Short chapter. Boom.
Don't read this if you're under 17...or an old lady with delicate sensibilities. Not that it gets too graphic but...you know...
I know basically where this is going plot wise but if you prefer a particular couple, drop me a review or a message. Maybe it'll be easier to churn out the chapters more quickly if I have some input because right now, I have no idea who is going to end up with whom. :p
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The first thing Rachel notices about Mr. Schue – about Will – is that he actually looks better than he did the last time that she saw him . His mouth is no longer bruised and his cheeks are no longer as hollowed out as they had been. His hair has grown out so that it's just starting to curl on the ends and he's lost the frailty that had been etched into every inch of his body. He looks...healthy – not unlike the man he was when she had first met him as her high school Glee coach. She had been afraid that when she eventually found him, he'd be addicted to drugs and half-starved from living on the street.
Apparently, the exact opposite is true.
She doesn't have much time to process his physical appearance though. She doesn't have much time to process anything. He stands abruptly, the neck of his guitar clutched tightly in his hand, squeezes past her – careful not to make physical contact - and hurries down the hallway that Rachel just walked down.
"What's going on?" The girl stands too. She heads for the door but Rachel cuts her off. Spins on her heels and rushes after Will.
"Will, it's okay! No one is going to be angry with you! I've been searching for you since you left! I knew you didn't kill yourself! I knew that you wouldn't do that to Quinn!" She calls out as she rushes to catch up to his retreating form. She's found him. She can't let him leave!
She's so close to getting her life back!
She's so close to getting Finn back!
"Jack! Where are you going? Who are you!?" The girl is right on her heals. Rachel doesn't care. The kid means nothing. These people don't even know Will.
He doesn't belong here. He doesn't belong with them.
"Everyone misses you so much, don't you know that!? Don't you care!? Please!" She shouts at his back as he disappears into another room. She speeds up and stops in the doorway of the small bedroom. He's already across the room roughly tossing things from the dresser into a beat up backpack.
"Who the hell are you!? Mom! This woman is bothering Jack!" The kid is trying to push past Rachel but Rachel doesn't budge. She's not moving for anything.
"Honey, why don't we go into your room and talk about it..." Kathy's nervous voice chimes in from somewhere down the hallway.
"No! Jack, what are you doing?! You can't leave!" The kid is crying now. Ugly sobs that are just making everything worse.
"Yes, he can! Will, you have to come back with me! Everything depends on this!" Rachel can feel her own tears streaming down her cheeks now. She doesn't move to wipe them away. She presses her palms against the door frame and creates a blockade with her body. There is no way in or out unless it's past her.
He turns and she sees panic wash across his face for a moment before its gone. He knows he's trapped.
"Just stop for a second and listen to me! Please!" She pleads with as much desperation as she can muster. Stares him in the eyes and wills him to stay put.
"Mom! Make her leave him alone!" The girl pushes against her back with all her strength as she tries to get past Rachel.
Across the room, Will closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Swings his guitar strap and backpack over his shoulder. Spins so that his back is to the doorway and then rushes for the window.
"No! Don't do this! Please!" Rachel nearly trips over the girl as they both run into the room. She grabs his shirt as the girl grabs at her arms to try to pull her away from Will. "Will, please! You can't leave! You...everyone needs you back! Everything is wrong! You need to fix it! How can you be so damn selfish!? Please!"
"Leave him alone! Jack, it's okay! You don't have to leave! Mom! Mom, help me!" Her shrieking voice is giving Rachel a headache. She just wants her to go away. Everything is wrong. This isn't how this was supposed to go.
"You need to listen to me! Just...just please...please stop!" Her arms are straining with the effort of trying to stop him from getting to the window. It's no use. His hands are on the window frame. He gets the window open and then scrambles to unlock the screen.
Rachel cries harder. She can't let him go. She can't let him leave. She can't go home without him. She can't face everyone and tell them that she failed yet again.
Desperation pools in her stomach. She feels physically sick.
"Wait...you...you can't...you...it's Sue! Sue, she...she's dying! She has cancer! She...she wants to see you before she passes! She has so little time left, please don't do this to her!"
