A/N: Hello ladies and gents. I know I said I would have the chapter up the day after I posted chapter 7, but do you know how many times I rewrote the same chapter? I woke it in 20 different POVs, several different things happening, but I just couldn't get it right. So I decided to make this a mystery POV chapter. So please enjoy this chapter.

DISCLAIMER: I WISH I OWNED TWILIGHT BUT I DON'T IT BELONGS TO AND HER GENIUS MIND.

Chapter 8:

? POV ;)

"Are you excited about coming back home?" the voice on the other end of the receiver asked me.

"Well", I sigh, "I have mixed feelings about it. Everything has probably changed since I've been gone. It has been 5 years since I moved to London."

"Five years or five days, I still missed you. You won't come back saying stuff like loo, bloody hell, or bloody anything, will you?"

I laughed, "No I won't come back with an English accent." I took a pause, "But I will say this, London was a new experience for me. One that was at one point not welcomed but very much needed."

"Well that's great, but you need to come home. Now! Call me when you plane lands. Okay?"

"Okay I'll call you when my plane lands."

"I love you."

"I love you too mom." I heard the click as she hung up the phone and ended the call.

I sigh into the emptiness of the apartment that has been my home for the past 5 years. Five years may seem like a long time but as I look at these boxes that boxed the past five years of my life, it doesn't seem like much. It makes me wonder what I could do to fill those boxes with more things more memories. Maybe even add more boxes.

As I walk out the door and into the elevator it feels like I'm leaving the part of me that I use to be behind and leaving with the new me I've become. It feels… refreshing and I can't help but smile at that.

Once I make it to the airport and board the plane and the airplanes is in the sky, I feel lifted like the farther away from London I get the closer to home I get.

There is only one person I want to see when I make it back to New York.

Bella.

Isabella Swan is the sole reason I want to go back to New York. She's been my best friend and confidant almost all my life, but over the past few years we have talked less and less. I plan to reconcile our friendship… and maybe more if she lets me.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by a stewardess, "Would you like a glass of champagne sir?"

I looked up at the stewardess with my most charming smile, "Of course." I add a wink at the end. She blushes a deep crimson and pours me a glass of champagne.

I take a sip of the champagne while staring out of the window into the sky.

I can't wait to be home.

Almost 7 hours later I'm home, in New York.

Once I find the sign with my name on it and I'm in the car I tell the driver to take me to my parent's home.

As we drove the distance from the airport to my parent's I was looking out the window at the rapidly passing scenery of the buildings and sparse vegetation. In the sun the city looked gloomy and dirty but at night… at night it comes alive and you can see the true beauty of the city. You would be able to see why people wanted to call New York home. It was place where cultures could blend and become one. It was place where almost everyone had a chance to be someone and no one at the same time.

I was happy to call this place my home.

Once we reached the gated community that my family has called home, I decided now was the time to call my mother and to tell her I'm here.

RING.

RING.

RING.

"Your plane has landed? I sent someone there to pick you up an-"

"Mom" I interrupted, "Mom I'm outside the gate."

"You're outside!? I told you to call me when your plane landed not when you make to the front door!"

"Well I wanted to surprise you. Sorry for wanting to do something nice."

There was silence on her side if the line before she quietly spoke, "Why are you outside the gate?"

"I forgot the code." I mumbled lowly.

"What was that honey I couldn't hear you."

"I forgot the code, okay?" I say louder and embarrassingly.

She tried not to laugh because I could hear her snickers forcing their way out of her mouth. She took a couple of deep breaths before she finally burst out in laughter.

When she finally stopped laughing she asked, "Do you remember your birthday?"

Confused I replied, "Yes."

"Then you haven't forgotten the code."

I open the keypad and typed in my birthday and the big wrought iron gate started to creak open. The driver started to drive up the long winding driveway that led to the front door of my parents' house. I looked out the window at all the manicured trees and bushes that made up our front yard. I let down the window and could smell the flowers that my mother planted herself and the smell of fresh cut grass.

