"And while we're on the topic you have got to stop using male pronouns and terms with me Delphine, I'm beginning to worry you don't know the difference." Cosima stated jokingly in response to the name calling.
During the short ride to the restaurant Cosima attempted to make awkward small talk in order to diffuse the tension between herself and Delphine. Once they arrived at the restaurant she rushed to order them drinks to assist her in her efforts.
"Desole Cherie, I just find it amusing. You're more of a gentleman than any man I've ever dated and I like your look…it's very androgynous at times." She admitted with a lip bite, further insinuating that she liked the aesthetic. Although she felt uneasy about how Cosima behaved during their interaction at the winery, Delphine was attempting to hide it.
"Oh okay then… if you like I like it. What is gender anyway? Everyone is 'non-binary' and everything nowadays." Cosima was trying her best to keep this dry conversation going, fearing she would run out of things to say shortly.
"Oui, c'est vrai…and I don't care what you are as long as you're mine." Delphine reached across the table and held Cosima's hand in hers, desperate for contact. She looked into Cosima's eyes and held her gaze wanting to try and start their day fresh.
Unfortunately, before Cosima could respond her coach approached the table.
"How you manage to meet every pretty blonde in every town we are in is beyond me…you've got a gift kid."
The coach stood somewhat in shock, having no reference as to who Delphine was.
"Every one huh?" Delphine asked before squeezing Cosima's hand to seem playful before allowing her mind to wander.
Getting a bit nervous, Cosima decided to ignore the comment and make introductions.
"This is Coach Kent, my mentor and a perpetual thorn in my side...Coach this is Delphine."
The coach shook her head playfully at the dig before Delphine greeted her.
"Enchantee."Delphine began politely, offering a grin.
"Just Delphine huh? Okay…Hello Delphine." The coach somewhat inquired, being unsure whether she'd seen Cosima on a date with a woman during the day.
Delphine nodded in agreement at the coach's question with an eye brow raise. Cosima turned beet red at the questioning tone of her coach's greeting and made a face as to wave her off.
"Okay okay I'm going. I just thought it'd be rude not to say hello. I'll see you bright and early Niehaus. You two enjoy your evening." She concluded with a wink at Cosima to which she responded with a palm to the forehead.
"So that was my head coach, obviously a few drinks in tonight. What'll you have?" Cosima asked in order to avoid suspicion as she lifted her menu to shield herself from Delphine's piercing stare.
"Cosima! Put the menu down, why are you acting so strange?" Delphine certainly had an idea but wanted to give Cosima a chance to confess.
"I uh…I don't know. It must be the wine catching up to me." She lied, faking lightheadedness.
"Okay I agree that this day has been…odd, but you are acting bizarre. Was it something she said? The 'just Delphine' comment perhaps?" Delphine offered, hoping Cosima would correct her.
Cosima began to panic, not sure she'd be able to relax after being called out by her coach. "Uh yeah it was just kind of awkward. I apologize, but do you mind if we just like have a drink here and head back to my room? She just reminded me about our early practice."
"You forgot you had practice?" She inquired with a disbelieving look.
"No I just wasn't thinking about it in terms of when I should be home. I hate to be a buzzkill Baby, I'm sorry, really. Maybe we can just cuddle and order room service?" Cosima was desperate to get out of the restaurant fearing that if one more thing went awry she would lose her mind.
"Non, it's fine. We can do whatever you want, let's get you back to your room." Delphine knew there was more to the reason Cosima wanted to leave so abruptly but she resolved to save her questions for later.
"Thank you for understanding." Cosima was trying her best to placate Delphine, knowing that she had effectively ruined the rest of their evening.
"Bien sûr"
…..
After an deathly quiet ride to Cosima's hotel, Delphine was ready to just put everything out in the open and let Cosima respond.
"Can I ask you something Cosima?" Delphine began as they rode the elevator to Cosima's room. Cosima held the bottles of wine that they'd purchased and stood against the railing.
"Yes Delphine…You can always just ask." Cosima replied in an annoyed tone, not knowing she was just making the situation worse.
