This was written before I had watched Season 3 episode 16. Its what l imagined could happen when Rayna confronts Deacon about his behaviour. As with all chapters l have taken liberties with the timeline. I've tried to stay true to the show, but every now and then l have tweaked things to fit in with my story.
Deacon didn't even have to look up to see who was trying to get in. He knew that she would find him, she always could. He also knew that she would be pissed off at him, especially after the way he just up and left her last night.
Closing the door behind her, Rayna looked over at Deacon standing in the kitchen
"I called you like 50 times." Pushing herself off the door, she walks slowly but purposely towards Deacon.
"Rayna I…"
Her voice full of hurt and accompanied with a disbelieving laugh "Cause you know… I will tell you what…you leaving like that…hurts. Its hurts as bad as it did the first time you ever did it…and I know we skipped a few steps here but … " Rayna's voice is now thick with emotion as she pleads,"Babe, please don't leave me anymore."
"Rayna, I'm sick"
"Please don't say that, you can do this, you…"
Cutting her off, and staring ahead Deacon firmly restates "IM SICK Rayna, I've got cancer…ok."
Confusion written over her face as she tries to make sense of what Deacon is saying, "What?"
"I've got cirrhosis of the liver and it went undiagnosed and it turned to cancer. All those times you said my drinking was going to kill me, you were right. I got six months, I'm on a transplant list and if I don't get…" anything further he was going to say is prevented by the slap Rayna lays across is face.
Watching her crumble as she reaches out to him breaks his heart all over again. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he whispers "I'm sorry." He continues to say sorry as he strokes her hair, Rayna silently cries as she wraps her arms further around him, squeezing him so tightly that he is gasping for air. Just as he is about to tell her to loosen her grip, he feels her weight drop causing them both to fall to the ground.
Pushing her face under his chin, Rayna's tears flow freely down her face and dampening his shirt. She is now sitting aside his lap and her arms, though they have lessen their grip, are still firmly wrapped around him and her fingers are scratching at his back like she trying to crawl inside him. Deacon lays kisses on her forehead and slowly rocks them as he makes soothing noises.
Some time later, Rayna's tears have dried up and she is making small hiccups. Looking up into his eyes, she caresses his cheek making her way down to his lips. Tracing them with a touch of familiarity based in love, she whispers "Tell me…" Shivering from her tender touch, Deacon gives her an Eskimo kiss as he made to move off the floor. Holding his hand out to Rayna, he pulls her up off the ground.
"How about you go sit outside and I will bring out some tea" Holding up a hand to prevent further protest "and then I will tell you whatever you want to know". Softening the abruptness with a smile, Deacon pushes Rayna in the direction of the door.
Sitting on the steps looking out over the lake, Rayna is soothed by her surroundings. Her mind was still trying to catch up with what Deacon had told her. She had so many questions but every time she tried to formulate them in her mind, "I've got 6 months" came screaming to the front preventing her from thinking of anything else.
Hearing Deacon behind her, she turns with tears in her eyes to watch him juggling the two mugs as he sat down next to her. The solid warmth of his thigh flush against hers is reassuring. Leaning further into him she rests her head on his shoulder. Silently passing the mug of tea over to her, Deacon clears his throat before asking "What do you want to know?"
With a voice raw from crying so hard, Rayna whispers "Everything. If we are going to fight this I want to know everything. Start from the beginning."
Deacon was afraid she would ask that. Rayna would feel guilty once she found out that he had known about the cancer since the night she called the wedding off. Hesitantly he begins to tell Rayna about the cancer. She sat there silently, only interrupting when she needed further details. By the time he had finished both their teas had turned cold, untouched by them both. Putting her mug down, Rayna wraps her hand around his and whispers "We will fight this". Tightening his grip on her hand, Deacon clears his throat and releases her hand as he stands. He needed some space between them for the next part. He had to make Rayna understand that he wasn't going to drag her into this battle. She had fought so many battles for him in the past, but he did this to himself and he will fight it on his own.
"Rayna, no! I won't let you. You have wasted so many years looking after me and I'm not going to let you do it this time. I did this to myself….this is my fault, I deserve this and I won't let you put your life on hold for me again." Deacon paces in front of Rayna avoid her eyes. He doesn't need to look at her to know that her eyes would be full of anger at him, but he wasn't going to weaken. If this was the one last thing he could do for her and the girls, he needed to be strong.
"What are you talking about Deacon? You can't keep me out. You can't tell me you are sick and then push me away." Rayna was now standing in front of Deacon with her hands on her hips, eyes throwing flames in his direction. "I LOVE YOU and I refuse to let you push me away."
"NO RAY, I WONT LET YOU. If you force me, I will leave. You will not waste your life watching me die. I refuse to let you stay with me out of pity. You deserve happiness in your life, and I have robbed you of enough of that over the years. Please Ray…" Deacon whispers as tears run down his face, "Please allow me this one last wish. I don't want you or the girls to see me like that at the end….please promise me you won't fight me on this."