It's the biggest lie she's ever told and yet it bursts from her mouth with ease. Anything to keep him from going out that window. Anything to bring him back home. She'll deal with the consequences later.
He stops struggling to free himself from her grasp. Goes completely rigid and remains that way.
"And Quinn...she's not doing well! She tried to kill herself again!" Another lie. "She's...she needs you! Finn needs you! I need you!" She lowers her voice. It's not a lie this time.
There has never been a deeper truth.
She doesn't let go of his shirt. Resists the urge to take a step forward and bury her face against his back. She's been chasing a phantom for so long and now he's here – solid and real and right underneath her fingertips.
"Leave him alone! What are you even talking about!? Go away, you dumb bitch!" The kid. Her voice is still loud and shrieking in Rachel's ear.
"Piper! Watch your mouth! I should have talked to you about this before..." Kathy scolds but there is no harshness in her tone. Just a deep wariness that seems to fill the room.
The girl – Piper – cuts her off, "No! You aren't taking him away! Grandpa died, you chased dad away, you make dog sleep outside, you can't chase Jack away too! I can't stand it here! It's like a freakin' prison!"
"Piper, go to your room and calm down or I'll show you what a prison is really like! We'll talk about this later!"
The stomping of feet on the hardwood floors signals that the kid listened. She's gone and then Kathy's voice pipes in again, "I'll give you two a little while to talk...or, um...to catch up."
And then she's gone too and the door is clicking shut and it's just Rachel and Will.
She doesn't know what to say so she lets herself take that step forward. Buries her face in his t-shirt and bunches the fabric in her fists. Tries to control her tears. After a silence that seems to stretch for hours and is only broken by the sound of her ragged breathing, Rachel steps back and wraps her arms tightly around her waist. "Will you...will you sit and listen to me? Please, can you just do that? If after you've heard what I have to say, you still want to run away again, I won't stop you. Please?"
She doesn't think he's going to listen. A full minute passes before he slides the backpack and guitar off of his shoulder and lets them fall heavily to the ground. He takes a step, turns, and sits on the very edge of the bed – clearly ready to flee.
Rachel moves to stand in front of him. Even with him sitting and her standing, she's only a couple of inches taller than him. It's been so long, she'd forgotten just how tall he is. She puts her hands on her hips to make herself appear more intimidating. "I...you...you look good. I thought maybe things were going to be harder for you."
He exhales. Keeps his head facing the floor and shakes his head slightly.
She isn't sure what that means.
Finn would probably know.
"Not that...I mean...anyway..." She stutters. Pauses. Takes a deep breath and then continues, "Anyway, I can tell that you don't want to come back. You probably think everyone is going to be mad at you. It's not true though. Everyone misses you so much that even if they might think you died, they'll just be happy that you're home. And some people don't even think that you're dead so it really won't be too hard to fit back in. Sue and Santana have been helping me look for you. Your dad too. He made posters and he answers tips that have come in from people saying they've seen you. And Finn...I know he thinks you just ran away. Half of Lima came out a couple of weeks ago to a vigil the mayor had to honor the victims of the Daylight..." He tenses up at the mention of the killer who terrorized him and Quinn for months and so she lets the sentence drop. She's not going to do anything to chase him away.
"Well, half the town came out anyway and they all lit candles in honor of you. To guide you home, you know? There was singing and flowers and balloons - it was really beautiful. I think you would have really liked it."
He gives no other indication that he's listening to her beyond the tensing of his muscles and the fact that he hasn't stood up and climbed out of the window yet.
She needs a different approach.
She sits next to him so that their legs are touching slightly. Slides her hand down his arm and clutches his unresponsive hand between her own. Tries not to pay too much attention to the cross dangling loosely from the black cord on his wrist. "I really know in my heart that things are going to get better for everyone if you come back. You can't be happy here, I know you can't. That woman – Kathy – she told me that she's heard you crying. You can't cry alone if you're happy. We're your family and we miss you. You must know that you belong with us in Lima."
His eyes are closed. His hand is still limp between her own. He's obviously trying to shut her out.
This isn't working.
She takes a moment to study his features while she thinks over her options. He really does look better – healthier, stronger - so something must have gone right in the past couple of years. Hopefully not enough to keep him here. She has to make leaving with her more appealing than staying here with these people.