I sigh happily, "I missed home." I looked towards the front door and the first thing I saw was my mother's bright dress blowing in the slight wind.

The car didn't even fully stop before she opened the door and tried to pull me out. I had to unbuckle my seatbelt or else she was going to suffocate me.

She pulled my tight against her, her face only coming to my chest; I could feel her tears soaking my shirt. Her grip on my neck could rival a chokehold from the world's strongest man.

She finally pulled back and wiped her tears from her eyes, "Let me get a good look at you boy." She pushed me an arm's length away. "Oh my, you've grown so much. When you left you were such a scrawny little thing, I always feared that those heavy London winds would blow you away." She sniffled and pulled a hand away to wipe her face. She looked at me with crystalized tears in her eyes. "You're no longer my baby boy." She lightly stroked my face and gave me a watery smile, "You look so much like your father, but thank the heavens that you have your mother's wonderful, glorious eyes."

Just as I was about to ask about my father I heard his deep, gruff voice, "Honey, let the boy come inside and settle in before you start to the flood the place."

She looked at my father with an exasperated expression, "Oh come off it honey. If I recall correctly you woke up this morning smiling like the cat that got the canary, the cream, and more because your son was coming home."

I laugh at their interaction, "Come on Mom, let's go inside", I lean down to whisper in her ear, "Don't want dad to blow a gasket do we? I don't think he has made his will yet."

My mom gave a loud laugh and, surprisingly, pushed my shoulder so hard I fell back into the car.

I quickly pushed off the car and brushed my clothes. When I looked up my mom had already made it up the stairs and my dad had swept her into his arms and gave her a sweet kiss on the lips. When you looked at my parents you couldn't even tell that my mom was 11 years older than my dad.

I want a romance like my mother's and father's; love that lasts no matter what. It is a love that isn't defined by social status, money, looks, or age; a love that is just that… love.

My musings were interrupted by my father's voice, a voice I missed so much, "Well son, are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come up here and give your old man a hug?"

I smirk up at my father, "Are your knees going bad?" I say as I walk up the stairs to my parents. I reach for my father and give him a bear hug. I breathe in his scent, he smells like pine trees and spices. I missed my parents, but the reason I was sent away was for my own good and my own fault. I missed 5 Christmases, 5 mother's days, 5 of my mother's birthdays, 5 of my father's birthdays, 5 thanksgivings, and 5 of everything important.

My father lightly pats me on my back, "I missed you son. It's good to have you back home and better."

I don't know how long my father and I stood in front of the front door embracing each other. But my mother pulled us a part and into the house.

"We'll have them take your bags inside to your room for you. You must be so hungry and tired; I should go make you a sandwich or something. Go rest on the sofa and I'll make you something to eat." She was nothing but a whirlwind of bright colors and light fabrics.

My father led me to the very spacious living room in our house. He sat the lazy boy that my mother hated because it doesn't go with the color palette she made, but it's his favorite seat in the whole house.

He takes a deep breath settling into his chair before he begins to speak, "So son… how was England? Did you like it?"

"Yeah I enjoyed it, but it would have been better if you visited me at least once."

"You know why we didn't visit you. You were pretty fucked up when you were here. That lifestyle was not what we wanted for you. On any given night you would stumble in here either high off your ass or so drunk you forgot your own name… hell sometimes it was both. You needed a clean slate; you needed time to yourself to figure out who you were and who you wanted to be." He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his salt and peppered hair before looking deep into my. "You think your mother and I didn't want to visit you? As soon as you left we wanted to hop on a plane after you, but you needed this. You needed time away from the city; away from those kids you called your friends. Those kids were going to ruin you. You were going down a dark path, son. I could see it in your eyes, your mother could see it; you were broken and you didn't know how to fix yourself and you're too proud to ask for help. So we did the only thing we could think to do for you… we sent you away. It was either that or watch you slowly kill yourself. Us sending you away was the best thing we could have done for you."