Rayna stops cold in front on him, a look of horror on her face when she realises that Deacon had given up fighting already. Her eyes flicker back and forward as she tries to read his face, hoping that she heard incorrectly. But his face was determined, he had accepted his fate. "No" she mouths, "No" faintly, so faint that Deacon could only see her mouth moving, "No Deacon….NO….NO" She turns and walks back into the house. Yelling back at him "NO"
Deacon turns his back on her the cabin and stares out over the lake. He could hear her moving around inside, but he refused to go to her. He had to remain strong, this was his final struggle, but he had to resist the urge to allow Rayna to comfort him. It would be so easy to allow her to share some of the burden but he couldn't do that to her again.
Hearing her steps coming down the stairs, he turns his eyes towards her. "Deacon, you once tried to convince me to make the right decision, but I foolishly went against all my instincts and I won't make that mistake again. I choose you. I will continue choosing you. I love you, I have loved you since I first saw you and I will love you till the day I die. I refuse to let you give up on yourself, on me and on our girls." Smiling gently at Rayna and her heartfelt plead, Deacon reached out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ears. "Ray…"
"No Deacon, save it…"Holding up a hand to prevent further argument "I don't want to hear it." Reaching out for both of his hands, Rayna kisses his ring finger. "Deacon, please fight for us" Looking up into his eyes, her own bristling with tears, "Please…. You and me, Deacon. That's how it's supposed to be. You know that. It's Maddie, and Daphne, you and me" Kissing he's inner wrist, Rayna closes his hand around a gift that he has been trying to give her over the years. Reaching up she traces her fingers across his cheek and threads her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer she kisses him softly with all the love she feels for him behind it.
Turning quickly away from him, she walks back into the house to grab her stuff and heads out to her car. Tears are streaming down her face and the sobs trapped in her throat finally have been given a voice. Deacon watches as the love of his life walks out of his life. His hand tightens around the ring she had slide into his palm, the same ring he had given back to her when he pleaded with her to marry him.
Rayna cries the entire drive home. The drive which should taken one hour, takes two due to the fact she had to keep pulling over due to being unable to see the road ahead of her. Turning into her driveway, she halts the car so that she can pull herself together. Though they didn't discuss it, she knows that Deacon wouldn't want her to say anything to the girls. Looking in the mirror, Rayna shakes her head in disgust knowing that there is no way that the girls wouldn't notice her swollen red eyes. Hopefully they will put it down to her and Deacon having a huge fight. Gathering up all the strength she can manage, Rayna steers the car towards the house.
Maddie notices straight away that something is wrong. Judging from her mom's eyes, she had been crying and she assumes it has something to do with her dad. Silently she walks over and hugs her "It will be ok mom." Rayna smiles sadly at her eldest daughter. "Why don't you order pizza. I'm going to go and have a quick shower and we can all bunker down on the couch, eat pizza and watch sad movies" Smiling at her mom's attempt to pretend everything was fine, "Sure mom."
"MOM, pizza will be here in 30mins." Maddie screams up the stairs. Rayna shuts her bedroom door before allowing the tears to escape again. Quickly making her way into the bathroom, she bursts in before the first howl erupts out of her. Crumpling down on the floor she allows all the bottled up emotions to flow out of her and she screams at the injustice at it all.
It wasn't fair, they were finally able to have the happiness they deserve and fate hands them this. Punching her fists into the cold tiles she lies there cursing at the choices she made in her life, cursing Deacon for not fighting and cursing God for everything else. Curled up in a ball with small shuddering hiccups and dried tear tracks on her face, Rayna takes one large breath as she drags herself up and puts her exhausted body under the steaming spray of the shower.
Dressed in an old pair of sweats and one of Deacon's old flannel shirts Rayna heads back downstairs into the kitchen. Hearing the door bell she grabs her wallet, just as the girls come screaming into the room. Turning back to yell at the girls to get the napkins and head into the living room, she opens the door. Assuming it's the pizza delivery boy, she is shocked when she is forcefully pushed backwards against the opened door. Dropping her wallet, hearing the coins scatter over the floor she feels familiar arms pulls her forward while at the same time grounding her firmly against the door.
Firm but soft lips press against hers, and the welcoming aroma that was Deacon tickles her senses. Pressing back against him, she tangles her hands into his hair, pulling him closer as she opens her mouth against his demanding tongue. With their bodies pressed so firmly together, making it hard to tell where one stops and the other begins their kisses quickly escalate, as they frantically try to convey their love to each other. Lost completely in each other, the clearing of a throat brings reality bursting back.
With eyes dazed with passion, they turn together to see an embarrassed pizza guy standing on the step. Before they can look ashamed, a voice from inside the house asks "Guess that means Deacon is staying for dinner?" Turning to look at the voice, they see Maddie and Daphne standing there looking at them with the biggest grins covering their faces. Turning to look into each others eyes, their breathing still unsteady, their foreheads touching, they smile at each other. Deacon kisses the tip of Rayna's nose as she beams a smile full of love back at him, "Ye, he's staying." Keeping his eyes on Rayna he slowly brings his lips to hers, caressing her lips with his as he whispers "Ye, I'm staying."
***** I'm unsure if this story has finished here, or whether l should continue. I have a few ideas floating around, but it seems like such a nice place to end. Thoughts? Please let me know what you think...should l continue or leave it here? Thanks for reading :D