A/N: Alright this is a extra long chapter full of character development. The end of the chapter sets up what's to come. Feedback is not only welcomed but essential to the development of this story.
After her conversation with Sarah, the wheels began to turn in Cosima's mind. She wanted to support her teammates but at the moment she was having a bit of a crisis. Part of her wanted to stay and watch the match, but another wanted to be home with her family and have the potential to see Delphine.
Their mother's death anniversary was a hard day for everyone in her family. It was only heightened due to how traumatizing the day had been. Her accident was so gruesome and her death so sudden that it shook their entire neighborhood. Siobhan "Mrs. S" Sadler had been a pillar of the community participating in outreach and educational seminars for foster youth. She even took in her own with Sarah and Felix when they were still young children. In addition, she was lead singer of a local band that was quite popular. She had certainly left a legacy in her wake.
While Cosima was long into a session of staring at the ceiling counting specks, she knew she had to at least suggest the idea of her returning home and completing her rehab there in order to be supportive of her family. It would be a hard sell and she had several hoops to jump through in order to get it approved but she would certainly make an effort.
...
After a long and crowded flight, Delphine arrived at Lesquin Airport exhausted and in dire need of a cocktail. Rather than hitting a bar, she waited for her mother near the pick-up area. She was always so excited to see her mother during their biannual visits. It was as if they didn't speak on the phone nearly every day and needed to catch up.
The only thing she was nervous about was whether or not her mother would notice the gray cloud that had been following her around since she'd parted from Cosima. Her mother was very perceptive of these things and she feared her mother would drag the information out of her at some point.
She eventually spotted her mother approaching. Celine was wearing a purple wrap dress with black heels and Delphine grinned wider than she had in days and marched into a warm embrace. The two were nearly the same height, shared unruly curls and had the same hazel eyes that changed color in different lighting so it wasn't hard to spot their familial resemblance.
"Allo Maman!" Delphine greeted finally, with a childlike excitement.
"Bonjour mon bébé. Tu regardez tan." Her mother managed to reply as she was squeezed so tightly that it was hard to breathe.
"Oui. Est-il agréable?" She replied, knowing her mother would never say no.
"Bien sûr mon ange. Laissez-nous rentrer à la maison." She answered before leading Delphine to their cab.
During the ride their conversation consisted of basic travel talk and planning for their week. Delphine had intended on being there until at least Thursday afternoon because she felt obligated to visit her Father during this trip. It had been at least two years since she'd seen him. After the divorce the rift between Delphine and her father had grown exponentially. He still paid for her trips to visit her Mother out of guilt. He seemed to believe Delphine fled to the States because of some error of his.
…
The pair arrived at her mother's small cottage style home and Delphine unpacked before joining her mother in the kitchen. Just when Delphine began to enjoy her wine buzz, her mother prodded her about her love life. After Delphine admitted that it was over between her and Olivier, the flood gates were opened.
"Well if no one is ever good enough who will you marry? You know Liana just got married and Shantelle is engaged? They're a few years younger than you Dear." Her mother chided as she searched for ingredients.
"Yes Maman I know…But I'm not going to just settle for someone in order to get a ring on my finger. I want to be with someone who makes me feel wanted and needed. I want to be respected and treated like an equal." Delphine huffed over a mountain of potatoes.
"Well when you fall in love you will find those things, you must be patient." There was a certain air of assurance in her voice that Delphine latched onto.
"I am being patient but you are telling me I should've found it just because of my age. Which one is it?" Delphine asked, obviously getting frustrated and she chopped the garlic aggressively.
"Sweetheart there's no need to get upset. You're right, everyone finds love in their own time. Maybe you just don't know what you're looking for." She responded, clearly looking to end the conversation, to no avail, before Delphine became upset .
"Okay well tell me about Papa…what was he like? How did you know you loved him?" Delphine asked in an almost challenging tone knowing that something in her mothers' judgment must have been off since they were no longer together.
Her mother picked up on the dig but decided to answer anyway hoping her daughter would see her perspective.