She keeps a grip on his palm with her left hand and slides her right away and into her pocket. Slides her phone out and scrolls to her call log. She debates calling Quinn but decides against it, at least for now. She needs help and she's not sure if Quinn will be happy or angry when she answers the phone. He's obviously still attached to her. He doesn't need to hear her tears right now. He doesn't need to hear her yelling. He doesn't need to hear anything that will push him further away.
She hits send over Sue's name instead and then puts the phone on speaker.
Beside her, at the sound of the ringing phone, Will opens his eyes and tenses yet again. His hand is sweaty and heavy in her own. He's obviously afraid to find out who is on the other line.
"Berry. What do you want?" Sue's voice picks up after the forth ring. She sounds groggy – as if she's just woken up. Maybe that will help convince him of the cancer lie.
"Sue...I'm still in San Diego." Rachel answers warily. Will's breathing speeds up. She's slightly afraid he might pass out.
At least he can't run away if he passes out.
"And? Did you talk to the woman who emailed us?" There is no optimism in her voice. Over the years, she's been given false hope too many times just to have it ripped away. She's learned to only expect disappointment.
Just like Rachel.
"I did. I'm at her hotel right now actually. Sue...I...it wasn't a lie this time. She wasn't lying." Her voice is slightly shaky and very quiet. She keeps her eyes trained on Will's face. On his glassy, unfocused eyes and tight jaw.
"What? Was there a picture or something? Has she asked for money yet? Pictures can be altered You can't trust..."
Rachel cuts her off, "No...no picture. He's...he's here, Sue."
Sue's voice goes very quiet, matching Rachel's. "What do you mean 'he's here'? As in..."
"As in, he's here sitting next to me right now." Rachel answers.
Silence stretches and Rachel resists the urge to say something just to fill it. Will swallows hard and closes his eyes once again. Rachel squeezes his hand more tightly, afraid he might try to flee again.
And then Sue's voice is back – stronger this time. "Am I on speaker?"
"Yeah...yes, you are."
"William, are you there?"
He drops his head and turns it to the side so that his face is away from Rachel's line of sight. Doesn't answer. Rachel presses her leg more firmly against his and answers for him, "He's not talking. He can hear you though."
Sue sighs loudly and then is silent again for another long moment. When her voice does finally return, it's scratchy. "William, come home. I don't care about what has happened or that you left or about how you left. I don't care about any of it. It's time to come home. I have a place for you at my house. Your mother got rid of your apartment but I took all of your things out and they're here in my basement waiting for you. You have a room here. You have people who care about you here."
He keeps his head turned away but his fingers twitch slightly against Rachel's hand. She resists the urge to squeeze more tightly again. She needs him to make a move now.
"William, it's been too long. We've been looking for you for too long. Either you get on that plane with Berry and come back now or you don't come back at all. We know without a doubt that you're alive now so no one is going to have to get on board a plane the next time some opportunist calls to say that they saw you at the train station or in the park. There won't be anyone answering emails or phone calls. There won't be anyone making posters or television appearances. There isn't going to be anymore waiting and there isn't going to be anymore disappointment when it all just turns out to be another lie. It's your choice now. It's all up to you."
There is silence again. Will turns his face so that he's once again looking at the ground near his feet. Rachel watches him carefully. His eyes are open now. They are no longer glassy. He doesn't look blank or panicked...
He looks...sad.
Sue's voice is back, "I hope you'll make the right decision for you. I would like to see you and I'm sure there are a number of other people who would as well. You need to know what to expect though. We can forget the past couple of years and the effort it took to find you but things are going to be different this time around if you decide to come back. You need to see a doctor. Multiple doctors, probably. You'll need to see a therapist and you'll probably need to take medication. You aren't going to just sleep all day and lock yourself away and hope that you get better. You clearly needed help...and judging by the silent treatment - you still do. A lot of you not getting that help the first time around was my fault. I coddled you. I was far too easy on you because of what that man did to you but it isn't going to be like that this time. He beat you, raped you, tortured those girls in front of you, and then you were made to kill him in a very violent way. Those things happened and you can't pretend that they didn't any longer. I want to help you deal with the things that happened to you but if you don't want that help, just stay where you are."
