent ringing of the device saved it from its fate.

"Gin-iro, if you're not going to switch that damn thing off then at least pick it up so I can stop listening to that god damn melody!" Beelzemon growled from beside her.

In her fit of anger, she did as she was told, sparing a glance at the caller I.D as she did. "WHAT IS IT TAKERU."

"Um…Aoi-san?"

Natsuhi froze, that was not Takeru's voice.

Years of Japanese manners pounded into her courtesy of her grandmother kicked in.

"Yes? This is her speaking?"

"This is Yamato's father," the voice on the other end of the line began lightly.

Natsuhi froze.

"Hello?"

Voices conveyed a lot, or perhaps it was because Natsuhi was a musician at heart. In that single concerned 'hello', she could tell that the man was tired and stressed. The crack in his voice told her that he either hadn't drank water in a while or hadn't slept for days. It all led to the alarm bells ringing in her head.

"Yes, is there something you need Ishida-san?" She grounded out as politely as she could. Inwardly, she let out a sigh of relief, her voice sounded much more put together than she felt.

Now it was Yamato's father's turn to go silent. And so, Natsuhi waited

"This... I know this is an unusual request but," the man broke off again. Natsuhi neither probed nor encouraged him. Based on what she knew of Yamato's father, the man was as taciturn as Yamato himself, if not more so. It must not have been easy for him to call her, a person who was practically a complete stranger, to ask her for something. A huge sigh was heard, followed by sounds of liquid being gulped. Natsuhi was willing to bet a pretty penny that the man had just taken a huge drag of his cigarette and taken a generous gulp of beer. "For some reason my son has locked himself in his room and won't come out. He hasn't eaten or drank anything in 3 days, and maybe I'm just being an overdramatic parent, but I'm really worried that he's going to die in there."

"Have you tried-" Yamato's father cut her off before she could even finish her sentence.

"Everyone's tried, he won't talk to anyone, much less let anyone in. Not Tacihi, not Sora, not Takeru…not even his mom." The man heaved out with a sigh.

"…" Natsuhi didn't know what to say. She hadn't met Yamato's mother, but she knew that he held the woman in high esteem and if he wasn't even reacting to her then… "What makes you think I can help." She choked out.

"Because I'm at my wit's end, and from what Takeru says, you seem to be the only person who may be able to get through to him."

"I-" the words 'can't' lodged itself in her throat, but courtesy won out and instead of rejecting the elderly man outright, she hung up with an ambiguous, "I'll try."

Almost as soon as she pressed the end call button, she let the phone fall tiredly from her fingers. Who knew one measly phone call could take all the energy out of her.

Beelzemon eyed his 'not-partner's forlorn form and hazarded a guess. "You're not gonna go are you?"

She looked at the ground guilty and didn't bother answering the demon lord.

How could she, why would she?

Flashback

Yumiko had calmly gotten her towels and then ushered her onto the sofa. The next thing she knew, a warm mug of tea was being pressed into her hands.

"Talk." The older woman ordered.

Natsuhi thought the words wouldn't come, she has always been tight-lipped about everything. And yet, against her will, the scenes flashed before her eyes and the words spilled from her lips without her consent…

She had woken up in a great mood, memories of the kiss still fresh in her mind. Yamato's text only served to fuel the bubbling joy in her even more. Things seemed to finally go her way for once.

But it was as if she had spoken too soon. The door metal front door creaked open and Yamato came stumbling in. Natsuhi ran over to steady him, concerned. But before she could even right him properly, the blonde had pushed her against the wall and attacked her lips. The scent of alcohol was all the answer she needed, but the same answer raised even more questions.

"Yama-," she tried to push him away. "Wha-happe-," but his attack was relentless. Natsuhi knew that she could probably get away from him if she tried, really really tried. But she would have to hurt him, and she didn't have the heart to do so. If all he needed was to work off his frustrations, whatever they were, she'd let him. And so, she let the blonde push her inside the house, towards the bed, in a mess of tangled tongues and limbs. Too soon did they reach their destination and Yamato tried to yank her shirt and his off with a sense of urgency she had never seen before.

Alarmed, she managed to gasp out before his lips covered hers again, "Yamato, what's wrong?"

The blonde's lips were nipping at her ears when the answer to her question was revealed, sending chills down her spine in all the wrong ways.

"Sora.."

The name came out in a drunken slur, but she would recognize it no matter how badly butchered the word was. She had heard his voice whisper the same name one too many times to mistake it for anything else.

