A/N: This is a continuation of Love & Destruction, Part I: The Greenhouse. I have it separate because that chapter is a standalone oneshot, but I was asked to continue it and the story took a darker turn, so I'm posting each chapter separate so people can choose if they want to continue on or not. If it doesn't work this way, I'll just combine them back into one fic.
It was a quarter past nine and the rays of sunlight sneaking between the thick curtain cracks spilled over Jace's sleeping eyes. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked away the sleepiness, rubbing the sand from the corners. He was about to do his daily morning routine of loudly yawning and stretching out over the entire bed when he suddenly became aware of the fact that someone was lying next to him.
Clary, facing away from him, was curled up almost in fetal position with the blankets tucked perfectly under her arm and over her chest. He could see the pale skin of her shoulders and upper back under her wild mane of red hair. With just this view alone, his heart started pounding and he was having trouble processing it all. The fact that she, Clary Fray, was there, with him, in his bed, naked, in the morning, was just beyond comprehension. He was having trouble deciding if he was happy about it or not, but while his mind was still debating, his body reached out a finger and traced patterns lightly on her shoulder. He heard her breathe out slightly in response, but it seemed as though he hadn't woken her. Good, he thought, I need more time to think.
He tucked her hair gently behind her ear and ran his hand softly over her head and cheek. Rolling back to his side of the bed, he placed his hands behind his head to think. His mind was a blank strangely enough. He wasn't freaking out at the moment, but he wasn't fully certain about everything, either. He felt calm, and happy, but he also felt that there might be something more stirring beneath the surface if he wanted to reach deep enough. He revisited the events of the night before in his mind.
Maybe it was rash. But why would it be rash? After all, she's basically one of us…
He had just realized what his fear actually was. She wasn't just another girl he could use and lose. She wasn't going to be a friend with benefits or a one-night stand. She wasn't someone he could just leave or ignore after he'd already started things. She was not going anywhere and now he'd done something that forever altered their relationship.
Shit, he thought.
Then remembered what all he'd said, too, and his stomach dropped even further.
I swore I'd never let myself love again. Not since that day… His jaw tightened as he remembered the bedtime story he'd told Clary.
'To love is to destroy. To be loved is to be destroyed.' His dad's words had struck him to the core that day, words that had shaped the way he viewed the world.
It was out of self-preservation that he'd never allowed himself to get close enough to anyone like that - he didn't want to be destroyed, broken. He would never allow anyone to do that to him, to worse than tame him. And it was out of compassion for others that he never allowed himself to love, but now it was too late.
'The wrong person.' Ha, tell me about it.
He sighed deeply, not sure as to what his next move should be. How could he have let things get this far? How could he have been so stupid as to not think this far ahead? There was nothing else he could do… He had to break her heart; he had to destroy her because he loved her. And he had to destroy her lest she destroy him.
He had just about made up his mind to get dressed and sneak out of the room without waking her when he felt her stirring beside him. All thoughts flew out of his head immediately when he saw her face turning towards his, eyes still shut, squinched up due to the light. Her hand went to her eyes as she squirmed around slowly, making little moaning noises that signaled the unpleasant return to consciousness. All that was in his head now were thoughts of how beautiful she was.
As she finally opened her eyes and registered his presence, a look of mild surprise followed by immediate contentment spread over her face.
"Gmmrgnng," she grumbled happily, stretching slightly while moving down under the covers. Jace grinned and lifted the covers over his head, following her underneath.
"Oh, no you don't!" He said roguishly, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her to him while resurfacing from the dark, downy depths. "Come back here!"
She giggled and screamed, fighting him away halfheartedly. When their heads had returned to the land of pillows and he felt her naked body pressed against his, he flushed markedly. Jace had always had the upper hand in their relationship, relishing his ability to make her blush whenever he desired, but now the tables had finally been turned. Clary was loving it. Jace was not so crazy about it, but he was crazy about her, the fact of which he was also not crazy about.
She said nothing, but simply smiled and looked deep into his eyes. He searched them with his own, looking to see if there was anything clouding or darkening them, but he couldn't find anything but happiness. There was no doubt, fear, regret, anxiety, nothing. She was so free and comfortable and open. He couldn't understand it. It was as though she had been a shy little caterpillar and blossomed into a confident and radiant butterfly. It was stunning.
She leaned in and kissed him sweetly, lovingly. He hesitated for a moment, but was quickly overwhelmed by the sentiments the kiss evoked within him. Despite his reservations, he was grateful to not have to talk, and pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind, letting himself get lost in Clary once again.
She had just rolled on top of him, things escalating quickly, when the faint sound of footsteps approached the door, which burst wide open.
"Ja-" Alec began to say as he stepped into the room.
Clary toppled off of Jace with a slight yelp. They both pulled the covers up high, eyes huge as they stared at Alec in utter astonished. His look matched theirs and for a moment he just stood there gawking. His mouth was moving slightly as if it were trying to say something but was not receiving any direction from the brain as to what to say.