"Oui, okay well I have a few things I want to ask you and I wanted to be sure you were ready to answer them." Delphine was calm but Cosima's attitude was beginning to test her patience.
"Alright Delphine, I'm sorry, I think I'm just a bit worn out. Please…ask away."
Cosima walked ahead and placed one bottle on the ground before unlocking and opening the door. She waited for Delphine to catch up and let her enter first. As Delphine passed her, she reached into Cosima's pocket and retrieved her underwear without a word. Cosima laughed to herself realizing Delphine had been commando all night.
Delphine however, was less than amused and placed the garment into her purse with an eye roll before walking toward the floor to ceiling windows and beginning her reply.
"Worn out? Okay well I'll get to the point…What was the real reasoning behind your aggression toward that man today? All of that could've been avoided had I been able to just walk away. Your behavior this afternoon seemed uncharacteristic to me."
Cosima was bothered that Delphine even had the nerve to question her about this when she felt her reasoning was obvious. She didn't take very much time to consider her response before replying.
"Uncharacteristic? We haven't even known each other for long enough for you to know my character Delphine, let's be honest here." She muttered as she began to remove her shoes. "Look, I just saw him talking to you and you looked uncomfortable so I came back to see what was happening." There was a hint of condescension in her tone that didn't go unnoticed by Delphine.
Finally at her wits end with Cosima's insolence, Delphine became antagonistic.
"Oh right, always the hero… You came to rescue me from him? Can we truly be honest and admit that you saw me talking to an attractive man and you felt you couldn't leave me alone? That would help explain you speaking on my behalf about what I do and don't want." Delphine crossed her arms and glared at the back of Cosima's head, as the woman moved about the room looking for the corkscrew.
Cosima eventually stopped after opening the wine and looked at Delphine in shock at what she was hearing.
"You're kidding right? You are the one who stood there while he insulted our relationship…I was just…"
Before she could finish, Delphine cut her off with a hand wave. "What relationship Cosima? Are we in one, because every time I bring up anything that would remotely imply that we are dating you ignore it? Then you confuse me even more by screwing me like a maniac in a wine cellar and asking me if 'I'm yours'…Très romantique by the way." Delphine remarks as she paces in front of the windows, looking down at the people below them, jealous that they aren't having this argument right now instead of her. "Honestly Cosima I couldn't tell you because I don't know what you want from me."
Cosima considers Delphine's words and thinks of how many times she'd felt like Delphine was indecisive and hard to read.
"Well now you know how I felt before you got here Sunday…I was just as confused. Need I remind you that you took ME to that cellar intending to fuck me? And I didn't hear you complaining when you were carving your nails into my back." Cosima paused to take a swig of wine straight from the bottle before continuing. "And I'm sorry if I needed some validation from you...that I wanted to know that I matter to you and that this isn't a phase. I mean what if that prick was right? What happens if the novelty wears off?"
Delphine was in utter shock at Cosima's insinuation and felt like she was about to cry. After flying out on a whim to see her, going to her game, and taking responsibility for all of their problems whether she'd caused them or not she couldn't believe Cosima was throwing this at her again. Instead of succumbing to the painful burn behind her eyes she fought back the tears and replied.
"Wow, so that's what this is really about? The cool confident Cosima is worried her plaything might go back to men if she doesn't behave… honestly I would assume you thought more highly of yourself all things considered." Delphine was certainly on the offensive and was furious that her grand gestures had been ignored. The fact that this whole argument is stemming from something that occurred during the day she'd planned was only serving to make her feel worse. She had intended on winning Cosima over and convincing her they could really be together but it backfired.
Cosima was completely defensive over Delphine's remarks and couldn't help allowing her pride to get her into more trouble.
"Ouch, that stings….really, but just know the person you're arguing with has no shortage of offers sweetheart. Don't get ahead of yourself." As soon as the statement left her lips she regretted it but she was so hurt that Delphine felt she saw her as a fling. Couldn't Delphine see that she was acting possessively because she was crazy about her?