"Sora," Yamato choked out again and suddenly, it was okay to hurt Yamato as long as it got him as far away from her as possible. Her body reacted almost instinctively, twisting the digidestined's arm behind his back and shoving him off the bed. The action resulted in two loud sounds. A loud thud from Yamato landing unceremoniously on the floor and the distinctive sound of fabric ripping. Specifically, the sound of her shirt ripping.

The cold air bit into her skin viciously, and she felt cold, chilled to the core. She felt vulnerable.

"Out." Her voice came out in a steady whisper. "I said get out!" Then her voice broke, and her skin wasn't so cold anymore because hot tears were flowing down her face.

Except Yamato was too drunk, too wasted to obey any order of any kind.

So instead she ran. Shirt ripped, rain and tears in her face and mismatching shoes on her feet, she ran.

Yumiko didn't say anything when she finished her tale. Instead, the older woman told her to take a shower, got her fresh clothes and told her to stay as long as she liked.

The next day morning found Yumiko staring empty bed and a note on the bedside table.

"Take care kid." Her words hung solemnly in the air.

End flashback

She was not going back. There was no way. She barely ran far enough to get away from it all…

She could feel the hot sting of the tears on the edges of her eyes again. Her emotions were so strong that even Beelzemon could feel it through their faded bond. Uncharacteristically, the virus digimon gathered the girl into his arms the way he did with baby digimons and held her.

The tears didn't fall, but she buried he face into his jacket all the same. They remained that way, unmoving, for hours, until they were rudely interrupted by a familiar ball of fur.

"Beelzemon! Have you seen Natsu-…" Gabumon trailed off when he saw the figure that was curled up against the other digimon's chest.

Said girl quickly untangled herself from Beelzemon and looked at the digimon of friendship with steely eyes. Gabumon took an involuntary step back at the accusing glare she was levelling at him, daring him to say something.

But Gabumon was used to having cold fury directed his way, after all he had put up with Yamato all these years. His partner needed him to do this now and there was no way he was letting him down. Steeling himself, Gabumon levelled a determined glare of his own and launched into an unrehearsed monologue.

"Yamato is an idiot." Gabumon began and he watched as the words sunk in, and the glare on Natsuhi's place replaced by a look of shock.

"Yamato is an idiot," he repeated, firmer this time. "Although he doesn't look like it, Yamato is rash, emotional, sensitive, hot headed even. He always pushes people away when he needs them the most, even though pushing people away hurts him more than it hurts others." Gabumon thought back to the fight elicited by Piedmon all those years ago, when Yamato ran broke off from all the digidestined, trying to defeat the evil digimon all by himself. He had pushed everyone away. Sora, Taichi, even Takeru. Yamato even tried to push him away, thankfully, he was too stubborn to let him.

"I don't know what happened, but I know he's distressed, and more importantly, I know what he's feeling. Yamato is hurting. He hates himself, he-" Gabumon paused for moment. The next words he was going to utter felt like he was betraying Yamato's trust, but he knew he had to. It was for his partner's own good. "He always have. Yamato…" Gabumon paused again as the words stubbornly refused to leave his tongue.

"Yamato has severe self-worth issues." Gabumon finally breathed out with much difficulty.

There, the hardest part was done.

"It's…it's a lot better now, but deep down Yamato has always felt inferior to Taichi." Gabumon swallowed hard at that admission, okay so maybe the hardest part wasn't done. "He knows it's stupid, but he can't help but feel that way. He…Taichi is what Yamato thinks he would have become if his parents never divorced. Although he knows Takeru loves him for who he is, but deep down he still feels like Taichi is the kind of older brother Takeru deserves. He can't control it. Yamato, he-"

And Gabumon's voice broke.

"He hates himself so much, and what's worse is that he keeps all of this hate bottled up, burying them deep within himself, always placing the needs and feelings of others before him. He is such a stupid stupid idiot…" At the end of the emotional monologue, Gabumon had been reduced to tears. How could he not? He had watched over his partner for so many years, felt the raging self-hatred that had surged through their bond that was quickly squashed and buried. And it hurt dammit, to know all this and not being able to do a damn thing about it aside from silently supporting him from the sidelines. At first he had tried, the same way he did when he offered his fur to Yamato in that snowstorm, to offer his support through their bond. But Yamato had shied away, pushing him away instinctively. And so Gabumon stopped, even though he knew his partner needed help, needed comfort because he didn't want Yamato to push him away.

"I know," Natsuhi let out tiredly. "I know." She repeated again with a sigh as she gathered Gabumon into a comforting hug.

She knows that Yamato, for all his walls, was emotional, sensitive and rash. She knows that he's got self-worth issues that would put her anger issues to shame. She knew that he places others before himself to the point that it was unhealthy. She knew that he has a self-destructive streak a mile wide and that the only reason why he hasn't went and offed himself was because he didn't want to burden the people around him even more. She knew because she was once like him. Because she was once abandoned like him.