I shook at my head what he was saying. "No, dad, having you and mom there would have helped a hell of a lot better. Do you know how much it hurt being alone for 5 years? You barely called, you never wrote to me. The only way I was even able to keep up with what was going on in your life was through the internet. I hated missing all the important things, like mom's birthdays, your birthdays, Christmases, thanksgivings, hell even Easter. I missed it all." I looked my father dead in the eyes and showed no emotion, "One time… you could have visited one time and I would have been satisfied. But no, you left me alone, by myself; you left me alone to fix myself."

My father sighed at me as he ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair, "No one can fix you but yourself. You have to see the problems within yourself-"

I cut him with a wave up of my hand as I narrow my eyes. "See the problems within myself? I'm the reason I'm so fucked up?" My voice raising an octave as I stand to my feet, "No father I'm so fucked up because my parents, who I happen to love with everything in me no matter what they do, didn't see that I needed them! Those "drunken nights" were more than just "bad friends" those were cries of attention; they were coping methods that you completely ignored. I needed my parents to talk to; I didn't want just anybody's opinion. I didn't just want anyone leading me. I wanted my parents' guidance, my parent's advice, my parents' love."

My father reached for me but I quickly pulled back. He's reaching out to me too late now. It's been 6 years and in those 6 years he's never reached for me not once. No matter how hard I tried to get his attention I just couldn't. My father has always been good at only seeing what he wants to see. He chose to believe that the reason I was acting out was because of my friends but no all along it was them. My mother while I was growing up was the best mother a child could hope for but as I got older I saw less and less of her. She started working more with Dad at the company and left me with the constant flux of nannies and maids that seem to make up my home. But as much as I try I just can't bring myself to hate them.

I could hear my mother finally entering the room with the sandwich she said was going to make. I turned around to see her making her way over to the coffee table with the food tray. She sat it down on the table with shaky hands.

I could hear her sniffle as she tries to hide her tears "Is that what you think? Huh? You really think that we don't love you? We love you more than anything in this world. I would walk through Hell and back for you, I would do anything for you baby." He voice cracking at the end. She held her hand to heart as if I had hurt her directly in her heart.

I tilted my head to the side and sniffed, trying to keep the tears at bay… and that was when I smelled it.

I quickly steeled my eyes, "Mother… what kind of sandwich did you make me?" my hard voice questioned her.

She looked confused as she looked at the sandwich and then back me, "I made the one you loved as a kid, peanut butter and banana."

I looked at her with a sad look in my eyes as I made my way to the key holder and grabbed a random set of car keys.

"You wanna know something funny?" I looked back and forth between both of my parents both wearing matching confused faces. "I'm allergic to peanuts have been since I was a kid." And I turned around and stormed out of the house ignoring my mother's pleads.

"Baby please, come back so that we can talk." but I didn't want to listen I just continued to walk out of the door.

I clicked button on the key ring to see which car I chose and I saw that I chose a key ring that didn't have a car call button. I looked at the key and saw that it was the symbol for a Ducati motorcycle. I saw only one bike in the garage and it was a 2011 Ducati Diavel and my god was it sexy bike. It had a bow wrapped around it with a card in the center. I walked over to the bike and plucked the card from the bow.

Welcome home son. I hope you enjoy your welcome home present. Be "gone with the wind."

Love Mom and Dad.

I just pocketed the card and hopped on the bike. I kicked it to a start and dashed away from the house. I had no idea where I was headed I just let the bike lead me.

After about 30 minutes I finally hit the city and that was when I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

I pull my phone from my pocket and dial the number that I haven't dialed in almost 2 years.

Ring.

Ring.

On the second ring I heard the voice that I've been missing more than anything.

"Do my eyes deceive me or is that your name I see?" Her voice was light and I could swear that I could actually hear the smile in her voice.

