Ahhhh so this has even less editing and proofreading than my other stories so I'm sorry if this is really senseless. Like, literally, I just typed it out and uploaded it without really even going back through and reading it. Oh well...

Lucas sat out on the front steps of the school, waiting for Zay to get out of the locker room after they had finished football practice. It was the first week of Freshman year and it was certainly strange to not have all of his friends in all of his classes. Riley was surprisingly in an actual relationship with Charlie, much to Farkle's dismay. And Lucas, if he thought about it, he wasn't really upset or surprised when Riley broke off whatever "thing" they had. It almost made him feel guilty, maybe for the fact that he always knew that there was something not quite right with his "relationship" with the brunette even if she herself hadn't believed anything to be amiss. It felt like a secret he was keeping from her and that was concerning. It was eighth grade when Riley had last gotten mad at him for keeping something from her and the two days she ignored and avoided him had been the longest of his life. Not to mention that not only Riley was ignoring him, but Maya had to as well because her best friend expected that she was just as outraged that he hadn't shared his secret.

Come to think of it, it was really the lack of nicknames and "ha-hurr"ing during those two days that had really gotten to him. Funny how that worked.

When Zay had some small "about to fail an algebra test" crisis the Thursday after the secret of life incident that brought Riley back to him, it gave Maya the cue to begin speaking to him again. He could have kissed her when her first sentence to him was, "So Huckleberry, you wanna teach Cowboy Zay the best way to count himself some cattle?" Frankly, he could have kissed her. Funny how that worked.

And sitting on those cement stairs filled with countless chips from careless skateboarders and gum spots from careless spitters, Lucas came to a conclusion that just about knocked him off his feet. Luckily, he had been sitting down, but the revelation had still had an affect on him. He had a crush on Maya Hart. And worse, he owed Zay ten bucks for his sudden realization.

Lucas' eyes were wide as he stared across the street and wondered when the heck that had happened and he jumped at the sound of a loud familiar voice from behind him.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lucas froze in his spot, hoping she wouldn't see him if he sat perfectly still. Had he been speaking aloud rather than thinking? Had she heard him? Was she going to kill him now?

"Riley, you're being unreasonable, you told me to tell you honestly what I thought!" He blinked a few times before letting out a breath that he hadn't known he'd been holding. She was on the phone with Riley. And while it wasn't a good thing that the two were arguing over the phone, it felt much better than Maya being mad at him for his feelings at the moment. So he merely sat and listened, hoping she could see him so she wouldn't think he was eavesdropping.

"What do you mean I— Well… if thats what you think then I guess you're right. Goodbye, Riley." He heard the telltale beep of an ended call followed by a loud sigh. The clip clop of heeled steps got louder as they came towards him and soon there was a short blonde girl sitting in his periphery. He looked over to her, but she kept her eyes plastered on some indiscernible point straight out in front of them. So he turned his gaze back to the road and he chewed the inside of his cheek. He had no idea what to say now. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to or should know about the argument between the two best friends and his crush discovery had thrown him for a loop. Lucas wasn't one for speechlessness, but in this moment, he wasn't sure that English was his native language.

"So… I guess you heard some of that?" His head snapped to attention when she suddenly broke the silence. She still wasn't looking at him, not really. Her icy blue eyes were still trained on the street below them, but she kept glancing in his direction.

"Uh, yeah. I guess I did." He winced at how awkward and foreign the words sounded in his mouth. It made it sound like he was talking to someone he barely knew rather than to one of his best friends. She grunted in acknowledgment and the silence dragged on and on.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He grimaced as soon as the words clawed their way out of his throat and he just wished he could call them back. It was Maya, he knew her, she would just get mad and push him away for saying something as stupid at that. Stupid, stupid Lucas. Boy, he sure didn't know what he should say, but he seemed to have a load of things he shouldn't say on speed dial. But then she did the unexpected.

"Well, Charlie was telling me something about what she and Charlie did…" Lucas' eyes widened and he was aware that his shock was making him miss some of what Maya was saying. But he just couldn't get over the fact that she was actually talking about her problems to someone. It was so unlike her.