"Your Papa? Well he was so handsome…and smart. At first I wanted nothing to do with him but he was persistent. He would follow me to my classes and pick me daisies. After a few months of pestering I agreed to let him take me to the cinema and he charmed his way into my heart. He was the perfect gentleman and never pressured me to go parking like the boys did to the other girls. At the time I thought we'd be together forever."
Delphine's heart began to sink as she considered the similarities between her father's courtship of her mother and Cosima's of herself. She was never really close with him like she was with her mother but when her parents were married he treated her mother like a queen.
"He was very charming and sweet to me and he made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. Sure he had his flaws but so did I and we managed to be happy for 20 years and have two beautiful children. We've grown apart over the years but I never stopped loving him and I don't think he'll ever stop loving me. In this life when you find someone that you don't want to live without you'll know Delphine. It'll happen, just give it time."
She considered her mother's words and felt that she knew someone she couldn't imagine not having in her life. The days they'd spent apart had been torture and she had to fight ever urge to call the woman and beg her to be with her.
"I think I have…" Delphine sighed, as she stared off like a teenager with a crush.
"Oh? A new boy so soon? He must be great if you think you can't live without him already." She chuckled out in doubt of Delphine's assertion.
Delphine was snapped out of her daydream by her mother's voice. In a rare moment of courage and what she assumed was foolishness, she decided to come clean.
"Well yes and no. I have someone new already and yes it is soon but I feel like Cosima and I are heading in that direction."
Her mother paused and considered her daughters words. She was certain she hadn't heard a woman's name.
"Cosimo? Is he Russian? Never mind, that doesn't matter, I'm just glad you're happy dear." Her mother played it off perfectly before moving to pour another glass of wine. With the way this conversation was heading she felt she'd need it.
"No Maman, her name is Cosima and I adore her. I didn't want to admit it to myself but now that you've described to me what you felt for Papa I know that I need Cosima." She was shouting at this point, upset with her mother for pretending she'd said a man's name.
Her mother sat down on a nearby stool and squeezed the bridge of her nose before replying.
"Delphine calm down, I've suspected this for some time." She admitted as she attempted to soothe Delphine's anxiety.
Delphine stopped her pacing and stood still with her mouth agape. She couldn't believe her mother wasn't surprised.
"What? You're not serious?" In complete shock at her mother's calm response Delphine leaned against the doorframe and awaited her reasoning.
Her mother offered a weak smile before explaining. "Yes, you've always been very attached to your friends…Remember Adele?"
Delphine smiled to herself as she recalled her childhood friend.
"Oui, I do."
"Well she moved away and you cried for weeks. You told me you wanted to go with her. At first I assumed you were just attached because you were close friends but then I realized you were heartbroken. When you got older you attracted all of the boys and you seemed to like them too. I just never saw you as distraught as you were when Adele moved." Her mother leaned back against the bar and let out a long sigh.
"Why didn't you tell me? It would've saved me the sleepless nights I've had thinking about how you'd react to my feelings toward Cosima." Delphine inquired, half joking as her mother's demeanor softened.
"Because you liked the boys too, I always hoped you'd find one that you loved so you'd have an easier life. I have no problem with homosexuals Delphine, but having spent so much time with them over the years, I know they have it hard…and then there's the issue of your father." Her mother reasoned before shaking her head at the thought of her ex-husband's reaction.
"Oh…well that makes sense I suppose but you cannot worry about me forever. Besides, I have already had one experience with homophobia and if one thing is certain it's that Cosima will not tolerate it." She laughed to herself recalling Cosima's over-protective behavior. It honestly amused her in retrospect and she felt Cosima would always attempt to protect her even if she went about it the wrong way.
"Well I'm glad you found a tough one… So what does your Cosima do? She looks like a woman right? I've never understood the dressing like men thing personally…" She rambled before she was interrupted by her daughter.
"Maman please!" She cut the woman off with a laugh before continuing. "She is a professional football player. She plays for the American team, and she's quite good." She answered proudly, before feeling guilty about not calling her.
"Oh that's nice. So she can support you?" Her mother inquired with a grin, getting straight to business.