"Oh it's me. Would you care to accompany me to dinner tonight so that we can catch up?" I replied back to her. You wouldn't be able to wipe the smile off my face with acid even if you wanted to. It was finally nice to hear her voice again, after so long… too long for me at least. She has been a little unobservant of the things that go on around her.

"Is the sky blue?" her reply was sarcastic

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Alright I'll see you later then." And then I hung up the phone.

When I hung up the phone I realized I had no idea where I was going to be staying until dinner tonight. I didn't keep in contact with my old friends when I left for London. I don't think going back home tonight is such a good idea. I can't use my credit card to check into a hotel for the night because then they would know where I was.

I literally had nowhere to go.

After some thought I just decided to withdraw some cash and stay in a hotel for the night.

I hopped back on my bike and drove to the nearest bank and withdrew $5,000 from my bank account. They wouldn't allow me to withdraw more than that because of the limit set by my parents. It wasn't enough to get me an ultra-fancy room but it was enough to get a room at a hotel for the night or two. But it cannot be an amazingly expensive hotel I still have to buy Bella dinner tonight. She is a high class girl I can't just take her anywhere.

I really should have thought all of this through before I decided to storm away from home on a motorcycle with no money and no place to stay.

After a moment of thinking I decided the best option for me would be to book a room at the Holiday Inn and go from there. Holiday Inn accepts cash right? I have never stayed at a Holiday Inn. Maybe it's one of those hotels where you can only pay with a credit card.

With a destination in mind I start my journey to the nearest Holiday Inn.

I never thought I would ever stay in a Holiday Inn. I'm so used to fancy high end hotel rooms. I'm used to staying in the penthouse suites, and the presidential suites. I'm used to the best of everything. But for right now I can't have the best of everything. I am on strike and I refuse to cave even if that means I have to live like the common people for a while.

I check into the hotel and once I settled in my room at the hotel, I started thinking about all the places that I could take Bella for dinner tonight

I can't take her somewhere too expensive or too cheap.

I can't take her somewhere too fancy or not fancy enough.

Bella is a difficult person to please and impress. Sometimes she's a low maintenance girl and other times she's a girl who wouldn't open her own door.

I guess my only option would be to take her somewhere comfortable and easy.

Once I figured out the place I was going to take her I text Bella the time and place where we were to have dinner.

To Bella

4:02 PM

Little Bell, will you do me the honor of coming out to dinner with me at our place tonight at 7:00? Please tell me that you remember our reservation names. I promise this time the waiter will leave without a scratch. :D

From Bella

4:10

Well as long as you promise the waiter will be in one piece… I guess I can carve out some time for you tonight. 7:00 PM it is.

I had some time to pass before dinner but I had no idea what to do. If I sleep I could oversleep and be late for our dinner but if I don't sleep I could be tired and not be able to focus my attention on Bella.

I set the alarm on my phone to ring at 6:00 so that it gives me an hour to get ready and get there.

I walk towards the bed and I sit down on the edge with a deep sigh. I run my fingers through my hair and stare at the weirdly calming walls. I sit there and think of all the mistakes I have made in my short life; all the regrets I have. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of the person I had become.

I shake my head as if to clear it those kinds of thoughts from it, but to no avail. I know those thoughts will continue to haunt me just like I know I can never truly leave behind the person I was before I left for London.

I push myself to lie back on the pillows and as soon as my heads the pillows I feel myself drifting into oblivion.

It's hot but my skin and under my bone and throughout my body it feels as if ice is flowing through me. I shiver as I pull my arms tight around my torso.

It's dark too, and it feels empty like I'm the only one here.

Where is here?

Where am I?

"Hello?" my voice echoes in the emptiness. "Hello" I try again and again I get my own echo.

I start walking hoping to see something that could tell me where I am.

I hear something that I can't really decipher but the more I walk the louder the sound gets. As I get closer it sounds like the sound of someone wailing.

Just ahead of me there is a light in the darkness.

I run to it.

I stop as soon as I see a woman; she is dressed in all black with her head covered with a black mesh veil facing the ground. Her wails are constant. In her hands she grips, tightly, black roses stained with red drops. There is no one beside her as she walks to some unseen destination.

