DISCLAIMER : Following the word itself "fanfiction", I do not own anything in this fiction and credits belong to the rightful creators of the manga: TOGASHI YOSHIHIRO, the publisher, the broadcasting companies of the anime both 1999 original version and 2011 remake - Nippon Animation and Madhouse, respectively and etc.
REPLIES TO COMMENTS
Sinthija : Your senses are commendable ( ーuー)
I hope this chapter won't disappoint you (^u^ )
SlightlyYandereMelissa : Illumi isn't that bad of a brother xD as long as you assure him you'll never defy him, he'll give you whatever you wanted (except for your freedom from his manipulative clutches of course) xD
morningskyksu : You're right about Killua committing a fatal mistake within the loop inadvertently ( ーuー)
But Illumi's sociopathy and indifferent demeanour towards all sorts of affection apparently weren't caused by a direct physical stimulus (^u^ )
Milye6 : Youre welcome 旦～(^u^ )
I'm glad you liked this chapter xD I usually write in a way I use the vague, unnoticed references provided in the original plot, connecting them to each other for accuracy and effectivity of the fiction xD I would like to make my fiction appear like, it really happened or would happen in the original plot~
I adapted this actually from writing creepypastas xD My first works as a fic writer were mostly creepypastas and psychological genres.
Infinityworlds : Right? Killua's so cute when little xD I really loved the flashbacks of them and Alluka back then in the series xD
I finally decided to change the genre into Family - Angst (Psychological) as we start to advance to the slightly deeper, mental part of the story ^^
OH and is there anyone here who's still experiencing the inability to view their story stats? Am I the only one here suffering over that problem?
CHAPTER 18
- RIPPER -
(Continuation of the previous flashback)
"Eeeeekkk!" I tumbled around the bed, giggled and squealed with my new 'friend'. "Hahahahahahaha!"
It was sticking its tounge at me as I raised it in the air while I lay down in bed.
"From now on, I'll be calling you Ripper!" He looks happy and contented about his new monicker as he wagged his tail at me. "Look at those badass ripper paws! I'm gonna train you! And make you a fierce monster! Just like me! Who's the badass? Who's the badass?! RAAAAWWWWRRRR!"
Woof woof!
"I said RAAAWWWRRR! Not a woof woof!" I pouted. "That's lame!"
Knock knock.
"Proceed!" I called out.
"Kil..."
It was Aniki.
"A-aniki!" I straightened up and placed Ripper down for awhile to attend to Aniki's valuable words.
"Mom wants to see you." He sat on one of the cozy bean bags, crossing his legs. He was carrying two paperbags with something in it.
"Eeeh?!" I whined. "I don't want to..." I tried to avoid Aniki's eyes as I tumbled around the bed.
"She wants to congratulate you for another job well done for today. You are levelling up and you were able to take down a whole team of small fry bandits neatly. She also wanted to see your new 'friend'..."
"She already knows what happened. Why does she need ME to retell it to her personally, Psssh..." I rolled my eyes then picking Ripper up to cuddle and play with him again. "Right Ripper?! WOOF WOOF!" It gave me back a lick in my face... "Hahahahahaha! It tickles~~!"
"Okay..." He shrugged. "Oh, by the way, I came here to bring you these." He handed me over one paper bag.
"Huh?" I gave him a puzzled look.
"Dogfood. That's what you feed your 'Ripper' with..."
"Oh..." I took the bag from him and took away the box from the paper bag, reading the instructions.
"Aniki...!" I turned to him and gave him a huge grin. "Thank you!"
"Youre welcome." He plainly spoke still with his usual indifferent expression. "However, I did not give you 'Ripper' just to play around with. You have to take care of him. Ripper is another living thing. He needs to eat, to be bathed, looked after and trained. Just like how we take good care of you."
"Mm-hm!" I nodded briskly.
"I assign the task to you. Do not disappoint me."
"Aye aye sir!" I gave him a salute.
"And here's one more present for you." He handed me the other bag. I opened the bag as my smile grew wider.
"Chocorobokun for you and Alluka. It's the limited Choco-mint edition you always wished for. That was for the job well done. Excellent jobs deserve rewards. Don't forget to introduce Ripper to Alluka..." He finally stood up and headed for the door.
"Aniki!" I called him back. He looked back at me before he closed the door.
"THANK YOU AGAIN!" I blurted out sheepishly.
"Sure!" He gave me an empty slight grin before he closing the door. "Good night..."
Sometimes it wasn't that bad having Aniki around. Although I don't really get along well with him and we rarely talk, he's not really that bad. After all, I still cannot get myself to ask him why. Why won't everyone in this family have friends? Why is it so bad?
What really is betrayal?