"Ugh you sound just like Olivier you know that? Was that what this was all about? You were sweet until you got what you wanted from me?"
Cosima's eye widened at the question and shook her head in denial before placing her hands up in surrender. "No! Are you serious? I'm here with you having this discussion. That should be proof enough that you mean something to me."
Delphine's frustration was making her shout up to this point and she realized it before lowering her voice to a frightening drone. "Then why are you doing this? It's obvious we want each other so why does it always have to be so complicated?"
Wondering the same thing, Cosima groaned out a response in aggravation.
"Because you jerk me around when there are plenty of women who would just be with me without this headache." Cosima asserted, continuing to deflect the blame to Delphine when she knew this was her fault. Had she just been honest and said she was insecure about Delphine's feelings for her this may have been avoided. What came out of Delphine's mouth next however, was something she could not have anticipated.
"Vraiment? Like Shay?" Delphine's exhaustion was evident when she nearly whispered the question, seemingly to herself.
Cosima's heart dropped and she felt the room begin to spin. This was becoming her nightmare at an alarming rate. Her most pressing question was how did Delphine know that name?
"What do you know about that Delphine?" She asked in an uneven tone, not sure whether to deny it or come clean. She had already succeeded at bringing Delphine to tears, was she on her way to losing the woman forever?
"Great question Cosima…Well first, I saw her business card on your desk when I was looking for the menu the other night, but thought nothing of it at the time. Then yesterday, a woman with that name tagged a picture of the view from your room. She didn't sell you out don't worry, just said she was 'hanging with the USWNT' and it ended up on my feed. You see, I started following you and the team after our first lunch together. I wanted to be connected with you and your interests like you had been with mine. Finally, I put it all together on my own after your coach hinted that you'd been with at least one other blonde this weekend and you were so shaken that you needed to leave the restaurant." Delphine listed off the information in an alarmingly bland tone that scared Cosima.
"You've waited this long to tell me this?" Was all she could muster after realizing she hadn't given thought to the possibility that this would come up this way.
"Well like I said, I wasn't sure until tonight, didn't want to jump to conclusions. She's a massage therapist you know?" Delphine asked rhetorically, assuming Cosima did not know.
"No I didn't…" Cosima stood in front of the door as Delphine began to move toward it.
Delphine frowned at Cosima, realizing what she was doing before she threw her hands in the air exasperatedly and replied, "Of course you didn't, did you even know her last name? Honestly Cosima why am I surprised? I was warned…and since I wouldn't give in and cheat on my boyfriend, you met a random woman who offered no resistance."
Embarrassed by hearing the truth come from Delphine's mouth, Cosima attempted to change the story to make herself appear less shallow. "It's not that Delphine, it was just…I just wanted to feel wanted. My teammates encouraged me to clear my head and I kind of regressed..." Cosima all but rambled as she defended herself.
She paused before finishing, hoping to gather her thoughts. Finally ready to admit that she was in the wrong, Cosima attempted to appeal to Delphine's emotions. "She did come to my room but we didn't have sex, I assure you. I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't stop thinking about you." Her posture was guilty as she slouched repentantly while leaning her back against the doorframe.
"How do you expect me to believe that after you kept this from me since I arrived Cosima?" Delphine inquired, now with tear stained cheeks. She advanced toward the door with haste as if she were going to just walk through Cosima in order to leave.
Cosima felt terrible that Delphine had found out this way and that she was hurting. As Delphine came closer to the door Cosima decided it was time for damage control. She was finally going to be honest after realizing that omitting the truth had only made things worse.
She grabbed Delphine by the wrists to stop her from moving past her and looked her in the eyes to portray sincerity.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I couldn't find the right time, you just got here and I was so happy that you came for me. I didn't even know she'd left her card here and I had no intention of contacting her. I never even asked her last name as you pointed out. After the whole evening with her I realized that she couldn't compare to you and that I was making a mistake."
Delphine didn't acknowledge her and released her right arm to wipe away her own tears. Cosima sensed that she was losing her and begged for some insight into what Delphine was feeling.