"Miss?" I call out as I try to catch up to her.

She just continues to wail.

"Miss please can you stop?" No luck.

I continue to walk behind her to find out what her destination is.

Along the way her wails turn into cries of why.

"Whyy?" she cries. "Why? Why? Why?"

She tilts her head back as she chocks back a sob and that's when I see the red streaks flowing down her face. The red drops on the roses are blood, she's not crying tears but she's crying blood.

What is going on here?

She stops walking and places the blood stained black roses on what looks to be a coffin. She falls to her knees by the coffin, her cries getting more fitful. She's gripping the bottom of the coffin.

"Why him? Why my baby? Not my baby! Aah why him? Please bring him back to me… please."

I walk up behind her to lean and see whose dead body lies in the coffin.

As soon as I see the body I gasp and jump back.

In the coffin is my own body.

Dead.

Lifeless.

So that could… only mean that the woman crying… is, I reach down and I pull the veil from the woman's blood streaked face to see… my mother.

With a shaky voice I speak, "M-mo-m?"

Something in her snapped. She quickly stood up and turned to me, her eyes blazing my sadness, fury, grief, pain, denial and disbelief.

"Why couldn't you be better? Huh? Why couldn't you be more like your father or brother? Why did you have to be weak?" she growls at me as she circles me. My back is against the coffin. "Why were you such a weak little boy? Always wanting mommy and daddy's attention." She said in a mocking tone.

I looked at her confused.

"Mom?"

"Stop your whining. We didn't ruin you… you ruined yourself." She roughly pokes me in my chest with her index finger. "You were the weak little boy. You were the one who put yourself in that coffin. You did this to yourself! Stop blaming others for your weakness."

I could feel myself being pushed more and more into the coffin.

"Mom, please stop. Stop. I'm sorry. I'll be better I promise. I'll do better. I'll be stronger." My voice laced with desperation and panic.

She sneered at me. "You've made your bed… now you lay in it." she said just as she gave me one final push and I fell into the coffin.

I looked into her stoic face with a shocked one on my mine. I was expecting to land on the cushion of the coffin but none was there.

I just kept falling. I was screaming as I fell. I screamed for what felt like forever because I was falling forever.

Finally I hit something. The ground, maybe?

I looked to the right of me and saw a face looking back at me.

I choked on a gasp and tried to move back but was stopped when I hit something. I turned to around to see what it was. I jumped up into the air in shock. Everywhere I looked there was me. Me when I was kid, me when I was a teenager, me everywhere.

I was breathing heavy hot tears running down my face.

The me when I was kid, the innocent me started speaking. "Look at what did to us. We were fine until you grew weak. Look at us. Look at we've become. "Its eyes turned cold and hard. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! WE'RE NOTHING NOW! WE'RE NOTHING. And because of you we're never going to be nothing."

"No that's not true. You are something. We are something. We'll get better and be stronger for Mom, Dad, and Bella. We're going to show them that we're better now." I looked around me, pleading with my eyes. "We'll prove to them that we're better than what they say."

All of them started moving towards me. I started backing up but I soon hit a wall. I looked at the wall behind as I felt the arms wrap around me. It was me. It was me now… as I am. I looked down as I felt the hand slithering up my body.

"Now you're going to know what it feels like to be nothing." They all said as they gathered around me and as I screamed and everything turned to darkness.

I woke up with a start. I jumped up and heard my alarm ringing. It was 6:30. I overslept. I quickly shook off the remnants of that dream.

I quickly jumped up and went to the bathroom to get ready. I didn't have enough time to get clothes and change so I kept on what I was wearing.

When I was finished I left the hotel.

I was still a little shaken up by my dream, if you can even call it that, but I wasn't going to let it ruin my night with Bella.

I looked at my watch and it said I had 10 minutes to get to the restaurant before I am officially late.