Before anyone had time to say anything else, more footsteps sounded in the hallway coupled with Isabelle's voice. "What's going on, Alec? Did you find him?" She and Simon appeared in the doorway next to him, quickly mirroring the flabbergasted expressions on their own faces.
Simon was the first to break the silence, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" was all he said before quickly turning around and bolting from the room.
"Simon, wait!" Clary shouted after him, looking around frantically for her clothes. Alec was the next to leave, looking completely crestfallen as if someone had just destroyed all of his dreams in one go.
"Alec-" Jace called, also making a move to get dressed and follow his best friend.
Isabelle simply said, "Damn," with a small smile playing across her lips, eyebrows still mid-forehead and sauntered out of the room as though she had witnessed little more than the underdog of a sports match making an incredibly unlikely comeback.
Both Jace and Clary threw on pants and shirts and nothing else and raced out of the room after their respective best friends. Alec and Simon were both out of sight by now, but the couple went to check the bedrooms first. Alec wasn't in his room, so Jace proceeded to head to the weapons room to see if he were taking out his anger on some dummies. Simon, however, was hastily and haphazardly throwing his things into his backpack and preparing to leave.
"Simon…" Clary began, as she entered the room. He rounded on her.
"What the fucking fuck, Clary?!" He shrieked. She stood there for a moment not sure what to say, but he just stood there, too, furious glare fixed on her, demanding an explanation for her actions.
"What what, Simon? I mean, I know that wasn't cool to see, but Alec just burst in unannounced and caught us off guard, and-"
"What were you doing in his room to begin with? What were you doing in his bed?! What. the. fuck.?"
"Jesus, Simon, what's the big deal? It's not like I owe you an explanation or anything. We're just friends, right?"
Simon didn't say anything. His gaze had fallen to the ground, though his jaw was still clenched just as tightly.
"Right? Simon? I mean, what about Isabelle?"
"What about Isabelle?" Simon said, not looking up.
"Oh, come on. I know you like her. We all see how you ogle her."
"Ogling and dating – and sleeping with, for that matter – are entirely different things." He retorted. "I mean, yeah, you're right; you and I are just friends, technically speaking, but you knew how I felt about you… and him… I mean, hell, I was mostly hanging around Isabelle to make you jealous, and then when that didn't seem to be working, I was just hanging with her to make myself feel less lonely and upset about you always being off with Jace anyway. But you know you're the one I've always wanted to be with, Clary. It was always you."
She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. This was not happening.
"Simon-" She started to say, but he cut her off sharply.
"No, you know what? I don't even want to hear it. Goodbye, Clarissa Fray. Enjoy what will obviously be a short-lived romance with the biggest jerk on the planet. This time I'm not going to be there for you when your heart gets broken." As he threw his pack over his shoulder and began to head toward the door, he added, under his breath, "As if that guy is capable of love…"
Without thinking, she abruptly moved backward and shut the door behind her, her arms spread out on either side of her, blocking his path.
"Move, Clary." He hissed at her. She had never seen him look this angry before in all her time of knowing him. Somehow this self-assured wrath had made him more attractive to her than ever before. She glared right back.
"No." She said, firmly. His eyes widened in disbelief, and he took another step toward her, threateningly.
"MOVE." He repeated, more forcefully this time. Her breath caught in her throat and heart began to pound a little. She wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement. What was going on inside of her?
"NO." She repeated, louder this time.
Simon snapped. He threw his bag onto the ground and pushed her by the shoulders against the wall. She let out a small gasp and wondered how many bruises she was going to have due to how many times she'd been shoved against things in the past 48 hours.
Simon leaned in close, his expression livid at this point. His forehead nearly touched hers as he loomed over her. She scowled up at him obstinately, feet rooted to the ground. She wasn't sure what he would do next; she had never seen him behave so aggressively before. He had always just been meek, mild Simon. A pushover. A teddybear. A doormat. She admitted, not without guilt, to herself that she had definitely taken advantage of his kindness and passivity. The biggest reason she had never been interested in him that way was because of his lack of backbone. It seems he finally grew one, and at the absolute worst possible time ever, too. Just her luck.
Simon's glower seemed to soften ever so slightly when he realized she wasn't going to back down. Lowering his voice, he said, "Fuck you, Clary Fray," then grabbed her face in his hands and captured her mouth with his. She almost cried out in surprise, eyes so wide she resembled a cartoon character. She hadn't seen this coming.
Her first thought was, 'Holy shit, Simon just kissed me! SIMON…' but as she felt how his kiss was transitioning from angry to something like an affection that had been yearning to express itself for years, she opened her mouth and let the kiss deepen.
She wasn't sure what she was doing. She still couldn't get over the fact that this was SIMON. And she couldn't believe she was letting him kiss her after what had just happened with Jace. A part of her felt guilty and that this was wrong, like she was cheating on Jace. But they hadn't talked about what had happened between them, what it all had meant, or what would happen now, so she tried to use that to justify what was going on now. She wasn't even entirely certain that she wanted to go there with Simon, but she wasn't entirely certain that she didn't either. Everything was so mixed up and she felt so confused. The flurry of emotions storming inside of her was getting harder and harder to withstand, so she made a snap judgment call and decided to stuff everything back down for now and just let go…
Jace had sped toward the weapons room as though his life depended on it, and in some ways, he felt that it did. Alec meant everything to him. He was the only one he had in the world now who really understood him and always had his back. They were parabatai, just like their fathers had been, and that bond was sacred and unbreakable, or at least, it was supposed to be unbreakable.
