Hank drove to the Arlen mosque.

"Brother, you are back." The Middle Eastern man that helped Hank fix his truck earlier greeted him with joy.

"Yes I am, brother. I'm ready to convert."

"I am so happy for you. But remember, the term is "revert" since we were all born Muslim, but the other evil religions of the world confused us as we got older."

"Those jackasses." Hank scoffed in anger.

After Hank had been confirmed by Imam Derka Derka, he was now ready to fully commit himself to this new religion.

"Uhh, Imam?"

"Yes, Mr. Hill?" Imam Derka Derka looked stern, with his thick white beard and perpetual scowl.

"I think my son is a sodomite. What should I do?"

"Tell him about religion of peace Islam. If he is of good nature, he will revert to us and Allah will cleanse him of his sodomite lust."

"But what's if he doesn't?"

"Then lure him to Middle East. Then, he will be… dealt with. Hehehehehehehe Allah Hu Akbar."

"Hehehehe, yes, Allah Hu Akbar." Hank pronounced 'Allah' the way most Americans pronounce the word, emphasizing the first syllable instead of the second.

Hank returned home a new man. When he walked in the door, the normal things that would have bothered him, such as seeing his son sitting in his (Hank's) chair in girl's underpants, petting his pony toy, just rolled off him.

"Peggy? I'm home." Hank said smiling.

"Where'd you go Hank?" Peggy said with a scowl on her face.

"I found God, Peggy. I'm a new man. There's going to be some changes around here, I tell you hwat."

"Well, uhh congrats, Hank. I'm glad to see you finally admit that I'm right and you're wrong." Peggy said smirking.

Before Peggy could blink, Hank reached over and backhand smacked her across the face.

"Rule number 1. I am the man of the house, and therefore, your master, just as it states in the Holy Qur'an. You will do as I say, you will speak only when spoken to, and you will only think thoughts that I allow you to think. Is that understood?" Hank sternly addressed Peggy.

"…Hank?" Peggy was more confused than scared.

"And another thing. You will stop dressing like a western whore. You will wear a niqab from now on, just as Allah commands."

"Hank…. What's going on? You're scaring me."

"BOBBY! Get your ass in here!"

Bobby ran into the kitchen scared that he was in trouble.

"Yes, D-D-Dad?"

"There's going to be new rules in this house, I tell you what. Rule number 1, I am the man of the house, and therefore your master. You will do as I say or face severe punishment. Rule number 2. Every living being in this house, and that includes you Lady Bird," Hank looked and pointed at his faithful bloodhound. "will worship Allah, and will recognize Mohammad as His Prophet. Rule number 3. Bobby, you will grow a beard and only a beard. No mustache. Rule number 4. No more pork allowed. And Rule number 5. No masturbation. Whatever sick thoughts are in your head Bobby, you will pray to Allah to remove them. Is that understood? And another thing Bobby. I now have spiritual authority to burn every God dang My Little Pony item in your room. My Little Pony is from Satan and is turning you into a sodomite freak."

"Dad, I will not allow you to remove my My Little Pony stuff!"

With that, Hank proceeded to beat Bobby unconscious. He held his don Bobby down while punching him repeatedly in the face, faster and harder with each punch. Bobby screamed and cried until he was out cold. Hank then dragged his body into a closet and locked it. Peggy the whole time was hitting, kicking, and screaming at Hank to stop but to no avail. Once Hank locked Bobby away, he proceeded to grab Peggy's legs and twist them until they broke. Peggy screamed louder than she's ever screamed before.

"Hehe, there. That destroys any plans of you leaving the house without a niqab when I'm not around. When your legs heal, you will be a woman of Allah."

While Peggy lay on the floor screaming in agony, Hank walked into Bobby's room whistling "Takin' Care of Business". He grabbed everything My Little Pony related and placed it into a black garbage bag. Before leaving Bobby's room, Hank decided to urinate on Bobby's bed.

"Hehehe, that'll teach that boy."

Hank carried the bag to his backyard, fired up the grill, and burned every My Little Pony toy, poster, and DVD.

"ALLAH HU AKBAR! ALLAH HU AKBAR!" Hank chanted at the top of his lungs over and over as My Little Pony burned.

While all of Hank's neighbors watched him from their windows, Dale was watching and forming some theories.

"What on Earth is going on over there?" Nancy asked.

"Hank is lighting stuff on fire and praising Allah. He looks and sounds just like a terrorist. We all know of course that terrorists aren't real, so why is Hank…. Oh my God. Nancy, I knew it. Hank is in the Illuminati. I bet Hank's the guy who dresses up in a turban and beard and pretends to be Osama bin Laden!"

The next day in the alley, the 4 guys stood there silently, drinking… bottled water. It was Hank's turn to bring beer to the alley but instead, he brought water. The other guys, who watched Hank light a fire the night before, and shout "Allah Hu Akbar" stood there in extreme awkward silence.

"This is some good water, I tell you hwat." Hank said breaking the silence.

"Yo Hank, you alright? You were acting dang ol' crazy last night and now we're drinking water, yo man, where's the beer?" Boomhauer said.

"Alcohol is strictly forbidden in the Qur'an. From now on, we will drink water in the alley."

"Uhh Hank, are you feeling okay?" Bill asked worried about Hank.

"I have never been better, Bill." Hank said with a smile.

"You sicken me. How much did they pay you?" Dale said.

"What? No one paid me anything Dale. Guys, I have reverted to Islam. And I think all of you should do the same."

The alley was silent.

"That's fine, Hank…" Bill said looking down and away.

"Yo man, I think you dang ol' lost some nuts and bolts, you know, talk about a chemical imbalance, yo." Boomhauer said.

"You guys will come around. I was uncertain at first as well. I'll get all of you copies of the Qur'an. In the meantime however, I will be using my authority as block captain to re-write the charter. Rainey Street will be governed under Sharia Law starting today. There will be no alcohol allowed on Rainey Street. I will be doing an inspection of all of your houses by the end of this week. Also, Dale, you will use your authority as man of the house to make Nancy wear a burka. Boomhauer, the days of you bringing your whores to Rainey Street are over. And guys, we will all be growing out our beards, just as Allah wants us to do."

"Yo man, dang ol' piss off." Boomhauer walked toward his home.

"Hey Hank, There's uhh…. Something I need to do. Great talk though." With that, Bill went inside.

"Alright Dale. Now that the other two are gone, I can bring up an issue that I should've told you about long ago."

"Oh?" Dale asked interested.

"Dale… your wife is an adulteress. Your son was fathered by John Redcorn's sperm. Now, if you can bring your wife to Imam Derka Derka's home country of Eatshitistan, we can stone her for her crimes against you."

Dale thought this over.

"I get it, Hank. You realize now that I've figured you out. And now you want to use me and Nancy as terrorist hostages so you and your ilk can justify more military response in the Middle East. I used to look up to you, Hank. But now, you're one of them. An Illuminati shill." Dale walked away shaking his head disgustingly.