A drop of water lands on Rachel's thumb, slides down, and falls to the floor. Will is crying silently beside her. He turns his face once again to hide the fact but it doesn't matter. She already knows.
She hopes the tear trail on her hand is a good sign. He might not speak but at least he's capable of feeling something.
"I miss you, William. Your coworkers, father, and friends miss you. Your little pets in the Glee club miss you. Quinn misses you. We all want you back. Whether you're willing to come back or not depends on you though. I'm not going to say please and I'm certainly not going to beg. Hopefully, I'll see you soon."
The phone goes silent and Rachel knows that she's hung up. She drops the phone on the bed beside her and pats his knee with her now free hand. They sit like that – hands connected, legs pressed together - for a very, very long time. Definitely more than an hour, probably close to two.
Rachel is good at wearing people down.
Eventually, his fingers tighten around hers for a moment before he pulls his hand out of her grip and uses it to rub the back of his neck. She stares at his profile and clears her throat slightly. Keeps her voice barely above a whisper, "Do you know what you're going to do?"
It takes a few seconds but he shakes his head slightly in response.
That's not good enough!
She needs an answer!
She twists her body so that she's more-or-less facing him directly, "Why? Lima is your home, not San Diego. Glee is your family, not these people. I know you probably feel badly leaving the girl and her mom but they'll get over it. No one back home has gotten over it yet even though it's been almost three years. You have to know how much everyone is hurting because you're not there. Please!"
He rubs a hand over his face, sits up straighter, then seemingly steals his resolve. Looks her straight in the eye and points to the phone.
"You want my phone?" At the shake of his head, she guesses again, "You want me to call someone?"
He nods. Spells out a name using sign language. The worse name he could possibly have spelled out.
"You want me to call Quinn?" She sighs as he nods slightly. She doesn't want to make the call. Quinn is a giant question mark. She's definitely still emotionally unstable and it's impossible to guess how she'll react.
...but if making the phone call will get him on the plane, she'll do it.
She picks up her phone and hits 'send' over Quinn's name. It rings once...twice...three times...and then the ringing stops and there is silence on the other end of the line.
"Quinn?"
"You found him?" Her voice is wrecked. She's clearly been sobbing and sounds like she's about to start again at any second.
This isn't going to go well.
Rachel swallows heavily. Beside her, Will sits as still as a stone. "Yes, I found him. He wanted me to call you. He's...he's sitting right next to me listening."
Silence stretches for several seconds and then Quinn's voice is back. Angry and dangerous, "Fuck you, Mr. Schuester. How could...actually, you know what? I'll just stick with 'fuck you'."
And then there is silence again and Rachel knows that Quinn has hung up.
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Quinn won't come out of the bathroom.
Finn knocks and then pounds on the door. Pleads and begs for her to open up and let him in.
She doesn't.
He sits against the wood and listens to her sobs through the wall. The sound echoes through their small apartment and swallows him up. There is no escaping it.
He'd leave for an hour or two if he didn't think she'd hurt herself while he was gone.
He wants to cry too. Wants to rage and throw things and kick something over. Wants to scream and curse and fight someone.
...except there is no one to fight.
…and there is no one to listen to him cry.
He's supposed to be the strong one. He's supposed to be there for her... except he can't be because she's locked behind the door and he's just a pathetic lump sitting on the cold ground listening to her break down and doing nothing to help.
He'd do anything to help her if only she'd let him.
He hears her phone ring. Listens as she shifts around and answers the call. Cringes when he hears Rachel's voice answer her question.
She tells him to fuck off and then hangs up the phone. He hears it hit the wall and crash to the floor. Listens as several other things are thrown around the room in her anger.
He stands, worried, and knocks loudly on the door, "Quinn, quit it! Open the door, please!"
He doesn't want her to hurt herself...accidentally or on purpose.
Inside the bathroom, the sound of things being thrown around continues. He pounds on the door once again, "Quinn, open it up or I'm busting it down! You need to talk to me about this! What are we going to do?!"
"What are we going to do?! What are we going to do?!" She hollers through the closed door. Pulls it open and stares angrily up into his face, "We're going to do nothing because not a Goddamn thing has changed!"
"How can you say that? Everything has..."