Alec was there, like Jace had suspected, polishing his favorite weapons: the damask daggers his father had bought for him from Idris to celebrate the completion of Alec's Shadowhunter training. The blades were roughly the length of his hands and ended in gorgeous handles carved from ivory stone. Aside from a few grooved patterns on the handle and the beautiful damask steel making the blades look as though they were rippling in the light, the daggers were plain and undecorated. When Alec saw Jace panting in the doorway, he groaned, as if to say, 'Great, you've found me,' and quickly looked away, rolling his head back on his neck.
"Alec, I…" Jace began, moving toward him.
"Just fuck off, will you?" Alec had gone back to polishing his blades.
"No, you know what? Fuck you, Alec. What's the big deal anyway? It's not like I haven't slept around enough already. You sure as hell know I'm no saint. So what the hell is your problem, huh?"
Alec looked up at him incredulously, his eyes flashing with ire. He stood up and threw the dagger in his hand to the target board to his right, narrowly missing the center.
"Excuse me? What's my problem? What's your problem? You must be the biggest fucking idiot on the face of the planet to go around acting like you can do no wrong. Do you have any idea what you've done? We don't even know who the fuck this Clary girl is. Nephilim blood or not, she's not one of us, and all we know about her is that her father is Valentine, the only Shadowhunter in history to turn evil, her mother had more faith in Downworlder magic than the Clave, consequently putting us all in danger by her foolishness, and a freaking warlock has had free reign over her mind, shaping it as he likes, for quite possibly her entire life. I've not said anything about her staying here because it's better to keep your enemies close, but now you've gone and made this girl fall for you, and who knows what she'll do if you break her heart, like you inevitably will."
Jace's righteous indignation was instantly deflated. He almost started to feel ashamed because Alec had made some valid points, but Jace's willful contrariness wouldn't allow him to be told what to do. Jace knew that he acted rashly and impulsively at times, not thinking things through as much as he should, but that's part of what made him so exciting and fun. He'd always been able to get with anyone he desired, so he wasn't used to having to control or deny himself what he wanted. In hindsight, however, he did have doubts about what had happened with Clary for several reasons, but he wasn't going to let Alec have the satisfaction of being right.
"You know what I think?" inquired Jace, rhetorically. His voice had dropped a few decibels and was rife with a menacing edge. He started taking slow, deliberate steps toward Alec. "I think you're just jealous."
Alec scoffed, but was taken slightly aback. He was afraid of what Jace was going to say next.
"I'm not stupid, you know, Alec…" Jace enunciated the 'c' in Alec's name with piercingly exaggerated articulation. He was within three feet of him now. Alec looked as if he wanted to run. "I know how you feel for me…"
"What are you talking about?" spat Alec, icily, but his eyes betrayed him, displaying his inner panic.
Jace was about a foot away now, still moving forward. Just as he was a few inches away, he whispered, "You want me."
Crack! Jace was on the ground, clutching at his cheek, Alec towering over him shaking out his right fist. He had hit Jace harder than he had ever hit anyone before. He was trembling with anger.
Jace shot him the most venomous look someone could give and shouted, "Ow! Jesus fuck, Alec. Fuck you!"
He leapt to his feet and shoved Alec backward with all his might. Alec struggled to not lose his balance as Jace kept shoving him again and again. He finally brought his arms up through Jace's, knocked them aside and shoved him right back. Jace punched him hard with his strongest right hook. Alec had tried to dodge it, but was too late. Jace went in for another hit with this left arm, but Alec was able to get his arm up in the nick of time and sock Jace right in the gut. As Jace doubled over in pain, Alec grabbed him by the head and kneed him straight in the nose. A loud crunching sound, followed by a yell of pain sounded in the room. Jace stumbled back a few paces and straightened up slowly, clutching at his nose, which was now dripping blood over his mouth and chin. He painstakingly moved it back into place, wiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand and charged at Alec. They swung wildly at each other with a fury that was reminiscent of a battle between ultimate nemeses who had been waiting to fight each other for a long time. No inch of skin was left unmarked, no part of the body was safe from attack, and no blow was withheld, no matter how dirty.
They were finally losing steam, black and blue and red all over, when Alec shoved Jace against the nearest weapons rack, not caring if he got impaled or not. Luckily, he didn't. Alec hovered over Jace, panting heavily. He grimaced at him, but underneath the rage, Jace could see lust. Despite the pain he was in, he grinned sadistically. He shot Alec a seductive look, which further enraged him, and he struck Jace one last time with the all of the strength, causing him to sink to the floor, unconscious. Alec snarled, grabbing his coat from the table where he'd been sitting, and stormed out of the room, not looking back.