"I can support myself Maman, but yes, I assume she's well off." Delphine sighed out in exasperation.
"Good, so when will I meet this…girlfriend? Is that what you call her?" She asked, seemingly on board with this relationship.
Delphine felt slightly guilty for getting her mother excited about a relationship that seemingly didn't exist.
"Well that's complicated…We are not speaking at the moment." Delphine was embarrassed to admit that she was not even Cosima's girlfriend. She honestly didn't know what she was at this point.
"Well…that's interesting. Is this a new gay dating style or are you fighting?" Her mother teased knowing whatever the issue was it truly bothered her daughter immensely and she wanted to lighten the mood.
….
After a few glasses of wine while making dinner, Delphine came clean and confessed to everything. She told her mother about how they'd met in college, much to her mother's horror. She was upset with Delphine for not telling her years ago but accepted her excuse of not wanting to worry her. When she got to the part involving her trip to Vancouver, her mother was shocked at how romantic her daughter had become. The final information of their argument and Cosima's interaction with Shay was met with an unexpectedly blasé attitude.
"So you left because she took a woman home and didn't sleep with her? Honestly Delphine you weren't even together and she couldn't go through with it due to her feelings for you…If I ran off whenever your father came home late from work you'd never have even been conceived." She was feeling the wine at this point and wanted to have an honest conversation with her daughter.
"Really Maman? Are you telling me Papa cheated on you and you stayed?" She asked in disbelief, although she knew that in France infidelity was commonplace.
"I'm simply saying he was at the hospital for days at a time. I'm not delusional enough to think those nurses weren't after someone as handsome as your Papa."
…
After their talk, Delphine retreated to the guest room, relieved at her mother's acceptance. She was realizing her fear and hesitation was seemingly for naught but she honestly couldn't have fathomed her mother's response.
Now that she had time to reconsider her fight with Cosima, she decided that she needed to find a way to see where they stood. Cosima's reaction to her text was promising but she still had no way to really reach her. They were an ocean apart after all and Cosima was stuck in Canada for the time being.
…
Cosima ended up being graceful enough to convince her coach to lobby for her to return home for what they called a 'family emergency'. Cosima boarded a red eye flight that evening determined to have as much time with her family as possible before returning to the tournament. If her physician deemed her fit to play during the game following Mondays' she would return to her team and practice with them.
Once she landed, she was maneuvering her way around on her crutches as an employee assisted her with her bags. She had called Felix and alerted him of her surprise visit but had kept it from her other siblings. They were going to show up to the family gathering together and try to make Alison get excited and overly emotional for the sheer entertainment of it all.
"Ay Sis, you look like hell." Felix teased with a kiss on Cosima's cheek.
"Thanks Jerk, can you get my things from this kind young man so we can go? I'm way jet lagged."
"Yes Princess, in you go." He said while helping her into the passenger seat.
"So how did you swing this and does it have anything to do with Frenchie?" He inquired after holding back his questions until they got onto the road.
"Umm I called in some favors and yes and no…maybe. I don't want to sound like this isn't about Mom but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to see Delphine…" She finally got out after tripping over her words. She was nervous about how Felix would react to her answer.
"Oh yeah I get it. I mean Colin might come tonight so we'll both look like A-holes." He giggled before her eyes grew wide and she gave a look that prompted him to explain.
"Oh yeah you've been away…and I've been hiding it. I didn't know how you'd react. He and I…reconnected. It was all just a stupid Hollywood 'bearding' situation. They threatened to fire him from our film if he didn't break off our relationship and date his co-star…that blonde harlot Carolina. He found a legal loophole and begged me to forgive him…He was down on his knees and everything." He listed off before closing the story with a wink.
"Oh you softie. Well I'm happy for you…jealous but happy none-the-less." She laughed before they continued to Alison and Donnie's home.
…..
"Cosima! You're here! Come hug me. I was so worried about you." Alison yelped as she nearly threw Cosima off balance with a hug.
"I know I'm sorry. I got here in time for Mom's anniversary by the grace of my head coach. They were averse to letting me come." Cosima reported as she accepted the squeeze.