"Please say something, don't shut me out." Cosima pleaded feeling her own eyes begin to burn with the onset of tears.
Delphine removed her other arm from Cosima's grasp and began her retort, "I'm just now considering your behavior today and realizing what it was truly about. First, you act like you can't trust me because I speak French in your presence without translating and then you insinuate that I'll end up leaving you for a man. In reality, you were simply projecting… your guilt was making you paranoid. And I must add that I could date a man…I'm bisexual Cosima." Delphine felt uneasy classifying herself as such but felt it was necessary for this instance. She honestly hadn't had much time to consider her sexuality but she knew she wasn't attracted to either gender exclusively. She looked at Cosima's frown of confusion before continuing. "I feel we should've been more focused on our relationship…whatever it was, instead of worrying about who'll date whom if it ended." Delphine saw Cosima's face contort into a sad pout and felt herself begin to soften, but she remained a steps feet away from her in order to avoid wavering on the matter.
Cosima sensed her efforts failing and offered a last ditch plea to the woman she'd successfully pushed away.
"Whatever it was? Are you saying this is unforgivable? After everything we've gone through? Delphine I know I've been an asshole but I really care about you. So much that it makes me senseless. I don't know how to do this…this is completely new to me. I know I've acted out but it's because I want this to work and I'm just going about it the wrong ways."
Resolving not to forgive Cosima that easily, she ended the conversation with a definitive statement. She was exhausted and devastated that their bliss was so short lived.
"Merde… you really are Cosima, but maybe it's a sign, maybe this just will always be too hard…"
Cosima was crushed by Delphine's admission and thought it best to defend her actions with logic.
"Please don't say that, I was wrong but we weren't together and I couldn't go through with it. Certainly you can take that into consideration?"
Delphine knew Cosima had a point but she felt the woman was missing the bigger picture.
"Make no mistake I am hurt that you were so quick to replace me with someone else whether you went through with it or not, but this is about you hiding it from me. That and the fact that you feel you can't trust me when I've done nothing wrong. I've come here to prove to you that I care for you and I've tried to show you that I want to be with you and you alone but you've hurt me in ways I never expected from you."
Finally Cosima placed herself in Delphine's shoes and decided to just acknowledge her shortcomings.
"You're right…I've fucked this up, just like I knew I would. I knew I would sabotage my chance with you and that's why I was so hesitant to rush into a relationship. .." Cosima relented in her pursuit of forgiveness.
"Non, you don't get to do this. You can't make these mistakes and try to make me pity you Cosima…" She balked as she gathered her things again and donned an impatient look. "I'm going back to my hotel room, please don't try to contact me."
Cosima looked at the ground with a frown and realized she was going to have to let Delphine walk out of the door. She could attempt to keep up her argument but she felt it would do more harm than good.
"I'm not Delphine, I'm just realizing you have every right to be upset and I'm not going to fight you about it anymore. Just know that this was never about not caring for you. I think everything just happened too soon and I couldn't handle it. I want you to know that I'm sorry for hurting you, as it was certainly not my intention. I'm assuming you'll be flying home soon so although you don't want to hear from me, will you please let me know when you land?"
Delphine wanted to say no and have a clean break from Cosima but she knew it would be cruel not to at least allow this brief communication. The woman was still caring despite Delphine's clear distaste for her at the moment and it made her heart ache for Cosima. No matter how much she wanted to comfort the woman, Delphine knew she needed to put herself first for once. Cosima was ironically the person who had encouraged her to start doing so when she was with Olivier.
"Oui, I suppose that'll be alright…now will you excuse me?" Delphine replied as she waited for Cosima to move from in front of the door.
Cosima simply nodded and stepped aside, not having the strength to open the door to let Delphine leave.
Delphine slammed the door as she left and Cosima jumped at the sound before crawling into bed fully dressed, removing her glasses, and letting the tears that she'd been holding back flow until she fell asleep.
A/N: Who's right in this instance? Did Cosima go to far or is Delphine overreacting?