"…and Riley just flat out asked me how I felt about him… and well… I don't know how I feel about him." She looked at Lucas expectantly and he nodded slowly even if he wasn't quite comprehending what she expected. But she took the gesture in stride and continued.

"I mean, he seems really cool, but… I don't even know." He blinked rapidly. This wasn't about him. He was pretty sure. I mean, she was talking to him, so she couldn't be talking about him. Right? But he really didn't know anything anymore, did he?

"I don't know, what do you think of Charlie? I just… the fact he kept going after Riley even when it was clear she didn't feel that way about him just kind of concerns me. I mean I know they're dating now but I still don't think I know him that well to judge his character." He relaxed when she said the other boy's name. This wasn't about him, great. This was about Maya and Riley having a problem and she was coming to him for help. Okay. He could deal with this now.

"I don't really know him that well either, but I like him. He's a nice guy." He replied, speaking slowly. Maya sighed deeply and looked down at her hands in her lap.

"I guess you're right. But I told Riley that I didn't know how I felt about him. And, as I guess you heard, she flipped. She knows I have to be honest with her, she knows that. She knows that I don't like keeping secrets and she still pushed me. So… I guess we're on break from being friends or something?" She let out a harsh laugh that sounded painful to him. The Texan could see that his friend was hurting and he loosely draped an arm over her shoulder, loose enough that if she wanted, she could shrug him off easily. But she didn't. Rather took his large hand in both of her small ones and pulled his arm tighter around her, scooting closer so that she was pressed into his side. He inhaled sharply and he felt his face heating up, but she wasn't looking at him so he felt a little better about that.

"Why do things like this happen? Why to people like Riley make big things out of nothings so that people like me walk into traps and get hurt?" He didn't respond to that, feeling that it was a rhetorical question, but mindlessly stroked her shoulder before deciding to respond in his own way.

"I think I want to tell you what happened in Texas. The… the thing that made me come here." He felt her stiffen under his arm, but he continued on.

"I wasn't really the best kid back then… I've always had these anger issues you know—"

"Lucas, don't tell me if you don't want to. I don't want to know if you don't want to tell me." He could hear the plea in her voice but he shook his head.

"No, I want to tell you. I've thought about it a lot and I think its time someone knew." He waited for her to respond and when she finally did, it was a small nod that he felt against his shoulder. And with a deep sigh, he continued.

"Well, I guess I was a bad boy or something, but the school was afraid of me. Kids didn't mess with me, teachers tended to turn a blind eye to whatever I did because they were afraid I'd…" He coughed. "…come after them, or something, I don't know." He shook his head and continued.

"So even though they didn't mess with me, well, my friends were kind of the kids to pick on. I mean, you've met Zay. He has absolutely no filter. And those guys you and Riley got a hold of in Texas? Honestly they were kind of like Farkle and Riley. A nerd and a klutz. But they were great, like you guys. It's really too bad not everyone saw them like that. Anyway, most people were smart enough to avoid messing with them because they knew I'd be there to back them up." He paused when she let out a mirthless laugh.

"I'm sorry, its just… well you were like the me of Texas weren't you? I mean, no one bugs Riley or the Farks 'cause I kill everything before it can get to them. Sounds like you were the same." He blinked at the comparison and it made sense. It was a nice feeling when your crush has something in common with you. And that's where the thought stopped because he really shouldn't just start thinking about Maya as just his crush because that seemed too frivolous for whatever it was they had. Or maybe it was because they would never even be that much. He wasn't sure. That seemed to be a pattern whenever he was thinking of Maya. Funny how that works.

"Well, I don't think you're not nearly as bad as how I was back then. My idea of stopping things before they got to my friends was giving out black eyes like candy." He snorted in exasperation.

"It was pretty bad. But that wasn't even close to what I did one day… Do… do you ever get the feeling like something is building up, just beneath your skin and it's just itching for release?" She nodded slightly into his shoulder.