Deep down, they both wonder if they were truly good people, if they were people worth loving. They both defined their self-worth by how much they were needed by others, especially by the people they held in high esteem…complete people, healthy people. People like Takeru, like Taichi, like Sora… (Although personally, Natsuhi doubt that Sora was any less broken than her and Yamato…but Yamato was entitled to his own delusions.)

That being said, Natsuhi was a psychology major, she could play her own shrink. But Yamato…

"He needs me doesn't he?" She laughed bitterly.

The emotion behind her laugh was so complex, so utterly human, that Gabumon didn't know how to react to it.

It was resignation, frustration, acceptance, love, hate, understanding, pain, fear, sadness all rolled into one. Even, Beelzemon, with all his evolved wisdom, could not understand.

But he did know one thing, "Go."

You never leave your precious people behind.

All was silent except for the constant beat of the rain outside the window. But he preferred it that way. The sounds of the rain drowned out the voices of those who tried to pry him out of his self-imposed exile.

The room was basked in complete darkness, and if Yamato pretended hard enough, he could almost feel himself dissolve into the shadows, into nothingness. Now if only his consciousness would fade away too.

Except no matter how tempting it was, Yamato wasn't going to touch the liquid poison that landed him in this mess again.

He remembered coming to in an empty apartment, her empty apartment. Her keys sat on the countertop, a glaring anomaly given her missing presence. Then memories of his drunken behaviour came trickling back to him. Groping up the stairs, tangle of lips, then muffled pain and...tears.

"I said get out!"

Amidst the muddled memory, one image stood out with stunning clarity. Silver eyes, neither cold nor hardened, but glistening with tears.

He had never seen her cry, ever.

By his second day of self-imposed exile, he had pretty much pieced together what had happened, and the self-loathing that followed nearly consumed him. His mind ached for the numbness that alcohol afforded. But this guilt, this pain, it would be his punishment.

Alone in his room, Yamato's only company were his thoughts. Burying his face into his pillow, Yamato knew he should sort them out, but the memories and emotions were such an interwoven, almost repulsive mess, it was simply easier to just ignore them. In the back of his head, the blonde wondered how something as simple as getting closure could have fucked up so royally.

All he wanted to do was to return Sora her things.

Against his will, the memory of Sora's exclamation replayed itself in his head.

"YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME! YOU'LL LEAVE ME!"

Too good…of course. Yamato was forever destined to play second fiddle to Taichi. He didn't know why he didn't see it earlier. Then again, it was easier to pretend that Sora had loved him too, that he wasn't a replacement, that for once he was good enough.

'Taichi...' The digidestined of courage, his best friend. Yamato knew he shouldn't hate him, but it was hard, so hard. Taichi had everything he ever wanted and he got them without ever asking. Taichi was bright, strong, determined but also warm and caring. Taichi didn't deserve the hostility Yamato felt towards him, but he couldn't help it. Couldn't help the jealousy and resentment that his heart harboured for his best friend.

'Crest of friendship my ass,' Yamato's own voice mocked mercilessly.

It was why he refused to see Taichi and Sora when they came over, apologizing, of all things, at his door. How could he face them? Face Taichi? When they come bearing apologies while he was there nursing grudge and hatered.

In that instant, Yamato knew that he was a deplorable human being. Therefore, how can someone like him be good enough for Sora? He should be grateful that the digidestined of love was willing to have him. And if he wasn't good enough for Sora, how could certainly wasn't good enough for Natsuhi.

Natsuhi, his best friend, his confidant…although he could only recall bits and pieces of what happened, he remembered her tears, her pushing, no, shoving him away. And that was the nail in the coffin for him, all the proof that he needed to prove that, try as he might, he, Ishida Yamato was good at one thing and one thing only. Hurting people. Which was why he needs to stay away, stay locked up. He couldn't risk hurting Natsuhi or anyone else around him anymore.

To think that he had the audacity to want to be loved. Someone like him, someone who can only hurt others, does not deserve to be loved.

Over the pounding sounds of the rain, he heard the familiar sounds of the front door of his house being opened. But it mattered not, because there was no force in the universe that could drag him out.

Knock knock knock.

"Go away."

"It's me."

Or not.

A/N: I hope this explains what happened in the previous chapter. There were a few reviews about how confusing the last chapter was, that was intentional, it was kind of like a...trailer? of what happened that gets cleared up here. The great resolution is up next. So much emotions to write.

I quite enjoyed giving Gabumon the extra depth and having Beelzemon make a cameo again!