Before she could lock her eyes on her, Cosima heard Kira running down the stairs. As she turned away from Alison she kneeled down and as fast as she could with her compression wrap inhibiting her motions and gathered Kira into her arms.
"Auntie Cosima! You're here! Are you okay? You have a cast?…"Kira was excited until looked at her aunt's uncomfortable look. It was pretty obvious she was in pain.
"Yeah Monkey, I'm fine and it's just a wrap, see? No cast." She assured by showing Kira how it worked.
Moments later Sarah and Cal returned from the grocery store with more alcohol and a few of the siblings' cousins, and childhood friends began to arrive. The smell of pot began to waft through the kitchen and patio as Sarah and Felix giggled over a plate of chips that they were munching on. Alison was far from pleased that this was going on when there were children present but they were technically not outside when it was being smoked.
"Sarah, my tolerance for your 'business' notwithstanding, continue smoking that in here and you'll wish you weren't high." Alison threatened quite hypocritically seeing as she was on her second bottle of wine.
"Watch it Sis, you know my 'business' is the reason you have yours…Pot dealing paid for Homes by Hendrix." Sarah jested as she laughed into Felix's shoulder.
"I'll admit, your dispensary has funded a lot of family projects but it doesn't mean you can smoke out in the open willy-nilly." Alison huffed out before waving her hands over her head in exasperation and retreating to the den.
Cosima later returned to the patio after a long conversation with Cal about his comments. After their discussion, he agreed to lay-off of Sarah and think before he speaks. At least that's what Cosima said when she informed Sarah.
There was a yell over the hum of voices that filled the room.
"Oi Cos! Remember when Mom caught you in the basement with little Cherie? The chick was so wet for you. She would've given you her kidney if you asked. What ever happened to her?" Felix shouted from the kitchen.
"Yeah she's married…to a nice man and has three kids. I guess the conversion therapy convinced her she was wet for him." She couldn't help but laugh at the memory of what she thought to be true heartbreak when Cherie was shipped off to a 'camp' and forbidden from seeing her.
"I know what real suffering is now however…having everything you want and watching her walk out the door…" Cosima trailed off as she took another swig of Lagavulin 21.
"Oh Cos, not Blondie again? Why don't you just call her and demand she see you. You're here and she owes you that." Sarah chimed in from Cal's lap as they sat on the loveseat.
"Oh no…being demanding and aggressive is part of the reason I'm in this mess… I'm far too drunk to call her now and it's late. Maybe tomorrow…" She smiled as she passed the bottle to Donnie who grimaced at it before placing it on the counter.
Felix had an idea of his own however, and called Delphine with Cosima's phone and threw it at her like it was a grenade and ran away screeching in laughter.
Cosima panicked and almost lost her glasses, fiddling with her phone. Once she got a a hold of it she held it to her ear and listened. Much to her relief it went to voicemail and she waited for the tone to leave a reply,
'Hey D, um it's Cosima. I'm sorry it's so late but I needed to talk to you. Until now I've been giving you space but I can't keep my distance from you anymore. I can't stop thinking about you and I miss you terribly. I'm so upset that we are apart considering our feelings for one another. As long as they haven't changed I mean…They haven't on my end and I know our differences aren't significant enough for us to let this go. Please call me when you can. Au Revoir.'
Cosima ended the call with the comical attempt at the French goodbye and sat with a sad expression on her face. Although she was pleased at how eloquent she sounded despite her state of inebriation, deep down it felt like she was at the mercy of Delphine. It scared her to have her mood so wrapped up in what the woman's response would be if there was one at all.
What Cosima was unaware of was that it was actually 8AM in Lille and that Delphine was sleeping in after a night of drinking, stewing in her mother's words and preparing to meet her father for brunch to get it over with and spend the rest of her time with her mother.
…
Delphine awoke Sunday morning to the scent of espresso and fresh croissants. She rolled out of bed and proceeded to wash up and make her journey downstairs.
She greeted her mother warmly before nearly bumping into the kitchen table. Once she took a seat, she reached for the phone she had left downstairs all night and saw voicemails and texts that she'd missed from the day before. She had chalked it up to the time difference and proceeded to eat her croissant without much thought. She decided to put the world on hold until she was done dealing with her father.