"Well, I just kind of… snapped. Some kid said something stupid to Zay and I just… the kid ended up in the hospital, I gave him a bloody nose, he couldn't see out of his left eye and he had a few broken ribs. I got scared. I never really knew the extent to my power, but that? That was not what I was expecting at all. So my dad sent me and my mom here to get a fresh start. I've been working on it, I mean, it really shook me up that I could have that much impact on someone's life. I don't want to be that person. You can still tell that I'm not completely over it if you know me, I still get some little outbursts and I don't think you guys notice but every time someone looks at any of you wrong I might just shoot them some daggers. But I can't get that feeling out of my head, I feel like one day it'll just all come back and I'll be that person again. Like theres a monster inside me that's just trying to… I don't know, consume me? And it's just so, so scary that I might snap again and when I come to, I'll have blood on my hands and there'll be a kid on the ground…" He didn't realize he'd been shaking until she put a hand on his face. His pupils dilated as he focused on her face, which was now upturned to his with a concerned look furrowing her brows. He felt a blush rising up his neck and he quickly turned his face away from her scrutiny.

"I—I'm sorry. I just…"

"Don't you dare apologize. Don't you dare apologize for being afraid of something like that. It's nothing to be ashamed of." He didn't turn, but gave her a weak smile.

"Thanks, Maya."

Her eyes were shining and he realized she was close to tears. He hadn't wanted to burden her with his issues while she had her own and he cursed mentally at his error. Stupid, stupid Lucas. No wonder he was doomed to slip up on his calm facade, he messed up all the time. Stupid, stupid Lucas.

"I didn't mean to burden you with this, Maya, you have you're own stuff to deal with and I had no place to—"

"Stop that, stop apologizing! Its just, I never really looked at you from a perspective like that and I get it. I get it, you hold back the floodgates so you don't drown your friends in it, right?" He nodded slowly and she mimicked him.

"I understand completely. Its why I'm always 'okay'. Because if I'm anything else, Riley's going to make it her life goal to fix my problems and I can't let her do that. She needs to live her life happy. That's why I draw, I have to just get it out sometimes. Its just… I know how much I really care even if I don't act like it. If you're the same, you must care just as much as I do. Its really comforting knowing someone else cares about us as I do, you know?" He nodded and she snuggled into him. He realized that they were snuggling on the cement school steps and that anyone looking could see them clearly. And the blush crept back up his neck and bloomed on his cheeks despite his attempts to fight it back. He tried to speak, but he found that his words wavered, much to his disgust.

"Y-you can tell Riley all this if you want. I know you don't like to keep things from her." But Maya looked up at him with a determination in her eyes and he could see that the pink had invaded her cheeks as well.

"No, I'm not going to tell her until you're ready to tell it to her face." He furrowed his brow.

"But thats like kicking a puppy…"

"So you want me to kick a puppy for you?"

"No, no! I just… I'm not sure I'll ever tell her. I really just want her to leave the subject alone to be honest… but I couldn't ask you to not tell her, I don't want to be the reason for you keeping secrets from her." A slight smile appeared on her face and she released his arm and made to stand up.

"Look, Lucas, this is bigger than 'I don't really know how I feel about your boyfriend'. This is your secret that you chose to confide in me and it doesn't sound like you want to share it with anyone else. So I'll keep it. Because even if it means not telling Riley, it would be keeping something safe for you, and you're my friend too even if I don't act like it a lot." She held out a hand to give him leverage and grinned.

"Walk me home?" Lucas returned the smile, taking her arm and pulling himself up.

"Of course, ma'am." And he held out his arm for her to take and they walked towards Maya's apartment like they had last time they sat on those steps. Except this time there was a hint of pink on both of their cheeks and the forgotten Zay watched them as he walked out of the school. He stood on the steps, grinning ear to ear. Lucas was supposed to be waiting for him to get out of the locker room so they could walk home together, but at this point, Zay was okay with it.

Because Zay knew when some secrets were absolutely secret things even though most of the time he was happy to spill whatever he knew. He had Lucas' back when Maya had first asked him what had happened back in Texas and he had his and Maya's backs now. He had a secret to keep, and he was both excited and afraid for when this one would come to light.

Poor Zay has to walk home alone now.

Hope you enjoyed it!