I hop on my bike and make my way to the restaurant. Maybe riding will help me clear my mind from horrible dream.

Exactly 10 minutes later I'm pulling up the restaurant. I hand the valet kid the keys to my bike.

I park my bike and walk to the doors.

I release a deep breath as I open the doors. The cool air rushes into my face and I can already smell the breadsticks.

I walk up to the hostess.

"Hello, Welcome to Olive Garden. Do you have a reservation?"

"Yes I do. It's under Hugh Jass and Pat McGroin."

"Hugh Jass. Hugh Jass." She mutters as she looks through the reservation list. "Ah! Yes I found a 7:00 reservation for Hugh Jass and Pat McGroin."

She looked up when she heard the snickers from all the surrounding patrons.

"What is it?" She asked confused.

I didn't just want to leave her like.

"Sweetie, say the name over again but say it a little bit slower."

"Hugh Jass… Hugh Jass." When it clicked you could see it in her eyes, "YOUR NAME IS NOT HUGE ASS." She shouted.

I just laughed and went to the usual table we reserve when we come here.

For us, Olive Garden is one of the best places for us to just eat and relax. You get good food, a casual atmosphere, and unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. I just happen to love breadsticks.

"Well if it isn't Mr. Hugh Jass. Long time no see." A soft angelic voice is spoken behind me.

I turn around to see Bella looking beautiful with her usually wavy hair straighten out flat, she has dark tight fitted skinny jeans and a light purple flowy silk blouse that no doubt cost 10 times more than the meal we are about to eat.

I got out of my seat to greet her properly.

I pull her into a tight hug and inhale her scent of fresh flowers and honey.

"Ms. Pat McGroin you look lovely as ever. I see time has been most gracious to you."

"Oh you know I'm like a fine wine; I only get better with time." She gives a tinkling laugh. "I've missed you. I don't know why you had to stay gone for so long."

"Bell you know why." My voice low as I spoke to her. "I wasn't that great to be around. There were things going on that I just couldn't handle."

She moved around to go sit in her seat. She reached for my hands to place in her warm, soft ones.

"You always had me. If you had just talked to me we could have figured it all out… together."

I sighed and looked into her eyes. "It wasn't right for me to ask that of you. You were busy with your life; you were in college, preparing to take over your father's company one day, dealing with your mother, and you wanted me to add myself to that equation. No I couldn't do that."

"It would have better than you drinking away your problems, ending up in jail more times than Lindsey Lohan, doing drugs that you had business even knowing. I was there for you but you pushed me away. You left without saying a word. I had to find out from your parents two years later that you left for London that you probably weren't ever coming back."

I squeeze her hands. There is so much that I want to tell her. Like how I've been in love with her since she was 16. How I wanted to take her with me. How there were several times I almost got on a plane to fly back here, back to her.

"It wasn't my choice to make, but I'm glad it was made. I feel much better now. I feel I guess you can say free in a way."

"Well I'm glad you feel free, but I feel hungry. Let's order please."

The rest of dinner went along without a glitch. We ate, we laughed, we cried from the laughter. It felt nice to get back to a routine like this.

As I looked into her smiling face and happy eyes I wanted so much to tell her that I loved her, but there is a right time for this and right now is not it.

After dinner, I walk Bella to where he driver is waiting for her. I open her door for her and before she gets in she turns to me.

"I really am glad that you're back. If you ever need someone I'm just a phone call away." She kissed me lightly on the cheek before she slides into her car.

I wave bye to her as the car leaves the parking lot.

I walk back to my bike and I get on it. As I drive off the speed down the street I can feel my dream creeping up around the edges of my mind.

I guess I won't be able to shake this off as easily as I want.

A/N: SO FINALLY ITS HERE AND LONG OVERDO. I don't think I have any readers left. Oh well. Maybe I can gain them back with this equally good equally sucky chapter. Please yell at me so I can feel your frustrations. I'm making them longer now because why not.

I'm pretty sure we can guess whose self-loathing tone this is.

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