"You weren't taking him out anymore..."
Months have passed since I had Ripper.
Aniki spoke to me, with a slight hint of disappointment subdued in his usual stoical intonations. It appears like he actually visited my room to reprimand me about something.
"But! I left him in his cage this morning!" I talked back. "I sent him out last night for a walk!"
"Oh?" He raised a brow, crossing his arms. "I hope you really did... Cause I found him loitering around mom's garden, digging holes around, and leaving its excrement everywhere..." This ominous passive-aggressive sarcasm again that he loves to use. I usually hate it when he does that... "You know how much Mom loved her garden..."
"What?" Confused, I asked impatiently.
"The poor little thing looked gaunt and scrawny you know? His hair started to fall and he began to develop skin problems... Not to mention he went a little sluggish lately... Don't you think he's getting ill?"
"But I was feeding him on time!" I continued blabbering. "I-..!"
Okay, here we go! I admit...
I finally ran tired of him.
I was guilty to say this, but I eventually just lost interest of him. At first he was cute, fun and everything...
But days and weeks passed, everything just turned repetetive... I cannot talk to him. All he did was bark at me, wag his tail at me, and he disobeys me often.
And the burden of training and looking after him is what drives me insane! Following a redundant and boring routine to maintain his health and cleanliness is too much for a 5 year old child like me! I can't even take good care of myself alone!
I just realized...
...that Ripper wasn't really a replacement for a 'friend' that I have always wished for...
"You see now..." Aniki shook his head. "You had to learn things the hard way. It's the best way to demonstrate you the answers to the questions running in your inquisitive mind... Sorry, but that's how it goes..."
"Huh?"
He faced me with that the same look in his eyes that I have always feared.
"I actually gave 'Ripper' to give you the answers to your questions... did you ever had times that because you can't understand him, you just suddenly felt the urges to rip his heart out to shut him up?"
Indeed. It did happen a couple of times. But I managed to keep it in! I NEVER tried to hurt him!
"You aren't fit to have friends, Kil..." He continued. "I told you once and will say it again. It's either you, or the other one does the betrayal. And this time, who do you think did it?" He gave me that wicked grin I have dreaded.
I quivered in fear, in guilt and in anger. He fooled me into it! He actually played with my feelings! He had to put an innocent being to suffering for his sick games to mentally torment me! How can I actually learn to build trust? And now I'm being tortured by my own sanity and conscience for my innocence!? It was out of innocence! If he knew it would turn out this way he couldn't have used the poor being and bait me into it to send me to this grim, morbid realization! It was uncalled for!
"Kil..." He approached me. "Do you see it now? You're an assassin by heart. You cannot defy your nature... You would just end up killing the people you 'value'..."
"No..." I uttered in dismay. I trembled...
"Don't worry..." His stoical intonations started to sound like a demonic chanting to my ears... "I am not mad at you. Neither disappointed."
He held my trembling shoulders and spoke softly. "You are just being yourself. There's nothing you had to feel guilty about. You just acted as how I expected you to. Words are not enough to give you the answers for the questions that has been bugging your subconsicous as experience is the best teacher. At first you'll find it fun. You'll love being around with him always... but as time passes by, you will eventually run tired of it. Your love for it will fade and you would start to change the way you treat it. And in the end, you will be the one to make it suffer and kill it. That's how you would end up in a friendship. The only way you can look at a person is whether you can kill it or not. You were bedazzled by it's charisma that it confused your instincts for a while. But later on, the real you will surface... On the other hand, humans can be devious just like us. It's just a race between who betrays who first. I repeat. You can not have friends. Nor you can become one to someone or something... You are an assassin. You are born to be one..."
He pat my head. "I'm sorry I lied and let you learn things the hard way... I feel bad about it. But it's for your own good. Don't worry, I'll try to make it up to you next time..."
Make it up to me? NO! There's nothing he can do to make it up to me and to Ripper! He can't undo the mental torture he has put me through right now!
I froze in my place. I feel shattered. I feel bad for Ripper, for myself, and I am confused between hating Aniki for what he did or hating myself for being 'myself'... It could've been fine if I just continued taking good care of him... if I have not been selfish to think that I actually needed a real HUMAN friend... that I did not realize he was also a living being...
"What's the matter?" He cocked his head. "Oh... I get it... You don't have to worry about him."
I suddenly felt a sudden rush up my spine.
I hope not.
I just hope he did not...!
"I finally had him saved from his suffering... He did not have to suffer longer..." He proceeded to the door. "Oh, but if you wish to see him again, he's still on his cage to be sent to the incinerator later. Although you might not be able to recognize him anymore, nonetheless I asked them to delay it for a while so you can still see him for the last time..."
END OF CHAPTER 18