She pushes him hard, shocking him and cutting him off, "Nothing has changed! He's alive! So what?! He's still gone! He's not coming back! I still fucking hate him!"
"No, you don't. You..."
"Don't you tell me how I feel!" She moves to push him again but he's anticipating it and manages to grab her hands. Holds them against his chest gently in an attempt to calm her down.
"Quinn, this is going to be hard but you know this is what we both wanted. I want my friend and you want..."
"No I don't! He's dead! I don't care what Rachel things she's found, but he's dead!" She struggles to free her hands, but when she can't, she gives up and stands still.
"The picture..."
"Fuck the picture and fuck her! I'm trying to move on with my life! I have moved on with my life! I..."
He interrupts her this time, "No, you haven't. We've been stuck in the past for more than two years. We don't talk. We don't go out. We just sit in this apartment and pretend nothing else exists. I'm not even sure if we're a couple or not. We've never..."
"Of course we are! What the hell are you..." She stops herself. Stares angrily up at him for a long moment before her demeanor suddenly changes completely. She licks her lips and then tightens her hands around his. "Of course we're a couple. I live with you. We eat every meal together. We do laundry and watch movies and visit our moms together. I love you."
"I love you too, Quinn. But I don't think it's the kind of love that..."
She interrupts him again. This time by pressing her mouth against his own.
That's a first. She hasn't given him more than a hug in the entire time they've lived together.
He doesn't know how to respond.
She presses harder. Slips her hands from his grasp and loops her arms around his neck, using his height to pull herself even closer.
He kisses her back.
He knows he shouldn't. He knows it's wrong. He knows that she is using him because she's mad at Will. Because she's mad at life. Maybe because she's mad at him too. He knows that he isn't who she wants to be doing this with.
And still he kisses her back.
Maybe he's mad at Will too. Maybe he's mad enough at Rachel that this seems like a good idea. Maybe he's using Quinn the same way that she's using him. Substituting someone who he can't have with someone who is willing to have him.
He squeezes her tightly against his chest and holds her there.
The kiss deepens – becomes frantic. Quinn pushes against his chest until he lets her feet fall flat on the ground. Her fingers go to his shirt buttons and she begins to pull them apart one by one until she's able to slide his button down off of his shoulders and down to the ground.
He stops kissing her long enough to pull his t-shirt over his head.
She does the same with her sweatshirt.
He stares at her as she stands before him. Chest heaving. Flushed skin. Nothing on but a worn red bra and a pair of tight white shorts.
He should stop this. It's not good for her. It's not good for him. They still have to live together even when his eventually ends badly.
His mind flashes back to Rachel's text. To the picture of Will staring at the camera with lost eyes. To Rachel and her years of tears and begging and apologies and...
And he pulls Quinn towards him. Kisses her hard and unhooks her bra.
She lets him.
She pulls his belt open and unbuttons his jeans. Lets them drop and pool around his ankles.
He lets her.
He lifts her up and carries her to his bedroom. Chests pressed against each other. Mouths frantic, tongues clashing. He drops her on the bed and lays himself on top of her. She stares up at him with glassy, mournful eyes – messy hair spread out around her, kiss-swollen lips begging to be devoured. She looks beautiful.
He shouldn't be hesitating.
...but Rachel is in his head. Will is in his head. He's betraying both of them. He's a cheater. Even if he and Rachel and Quinn and Will aren't technically together, he still feels like a cheater. A cheater and a horrible friend. He's...he's...he's weak. He's...he's...he's getting revenge. That's all it is.
Revenge.
Will ran away. He faked his own death and didn't give a shit about what that would do to everyone he left behind. What that would do to Finn. What it would do to Quinn. He left and started a new life somewhere and never looked back.
Rachel caused him to run away. She pushed and pushed and pushed until everything caved in and fell apart. She's the reason Quinn pushes everyone away. She's the reason that Finn always feels like his world is about to shatter.
They deserve this.
He shuts off his mind. Blocks out everything but the feel of Quinn's lips on his neck and her fingers on his back. Ignores Quinn's religion and his conscience and everything else that might make him stop. That might tell him that this is wrong.
Because right now, he doesn't want to stop. Right now, he's not going to stop.