James Bond was tired of the sky shitting on his hair, so he shot Q with bullets made of rats which gave Silva a boner so massive it made every komodo dragon explode, and the entire UK turned into a gigantic vagina which swallowed Bond while naked chicks danced on guns made of guns in the 6th dimension which was nothing but guns and boobs.
James Bond exploded in the vagina void, shattering into boobs which budded like amoebae to become more boobs. The boobs assembled to form Eve Moneypenny, who screeched as Bond, now a parasite like a fetus crossed with an angler fish, scratched into her uterine wall coordinates to Planet 69.
On Planet 69, the mystical races known only as Ms and Qs thrived. The Ms, who dwelled on the northern hemisphere, were warlike; the females' boobs being chainsaws and their faces being made of adrenaline fire, and the males had 4 arms. The Qs were an intellectual race, except they had no hands, so they waged war on the Ms to steal their hands. The Ms retaliated with their boobsaws and flaming faces, until only one of each race survived, a Q who had stolen hands from a male M, and one female M who was old n shit. They fucked, making a hybrid male with only two arms but was otherwise an M. They named him Qareth Mallory, or QM, but he changed his name to Gareth after crashing his spaceship made of scorpion dicks on Earth. That ship is the reason why scorpions don't have dicks anymore.
The spaceship hit Bond on the head, and Bond hated scorpion dicks so he dropkicked it into Jupiter, which was fucking pissed so Jupiter bitch-slapped it back to Earth but it was sucked into a black hole where a whale made of potatoes and urine fucking shit the fucker back through the 9th dimension and up Bond's anus. Bond had over 9000 dicks up his ass, so he scratched the crust off the Earth, drank the mantle then beat the fucking shit out of the pitiful core with his dick, which he made an ass pie with!
Bond threw this ass pie at Silva, who sniffed it, stuffed it up his dickhole then laughed while he ass-vored rats made of cocaine and explosions. One of the explosions blew M's flesh out of her body, so her ghost became a DJ in another dimension while Satan pissed on peons and laughed his gnarly ugly-ass dick off.
Bond was tired of Satan burning beautacious blubbery boobies so he ripped a hole in time and killed every one of his past selves, then tore off Satan's wings and flew back through the temporal fissure rewriting history so he was the only Bond ever. He drank the blood of his former selves which granted him immortality. He flew into hell, ripped Satan's hearts out then slathered his cock in Satan's blood, curing it of all its STDs and making it so pleasurable, even the dykiest dykes will want to sit on that shit. Bond screeched as he returned to his dimension and impaled Silva's skull upon his super cock then ripped the brain out on it. He ate the brain with his anus then shit it out from his mouth on Moneypenny's chest while Q took shits of his own on the fabric of space and time, while laughing because there was a computer up his dickhole.
M's ghost has enough of this nonsense so she conjured 345,346,897 bulldog statues from the bulldog statue dimension then pelted the Earth with them. The Earth surrendered, her ghost possessed Gareth and made him crawl up a komodo dragon's cloaca, then she resumed her rightful reign as the spoopy ruler of MI6.
Then she invented Halloween.