After dressing in her nicest day dress and heels Delphine put her hair up and wiped off her eye make-up. She knew better than to wear dark make-up around her father but she had considered being rebellious and thought better of it. Once she was in a cab, she began to go over possible topics of conversation and responses to his usual questions. She wasn't ready to hear 'I told you so' about Olivier and was certainly not ready to see him seethe at an accidental mention of Cosima.
Once she arrived, she exited the vehicle nervously and searched for her father. Shortly after, she spotted him and he saw her before she moved trepidatiously to greet him.
"Purple? Tu me rappelez de ta maman…" he jeered as he gave her biceps a tentative squeeze in lieu of an embrace.
"Bonjour père. Désolé. J'ai pensé que la robe était sympa…" She offered as she worried her lip with her teeth. She looked as youthful as she felt while shuffled around her father to enter the restaurant.
After being seated Delphine began to peruse the menu and ignore her father's stare. He was obviously looking at her to see what had changed. He knew something was different. Finally he began to speak, insistent that they converse in French unlike her mother.
"Delphine what has changed? You seem calmer. You're usually so uptight. That boyfriend of yours finally get a real job?" He joked as he awaited her response.
"No, I'm not sure what you're referring to. I'm the same as I've always been." She countered, already sensing where there conversation was headed. The 'I told you so' was eminent.
"Oh? Since when do you take your trip in the summer? You've never asked to come at this time. Your mother said it was a shock to her too."
"I was homesick. Work has been trying lately and I needed a break. I appreciate you making last minute arrangements." She tried to placate him with gratitude. She didn't want to upset him.
"Of course Dear…please order whatever you like. I don't want to rush you but I've got to stop by the hospital for a consult." He rushed out as he looked over the menu.
Delphine looked up at him in shock, and attempted to calm herself before she let his statement infuriate her. She could not believe that her father would put her, his only daughter, on a time schedule when he hadn't seen her in so long. She then remembered why she hadn't felt inclined to visit him.
"I beg your pardon? Did you just say you are needed at the hospital when your own child has flown across the world to see you?" She challenged with a fire in her eyes.
Her father was taken aback by her change in demeanor and matched her.
"Now we both know you didn't come to see me Delphine. The only reason you are here is because you feel like you have to because I pay for your airfare here. Per your mother's request might I add." He had folded his arms and shifted so he sat much higher than Delpine and looked down at her.
Delphine considered the truth in his words and responded.
"You are right…I felt obligated. We both know our relationship changed as soon as I said I didn't want to be a doctor. You base your love on how well people fit into your ideal box." Delphine retorted as the waiter approached.
"Son you'll have to excuse us we will not be staying. I will not tolerate such disrespect from my child here when I'm paying." He shooed the waiter away before rising to leave the table.
"That's it. That's what you're good at. Leaving. You left Mom and now you're leaving me. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted but I am successful and I've found someone who cares for me." She managed to say as she gathered her purse and began following him out of the restaurant.
"I hope you aren't talking about that boy again…If that's who you've chosen I've failed you in more ways than one." He stood at the valet podium awaiting his Alfa Romeo.
At that admission Delphine lost her cool and decided she wanted to shock her father. Unlike her confession to her mother, she knew the mention of Cosima would likely devastate her father and at the moment she wanted it. There then was a part of her that didn't want to use something as pure as her feelings for Cosima as a tool to hurt him. She began to walk away from him and call a cab when he offered one last comment.
"Since you feel like I am unfair to you, you can find your own transportation home. I assume you'll be going home sooner so I'd cherish the next few days you have with Celine." He muttered without so much as a glance back in her direction and entered his car.
Before he drove off she charged toward his vehicle and leaned into the passenger window.
"That's fine…I'm sure mother won't mind me leaving early so I can win back my girlfriend. After all she understands heartache better than anyone… Ciao, this car is hideous by the way."
Before screeching off he turned beet red and scoffed at her claim. He was indeed furious but didn't have it in him to reply.